Joey Fordcopyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5a8p9xyaa8
October 11, 2016copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDmhcrFEOS
Week 7: Journal 2copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡFx0FCZjq3i
Today has not been a good day. At all.copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8sByC86Mi
I'm really, really pissed off at the whole world right now. And myself. So I'm not going to take too long. I need to lie down for a bit.copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4VBm821MQ
So first of all, you know how I said yesterday that I hope they don't make me come in on Sunday? Well, Mike dropped a bomb on me yesterday. I have to go in on Sunday. No real reason, they just "really need my help." I just can't freaking believe it. My next day-off isn't until next Tuesday. That means after today I won't get another night with Bunny until another week. AND I have to work with Ruth three days in a row. Life sucks so freaking hard.copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsoU70TqrX
I kept my word about getting all the laundry folded last night. That turned out to be a huge mistake, as I didn't go to sleep until close to two. And I was so bummed about having to go in on Sunday that I had a hard time going to sleep. I think I was still wide awake around four. Anyway, I slept past my alarm again. I only had about thirty minutes to get Bunny to school. Needless to say, I went into full panic mode.copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡJU6bvEODKB
It always takes around fifteen minutes to drive to Bunny's school, so I had to rush like there was no tomorrow. I quickly woke up Bunny and told her to get ready as fast as possible because we were running late. Then I skipped my shower and started getting ready faster than ever. By the time I was done, we had only about five minutes before we needed to take off, so I just threw some Pop-Tarts in the toaster for Bunny to eat in the car on the ride to school. copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZFRA10D3M
After the Pop-Tarts were done, I went to go check on Bunny and she still wasn't dressed and had not brushed her teeth. She had gotten distracted by all the drawings she had made at the Bloomfields yesterday. I flipped out and I started shouting at her and told her to "get her butt in gear." Yeah, I actually said that to her. I feel so freaking horrible right now.copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXeSRlTLMl
I didn't even put a bow in Bunny's hair, which I'm sure broke her heart. She almost never goes a day without wearing a bow. When she asked me, I just said very firmly said: "No, we need to go right now." The she started pleading me and I very forcefully told her to grab her backpack so that we could go. I was a completely different person this morning.copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvfPHLtvpe
By the time we were on the road, we were already five minutes late. So Bunny was about twenty minutes late to school. And I once again had to listen to Mr. Doherty's crap. If looks could kill, I wouldn't be writing this right now. He had just chewed me out for being late a week ago. There was no escaping his wrath now. copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7leMdOOdsR
Mr. Doherty told me to take Bunny to class and said we would have a "little talk" when I got back. I just completely lost myself at that moment. As soon as me and Bunny were away from everybody, I did something I completely regret. I went off on her. For about two minutes, I just yelled at her like a psychopath for holding us up. We were away from everybody, but I'm pretty sure people could hear me from down the hallway since I was so freaking loud. I said things to her that I just can't believe I said. I don't even want to write down the things I said. Basically, I made her feel guilty for making us late even though it was mainly my fault. I wasn't thinking at all, I was just so pissed off and stressed out that I was doing things without thinking. When I was done yelling, Bunny looked like she was about to cry. And I'm sure she did after I left.copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWOePGAIsm
And I just left her like that. Unlike the plate incident, I didn't immediately apologize to her. I just left. I didn't even give her a hug and a kiss. I'm such a terrible freaking father.copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bSj1z4v5t
And then I talked to Mr. Doherty. And this is where things got extra horrible. He chewed me out for like ten minutes. I totally saw that coming. But I really should just have kept my mouth shut. I should just have tuned him out and walked away when he was done. Instead, like an idiot, I told him how hard things can be for me being a single parent and working and going to school.copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdPXZ2MNfe
And then Mr. Doherty had the gall to say this: "If things are really that hard, then perhaps you should consider finding somewhere else for her to live. Maybe talk to some relatives or look into foster care."copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfbtu0a4IC
That's right, Mr. Doherty actually suggested I give my daughter up. I...don't even know what to say about that. I've heard a bunch of people insult my parenting in the past or have treated me like crap before, but this is easily one of the worst things I've ever heard anyone say to me. I try my hardest to be the best dad I can be and people are suggesting I give my daughter up. I really don't know what to say. I'm just...disgusted. Just absolutely disgusted.copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMOj6PTblZ
I didn't pay attention in either of my classes today. My mind was just circling with so many horrible thoughts. I felt all this anger and sadness towards the things Mr. Doherty said and all this guilt from the things I said to Bunny. I had half a mind to drive to her school and go give her the biggest hug I've ever given her and tell her I'm sorry. Honestly, that's what I should have done. I'm sure it would have made us both feel a whole lot better.copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5cu3bwPZM
I didn't mean what I said, Baby. I didn't mean to yell at you. Daddy loves you so much. He's trying to do his best. copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4E1f7vfhAY
I don't know what else to say. I'm just angry, sad, guilty, disgusted. Every freaking negative feeling ever. I try to do my best and the world just always takes huge dumps all over my face. I hate this freaking world. I hate it so much.copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1LIkSyd3T
At least today is my night with Bunny. At least I can make up for the way I treated her this morning. Hopefully.copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIYpc1AJRA
And no, I'm not doing anything school-related, house-related, or anything right now. I just need to lay down. I haven't felt this hurt, disgusted, and guilty in such a long freaking time. I don't know what else to say.copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWexcm3sDD
Update:copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxEcgZ4Od8
So, I didn't notice this until now, but I said earlier that I wasn't going to do anything school-related. But I did the journal. What the hell?copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqQHP3JqMA
Anyway, I just now put Bunny to bed. I don't know why, but I had this huge urge to add an update to the journal from earlier. It was just so depressing. All I'm going to say is right now I'm feeling a whole lot better and me and Bunny had a wonderful night. I'll go into detail about it tomorrow. Right now, I'm going to go ahead and knock out my sixth essay and then get some rest. I really need some rest. Let's just hope that tomorrow starts off a little better.copyright protection198ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ixePJASbe
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