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Through the maze and on to Fitness, where I would confront the other bane of my existence. It may be that I should have scheduled physical education for an earlier part of the day. It may be that it was impossible. It may be that life is wilfully cruel.
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That afternoon, it began with a run led by Instructor Friege. More running, go figure. This time, we were on one of the paved roads leading out of the grounds and toward the nothingness of country. It was a very straight road toward sweaty embarassement. Merchants. As such, the sun lathered my face angrily. A few wagons rolled by: a cobbler, traders, families.
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Elise strut alongside me deliberately, which looked ridiculous when you look at her racer thighs that could lap me ten times over. Roy's gait was only normal because he was in no rush, and he didn’t mind finishing last. A humbly perky fellow with perseverance is how I would describe gim. I could give him that. Still, it is obvious he wanted to linger and chat me up about the chant. But I was not in the mood. I was never in the mood. Honestly, I just wanted to evade the ire of our rogue mistress. A day without scolding hardly seemed charitable. I just wanted to get through the last class of the day.
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Eventually, the banners of a finish line appeared on the horizon, where the arena met the grove. The arena became a symbol of my salvation then, a natural landmark marking the end of athletic terror.
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The race ended with a mob of sweaty students flopping over the grass. I say this course session was far less horrible than the last time; it was only true because I managed to finish this time. Nevertheless, Friege's woeful eyes tracked me like a sour cat. I started to hate cats, by the way.
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What was I if not a mind in an exhausted flesh heap, beckoning foreign muscles. I limped to the next object, an obstacle course not so far untethered from the school grounds: Sand, bars, earthworks. Was it a playground or a gauntlet? My breath was too busy trying to catch up to the sweat on my face, so I crawled to the nearest burrow and nursed my leg, almost feeling proud of today's attempt. Then I remembered how, unlike me, everyone else could still stand. They were all able and ready for another exercise.
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Friege shouted a few commands. I wasn’t exactly paying attention. Too busy loathing the sun. When I looked up, however, I could see the students climbing a mock wall and crossing the metal frame. Monkey bars. A thought: I was destined to fail the occasional foot race, but watching my classmates carry their weight from one end to the next, a thought that should've been obvious up until now suddenly struck me. If I strengthened my upper body, maybe madame thunder thighs would get off my back.
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It was all about crossing the sandpit. The stage was set. The pit was beneath the monkey bars, anticipating our inevitable failures. At the start of the line, I shook my arms loose in preparation for death. Here goes. One lift, I started—stumbled—then restarted toward the bars, dragging my weight all the while.
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Right after me, it was Warren's turn, and most of the students had gathered around him. This I needed to see... for research purposes. He didn’t hesitate when he gripped the frame, quickly hoisting himself. The strength of his forearms deftly carried him from one bar to the next, all the way to the other side. It was surprisingly quick. His may have been the quickest successful gambit of the lot. I almost stopped myself, but there was no time to retreat when I reached the line.
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Roy collapsed on the dirt less than half of the way there.
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By the time I reached the precipice of the pit, several students had circled back in time to catch my fecal display. For a bold moment, I forgot about all the eyes judging me. They stared, the angsty faces, waiting for my turn on the bars. They seemed morbidly curious. The pressure worsened every tingle on my skin, which stirred plain aggravation out of me. Yes. Warren was watching with those eyes like gems, but the obstacles sickened me. One arm at a time, I grabbed hold.
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With nimble fingers, I clamped the first bar and used the energy to swing myself to the next. My legs actually worked in that regard, swinging with enough momentum for the next grab. Only, my arms were getting tired, and I was about to reach the halfway point over the sandpit. My muscle pangs quickly caught up to me, however, and I swung from nervous to frightened faster than any incantation in the spell books. Before I knew it, was dangling like a doll. I didn't think everything through.
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"Help!"
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My classmates gawked in confusion, at first.
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"Help, I don't want to fall!" I was pathetic.
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It was after my second call for help that a few of the boys came to my rescue. As the young saints came marching, I was more embarrassed than ever before when I felt some firmly firm hands tickle me by the hip. Any less gentle, and I would have giggled down to my doom, no doubt. "You can let go,” said the boy, and the voice was familiar. Just before the panic could set in, I did as he suggested. He spared the energy to lower me without landing pressure on my weak leg.
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I just know he could tell how scared I was, because his hands remained until I summoned t he courage to stand on my own. "You're okay now," he muttered, flushed with concern.
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But when I opened my eyes, his brick chest was very, very close, and his smouldering green eyes smothered me with their brazier warmth. Lords, I felt hot… Summer hot. If I had been sweating before, I was a little extra sweaty at that very moment. Perhaps, it was just a very hot day. Yes, that was it. Not hot enough, apparently, because I couldn’t avoid idling in his arms, admiring the sheen of his skin in the sun.
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"Are you okay?" he quizzed.
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To believe I had thought about this momeny for so long, yet never considered what to do next. Dearest Warren, art thou aware of thine beauty? How the sun tempers thy figure into the steel of manliness with the face of Spring? Do the gods light this fire in my heart, or do your eyes awaken the passion only begotten by both man and muse? Ssssss…
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"I'm fine!" I blurted. I may have startled him a little.
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"Good," he muttered, backing away stalwartly. "If you plan to try this again, I recommend better grip strength. Some techniques can build the strength in your arms, then this obstacle will be a breeze one day."
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"Hahaha, okay."
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He inspected me for a moment, a sly, befuddled grin on his handsome fucken face.
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"Maybe it would be a good idea to demonstrate,” hollered a random girl.
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Who said that? I should hug them. "Right?" Oh, it's Elise wearing her pretend stupid face. What a genius.
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"A demonstration would help!" my mouth said.
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Warren actually considered it with his dense and pensive expression, and my heart started to race.
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"I suppose,” he shrugged.
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Thrust, thrust went the heart as he lowered himself into a T and began shoving himself off the ground. All the girls were staring at his push-ups. Mhmm, Mhmm. No qualms with this view. It was a fine view. Funny enough, I felt certain that most, if not all of us, knew how to do push-ups. But I spoke too soon because he then lifted his legs into the air.
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"These… will… strengthen the shoulders!” he moaned. Push. “Albeit… ‘tis more challenging." Push. Push. Push. "But you can do it with your feet on the wall." Push. Another push-up. "'Tis simpler and works for... beginners."
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Any other body parts to strengthen? "Any other body parts to strengthen?"
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"That's the basics for now," he said.
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"Kay..."
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The sound of stomping dragged our attention away from the show. So, the crowd parted, veering from Warren to none other than Instructor Friege whose stoic face was like an eclipse. No one wanted to look directly at it. Casually, the crowd around warren dispersed before Warren himself stood to attention. He ogled our fitness instructor as she parted us, not a single breath. She stood up straight, hands folded behind her back. I knew that any attempt to move would only steal her attention like a she-wolf's prey. Those rolling hazel eyes reminded me of heated tongs.
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"Apologies," I muttered first.
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"For what?" She stared. Is this a trap? Friege, with a statuesque demeanor, turned back around. "Whatever commits thee to fitness," she said before straying off with a light step.
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Wait a moment. Did she know? She could have winked, and that would have made more sense. Everybody else went about their business. But I stood alone, stung by disappointment. Warren was still there. "Remember what I said." He smirked right past me. And that’s how Fitness ended that day.
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But I had plenty of time to think on the path to relaxation. However, little bit of windy weather was a remedy for rumination. On the other side of oblivion and the dead stadium, the sight of unadulterated grassland offered some peace.
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You know, I never thought about how the school was conveniently situated beside an underground spring. I wondered how far these rocks would go, but as I was making my way to the solitary baths, sinking in dramatic thoughts, I could hear that familiar boy voice cry out from afar.
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"Pollux!"
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I know what he wanted.
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"Hey!" He stopped running long enough to wait beside me and catch his breath.
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"Sorry." He swallowed air. "I didn't want to miss you."
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"You thought I would run away?"
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"No," he defended, glancing at my leg brace. "But how could you..."
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"That was a joke, Roy."
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"Oh, hehihiheha." He couldn’t even laugh correctly. "I wanted to ask; when can we study the Chant together?"
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I shrugged. "When do you want to study?"
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"I don't know."
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"How about next week?"
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"Next week?"
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"Our lessons only just started. By then, we'll have more assignments to work on together."
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"Hmmm. That makes sense. I hope I don't fall behind too much before then."
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"You're going to be fine, Roy."
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"If you say so."
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"Now, it's bath time."
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He blushed after catching his bruth then twiddled his thumbs. "But boys and girls aren't supposed to bathe together."
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"I mean by myself, Roy."
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"Oh."
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"Noone’s this dense," I muttered under my breath.
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"Well, I'll see you tomorrow. " He waved goodbye, and I was already five steps away.
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"Brr."
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To be perfectly honest, I never thought about boys in a romantic sense before setting foot in Cinderfall. Of nearly a dozen siblings, I had two elder brothers and three younger. I thought of them as kindred spirits; their gender did not play into our relationship which I will always hold dear. These days, it feels as if boys are from a different realm. Their race requires study, and it gets more difficult as they get older. Or is it me getting older that makes it difficult?
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As I dipped my toes in the hot spring, I felt ready to sink all of my sexual frustrations. The cavern, dim and unspoiled, would have had me slumbering in mere minutes. My leg didn’t ache like it did before. An evening dip in the pool caressed my entire body with a purifying relief, inch by inch. The relaxation rose so pure I nearly forgot Melisande's bosom floating above the water with extreme buoyancy.
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Melisande Delarose was a trickster fairy in a young girl’s body. When gods come down and make love children with mortals, Elise is what I imagined: seemingly perfect, but something was off. Her autumnal hair burned in subtle darks that mirrored her personality. But her self-confidence surpassed her looks. There was no pride just pragmatism. You could tell just by talking to her how little she cared and how little she pretended not to care. I wanted to be like her bu wanted to stay me. We didn’t mold perfectly, and I liked it that way. Her virtues skipped alongside her vices because both came from a view of the world as it was.
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"How long have you had a crush on that boy?" she asked.
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"Since I—" My eyes popped wide open, and I noted her sly smile. Oh, no. I sank to my shoulders. "Was it obvious?"
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"Perhaps, tsk. As a matter of fact, you looked like you needed a jug of water when you ogled him. Beware the sin of thirst, Lux. Read the scripture once in a while."
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"Brrr."
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"Don’t worry; your horribly kept secret is safe with me."
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I rose out of the water. "It's not like there's any point in telling anyone.”
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"Oh, ho, you think you stand no chance with him?"
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"There’s a greater chance of becoming empress."
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"Why? Because of your leg?"
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"Maybe. There are many reasons."
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"Are you afraid?"
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"Not the right word. Nervous? Apprehensive? Unsure? Too tired to think about it?"
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"Take it from me, Lux; where boys tend to look, you're not exactly impaired."
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I blushed a little, looking down. "Still..."
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"You saw how they flocked to you. 'Help, I don't want to fall!' Worked like a charm, you sly succ. And I know the strength of a charm."
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I responded with bravado and sarcasm. "Hehe ye, my plan worked... ye ye ye."
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"Boys always fly after the damsel, in case you didn’t know. You have the entire act nailed down, I would say. Just carry on, and there will be more. After all, it’s not like their thinking with their heads… Not the top one anyway."
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I didn’t understand her. "But I'm not trying to be a damsel, Ms. Delarose. I don't want anyone to feel pity for me. I worked hard to get here! I left my brothers and sisters to make something of myself."
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"I'm not saying you are a damsel, Lux. I'm simply saying, the boys will see it because they want to see it. And it's your portal to finding the one you like. In this case..."
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"Hmmm." Warren did come to help me, and then he... I got lost in thought again, and my hands got lost somewhere else.
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"Hey, I'm still here. Don’t do that until I leave."
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"What?"
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