When I started writing stories, they were about transgender children. The stories had a common theme. The child knew that he was different and this was a confusing time. The child wanted to understand his feelings. The child wanted to be helped. The child wanted to be loved and accepted. In my stories, this did not happen and it ended in conflict and trauma.
I started to write these stories as a way to review my childhood. I was born a boy and yet treated like a girl. I dressed like a girl and acted like a girl. I mostly had long hair which made me look like a girl. All this being said, I was happy. Some may say I was groomed to be “a sissy”. I do not think I was. I know that my mom loves me unconditionally. It was others that could not accept me or understand me. It was especially when my hair was cut short that it was a problem. I would be called a sissy, a freak, gay or other names. I had a few friends but most avoided me. The bottom line is that I knew I was different and I could not understand why people always judged me.
When I was 14, I decided that I wanted to be male and was not transgender or genderfluid. I still did not like short hair and liked baggy and colourful clothes, but I identified myself as a male. The important thing is that it was my decision and my parents supported it. This unconditional love is the best gift my parents ever could get me.
LGBt+ issues have become a political agenda lately. We had just had pride month. For some, this meant that they were trying to press their agenda in the media and acceptance. To be honest, I thought that it was a bit too much. I have seen some men in pride parades naked with some rainbow paint on. I saw money spent on a rainbow pedestrian crossing on roads while at the same time announcing cutbacks to help old people in need. There are examples where teachers say it is OK to identify yourself as transgender or even a cat or dragon. I have seen a youtube channel where a Dad felt transgender as a child and was not allowed to and now his child is transgender. Most of the channel's videos are about his child being transgender where he often “puts words” in the child's mouth. The child's main identity is being transgender. There are even videos on youtube where parents support children being drag children, even when it becomes sexualized.
On the other side, we have politicians and religions that tell us how LGBT rights are destroying society. There are signs that this will be a major issue in the 2024 US presidential campaign. False stories are going around that teachers inducting their students to be gay or transgender. There were even accusations that a hospital in the USA gave sex changes to 6-year-olds. We know that these are false stories, but the sad fact is that many do believe them. Would politicians like Donald Trump have the same views he has if his son was transgender or gay?
Let's leave politics and religion aside and look at society. Gender roles are very prominent in society. Men have always had more status and power and were allowed to do things that women could not do. Women were expected to be good mothers and submissive wives. Times have changed and that is good. In the world of business and politics, there is less discrimination than there was. There is still a long way to go, but we are slowly realizing as a human race that qualifications and personality mean more than our gender.
The fact is that some do think they were born in the wrong body. Even as an adult, this must be hard at times. A transgender like anyone else has to accept the feelings they have and have to love themselves. I remembered I asked myself over and over why was I so different. I thought there was something wrong with me. It was hard for me to love myself and it was as if I was hiding from society. How many transgenders go through the same.
Whatever your view of being transgender is, we must realize that transgender needs respect and understanding. We must understand that they have made a decision and have found a happy identity. What difference does it make if someone is transgender and yet is the kindest person that you would ever meet and would never hurt anyone? They respect non-transgender people and hope for happiness, why should we not do the same? The simple fact is what does it matter if someone who was born a man wears a dress or not? We need to see people for who they are and not how they look!
This being said, there is one thing that I do not agree with and that is transgenders in sports. For me, the person still has the body they were born with. A person that was born as a man and now identifies as a woman participates in female sports events, If I was politically correct, I would agree that she should be allowed to. If I thought of science, I would think that she may have other advantages and disadvantages because she still has a male body. This may seem not respectful, but we may also respect there is a physical difference between males and females.
Now some children have questions about their gender. Some could be transgender, or genderfluid… there are over 80 different identifications for gender. In some schools in Iceland, they do not distinguish between genders. Boys and girls are treated the same. They have the same activities, toys and clothes. Some schools in Sweden and Denmark do this. The idea is that we should not have to tell children what toys or clothes they should wear. They can find out themselves. This enables more creativity, fun and equality when social norms do not influence children's play and actions.
Some children do feel that they are transgender. In this case, children need unconditional love from their parents. Children need this love and acceptance. The last thing they need is to be judged. We have to remember that this is often not easy for the child. They have feelings that are different than society expects and it's a big step to be open about this. Sometimes trans children hide this side of themselves out of fear or shame. It takes courage to open up and tell others you feel you are transgender.
Unconditional love means we support our child and how our child feels. It does not mean we do our best to influence their decision. It means we open our ears and listen to what the child feels and gives them love and structure to accommodate this. It means the child knows that he or she is still loved and accepted.
A child needs professional guidance. A person that can listen to the child and help the child find an identity. A person that makes sure the child finds happiness and still loves himself or herself. A child must know that there is a place for society in this world once they have a good heart. Children often don’t get this help which means they have to deal with identity confusion by themselves. Families also need help as it changes the family dynamic. The family needs to learn that being transgender is not a person's main identity. In other words, being transgender should not define you, it should be a part of you.
There is a huge debate on if a child should have puberty blockers or a sex change. A sex change is illegal in many countries and I believe that a child is too young for this. Puberty blockers can solve many problems a child has when he or she enters puberty. It must be hard if you were born a boy and now identify yourself as a girl to suddenly get more masculine because of puberty. This is also where counselling comes in. A professional can see if the child is mature enough to understand what a puberty blocker does and the consequences it has in the future. Some children are more mature than adults.
I know several transgender people. The common story is that it was not an easy journey for them. While they now have accepted their identity, it has come at a big price. This can be from family, friends or society. I do not consider them transgender as such. When I see them, I see them for the man or woman they identify as.
The bottom line is let us keep religion and politics out of this debate and think of the person. A person should have the freedom and choice to decide sexuality preferences and gender. We cannot judge a person on gender, but on the qualities the person has as a human.
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