8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
21Please respect copyright.PENANAZ67CZcyQnD
All that follows is true 21Please respect copyright.PENANAhdhHQUmJa3
But even so, 21Please respect copyright.PENANAbooZww6tka
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 21Please respect copyright.PENANAcgUii9554e
And every image an equal mirror 21Please respect copyright.PENANArFKjsWvlN9
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 21Please respect copyright.PENANAeeyK2vD80X
You've moved up my doe dear, 21Please respect copyright.PENANA2LCeAP0YdN
From 8 to 80 scenes. 21Please respect copyright.PENANAkKmpDLkoMt
All that follows is true.21Please respect copyright.PENANALYXTpeioEU
21Please respect copyright.PENANAlyLoo2BGGV
[missing]
21Please respect copyright.PENANAJQ5Dh3ifss
81. Found
Safe. 21Please respect copyright.PENANAEvGCCIx2zJ
21Please respect copyright.PENANAcWvswmuXI4
9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
21Please respect copyright.PENANAvd0u2ORlZl
a - Outside
21Please respect copyright.PENANATAdO7SWrrz
Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening21Please respect copyright.PENANAE9WKqEUQZw
21Please respect copyright.PENANALZGmobQNAe
Now21Please respect copyright.PENANATCmo1CJhjx
Not tomorrow21Please respect copyright.PENANAahhd0mDhoU
Yesterday21Please respect copyright.PENANA7dRSks0LoK
It's happening now21Please respect copyright.PENANABrZZqilTtE
The damage today21Please respect copyright.PENANA2iffoVabX6
The crazed and the misloved21Please respect copyright.PENANAiAk7K4CzhP
It's happening now 21Please respect copyright.PENANAhJHH5xlijt
Not tomorrow.21Please respect copyright.PENANAvkUDCP1Ur1
21Please respect copyright.PENANAGfEVxauyPJ
b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
21Please respect copyright.PENANAbv9whDf7OJ
Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 21Please respect copyright.PENANA9YKRGUpmzK
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 21Please respect copyright.PENANA8dGMutOV2q
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 21Please respect copyright.PENANAuzhmvMQhBv
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 21Please respect copyright.PENANAABDTfIIBTp
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers21Please respect copyright.PENANAQ5S44dQW58
21Please respect copyright.PENANAzQKrB4tIn1
Scavengers in the street, they’re 21Please respect copyright.PENANAPLr7m8wkSU
Picking at feet with 21Please respect copyright.PENANA3MTnVCFhGR
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 21Please respect copyright.PENANAwjOO5RP4jP
Crazy. See them come out now21Please respect copyright.PENANAzwX97Vc9RE
Treading around town, 21Please respect copyright.PENANAlj7j4tm4Ee
Don't try to stop them, they’re 21Please respect copyright.PENANArPcsYwB2Ai
Starving, crazy. 21Please respect copyright.PENANAHhgBYdTqEB
21Please respect copyright.PENANAXlI8vFyd1r
Split up into cities devoid of community 21Please respect copyright.PENANAh5vpBUbD8f
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 21Please respect copyright.PENANAupa5hMC0Oj
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 21Please respect copyright.PENANALFHeuEjQ09
I know 21Please respect copyright.PENANA7nmA7veYcy
I know 21Please respect copyright.PENANANhaB5rBToT
I know that you hate them. 21Please respect copyright.PENANAtiphHGTaqG
21Please respect copyright.PENANASVwNi10szX
And the universe warps 21Please respect copyright.PENANAKgc0F1yny9
And my blood flow slows 21Please respect copyright.PENANAjbKCz45b0J
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 21Please respect copyright.PENANAjIVXguUJfk
As we move further flow.21Please respect copyright.PENANA5mK5vf52PF
21Please respect copyright.PENANADQelQhlyP2
c - All is declining immediately
21Please respect copyright.PENANAveyTV6Ox44
Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 21Please respect copyright.PENANAUzk533EMkA
I hear static when I cum21Please respect copyright.PENANADus2agQimr
21Please respect copyright.PENANAF8jVSyRs7B
10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
21Please respect copyright.PENANAcw74PNIGIe
a - What could have been the end...
21Please respect copyright.PENANAdIcwENsoRo
Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.21Please respect copyright.PENANAFASb1NfNiV
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 21Please respect copyright.PENANANwCXD3zA03
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 21Please respect copyright.PENANA1xHB5XVfPz
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.21Please respect copyright.PENANAxIxuiavS0A
21Please respect copyright.PENANAoup7Priym2
I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why21Please respect copyright.PENANAeVEp9Sk9hk
I’ve made such a fuss. 21Please respect copyright.PENANAEHFPgh3x7G
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 21Please respect copyright.PENANA4z1Gx1RClE
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 21Please respect copyright.PENANAzFdFaK6Wbm
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 21Please respect copyright.PENANA2hkGUqgxCi
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.21Please respect copyright.PENANAMZ5jnh0Y3B
21Please respect copyright.PENANACXnoWKX2eY
This song it has reason. This song it has death. 21Please respect copyright.PENANA7ngSYqjwzV
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 21Please respect copyright.PENANAK2KlklctpR
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 21Please respect copyright.PENANAq2t1gnFrID
21Please respect copyright.PENANADMbvReVTPJ
End. Safe. Found.21Please respect copyright.PENANAr62gHIJA0L
21Please respect copyright.PENANAp1ygaSKk8p
b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
21Please respect copyright.PENANAyP7r3OZDRq
You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.21Please respect copyright.PENANA0MdXbkHL9k
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 21Please respect copyright.PENANAOmqWj3dbN5
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 21Please respect copyright.PENANA2x9ty6Ft6v
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.21Please respect copyright.PENANAEYwPNzUOce
21Please respect copyright.PENANADLnWwoNK9c
c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
21Please respect copyright.PENANAtQdEEfsPMf
Houses align on this new dawn 21Please respect copyright.PENANA2fZ7a31isy
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 21Please respect copyright.PENANAw21Oh1Qohm
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 21Please respect copyright.PENANAREuEFRft5O
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 21Please respect copyright.PENANAnsz4XGLp5J
21Please respect copyright.PENANAaTB3YYX6jA
How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 21Please respect copyright.PENANAcFOO1Hpgc2
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 21Please respect copyright.PENANARrYQQyCeEq
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 21Please respect copyright.PENANAjTSdzbiot7
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 21Please respect copyright.PENANAndSZxypuTc
This world is huge and carnivorous. 21Please respect copyright.PENANADF1LgR9Lau
21Please respect copyright.PENANAfJVEWdQuBz
You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 21Please respect copyright.PENANAFfdC9o6Xv7
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 21Please respect copyright.PENANAyKt34pJFFj
Of the buildings which once were was.21Please respect copyright.PENANASXkRS202vb
21Please respect copyright.PENANAokDQSuLwEv
And ingravings are seen on walls: 21Please respect copyright.PENANAxwjbNzndYZ
Part one: I am dead and wake 21Please respect copyright.PENANAXgUlllaNIQ
Part two: I feel a new awakening 21Please respect copyright.PENANAat8myBRkzA
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter21Please respect copyright.PENANAnIqycSfLjx
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 21Please respect copyright.PENANA3ZKpH50Qb7
Part V: this was meant to become the end 21Please respect copyright.PENANAXVMp6DNMsP
Part 6: But then this 21Please respect copyright.PENANAQWsKGPvViQ
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 21Please respect copyright.PENANA3b9v8tSOpu
Part eight: Backtracking begins 21Please respect copyright.PENANAR3nKuhth26
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 21Please respect copyright.PENANABAFy1PWV6U
10: drunk now, I become the ending.21Please respect copyright.PENANAIn9lsn0nCD
And that was Begbie’s story... 21Please respect copyright.PENANAcGFNypPCRQ
21Please respect copyright.PENANAxevylV9nrb
They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 21Please respect copyright.PENANAp2Aoup1enm
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 21Please respect copyright.PENANAotPKvZyeSZ
And I do not want this. 21Please respect copyright.PENANAUuGy1LLkdw
21Please respect copyright.PENANAgkeMFGh90C
Always take in more, for security, 21Please respect copyright.PENANAfa8hkVkzus
Now I fly. (…)21Please respect copyright.PENANAOCARf8smul
21Please respect copyright.PENANAaUbd1Drpbu
d - Sadness Song
21Please respect copyright.PENANAT4QO4R6IWe
[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 21Please respect copyright.PENANA7upsOA5COM
The mind: 21Please respect copyright.PENANAUErnll78FZ
21Please respect copyright.PENANAPiuRgEKJ92
We touch the world 21Please respect copyright.PENANAXqnveBqyA0
And it all falls away 21Please respect copyright.PENANA8NpNPigAq8
We hear the word 21Please respect copyright.PENANAc2lzhLrvO3
But it all burns with the day 21Please respect copyright.PENANARp0RpWBuzL
21Please respect copyright.PENANAi1VRbfe6X1
Now our mother lies in blood 21Please respect copyright.PENANA0eKXTUZ6y8
Father swims away 21Please respect copyright.PENANADPMkLUwWsv
And we find us all alone 21Please respect copyright.PENANAGOk60kFwiF
Sadness song plays. 21Please respect copyright.PENANAAxhywcUinW
21Please respect copyright.PENANAxtO0neWfHh
Was it found? 21Please respect copyright.PENANAyLYqo1qGp3
What was spent? 21Please respect copyright.PENANA5gaHnYWu93
Now that everything is lost21Please respect copyright.PENANAWo0kPKCXGI
What was found? What was spent? 21Please respect copyright.PENANAxkXBt5Wg84
But a sadness song. 21Please respect copyright.PENANAualezDZQJ9
21Please respect copyright.PENANALGz6XGycfi
Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.21Please respect copyright.PENANADN7UPeOALd
21Please respect copyright.PENANA3NO0Fwqec0