Like many writers, I have a bit of a dislike for rewriting. Well, not for the thing itself, but starting to rewrite is such a pain. Opening a book you've written a while ago, is a little like biting into a chocolate you don't know the filling off. It might be delicious, or your little brother might have filled it with toothpaste. You just don't know, which is scary.

But now it's time to face that fear. There's this book I've been working on. It's a bit of a passion project. However, my first version is a super rough draft, and I have a list of things I want to change, need to correct a bunch of grammar and just generally need to get to work.

So yesterday I took a first look at my document, and it wasn't that bad. It had the mistakes I expected, but some dialogue genuinely made me smile. It gives me hope that this book might actually have potential to become what I want it to be. But of course, you never fully know until you bite into the chocolate.

A few friends and I had a conversation about writing once, and we compared it to chiseling away at a sculpture, because there's always need for a questionable metaphor about a totally non-related art from. I kind of like that look at writing, though. It takes a lot of small edits to take shape. Sometimes you mess up so much that it's not worth the effort, but some stories can turn into something pretty if you just give them the time and love they need.

"Marriage Supper of the Lamb is just going to be like Thanksgiving on steroids."

In London, spring arrives not with a fanfare but with the subtle artistry of a seasoned painter, deftly restoring colour to a landscape blanched by winter's grip. The city awakens gently from its slumber as the tender hands of the season coax new life from the once-frozen soil, breathing warmth into the expanses of Hyde Park and the hidden alcoves of Hampstead Heath. The urban canvas bursts into life, as dormant seeds awaken under the nurturing drizzle, and petals unfurl in a kaleidoscope of hues.

With each passing day, the soft spring rains craft verdant masterpieces. The ground, sodden and rich, encourages seeds to emerge, shyly at first, then boldly, as if reaching for the promise of sunlight. The bare, wintry branches now don luscious greens, signifying the seamless transition from past desolation to a future brimming with potential.

Life in the metropolis adapts to this rejuvenating rhythm. Flower markets from Portobello Road to Columbia Road become aromatic corridors of colour, tantalising the senses with a medley of scents. Families embark on the seasonal ritual of garden revivals, children revel in the rejuvenated parks, and the elderly find solace in leisurely promenades under a benevolent sun. The city's visage softens, smiles becoming as common as the newly blossomed flowers.

This transformative season also stirs the souls of poets and artists nestled within the city. Their works—be it on canvas or in verse—capture the essence of spring with vivid imagery and emotional depth. Each blossom, each unfolding leaf, is immortalised through their creative lens, depicting the dynamic tale of renewal that spring so eloquently tells.

Spring in London is more than a mere seasonal shift—it is a spiritual cleanse, liberating the soul. As the architect of rejuvenation, it dances across the cityscape and the countryside alike, leaving a trail of verdure and vitality. Witnessing this metamorphosis, we are reminded of life's endless possibilities and the perennial lessons of resilience and hope. As each day unfolds, we realise that spring is not simply a period in the calendar, but a profound chapter in the narrative of life, woven into the fabric of London's historic and contemporary tapestry—from the tranquil waters of the Serpentine to the majestic arches of Tower Bridge. Spring here is both an outward spectacle and an introspective journey, a quintessential blend of nature's renewal and the enduring British spirit of revival.

ive been so absolutely stressed lately, all my assignemtns are wack, its the 2 weeks off from school and ive still been bombarded with work. a whole business report that was due last sunday i spent half my fucking rest from school stressing over, my art homework i havent even looked at, my english extension 1 fucking thousand word short story which im almost certain i goofed up beyond belief, 2 whole novellas for english advanced, remember, i was given TWO WEEKS. TWO WEEKS. business studies only gave me ONE. im STRAPPED for time. as well as hanging out with my boyfriend, hanging out with my family, my birthday, my sisters birthday, i signed up for the gym as well close to my house because i kept having the worst fucking breakdowns to mum about my mental health and shit id get from my sister for totally nothing. i couldnt take it anymore. oh and to replace E, we're friends with K now. from the easter show, idk if i mentioned him or not, its not like anyone is actually paying attention to whatever im yapping about.

last friday i was hanging out with B and we bought condoms in town and we wnet back to hijs place to try them out. they were cappuccino "flavoured" but actaully it just tasted like nothing but holy crap could you smell it. he tried putting it in and we couldnt work out what we were doing wrong (we're both virgins btw, never come this far). i postioned him to yknow like my entrance and all he had to do was breach it n boom both our first times but it hurt like a BITCH like holy fuck OUCH i couldnt do it, i cried and cried it hurt so bad. thats all im gonna say bc im still just a kid (happy 16th birthday me btw) n exposing so much like this on the internet it weird, im only doing it bc im anonymous.

we were supposed to hang out on the following sunday but couldnt bc his dad said his mum said she just wanted time to herself n obviously i was heartbroken bc i spent ages convincing my parents to visit again on such short notice but fine, if she needed a rest day then so be it, i couldnt be mad. until it come out that she didnt say that, his dad was straight up fucking lying. so whats the issue??? what did i do??? i barely even see that dude and whenever i do its always been positive. so what, he just doesnt want me in his house??? own up to it then, dont blame it on your wife dawg geez louise.

so obviously B was pissed and we scheduled another hang out on tuesday (yesterday) so that everyone would have plenty of notice and cant cancel or fuck anything up. keep in mind B works like forever, 5 day weeks, always like 8~9 hours (i reckon thats illegal for someone of his age but wtv.). i ask him times bc its always usually 12-5 but this time it was 3.30 (the time his mum gets off work) til 8.30, i was staying for dinner. some reason his dads got this weirdo creep paranoia that if his little wife isnt in the house when i am, im gonna accuse him of RAPING ME???? has that happened before, Joe??? are you projecting??? Joe?? i dont even see him when i am over, hes always in his room and im NEVER away from B??? god knows what his issue is but thats why i couldnt be over til his mum came home. anyways, i baked cookies for B's family as a thank you for housing me all the time and always an 'i love you' bc B always does stuff for me n i hardly return the favour (he doesnt let me). its almost close to 3pm and i ask B when his mum gets off bc he said "like 3.30~4 usually" earlier, i was checking if there was a definitive time now. he messaged back sayinh he hates his parents and they can suck ass bc AGAIN the plans were RUINED. she agreed to work until SIX and she didnt want me over bc then she'd have to take me home again (my mum can pick me up?? that was never out of the picture??) so i was absolutely distressed at this because AGAIN?? i was SO EXCITED we were hanging out, i was losing my mind. i cried like a baby. it was embarrassing.

its wednesday now, B, with his totally full schedule of work and work and work and sleep decided to go out with his little boyfriends out bowling! then go to work then go for a little boyfriend homoerotic sleepover! frankly i was pissed. i was so jealous that his little friends got to see him and i didnt. it wasnt fair. the only reason i was ever leaving thw house was for B and i couldnt bc B has so much work all the time. and here he is, with spare time, spending it with other people. not even spending 5 minutes with me. not even messaging me. yeah sure maybe one or two messages but thats not good enough. and now i cant call him because hes gonna get bummed by his friends (my ex boyfriend will be there too! its his house! the one that bullied me after he dumped me! and got his other friend to get in on it to! both will be there, how amazing!)

i've been treating B like absolute dogshit and i cant tell if its my whacked out hormones, the stress of school work, lack of sleep or what. i get mad at him, i dry text him, i go mute and he has to put up with it. i addressed it last night and he said "yeah i noticed, i just let it slide, im being patient w you ik youre stressed" like thank you baby but WHAT you noticed?? and said nothing?? you let it slide??!! :( felt awful, i apologised a million times over but i still feel awful. somethings wrong with me.

he was at tenpin today and my sister (his ex, idk if i mentioned it but i lost readers due to lack of interest so idc anymore) decided to go to for her best friend to see her boyfriend (who lives in sydney now, hes down for the week) and i was STRESSING. i dont know why, B loves me so dearly but i keep thinking back to everythng my sister used to cry at me when i was just dating him and i freak out. theres a pit in my stomach just remembering it all.

it got particularly bad when he got home from bowling and said he was having a sleepover. i cried and cried, i was sobbing and got into an arguementn with my mother bc i wasnt contributing anything. its my sisters birthday so she wanted me showered and dressed to go for dinner but i felt so shit i didnt wanna go, i kept crying, snotting n wailing. i couldnt walk 5 steps without sobbing a little. i took a panadol for my headache and all i could think of were the intrusive (not impulsive!) thoughts telling me to overdose, telling me i dont deserve anyone around me, im such an asshole that they'd all genuinely be better off without all my drama and negativity. it was hard swallowing the panadol, i didnt know if i was strong enough to not take them all and just push through.

i didnt, obviously. but it was hard. i still dont feel all there.

im only writing this because i was talking to J about how im overthinking a lot and all my thoughts are in my head and she told me to write it down like my english teacher said all those months ago. i didnt immediately, but this was the breaking point. i cant keep thinking and not writing it down anymore. if i had more time id be more consistent but school is a bitch im drowning.

-vinsie

So I’ve been finding a million different celebrity crushes recently (mainly thro glee) and almost every one of them either is gay, or has a husband. At least the male ones. The females are good👍 or they also have a husband…is my type guys who are probably attracted to guys?

like my past two crushes all their friends are like wow they’re so gay. Then like I looked at them for longer and saw it lmao😭.

Thats my funny lil problem

ANYWAY

i told bb about this but you all need to know this, I HAVE FOUND THE BEST MUSICAL PODCAST. Well it’s the only one I’ve listened too but still. It’s called 36 Questions and I’m sitting in my school library trying not to cry.

(I don't even know the word "market" in context of promotion, x-x)

1. I'll try to make short bite comics that does not cover a full chapter, maybe just one part, and share them on comic sites!

2. Hmm, I can also use eleven labs and my broke empty wallet can make use of cracked Alight motion. for an image CG loop on also a single part of a chapter that will be going on yt and fb or other social media sites...

And then I can just say to have them all come here or buy the book (Which has not happened yet XD)

3. Or if I'm feeling lazy doing all this, I can just expand and release numerous stories on gatling productivity and stable diligence though...not everyone likes to see words all the time and many like to see images or hear stuff so these are worth a try...

4. It's also worth to try the contests on other sites...just the contests.

Personal website can wait when I can actually BUYa domain.

...Maybe I can practice cookingfor the taste buds and nose hairs! I can dream on this one when I can cook my own food and not just settle with rice and salt.

...UGHH, if only there is an automatic1111 that runs on the browser and I can just upload models there (Like MinisterAI---It's dead now), and maybe even generate animation. Then that'd be in the future when people don't want to gatekeep their stuff.

Lots of ways to promote lol, just have to avoid being slothful and acting on the temptations.

I haven't posted in over a year and for good reason. My parents thought I was talking to a bunch of old guys online and it took me a long time to convince them that I was just writing things for people to see my work.

Then after a while I got back my computer but was still not able to write since they temporarily banned me from using the website. Soon however (not soon I guess since its been a year since I've been on this account) I was able to convince them to let me back on and jeez, I didn't expect to see so much having been changed. The website got many updates and my account gained views and a follower.

All I really want to say is thank you for every person who still, probably reluctantly, follows and wants to read my stories. I know its been a year and most of my work from the past is very cringy and outdated but I hope to hop back into revamping my stories, changing plots and overall, fixing on finishing what I started here.

I'm very excited to continue on this journey called Penana and I hope you all can come with me, even if its so few of you.

Thank you.

Written by FossyJoci

A tear will stream

down my cheek

as watch him fall into eternal sleep

My life as I know it

I cannot tell

what will happen now

as my grandma is left

all on her own

my life as I know it

my grandpa died

from a disease

the cancer in his lunges

made it so he couldn’t breathe

i would like to think

that he went peacefully

My life as I know it

My grandma sobs

my mother too

her sister and her brother brew

All their kids have shed a tear

we buried him today

and then ate away the pain

they parents drank

I felt very drained

All I could do

to numb the pain

was fall into my own decay

I slept half the day away

in and out of naps

I don’t know how to cope

in a healthy type of way

but thankfully I have sports

to focus my brain

so I will have a distraction

I will be ok

and I have my friends

at the end of the day

context:My grandpa died of cancer on Monday of this past week, his viewing was Friday and his Funeral was today on the 27th of April. After the funeral the church provided lunch and after lunch we all went back to my grandparents house where all the parents minus a few drank and the kids played as a teenager I didn’t want to drink so I made my parents get me sparkling grape juice. It has been a very draining past couple of days and now I we are on our way home and I’m gonna go to sleep because I work tomorrow.

I hope everyone else had a wonderful day

make sure to stay positive!

FossyJoci

Context: I recently came across my school notes from 9th grade. Since I have now graduated high school and headed to college in a couple months, I thought I would put this here as a throw back.

PAGE 1

-Mr. Smith thinks politicians get paid too much.

-I vote no more homework for life!

-I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

-It tastes like breakfast.

-Delian League is spelled funny. :|

-Miss Stancel's voice is like nails on a chalkboard.

-We learn mushrooms.

-Mushrooms learn we.

-Miss Stancel threatened to break something with a mushroom.

-The Romans learned about me today.

-The Romans had something about wars. They liked them for somereason.

-Somereason is now officialally one word.

-Officialally. Ha.

- 🦄 unicorn :)

PAGE 2

-Happy birthday to me for no apparent reason.

-Miss Stancel took the skeleton's head off.

-Who actually listens to lecture?

-My hot chocolate is crusty.

-My brother is shaking the room right now.

-My cat is scared of circles.

-I'm so tired I could eat a marshmello.

-ABCDEFG, yup that's all I know.

-Maybe if I act stupid enough they'll send me back to preschool.

-I like glue.

-Yesterday was my best friend's boyfriend's birthday.

-I just failed a history quiz. :]

-We should have nap time in high school.

PAGE 3

-Yay! More notes!

-I haven't written leftie in a while

-But I still want a nap.

-And a cookie

-Yes. A cookie.

-There is a hot guy in my Bible class.

-Let's be honest, how does diagramming help me in life?

-The blue flu is going around my Spanish class.

Hope you enjoyed.🤣

Hello I’m maybe going to start doing this as a mini series on here because I just like to spew thoughts for everyone to see and If I'm going to do that I would rather my words help someone who likes to do the same thing as me.

Let me make some disclaimers before I start rambling, this advice shouldn’t be strictly followed like a bible. Don’t take my word as absolute because most of what I’m going to advise is really only up to you to follow and consider. There are plenty of ways to make stories and whatever is more comfortable to you is what you should follow.

Without further ado, here we go.

I’m gonna start at the basic building blocks, coming up with your story. Whenever you have that golden idea that you think will make for an excellent story you need a solid foundation to start. I will advise that you try to flesh out your idea first. Make a basic outline of what you want to include.

Don’t go in immediately writing the first chapter, then you’ll screw yourself over. One of the main reasons that there are inconsistencies in stories is that they’re being created as the author goes from chapter to chapter with no general outline to any of it. Not saying it’s impossible to have a consistent story making it up on the spot, but it’s really easy to make those errors and not correct them on release.

Plot out the main storyline, characters you want to appear, arcs you want your characters to go through. These don’t need to be hyper detailed, it doesn’t have to be to have a solid foundation. Plus it helps you expand on those general ideas in the future, because once you start it’s a long commitment that you are unknowingly agreeing to.

Organize all this information in a Google Doc, on paper, or use a notepad. Personally I use Obsidian MD to jot down all my notes. Now, I guess your first question is, “What if I want to diverge from my original idea?” It’s totally fine to be separate from your main idea, trust me you’ll fire through concepts way faster than you can type. But you’ll get there later down the road, we’re solely focusing on beginning a story.

Once you’ve gathered all of the essential information it’s now the time to start planning your chapters, episodes, or movie (really depends on what type of format you want to present your story.) If you’re writing a book it’s very vital to know what events you want to portray in every chapter. Then you’ll have it planted in your brain on where a chapter will end and what it contains.

Don’t get hung up on plotting out specific details on your outline, like lines of dialogue. Those will come to you as you start writing the chapter. Details will always come later, if you ever want to change it there’s always a reason to revise and redraft, it may get tiring but it’s hard work that’ll pay off.

Lastly I do want to state that all of this may seem a lot, especially if you’re just starting out and finally writing your first story. Once you get in the hang of things and the passion starts pumping through you, it’ll all fit neatly together like a neat little puzzle.

Trust me when I say I wish I had this attitude when I started. OVERPOPULAS isn’t the first story I’ve written but it contains a lot of errors that I regret right now. Started writing before my brain could think what’ll come next and it ended with chapters being very short and characters changing halfway through when I had a solid idea.

In the future when I’ve completed writing the first part of my stories, I’m going to rewrite all of them. All of this is just a first draft which just seems unreal to me but it also is unreal that I’ve been consistently writing four different stories, especially at my age. My passion and ambition really got me into a mess, but I’m committed to the very end.

If you’ve sat and read through all of this I bless you, but also want to leave you off with this. I believe you can do it. No matter if it takes years and years to build up your story, you can do it. Realizing your creative vision takes a lot of time and passion, truly sacrificing your mind and displaying it for all to see.

Little life update I successfully moved from a house into an apartment. It’s not the best but it’s livable. So during that time fully moving in it’s been tough sitting down and writing but now since I have a more optimal work space I can actually lock myself up in my room and slave away at my keyboard, while replaying the fallout games.

I hope you all have a great day and of course if you want to continue this discussion or add to the advice, or you just have a general question. Just leave a comment below, trust me I’ll see it and respond when possible.

With much love, Skinny.

The dualism of recovering and sinking further into my addiction is a ladder, there are rungs that run up or fall down depending on what part of the ladder you are on, there will always be the up above and always also be the down there below. Dualism is in life, and since we cannot live in death, I only know life and living. But that is a dualism too: living upwards on the ladder is prolonging life and health, while living down is coming ever closer to death. But I only know of my beliefs from life and have not died, no, haven't died yet, so cannot speak for the dead, or which way is more beneficial in the end. But from the life I've lived I think it is better and more fruitful to live away up the ladder, away from the depths of embracing the addiction mind with the only purpose to live addicted. To live without being addicted to something, you must embrace the addicted mind, but the embrace is a warm hug - you admit that you are an addict, a powerless addict, and in this embrace with your shortcomings you can look up to heaven for hope forward.

I find hope in the dark that kisses the end of days, night which more often has sleep than during the day, time for allowance for the body to shut down for a few hours and rejoice in not life but not death as well. Because sleeping is lived but not the same as living. Sleep is living without the mind. It is similar to trained prayer and meditative states. You take away the mind, and the only active part of the body is the lungs, air ducts and mouth. When the mind is at peace it isn't present. Not to be confused with the fleeting momentary states of euphoria taken in when abusing substances or the rush of air felt body-wide when you jump off of the ladder. A freefall which ends abruptly by a limb being caught in a lower part of the structure causing great pain and longing. And the limbo begins. And if the will is good, then the slow regaining of ground is begun upwards on the ladder.

But alternatively, you climb upwards on the ladder,hopeward, heavensent,onwards, and you develop tunnel vision, you climb up so long, you can no longer tell if you are in fact travelling upwards, and not downwards. In a panic then, you might'baktrak'your way down the ladder, losing a lot of spiritual progress meanwhile thinking that you are in the right and the good. The solution to this is to orientate yourself, tie yourself to where you stand on the ladder and pause a moment. Look out across the valley, maybe leave a marking and the date, showing just how far you've come now. Feel a sense of calm, a sense of being able to stop like this and knowing that you have been climbing up.

It is important not to become your higher power. You can look left and right and see suddenly that you are one of many millions of climbers on their ladder. If you stay alone too long also, you can easily lose track of your place on the ladder, thinking your in the heavens, and then you meet someone just getting back on the same level as you, and you realise you have not been ascending, but only threading water. To climb up consistently you need a fellowship of climbers (as they need you - your faith and hope feed their climb and growth) and constant, daily orientation.

Do all these things, and go forwards, upwards, and Heavenward. Amen.