Dear Lina,
You remember the first day we met? The day I sneaked into the girls' dorm because of my idiot friend who thought it was the best way to go and confess to his crush?
And in the process, I did, kinda end up crashing into you even though I camouflaged myself PERFECTLY. Only to have you scream your lungs out like you'd seen a ghost! Hehe, that will never not be funny!(Let's ignore the part where I shrieked as well....)
Though, tbh, that wasn't the first time we'd met. I reckon you'd have recognized me in that attire.
Because every time I met you in the coffee shop, with my long bangs covering my face, oversized hoodie, and my stuttering tongue, every time I met you as Jake, who's just another part of me. I had never once had to "pretend" to be that "everyone's favourite", popular, and trendy Kyle I am, or at least I pretend to be at school.
It was an extraordinary thing tbh, people usually walk past me when I'm dressed as my nerd self and think I'm boring, but you, for once, were a change, a fresh change, and you, Lina, lit up a change in me as well.
For the past few days, actually more than a few days, weeks, my mind is flooded with this fleeting thought I've been wanting to tell you about. But every attempt had made me remind myself that "once a friend, always a friend," and it just haunts me. I was, I am a coward, Jake is, but Kyle? Not as much. I'd decided to write to you as Kyle, but I felt worse, as if it wasn't me, but someone else and I ended up being jealous? Of myself?(Sorry that sounds ridiculous)
But I'm sure now, that I want to tell you this as Jake, despite the outcome I hope we can still be friends.
I LIKE YOU LINA, no I LOVE YOU LINA.
I believe I've felt this way since the start but tried to hide it, out of desperation, but I think it was a failure but ig your denseness helped? Thought this is the first time I'd felt like this,
feeling as if my heart might pop out while just trying to exchange greetings,
Or feeling LAME, like a teenage girl in love despite being a guy, like in a cringe romance manga where I keep hearing Badumps every time our hands brush against each other.
Feeling as if wanted to make every guy who looked your way an enemy, wanting to hold your hand, spend time with you, not as your friend, but something more.
Even though I remember telling you how I could never imagine being in a relationship seeing how badly each one around me has ended and how as a kid, my parent's broken bond had given me a miserable childhood, I was traumatized.
The past me could NEVER, but this time,
I DIDN'T WANT THAT,
I WANTED IT TO CHANGE,
I, MYSELF WANTED TO CHANGE,
And after accepting what I truly felt, it was no doubt my admiration had for long changed to like, and that like has now turned into something more intense, LOVE.
I Love You.
I'm not sure how this comes off to you, but It's ok to say what you feel without any pressure. I will wait for your reply, no matter how long it takes.
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Lots of Love,
Jake.
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Pss:Kyle's my real name tho hehe.
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