It was a cool, undecided storm creeping from behind the mountains of Bloomfield. Trees whistled with the wind, swaying wildly sideways. Winter had fully arrived and snowflakes breezed along the wind, slowly whitening the car roofs parked down in the parking lot. 381Please respect copyright.PENANAx34dDZxKjR
Nature was truly magical, I thought to myself as I stared out of my hospital room window, wondering about the people who'd come and leave as the day grew. I had seen snow before but only because Shikana's mom took us to go skiing. That ended really badly, at least for Shikana. A broken wrist and a loose tooth, quite the image that couldn't possibly sit well by a cheerleader. 381Please respect copyright.PENANAO0EEHmBA3v
There was so much unfinished business between us now. I knew at some point or as soon as her familiar two-three count knock landed on the door, it was probably time.381Please respect copyright.PENANAzQrnL1YkTx
"Come inside." I told her and the door immediately went open, revealing my friend's familiar face. Her presence still surreal to me.381Please respect copyright.PENANAeSDLeEZVQh
"Hey, how're you doing?" She said. 381Please respect copyright.PENANAUjC1ClvRZz
"This is so weird." I said as my memory found the first time visiting the hospital as an official patient at Grass Hill Medicare. "It feels the same as..."381Please respect copyright.PENANAUrwLXHtrO6
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to awaken stuff, I'll just go."381Please respect copyright.PENANAAogia9f4BU
"No Shikana, wait! We need to talk about it. How this, between us...I don't know."381Please respect copyright.PENANA2LOQouvgiz
Shikana walked to the farthest corner, where Graeme was seated in the dark the night before and took the chair. I followed her movements and made myself comfortable on the bed in which I'd spend the night with Graeme. Seems like Graeme was constantly on my mind...was I in love? Would I know if I was? How would I know?381Please respect copyright.PENANAZOyUaZVdU7
"So..." Shikana brought me back to reality, "where do we start?"381Please respect copyright.PENANALrsVJHtBs4
"I think Grass Hills..." Shikana stiffened, "if you want to."381Please respect copyright.PENANAZUXsQmB0Ty
She sighed, "I guess we never got to talk about things...between your parents and mine, keeping us away from each other like they did...I'm sorry Kaye." She began to sob. 381Please respect copyright.PENANAyfQIbdvQOY
I was so uncomfortable, sitting there not knowing what to do. Back when we were fifteen and crushes brought heartache and rejection, I knew I had to wrap my arms around her and be the comfort she needed -things were different now. Who knew that only two years later, things would be so unknown, so difficult and tense. Tears would flow from rivers of betrayal and vice, pain and moments that can never be restored again -always there; a reminder of the worst occurrence in one's teen life. It was how I felt every time I looked over at Shikana and I wondered if she felt the same about me too. It wasn't just a one way tragedy, two families were scarred and changed forever.381Please respect copyright.PENANAzNRC4ogQsn
"What happened doesn't define the two of us and it shouldn't regarding our friendship." I said, knowing it to be true yet unsure whether I meant it so soon after her arrival.381Please respect copyright.PENANAMM9s7x41k9
"What Gary did to you..."381Please respect copyright.PENANAgVgcLA0GI0
" -Shikana stop. Look, nobody in Bloomfield knows so it's really a secret between our parents, us, Wiley and Jae. There's no need for anyone else knowing about it, I'd prefer it that way."381Please respect copyright.PENANATbejD0S2Cz
Shikana's eyes widened, "Jae Starling knows?"381Please respect copyright.PENANAKhsqYw76mV
"Yes, he does and I'm not sure if he knows how I families separated but he definitely knows about what happened to me. I'm alright with that because I trust him fully." I said not once contemplating but believing those words to be true. 381Please respect copyright.PENANA6Dc5EYlxOU
I was beginning to actually trust someone again, how oblivious to not knowing it would be Jae Starling. Why not my mother or Wiley? 381Please respect copyright.PENANAgQsdBeuA29
"It wasn't your fault, Kaye and if you trust Jae I'd try going easy on the poor guy." That was something I found quite odd -her saying those words. She reached for the inside jacket pocket, her sleeve rolled up slightly and there was no mistake that Shikana had cuts of her wrist, "Gary is to blame for all of this -us having to live this life now." Tears began to surfer again but Shikana had proved herself to be a master of disguise -and quickly rid her eyes from them. "I'm really sorry for what he did to you -for changing all our lives." My eyes were only fixed on her sleeves, hoping she'd give me a view once more, wanting to be really sure that they weren't failing me.381Please respect copyright.PENANA7xe5PZeNzJ
She lifted her arm, this time neatening her long, bushy, frizz ponytail -and I could see no more than I did the first time.381Please respect copyright.PENANAiAQW4jgYqG
Should I say something? Is she hurting herself? 381Please respect copyright.PENANA06eoBk6yvC
My mind raced, contemplating on whether I should call her out on it. "I don't ever want to hear you apologising on his behalf. You did nothing wrong and if not for you, I would've probably killed myself. Me feeling that way in that moment wasn't truly me -it was just the thought of loosing myself and everything inside of me that made me want...think that it was a way out but it's not." Our eyes were challenging each other, I wondered if she knew I knew.381Please respect copyright.PENANAqUfbYhabr0
"I've never talked about it like I am doing now. Shut me up if you're uncomfortable about it, he's still your dad."381Please respect copyright.PENANAOdSaRO5yT0
Shikana looked up at me than made her way to the window, "He's not my dad and I want to be there for you, Kaye. It's what I've wanted to do ever since the day I found you."381Please respect copyright.PENANAh5TUGk1DBY
"I always imagined my first time to be in highschool with the guy that'll be my husband someday. My eleven year old self was the last person to have such pure and innocent fairytale thoughts. I remembered it that day when they pinned me down and kept on telling me filthy things that turned them on. 381Please respect copyright.PENANAJKek1g1D7t
My dad was my hero but these days I don't even care if I see him or not. It's not that I'm afraid of him but I've always left he was never there for me like he was for Wiley. I was the perfect daughter to portray to all of the family friends. Pretty face, good and proper manners, obedient, responsible, good academic and athletic achievements -all of those things he never cared to acknowledge without having to flaunt them. Some part of me blamed him, inviting them into our home, leaving for an urgent technicality at his job." My tears began to flow.381Please respect copyright.PENANAc84IvfJsKS
"When I sit with him around a dinner table, I think -did you really not know your drunk, perverted friends could attack your baby girl? Did you not hear me say I don't ever want to be left alone with any of your friends? Can you not think to not leave without seeing them off to their own fucking homes?" 381Please respect copyright.PENANAVLPOdxzP0F
I couldn't help but cry. It was the first time Shikana and I had ever spoken long enough to talk about things. It was the first time my chest could unload the burden that I tried to force to come out to Graeme. It wasn't about being done with the burdens life had enforced on me -it was the lessons of overcoming them that lied within.381Please respect copyright.PENANAZL16ylO3V3
Even though my estranged friendship with Shikana was believed dead and gone, life had showed me differently. 381Please respect copyright.PENANA9ax6mhjrU6
Before I knew Shikana was on the bed next to me, enfolding her arms around me, bringing the comfort that I once rendered from her at fifteen. It felt good to have someone and I immediately decided that I would be there for her too. 381Please respect copyright.PENANAyAEuEuL3aB
"He loves you." Shikana said holding me at arm's distance. "He is nothing like them -he almost killed them when he found out Kaye and that was not because he felt he needed to put on a show. A grown man was broken in a million pieces -I saw the rage, betrayal and distraught when I told him what happened at the hospital. You have a great father, Kaye. His love for you is unconditional, so fix what can be fixed. We're not all lucky to have scored the good ones."381Please respect copyright.PENANAhVQc8Qfzqr
"I'm sorry, Shikana, for being so..."381Please respect copyright.PENANAQLMdtGEDIX
"-you don't have to. Can we move on from here? Don't want to be late for my first day."381Please respect copyright.PENANAqhfPwaxas8
I stared at her than threw my hands over my face, "Oh god, the Bloomfield Post goes out today. I'm sorry I won't be there to protect you from Quiet Kath's worker bee's. That's Joey's girlfriend and the two cheerleaders from yesterday. Kath comes off as sweet and innocent but she's the root of all gossip -remember that."381Please respect copyright.PENANA0k6umIUMNl
"So you're giving me newbie tips, does this mean..."381Please respect copyright.PENANALnXvUna2dv
"Homemade pizza and blueberry muffins at my house after school." I smiled, knowing it was the perfect form of girl time for her.381Please respect copyright.PENANA8t3Voe2ey5
"I did not hear ice cream and movies." She said in all seriousness.381Please respect copyright.PENANAkYzvYpqBiO
"It's literally snowing outside." We laughed.381Please respect copyright.PENANA1by24tInUz
"I still want ice cream."381Please respect copyright.PENANA2zAqPdsjNf
It was moments like this I'd missed in my lonesomeness before, even though I hadn't known it at the time. Some part of me felt connected again, alive and ready to continue on the path of healing. It felt liberating.381Please respect copyright.PENANA6T0PReUOZk
The morning after Shikana left, Miss Laney came for observation, taking my blood pressure and heart rate. There were thousands of things on my mind and I hardly heard her speak. I thought of Graeme and how much he resembled her, than Barry who'd stopped by the night before. 381Please respect copyright.PENANAEkxdMAYZtC
"...should be fine." Was the last thing I heard before Ms Laney beamed her usual million dollar smile. 381Please respect copyright.PENANAcgApZtB8XH
"I'm sorry...what was that?" I blushed.381Please respect copyright.PENANAZRWh3IsErT
"Are you okay, Kaye? For a seventeen year old you seem quite dazed -not the typically mice nest dazed."381Please respect copyright.PENANA9NxPKOId1u
I sat up straight, fondling with the blanket I'd slept under, "Last night a man came into my room but he only stood in the doorway than he left again."381Please respect copyright.PENANAxfr55a92XZ
"I'm sorry...that's probably Curtis, he's the night guard he usually goes around opening doors to check if the patient's aren't being disturbed."381Please respect copyright.PENANAe4AtzvDBIa
I tried to rationalise last night, perhaps it was Curtis who sounded and looked a lot like Barry. "Oh...I see. I'm good to go than?"381Please respect copyright.PENANA2XqnhBWnuH
"Absolutely. Here's your medication -this is for stress one two times a day and this one is regular pain killers -only drink it when the headaches return. All must be taken after meals."381Please respect copyright.PENANAvGSsFWMRq5
"Thank you." I said and found a glimpse of the clock on the wall -it was only nine thirty, an hour since school started.381Please respect copyright.PENANAmyyZMOY1Hr
"You have an entire day to yourself -doctor's permission." She handed me a letter claiming I'm unfit for school until well...seeing that on Thursday school ended -Monday.381Please respect copyright.PENANAE75eDC9hbA
"I must admit this is pretty awesome."381Please respect copyright.PENANAjPEA7ygmQN
"Look outside," She said and titled her head to the window, "I think you'll love the surprise."381Please respect copyright.PENANAR0TvIvZm8N
I walked to the window and what awaited me down in the parking lot was something I didn't expect.381Please respect copyright.PENANAzcosAem0G6
To be continued...381Please respect copyright.PENANAfANJmw4hcR
Downstairs, amongst the many white roofs, Jae Starling stood beside a car, beaming and waving for me to come down. I blushed when I turned to the sight of Ms Laney sharing the same enthusiasm as Jae.381Please respect copyright.PENANAs4jD47p22o
381Please respect copyright.PENANAAfRlpiPk8d
"Go on, don't want to keep him waiting now do you?"381Please respect copyright.PENANARsk5rbDjWX
"No, probably not." I said unsure what was going on, Graeme clinging in the back of my head.381Please respect copyright.PENANAzqZ7SgoIKv
"Is everything okay?" She stepped forth.381Please respect copyright.PENANA75THCUBSjA
This was an opportunity I couldn't pass up, knowing that my doctor would contain doctor and patient confidentiality. "On the clock..." I started and earned a nodding approval of Ms Laney, "I'm not sure what to do. If I should go with him or not."381Please respect copyright.PENANA1ofisYYqgQ
"Why? Did he do something that made you uncomfortable?"381Please respect copyright.PENANABoWWixO1oA
"No not at all!" I instantly said. "It's just that he's my brother's best friend and everything is just so...right between us. Were just synchronize with each other. There's growing some real feelings there and I know that I need to break away from him because I'm in love with someone...I don't know my head is driving me insane."381Please respect copyright.PENANAQXbITIK0QF
"At the end of the day, you have to look at who makes you the happiest. Which one of them deserves to know all of you. I know this situation can be overwhelming but before you end up hurting everyone, including yourself -you have to deal with this. The right way."381Please respect copyright.PENANAu1dn5nXCmo
"That's just the thing. Jae has been there whenever I need him, especially when I need someone -he's there. The feelings he gives me is completely different from the ones I have for this other guy. It's just, since yesterday Jae doesn't quite stand a chance but I don't know if I could trust my deeper emotions to discard him if we're to be alone. Jae knows I'm seeing someone else and he respects that somehow...what he doesn't know is how I truly feel about him."381Please respect copyright.PENANAaA2hUNPa02
"Tell him than and see what happens. Whatever you do, you have to be open and honest otherwise you'll end up with a huge mess. I know how Bloomfield Gym was back in the day, if it's still the same...it's best to deal with your situation then have someone else find out about it and paint you someone you're not."381Please respect copyright.PENANAwgioCGTVgy
I smiled slightly, "It's still the same." We both chuckled and I took Ms Laney's hand into mine. "Thank you. I can't really talk to anyone about this stuff. I really appreciate this."381Please respect copyright.PENANAnJhjyV1vVa
"Look, I understand completely." Ms Laney said reassuring. There was something about her that made me feel the comfort I had once shared with Shikana. 381Please respect copyright.PENANAJEa1KTj3Yp
"I best go." I stood up heading for the door, contemplating whether to inquire about Graeme and decided against it.381Please respect copyright.PENANAWXRa3kCjw6
When I stepped outside, light snowflakes confiscated from the white sky. It was magical and I couldn't help but stare in admiration as I slowly made my way over to Jae.381Please respect copyright.PENANAOXEHN7i2hV
When I realized how odd I must have looked, I found Jae staring at me like he'd seen me for the first time. My stomach made a knot and I knew if I wouldn't end it right away, my heart might betray Graeme's trust. I couldn't do that to him but neither could I seem to keep myself from outing those words. 381Please respect copyright.PENANAuNTuSQPogd
-We can't keep on doing this anymore. Whatever this is, is over. Goodbye Jae.381Please respect copyright.PENANAlP86osgGoL
He put his arm around my waist and pulled me into a hug, "I admire you." His whisp brushed against my ear.381Please respect copyright.PENANAnubDfD2tF6
I couldn't respond, the feeling of guilt rushing through my body. I couldn't out anything I planned on saying just seconds before. 381Please respect copyright.PENANAeLG3DKOhWO
"I can't do this to Graeme. He's been nothing but good to me, Jae." I finally tried to reject.381Please respect copyright.PENANAuY5BxtY1ew
"I know but I also know that he's in the hospital and it must be driving you insane. I'm here because Wiley has already gone ahead and since I was turning late, I'm supposed to get you."381Please respect copyright.PENANAPSRda8WYFs
"Where are we going?"381Please respect copyright.PENANA0kmpdPIr72
"Our parents decided last minute that we should come down to Melville, we have a place out there. They're already waiting for us."381Please respect copyright.PENANATdWRNOu5Ga
I was a bit taken aback by what Jae said, "Your mom's here?" I asked perhaps too surprised.381Please respect copyright.PENANAR8J7d1wGdo
"Yeah..." Jae shrugged awkwardly, "well, lets go or we're already running late and I don't want us getting stuck in a snowstorm or anything."381Please respect copyright.PENANAZKI0O8QnXE
That's when the magical flakes of snow became less attractive, I was definitely not looking to freeze to death. Once both Jae and I were in the car, I placed the sailboat on the dashboard and mindlessly placed my hand on his thigh.381Please respect copyright.PENANAkoUjUSAJEo
"You want to talk about it?"381Please respect copyright.PENANAvQim0BsyE7
Jae's eyes were fixed on mine and I couldn't quite tell what they were trying to say, "Look in the backseat." He suddenly said through a raspy tone.381Please respect copyright.PENANAhmQ8YwB2Fd
There laid Bloomfield Post which I haven't given any thought whatsoever. Instead of taking it and flipping until I see my article, I continued to sit and stare at it like it would magically disappear or something. Jae was so thoughtful but I wasn't sure if I wanted to read it after all.381Please respect copyright.PENANA4Dnv2yZi2f
"Jane said Ms Donahue is thinking about giving the column a go. It's really good, Kaye. It was all everyone was talking about today."381Please respect copyright.PENANAMX0oQssdpT
I took the paper, "What do you think about it's contents?" I suddenly asked, not quite sure whether I truly wanted to know if Jae thought myself responsible for Oakley's death. "I should've never kept shut, I know."381Please respect copyright.PENANApEE0RTgKiA
"Kaye," Jae titled slightly in his chair and stroked his hand over my hair, his touch felt... "it's not your fault. The bastard that did it to her is responsible for all of it and I'm sorry you had to go through all of that by yourself. You were only a kid just yourself and having to keep her secret must have really eaten you but you were a good friend. You never betrayed her trust and that alone should be liberating."381Please respect copyright.PENANAusCiCKpg9q
It should be but it's not...381Please respect copyright.PENANAYJfNwcO9bQ
"How did people respond?"381Please respect copyright.PENANAQa9Bc867MT
"Principal Johnson is quite satisfied by it, it seems like the Bloomfield Post never got that much recognition before. That's good news."381Please respect copyright.PENANA6OdaKtHYg0
"I can't believe I shared such a big part of myself with the entire student body. Hell, I didn't even participate in the program."381Please respect copyright.PENANANeg8XKIHvx
"Well change needs to visit Bloomfield Gym. You are apart of us." He turned back to the front and started up his engine.381Please respect copyright.PENANAaKs248bLTa
"So we're not going to talk about your mom?"381Please respect copyright.PENANA9z1QLgqSKN
The silence confirmed that we weren't. I reached for my beanie and pulled it over my head. 381Please respect copyright.PENANAbnYIi7mSyY
"I can't keep on sharing myself with someone that shares all of her with someone else. It's unfair."381Please respect copyright.PENANAndC1q52oWj
I said nothing although I know that all of me didn't belong to Graeme -I wanted it to but every time he touched or kiss me, I couldn't help but feel Gary and Peter all over me again. 381Please respect copyright.PENANA2cyOvjn4Nf
It made me wonder, would I feel the same way if Jae would kiss me? The feelings I rendered from him was so different and I was burning with desire to try. 381Please respect copyright.PENANAY6kad2j5lX
Did this make me a slut for having spend half the night with Graeme in my bed and wanting to kiss Jae the day after?381Please respect copyright.PENANAkkkiFHeJ0l
I wished I could just skip seventeen.
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