For a while, i thought that life was not worth living
not because there was no point, because i was messing up everyone else in being alive
because i couldnt hold onto friendships
because i continually failed at the basics of being a good friend98Please respect copyright.PENANAQkwcpemRWz
but the thing is, i think i might be too harsh on myself. I think i might just blame myself for things that sometimes just happen in life. people grow apart, that's okay, that's how it goes, and it hurts and it stings and for a while you will walk around feeling like you're missing a necessary part of yourself, but sometimes people grow apart. sometimes people are just unkind, and sometimes that is unintentional.
the point is, i've been happier lately, smiling, taking it all in. savoring the small moments where i squish in my friend's car with all of my friends, and we're singing along to break up music while the bass almost shakes the car. when we sit in a circle, sharing deep secrets and knowing each other more, as the rest of the world falls asleep. when i turn around and am laughing with others as someone does something hilarious, when i joke around with my friends, when im overfull with warmth and happiness and knowing that it can get better because it most certainly just did.
when everyone gets so emotional and full of love, that the friend who hates group hugs asks for a group hug. when i look across the room and see that my was closest friend who hurt me deeply, had the biggest character arc i have ever seen, and is now doing so much better, so much better. he's happy, and hes smiling, and hes confident, and i couldnt be happier that he is okay now.
im savoring the small moments, because i thought that i wasnt going to have them.
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