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a tearful euphoria.
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Writer Megumi Akagane
  • G: General Audiences
  • PG: Parental Guidance Suggested
  • PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned
  • R: Restricted
162 Reads

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a tearful euphoria.
A - A - A
memoir two: lovesick insomniac.
Megumi Akagane
Oct 6, 2017
3 Mins Read
No Plagiarism!oF1yOxR5FAI8I8Un5kgyposted on PENANA

When first love ends, what do you do with everything?30Please respect copyright.PENANA2DEX2cRDIL
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As I packed my things into boxes, I felt part of me grow weary.copyright protection26PENANAD2qFAfdrlS

For three years, I had lived in the home I was in. It was a safe haven after my family's last home started to fall apart.30Please respect copyright.PENANAQaox5qailT
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Now, in those final weeks, it was a prison.copyright protection26PENANAPqXxzQpxm3

Memories kept me behind bars and nightmares chained me up against a wall, where no rest was to be found.copyright protection26PENANAi05IGGXT8i

I never dreamed of my happiness, only things that hurt.30Please respect copyright.PENANAb1a5nvB8uD
If I didn't have a nightmare, then I was in a daze, my mind unable to stop running and shut down.copyright protection26PENANALamMUzH2QY

One night, I had a nightmare dance in my head.copyright protection26PENANArGppdYfDwC

A boy with a gentle smile, a pure heart, and a soul of laughter had fallen in love with me.30Please respect copyright.PENANAvxgavinmW5
 He took my hand and grinned constantly. He wanted to hear all my stories and see all my artwork. He wanted to know the world inside of me and get so lost in it, he'd fall in love with me more and more every day.copyright protection26PENANAGODMxjsvdB

But, I was scared. I looked into his eyes and they reminded me of the one I was once with. In fact, he looked similar to him...yet I knew he was not him.copyright protection26PENANAOZLbMGKuIB

Though I was in wonder of the young man who seemed so good to be true, though he pledged his loyalty and love to me, all that rang inside my head were the words of a broken heart.30Please respect copyright.PENANA7MgwklWuEh
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"I don't want to fall in love."30Please respect copyright.PENANAnQiyWG3yPy
"I don't want to fall in love."30Please respect copyright.PENANAbl6rvBJSXF
"I don't want to fall in love."
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The one night before last, I dreamt I was locked away in a room covered in beautiful detail colored in golds, coppers, and bronze.30Please respect copyright.PENANAQKYWctyVlv
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I wore elegant gowns of white and my face was covered by a veil. My feet were barefoot and on my shoulders and ears hung diamonds and other fine stones. My nails were painted blood red and my long, wavy maroon hair was dressed with pearls.copyright protection26PENANApRiBXTkmYy

I sat on a pure white bed that was covered by a silk canopy. No one could see my figure within it but an opening between the sheets made me able to view the room outside of my bed.copyright protection26PENANAZDBC4O0aMT

Someone knocked on my door and a guard answered it.copyright protection26PENANA0le0crAxuZ

A kind and brave man had desired to see me, for he was in love with me.copyright protection26PENANA1TRkuOePbc

My skin grew cold and my heart raced. Though I was hidden away, I was scared. I wanted to disappear, to be forgotten.copyright protection26PENANAnaPYMUNN5A

Before my state could grow worse, the guard showed the man away, telling him that I couldn't fall in love.copyright protection26PENANAH5VW67nGFR

That I was too broken to handle the affections of another man.copyright protection26PENANAGHLx1glf5w

I had given my heart to the one I was once with. I wanted to marry him. All my work, all my sacrifice--it all fell away.30Please respect copyright.PENANABkA4zbRaI9
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Am I damaged goods now?30Please respect copyright.PENANApwOvD3xrl7
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My heart can't bear the thought to be loyal to another man. Not for a long time...I've become paranoid of my heart and its desires for romantic affection and attention.30Please respect copyright.PENANA4bS284wG0S
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Am I still in love?30Please respect copyright.PENANAcBcMFMXxWF
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I wonder what he is doing, I wonder if I will ever see him again, I wonder if he thinks about me.copyright protection26PENANALhJ82FBVYK

What do I do with my feelings?30Please respect copyright.PENANAGmcvSQyphT
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I can't decipher the enigma of emotions I feel towards him. I'm lost within a trivial labyrinth where there is no light to guide my wavering walk.copyright protection26PENANAyVvjSMwkgY

Am I worthy for someone in the future?30Please respect copyright.PENANAxm5ppdtVUt
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I made so many mistakes, I had so many promises, I had so many dreams. Now they're stabbing my heart every time I move.copyright protection26PENANAvGB5pG2oXI

How can I forget someone who saved my life?30Please respect copyright.PENANAO650TLNRiJ
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He made it better if it weren't for him, I don't know where I'd be now.30Please respect copyright.PENANAxZ6JuYz2oR
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I packed away of his letters and gifts, reminding myself that I would be able to rest soon.copyright protection26PENANAFSNgYcX0AV

I stuffed all my memories into boxes till I faced empty rooms covered in streaks and scars.30Please respect copyright.PENANAWVe1lEfOz9
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There was so much that was once there.30Please respect copyright.PENANAiogop99c0s
Now, it was packed away, not just in cardboard.copyright protection26PENANAy0F2BpFvC2

It was packed in my heart as well.30Please respect copyright.PENANAWxr2hV1RYq
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What do I do with everything I feel?30Please respect copyright.PENANAIUlXWGBbvb
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For now, I will keep it locked away till I'm ready to face it...whenever that may be.30Please respect copyright.PENANAkOzAdYJmbK
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