【八、空白】156Please respect copyright.PENANAsNKCxDeNBH
任星兒從此再也沒跟我聯絡過。我始終不知道羅信健有沒有跟她揭穿我的真面目,但我也不打算問出口,因為我沒有這個資格。156Please respect copyright.PENANAU4ulilZYMA
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我沒有資格喜歡任星兒,因為我是個壞人。156Please respect copyright.PENANADJ0uqzVwYy
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同學們至今也不知道那天我為何在課室裏崩潰大哭的事,他們只以為我跟羅信健吵架了,亦有些人流傳我和羅信健談戀愛。不管傳聞傳得再誇張,我都沒辦法去澄清了。156Please respect copyright.PENANAKV6oDNWznl
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因為真相比傳聞還要醜陋。156Please respect copyright.PENANADtZifrRWWN
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就在中一發生這些事後,我便開始踏實地讀書,鮮有再去交新朋友,也沒有融入哪一個小圈子中。在外界看來,我整個人都變得沉穩。這個世界就只剩下羅信健會聯絡我,大概是因為,他是唯一一個知道我真面目的人。但不管如何,現在我所關心的,就只有T細胞和B細胞的分別,還有比餘弦定理更複雜的理論。156Please respect copyright.PENANAHkXhwyeKvN
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只有在讀書這件事面前,人是不分善惡的。知識不會嫌棄我,我也不會因為知識而變得醜陋。
就這樣,一直安安靜靜地渡過了中學的六年的時光。這種日子雖然寂寞,但卻讓我覺得好過一點。因為,像我這樣醜陋的人,是不配過得幸福的。愈是寂寞,我就愈覺得自己在贖罪一樣,雖然結果我也彌補不了誰。156Please respect copyright.PENANALtDEEj0xuj
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「畢業音樂會那一夜,妳會來觀看嗎?」在學校補課的那天,羅信健走來問道。156Please respect copyright.PENANAjLgV78eHEz
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雖然說全級學生都要幫忙籌備音樂會,但我也只是負責一些前期佈置功夫,到正式演出那天,壓根兒沒半點我的事,所以我其實去不去也可以。156Please respect copyright.PENANAayBocOxjcA
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「星期六嗎?那晚我應該要去補習。」156Please respect copyright.PENANAIsouitDDnX
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「補甚麼呢?」156Please respect copyright.PENANA2WE42LlBep
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「英語。」156Please respect copyright.PENANAyIus2Aau9d
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「妳的英語不是已經很好了嗎?而且公開試會考甚麼,都無法預計。」156Please respect copyright.PENANAnVIFyUoflR
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「交了學費,我不想缺席。」156Please respect copyright.PENANA5TXsFAwevs
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羅信健突然輕輕的抓住我的手,156Please respect copyright.PENANA0hMZvppPzd
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「就連最後一次,也不想來看我們演出嗎?」156Please respect copyright.PENANAQkS9Nobm7d
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我才想到,畢業之後,就真的沒法再見到任星兒了。156Please respect copyright.PENANAhOkbauPAaj
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「妳再考慮一下吧。」156Please respect copyright.PENANAIvxce2XrZZ
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我看著羅信健的背影,總覺得有點奇怪。雖然我們算不上是非常深交的朋友,但這六年來,他總會久不久的來找我一下。我是個害過他朋友的人,到底他在想甚麼呢?無論如何,那一年我無法問出口,現在過了六年,就只會更加難以啟齒。
要去看嗎?要去面對任星兒和羅信健嗎?我逃避了六年的問題,也許是時候要解決了。156Please respect copyright.PENANAJAmbqm84wA
畢業音樂會那晚,我躲在禮堂大門前,遠遠的遙望舞臺。這天羅信健穿著燕尾服站在樂團中間,從前的他看起來十分虛弱,現在他的背影變得比中一那年魁梧多了,終於沒那麼弱氣。坐在旁邊的任星兒也換了個不一樣的髮型,從前她總是把頭髮往後梳,現在額前留了一撮劉海,本來個子矮小的她,現在身材也稍微變得修長一點。156Please respect copyright.PENANAN0tZSWWm6o
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大家都變了許多,說不定他們都忘了當年發生的事,就只剩下我一個人活在過去。156Please respect copyright.PENANAsDODeYYMh6
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因為是以畢業作主題的音樂會,表演的樂曲都十分激動澎湃,寓意畢業生都能前程錦繡。變得高大的羅信健指揮的時候不再像跳舞,而是執杖分紅海的摩西,彷彿在舞臺上呼風喚雨一樣,氣勢磅礡。156Please respect copyright.PENANAZ9hLPC7L5f
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樂曲結束之後,任星兒對著臺下燦爛的笑了,而羅信健也轉過身來向觀眾鞠躬。任星兒在跟誰打招呼呢?我望向左方,看到一個身穿男校校服的男生跟她揮手。看來任星兒也早已找到男朋友呢。156Please respect copyright.PENANApRpcsmyQam
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「嘩!」突然觀眾席傳來一片嘩然,我才把目光放回向舞臺中央。156Please respect copyright.PENANAqeJzuFAzHd
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羅信健從舞臺上直接跳下來,奔向站在禮堂出口的我。我愣住了,舞臺上的人也呆呆的看著羅信健的背影。156Please respect copyright.PENANA2Ka2PG02Ak
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在他跑到我跟前的瞬間,觀眾們似乎誤會了些甚麼,突然哈哈大笑起來,還興奮地拍著掌。156Please respect copyright.PENANA8dehggsuUj
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「發生甚麼事了?表白現場嗎?」在門口當值的同學看著我和羅信健。156Please respect copyright.PENANA9H1xXonhDx
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他拉著我的手,直接推開大門,把我拉到學校的花園裏。我從沒試過大晚上來學校,今晚的學校掛滿了燈飾,一顆顆小燈泡把花園裝飾得像電視劇裏的主題樂園一樣。156Please respect copyright.PENANADwjC19dg0x
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「妳真的來了!」156Please respect copyright.PENANAFTA7beJCuu
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「嗯……」入夜後風有點大,穿著短袖連身裙的我不其然摸了摸自己手臂。156Please respect copyright.PENANASpE26oRpIv
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羅信健脫下了自己的西裝外套,想要披在我的肩上。156Please respect copyright.PENANARrrmP3Vz3X
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「幹甚麼呢……」我自然反應的推開了他的手。156Please respect copyright.PENANAkG3035Ug8g
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「我怕妳著涼嘛。」他便只好把外套遞到我的手上,讓我自行披上。156Please respect copyright.PENANANTKbjz7TuL
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「謝謝。還有,表演很好看。」156Please respect copyright.PENANAdFolMOmVCW
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「就這樣?」156Please respect copyright.PENANA5qq9qk6eSH
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「你指揮得很好,進步了。你個子也變高了,很有氣勢。」如今的我已經不會雀躍地稱讚他的表現,而是冷冰冰的說一些客套話。156Please respect copyright.PENANAseImSGGgDi
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「這就好了,總算可以讓妳看到最後一次指揮演出。」156Please respect copyright.PENANA69gunSvFEF
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「最後?」156Please respect copyright.PENANA27i9tgci7e
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「嗯,是的,上大學後,我不打算修音樂。」156Please respect copyright.PENANABe01AUIT6b
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「那……閒時也不會玩玩嗎?參加校外的樂團之類呢?」156Please respect copyright.PENANAe3MSu1gFYv
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「那是後話,而且進了大學之後,會變得很忙碌吧。」156Please respect copyright.PENANAEnGeN9BWt5
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我想了一想,是的,以羅信健這麼優秀的成績,不是讀醫就是讀法律吧,日子應該會變得很忙碌的。156Please respect copyright.PENANAh6FPmDDbRl
「妳覺得……這六年過得快嗎?」156Please respect copyright.PENANA6PYsmSZcx9
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「嗯,很快,因為每天都在讀書和補習。」156Please respect copyright.PENANAkwO7N2ZTMW
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「那這六年間發生的事呢?妳還記得嗎?會記得任何關於我的事嗎?」我們二人一邊向汽水機走去,一邊閒聊。156Please respect copyright.PENANAq1Sin90Zfz
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我仔細地想了想,上體育課的模樣,還有上課抄筆記的模樣……雖然零零碎碎的片段還是能勉強回憶起來,但我總不抬頭看過誰。156Please respect copyright.PENANAlz65c6QHAM
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這六年就像是空白一樣,甚麼都想不起來。「怎麼了?」156Please respect copyright.PENANA5fLSz6WHfd
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「沒甚麼,我只是用力地想了一下。不過還是沒甚麼難忘的事吧,我就一直一個人在學校裏讀書。」156Please respect copyright.PENANAjfNJxlwFJt
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「不是一個人喔,我一直都在妳身邊。」156Please respect copyright.PENANA87ZXcUuR1O
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羅信健突然站住了腳步,一臉嚴肅的說道。156Please respect copyright.PENANAJ38gUw0DWN
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「或許妳甚麼都沒注意到,但是上生物課要做實驗時,我會故意先去留一套乾淨的試管,放在一旁,等妳來拿的時候,才順手的遞給妳。」156Please respect copyright.PENANAlqwL0GY3pq
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這樣一說好像還真有其事……156Please respect copyright.PENANAyjixrcr0Wk
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「轉課室的時候,妳總是忘記把椅子推到在桌下,我在妳離開後都會替你推好。」156Please respect copyright.PENANA5QrJM0IpEk
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羅信健突然喋喋不休的數著自己為我做過的事,讓我不禁皺起眉頭來。156Please respect copyright.PENANAB16ctUQnov
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「體育課時,我知道妳喜歡打籃球,總會去把倉庫裏的籃球全都拍一遍,看看哪一個充滿了氣,才遞給妳。說回實驗,妳組要是做不出合理數據來,我都會來分享我組的數據,好讓妳們能完成報告。還有,我知道妳每早都要到小賣部買一枝蜜桃茶,但是我怕妳會買不到,便偷偷的把蜜桃茶放到雪櫃裏的深處,好讓別人沒那麼容易搶光……」156Please respect copyright.PENANAIAfzdeXFBU
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羅信健看見我一臉茫然的樣子,便變得頭痛起來似的,搔著頭不知道如何解釋下去才好。156Please respect copyright.PENANADYdA5NPzFl
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「妳這六年來就甚麼都沒察覺到嗎?」156Please respect copyright.PENANA2PmxT2LXLw
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「對不起……可是……為甚麼呢?」156Please respect copyright.PENANA2Qp2fjejMW
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「嗯?」156Please respect copyright.PENANA5tRFMzAxLV
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「為甚麼要待我這麼好呢?我不是害過你的朋友嗎?這些年來,我已經很故意地收好自己,把腳步退到人群最後。我不是個好人,你是第一個知道的人,那為甚麼呢……」156Please respect copyright.PENANA6zsYse8gld
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「我……」156Please respect copyright.PENANAFI2T57RxlO
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「是因為……覺得我很可悲嗎?」說到這裏,總算是道出我的心結。156Please respect copyright.PENANAutoeve2ZjH
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「我從沒這麼想過妳。」156Please respect copyright.PENANAvuiOc8vY4C
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「因為我是個壞事做盡的人,你覺得我可憐可悲,所以在同情我嗎?」156Please respect copyright.PENANAUuuvfERdcN
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「妳在說甚麼呢?」156Please respect copyright.PENANAGQioXpVl1R
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「我是個很壞很壞的人,我會害人的。為此,我可以甚麼朋友都不要,不讓心裏的怪物跳出來害人。當然我本來是可以過得好一點的,隱藏好自己醜惡的一面,不讓你看見,不讓任星兒看見,但你把這一切都曝露了出來……」156Please respect copyright.PENANAD0kXoxUby9
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說著說著,我便變得激動起來,流著淚邊發抖的說道,羅信健卻聽得有點不明所以。156Please respect copyright.PENANAP7e64Hckjy
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「任星兒?」156Please respect copyright.PENANA1wSxKTCuD1
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「我在說中一那年的事!要不是那天你抓住我的手揭穿我,我還不是能夠掩飾得好好的嗎?既然我都已經決定了失去這一切,我接受了這個結果……那為甚麼……」我不禁抽泣,「那……為甚麼要對我這麼好呢?讓我一個人……自生自滅不就好了嗎?」156Please respect copyright.PENANAlGh7IzXH9A
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「妳在說甚麼呢?」羅信健看著我,他的眼睛都變得有點發紅,「因為我喜歡妳啊。」「喜歡我?」羅信健冷不防來個真情告白,讓本來還在哭泣的我頓時停止下來。156Please respect copyright.PENANAYKaGeVsKqJ
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「那年你之所以會這樣對琪琪,不是因為妳喜歡我嗎?」156Please respect copyright.PENANAw1pFPBXV2r
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甚麼?羅信健是不是對我有甚麼誤會了?原來一直以來,他都猜不透我的動機嗎?156Please respect copyright.PENANAa6qwY1JTr5
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「那……任星兒呢?」我思緒變得有點混亂起來。156Please respect copyright.PENANAvFRmRAH2J8
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「這事與她何干呢?」156Please respect copyright.PENANAJRmikDVlYC
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「慢著!你是說,你從來沒有告訴任星兒這件事?那……那為甚麼海洋公園那天之後……」156Please respect copyright.PENANAWPB3WNAWtF
正當我還在質問羅信健的時候,任星兒和她的男朋友剛好走了出來。156Please respect copyright.PENANAtb5ju8Js05
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「啊,音樂會中場休息呢……」羅信健看著人群步出禮堂時說道。156Please respect copyright.PENANAcMehwZjTpS
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任星兒在遠處看著我們,微笑了一下,又拉著她的男朋友過來。156Please respect copyright.PENANACw5KJNGqKc
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我們在樹下等果子等了大半天,最後卻剛好掉到個路人的頭上。156Please respect copyright.PENANAsbvlaaFzWz
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「好久不見呢。」任星兒慢慢的走過來跟我們打招呼,不再像小時候那麼活潑的喊著「小鞠」跑過來。156Please respect copyright.PENANAostgywvm46
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「嗯……妳最近還好嗎?」156Please respect copyright.PENANA8JiNg9IBPq
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「挺好的,不過妳都知道,我讀書一向不怎麼樣,所以畢業之後,我會去英國讀音樂。」156Please respect copyright.PENANAlqiMsxy62Q
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任星兒的男朋友站在他身後,他穿著名校的校服,背著個書包,看來是星期六去學校補課過後才趕過來。156Please respect copyright.PENANA9TGk7Gueix
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「那不是挺好的嗎,加油喔。」如今的我已經沒甚麼話要跟任星兒說了,就只能說些場面話。156Please respect copyright.PENANAKZRREDPhJq
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「你們……也加油吧,剛才好浪漫喔,首席指揮從舞臺上跑往妳。」156Please respect copyright.PENANATpo7gBqNf9
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是從何時開始,大家都以為我喜歡的人是羅信健呢?又是從何時開始,他喜歡上我呢?156Please respect copyright.PENANAJ8JnY8m2eB
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「我想去買罐汽水。」任星兒的男朋友說道,然後羅信健識趣地為他帶路。156Please respect copyright.PENANAmpwAcavWig
我和任星兒站在花園裏,禮堂裏的觀眾也慢慢走過來,擠得人山人海。156Please respect copyright.PENANAk855SpC8Qx
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「其實我……一直都想跟妳說句對不起的。」任星兒見男生們都走開了,才吞吞吐吐的說心底話。156Please respect copyright.PENANAcjppOcKIxq
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「為甚麼要道歉呢?」156Please respect copyright.PENANAWukfrvCzmb
156Please respect copyright.PENANAqrmwXVCvM4
「真沒想到這件事竟然等到畢業才能說出口……那時候我突然發妳的脾氣,疏遠了妳,是因為我在海洋公園裏跟羅信健表白了。」156Please respect copyright.PENANAmeaTVKFhbK
156Please respect copyright.PENANAoHuR3Eciaa
不意外的劇情展開。156Please respect copyright.PENANAKXPUaXLCsc
156Please respect copyright.PENANAndiE3memmV
「可是我馬上就被他拒絕了,因為他說,他喜歡的人是妳。我覺得太丟臉了,根本不知道怎接受好朋友是我的情敵,所以才會疏遠了妳……」156Please respect copyright.PENANAq4kUjwuZpP
156Please respect copyright.PENANAh905AQ59Sn
我還記得他們回家的時候,羅信健跟我通過電話。他當時還裝著沒事發生一樣,難道是不想我和任星兒尷尬嗎?156Please respect copyright.PENANAYIaaArJvUj
156Please respect copyright.PENANACbyyul9c8b
「不管如何,我對他早就已經沒感覺啦,其實細心一想他也不是我的類型,我比較喜歡運動型的男生。現在你們關係變得這麼好,我也會祝福你們的。」156Please respect copyright.PENANA3YqIRT4iKZ
156Please respect copyright.PENANAYckc2dR3KX
「不……不是這樣的……」156Please respect copyright.PENANAyPKMewc6tm
156Please respect copyright.PENANAxZxbomdugb
「嗯?」156Please respect copyright.PENANA65rnBBCdfU
156Please respect copyright.PENANAMMcZJOl7RV
「我喜歡的人其實是……」156Please respect copyright.PENANACInUv4wWej
156Please respect copyright.PENANA76O10yXSDe
我看著她男朋友從汽水機回來的身影,就閉上了嘴。現在已經不是時候了。156Please respect copyright.PENANAYuMhvIO7as
156Please respect copyright.PENANAXV7hfcc221
「謝謝妳,妳去英國之後,也要多點跟我聯絡啊。」156Please respect copyright.PENANAMzX8kz9Ep1
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