~past tense~
The guys start pre-drinking in the kitchen and I head off to my dorm to dress up for an evening in my own place. It's totally ridiculous but necessary.
I'm wearing a red dress. I know Jay likes me in red. It's strappy and it's short too. It's perfect for a dorm party. I match it with red lipstick and give my makeup a refresh. I get my curlers out and wave my hair and I'm happy. I've been sipping red wine since I started getting ready and I already feel just a touch tipsy.
"My love" Jay sighs face dropping in shock. I didn't hear him come in the room, I turn my music down a touch.
"Too much?" I ask him, looking down at my dress. He's speechless. He looks me up and down then removes the distance between us. He kisses my neck first as it's completely exposed, he moves my straps aside kissing my shoulders. I just melt at his touch.
"You look incredible" he says breathless.54Please respect copyright.PENANAM5FDf0517L
His lips moving down to my nipples. I sit back on the desk again, closing my eyes, wondering how his tongue can do that. Then there's a soft knock at the door.
"Two secs" I say slightly more hoarsely than I had hoped. He laughs and steps back from me hands in the air in protest as if to say ok I'll stop now. He moves his finger around the straps and pulls them back up over my chest. He rubs my shoulders delicately and sighs.
"You're beautiful I'll try not to be too possessive with you" he smiles and then lets me move past him to get my door.
"What we're you two doing in there" Rach says suggestively.54Please respect copyright.PENANAgnWMtYztuH
"Nice dress" she smiles.
"Hey I got us some alcohol for bloody Mary's" I say.54Please respect copyright.PENANA2haKgDBiUI
"And the ingredients" I add.
"Yuck aren't they like hot and weird" she says.
"Just how I like them" I say eyeing Jay.54Please respect copyright.PENANAuHjSj8ZoEG
He strokes my back, and we all head down the hall to the kitchen. Which I can hear is much busier.
"Everybody's already here" Rach says and I want to ask about Matty but I don't for obvious reasons.
She heads in first going over to Nate which doesn't surprise me, he's just her type. I sigh feeling unable to save her from her bad taste in guys. I see Justin and he smiles at my me shyly, next to him is Tom. Ross is sitting at the table with our lot including Ryan, Pippa, Stiffy, Brad and of course Matty. I clock him last and stare at him momentarily lost by how familiar he feels to be around.
I head over to the cooker I still haven't cleaned up from earlier. Jay helps me clean and I smile up at him.54Please respect copyright.PENANAmIssPGw2o2
"I miss the dishwasher" I tell him smiling.
"I'll do it it's all good" he replies smiling.
I know he's noticed Matty too and he's assessing how to be around me and whether to approach the elephant in the room. I set the precedent, I kiss him softly on his lips pushing his hair back away from his face. When I pull away he smiles and continues washing up. I get the stuff ready for the bloody Mary's. I add vodka, tomato juice, Tabasco, and the peppers and celery salt. When it's mixed I garnish it by spearing the olives in cocktail sticks and adding parsley. I like making the drinks because I can ignore everybody else.
Jay, finished washing up, comes over standing next to me.54Please respect copyright.PENANAz9ZS0HKCw5
"Ohh that looks awesome" he comments.
"Try it" I say laughing. I get him a glass and pour some. He sips it and then I feed him an olive. The whole time he gazes into my eyes. He licks my fingers lightly which tickles and makes me laugh.
"Hot" he says smiling.54Please respect copyright.PENANAZ1R1LdP3aV
"Delicious, it's the best Bloody Mary I've had" he says.
I pour him a glass and keep some of the olives for him. Then I put the pitcher on the table by our group. Placing olives next to it.
"Enjoy" I say as Ross smiles up at me.
"Its pretty spicey so if you're not into that kind of thing then it's not for you. I'm making pornstar martini's next" I add.
I saunter off and wash out the cocktail mixer.
"Rach" I call over to her.
I look over and she's already kissing Nate. I had hoped to intervene before it got that far.
" Nevermind" I sigh.
"I'll help" his voice makes me jump. I haven't heard it in what feels like ages. I glance at Jay and he is talking with Ross.I smile at him warmly and turn back around. See we can all be friend's around our ex's.
"Okay can you chop this passionfruit, I need slices like this" I tell Matty and look away from his haunting eyes.
His stare holds a million questions, his stare holds pure adoration and I need to hide from it.
"Is this okay?" He smiles.
"Great. I thought you would like the bloody Mary. If you don't have some now it will all be gone" I say.
"Then we can make up another lot" he says to me.
I smile at him.
"How are you taylor" he says as I'm mixing everything up.
"Settling in. Hows you" I reply. I will not say his name. I look at him briefly he's wearing a khaki shirt, it matches his eyes. He's got his black jeans on and as he looks up from what he's doing he gazes back at me and gets self conscious pushing his hair back.
"I'm okay. You look wonderful " he says briefly stuttering.
I smile.
"Thanks" I say and pour the drink into the pitcher.
"Matty you look well and happy" I say pouring my own glass and he places a slice of passionfruit on top. He looks into my eyes and I'm filled with our memories. Our past. And even though I love him, of course I do, I had been denying it and pushing it away. But I know that he is one of the loves of my life, one that has come and gone. I glance over at Jay and still feel my yearning for him, my need for his attention and affection. My love for him. 54Please respect copyright.PENANABiEaz6ufgK
"Matty can I help you make the next one" rach says interpreting the situation.
"Then we can all make some bloody Mary's after" I say to Matty.
I smile at her and head over to Jay. There is no room, I don't know how many people are in this kitchen but I'm sure we're at the limit. I perch on his knee with my drink and he wraps his arms around my waist.
"By the way I fully expect a dance tonight" I tell him.
"Anything" he smiles back.
"I missed you" he kisses my neck.
"I love you" I tell him
"Unconditionally" I add smiling sweetly at him.
54Please respect copyright.PENANAkHEeuyxILv