Joey Fordcopyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡVg0xSJ38ba
November 9, 2016copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡtk40j4pwwf
Week 11: Journal 4copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJuUww1SPq
I was hoping I'd feel a little better when I woke up today. I don't. I feel a whole lot worse.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKGeizXlI9
I looked over my journal about the weekend and I noticed that I barely talked about Saturday. There's a reason why. I don't like thinking about last Saturday. Every time I think about Saturday, I just keep feeling worse and worse.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbtAcNECkb
I need to call the Wilkersons and ask if Bunny can see Leah again. But I don't want to. I can't. I don't want to hear whatever terrible thing they have to say to me. Which may or may not be true.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAUmuqSwjI
Am I a terrible father? I don't know. I tell myself over and over again that I'm trying my very best but I feel like it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I'm dad of the year. I'm only with my daughter twice a week. Am I really a dad to her?copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwtDKLdI6V
Yes, I work to provide for her. Yes, I give her hugs and kisses every single morning and when she gets out of school. But is that enough? No it isn't. I'm only with her twice a week. Or I guess three depending if they make me do the day shift on Saturday. And sometimes even less than two nights if they force me to come in on Sunday. I'm basically getting the same amount of time with her that a parent gets when they don't have custody of their children. Only being limited to a few days a week and not getting to raise them day by day. The Bloomfields are wonderful people, but they've been taking care of my daughter a lot more than me these past several weeks. My ex-babysitter was a lazy idiot, but even she was taking care of my daughter more than me. Am I really raising my own child?copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡSC7mdj9SWt
This is why I keep on looking forward to the summer. When I REFUSE to take any classes. I'll just work during either the night or day (whatever Mike is okay with) and get to be with my Bunny half the time. No classes to worry about, no having to wait for Bunny to get out of school. I can actually be a dad to my daughter. It'll be amazing.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3O4Yazp35I
I keep debating whether or not I should just give up on school so that I'll get to be with Bunny every single night. But that will depend on whether or not Mike is okay with giving me day shifts. And there's no guarantee that will happen. At the same time, I know going to school is the one way to ensure that my daughter has a better future. But what's the point when I don't even really know what I want to do with my own future?copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2efFZ0TI7
I'm a freaking mess. I don't freaking know what I'm doing with my life. I may be a dad, but I'm not even sure if I'm even that much of a dad. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Everything's a mess.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAKWWYg6Qc
I don't know if writing about fun Bunny moments will help me right now. Right now all I can think of is how I'm barely there for her. I guess there's no point in writing anything right now. I'm done.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡAU0FSbehej
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