“See you Monday!” Jín hollered cheerfully from across the street. My new acquaintances and I had parted ways after Tora had told me that their parents would be expecting them home soon. I still didn’t know whether to like the sunhat girl or not, she seemed polite but slightly aggravated at the same time. Jín on the other hand was the smiliest little girl I ever saw. After the sisters’ fighting incident had occurred, she had bounced right back into being a bubbly and adventurous bundle of joy. She even showed me how to make a mini snowman in the patch of wet dirt beside the playground. I was happy I had guessed their ages right too, Tora was in the seventh grade and Jín was in the second. This meant I would probably be seeing them a lot at Hayashi Academy. My fear of starting at a new school seemed to dissolve for the time being, for the first time since Claire’s death I even started to grin slightly. My temporary happiness would soon leave however as I made my way back to the apartment complex. I stumbled up the long winding stairs and into the hallway, where I took out an extra key my father had given me and unlocked the front door. 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxteXuiYYyi
“Daddy, I’m back! And I think I just made friends!” I bust through the entrance of our home and beamed. I stopped then, for what I saw inside the apartment was something that triggered old memories I thought were gone for good. When I was a baby, my father was a horrible drinker. He still was to a degree, but it was ten times worse when he was recovering from Mommy’s death. Before Claire had gone to school each day, she would take me to the neighbor’s house so they could care for me while she was gone. My sister never wanted me in the house alone with Daddy… it was her biggest fear. All he would do was sit all day on the couch and watch television, drinking so much he would stagger when he walked. Now in our apartment in Osaka, I was reliving these terrible memories I had suppressed for years as I slowly closed the door behind me. A few bottles were scattered here and there, and my father lay on the couch. He looked to be passed out. My cheerfulness vanished as I walked into the living room without a sound. I took off my earmuffs and unzipped my jacket, throwing them atop the bookshelf where the tv was. I looked around for our suitcases. If anything could distract me from Daddy’s neglect, it was Emma’s diary. Luckily It was in the same place I had found it this morning, so I assumed my father hadn’t even bothered to put his own luggage away. I unzipped his bag and pulled out the old white book with diamonds engraved in it. My heart warmed to feel a piece of Mommy still with me. I took it to the bathroom and closed the door as silently as possible, this time I knew how to keep Daddy asleep. I leaned against the wall and sat down. Our new bathroom was hardly any bigger than our old one, but at least it was clean. Everything in Japan seemed to be either shiny or sleek white.167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7pT3CDDsZ
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” The Woman sputtered in the mirror. I had gotten so used to seeing her I had barely even noticed her when I walked inside. She looked anxious as she watched me flip past the first page.167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9urauPIXIy
“And why would you care?” I whispered back. “You don’t control my life as you please.”167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSzpwH1xzj
The Woman huffed. She scowled and lowered her voice like she was talking to a little child, which I guess was true considering I was merely a seven year old. 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0bIpB1zMn
“Just hear me out,” She said bluntly. “Your mother is a liar, I know these things now. Don’t listen to what she says in that silly diary of hers, got it?” 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4zFhe5aH5
I shook my head in disbelief. The Woman had no idea what she was talking about. Mommy would never lie, never! At least… I didn’t think she would. I had no clue as to what Emma Nilsen had been like, but from the first page of her journal, she seemed to be incredibly sweet. I waved The Woman off in the mirror and she pouted, turning away. I looked down at the pages before me…167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZdMFLnBBR
“Dear Diary… I feel sick today. The doctors say I’m not as healthy as I used to be of course, but I can’t wait to meet my new child. I would wait an eternity for her. But Luke has been so angry these past few weeks. He didn’t want a fifth child in the first place, and it’s not helping that she’s making me so ill. He’s even been thinking about putting her up for adoption when she comes, but I could never give her up so easily. I’ve been begging him to let me keep her for the past few months, and I think it’s working. I know how much he wants to make me feel better. It’s breaking his heart to watch me suffer in bed most days. And plus, I always have my other kids to tend to. Claire is so excited, she’s wanted a little sister for the longest time. Growing up with all brothers can be difficult sometimes, but I know she still loves them deeply.”167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6wVxcjCqJ
I stopped reading then, for it hurt my soul to go any further. I always knew Daddy had never wanted me, but reading Emma's very words about it made me realize just how much he hated me. This also explained why he hadn’t put me up for adoption after all. I’m sure my mother talked him into keeping me, and like she said, he wanted to make her happy. 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaoKyV2I0h0
“I told you not to read it,” The Woman said as she watched me in my gloom. “How does it feel to know you were an accident… a reject?”
I felt upset and confused and mostly sorrowful as I sat on the floor. I didn’t move for a very long time as I stared down at everything Mommy had written, her graceful writing dancing across each page. There was a deep pit in my soul, it felt even worse than when I had killed Claire. I had always that somewhere in my father's heart he loved me, but… now I didn’t know what to believe. I looked up into the bathroom mirror and stared despairingly at The Woman.167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfX1nW7wH8n
“So… so it’s true? Daddy really never wanted me?” I whispered. She nodded her head grimly.167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgLRGyYCaL
“I would know,” She said. “I am you.” 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSngbxOaC5
I didn’t care to ask her what she meant. I was still so focused on my parents and my sister and everything that I had read. Even how Mommy described Claire hurt, knowing she was so excited to have a new sibling. And what about Milo and River and Marin, how could they truly love someone like me? I had taken away their mother and their sister! No, it couldn’t be true… they must have been trying to hide their grieving. I couldn’t understand how my three big brothers would even have a care in the world for me. Slowly, I lay the journal down on the cold tile floor. The Woman was still there, looking rather bored and restless. 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2z9jZor7z
“...What did you mean when you said you were me?” I asked her, feeling hopeless emotions. 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmlVZtbhft
She was resting her face on the palm of her hand, her cheek being squished lightly. She didn’t seem to care much about anything at all. 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcASAS7Ui5
“I am you and nothing more than that,” She said. “But I have lived a lot longer, you can tell, hmm?” 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhAdl0UJ2K
I looked into The Woman’s tired eyes and saw no more innocence. We did indeed look the same, but all the childish features I had were gone on her. Now she looked so dull and soulless.167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIGPhp4Gqq
“Yes, b-but…” I faltered as I observed her intently. “Are you just a hallucination? A-a dream? A ghost? A spirit? Who are you?”
She took a deep sigh. I watched her absentminded face become firm, a slight tinge of fiery anger burning in her eyes.167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡid3tI8Ed2M
“That is only for me to know. But some say, if your brain is wired a certain way, you start to hear voices and see people like yourself. They tell you who you are and what you will soon become. So listen, dear child… what did I tell you back in Norway?” 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjGwIdEL2a
My throat felt tight as I gulped uneasily. The Woman was waiting for a response I knew I didn’t want to answer, but I had no other choice. She might never go away if I made her angry… I might never see my own face again.
“A… a… a-a…” I stuttered. “…A killer.”167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7uIENoGix
An odd smile spread across her face. “That’s it, a killer.”167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrcEykmIYn
She looked empty inside as she put her hands to the glass. Like a caged animal, she dragged her fingers up and down in some sort of desperate motion. She wanted to get out. But it was only then that I realized something was trickling down her two hands... it was blood. She smudged it across her face and giggled, the sound of her voice so chilling it made me squeak. 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasRxdrwZgc
“I-I should go put this back.” I fumbled, hastily getting up from the ground and grabbing Emma’s diary.167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSv01rreobE
“Wait,” The Woman said. “Stay.” 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xeo8MkO0v
I froze as she looked at me dead in the eyes and continued rubbing blood over herself, as if I was next. I knew she couldn’t get out from behind the glass, but something was so creepy about her it made me tingle in fear. Wherever she came from or whatever she had done to me, it wasn’t good. My gut told me she was trying to get me in trouble. I frantically jiggled the doorknob as she let out a yelp of anger. 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0jovNPeVG
“I SAID DON’T LEAVE!” A sudden swarm of pure hatred in her voice. “LISTEN TO ME WREN NILSEN!”167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qbTU2YDSD
I practically jumped out of my soul. How was Daddy not hearing all of this?! I was trembling as I struggled to open the door, and then The Woman let out a shrill cry. I whipped my head around and watched her hit the glass with her fist like she was trying to escape and come chase me with her bloody hands, but nothing was breaking. 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwM3cx9R80j
BANG! BANG! BANG!167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoHOyemKAq
She was screaming, and then I was screaming. For some reason the door wouldn’t open for me as I panicked to get out. it was almost as if someone else was on the other side, trying to get in as well...167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICzYHRjRXZ
“LISTEN TO ME!” The Woman screeched again.167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwM9iRNPWwy
I shook my head. “I-I… I HAVE TO GO!” 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSy08I0GHP9
Just then, the doorknob jerked and I fell. It was Daddy. He had busted through the door and was now glowering down at me as I lay on the white tile ground in shivering terror. Mommy’s journal had also been thrown and looked to be partly crumpled. I looked to see if The Woman was still there in the mirror, but suddenly, she had disappeared…
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