It was almost 10AM when I got in for work this morning, of course, it would never be complete without a dramatic entrance. Shirt left half-tucked in, hair tossed all over the place without any direction. I rolled in swaying my briefcase and sliding my leather shoes on the smooth tiled floor of the office. Eyes were all on me as I sashayed between the narrow halls before I got to my own desk.
Just another day at the GreaterThanBullet office. Orly, however, hasn't talked to me since I called him out in his fat suit fetish. Why am I being mean? Cause no one can hear me, okay? It's just you people who keep on invading the private grounds of my mind. I mean, do I really have to imagine some "Police line do not cross" being set up to keep you off my thoughts?
Oh, speaking of those lines, I actually just came from a -
"Finley! In my office, NOW!" we all heard a voice booming at the speakers set just outside the boss's room.
Oops. Trucker boss sounded real mad. Eyes were all on me once again as I tiptoed my way to his office. I found him fuming beneath on his hands where his chin rested. What a walrus.
"Mr. Jake Finley, can you please enlighten me as to why you came in at this time when you are expected to arrive at 8 in the morning?" He was able to ask me that in one breath, complete with phrasing and shit.
Now let me tell you something, take this as the golden rule of Lying 101. Go by this principle and you are sure of a healthy and stable relationship with the people around you. Live Your Lie.
Fucking live with it. It happened. It really did. A part of your history. Do not just spill out one lie spontaneously then forget it the next few seconds. Live Your Lie. How do you do this? Simple. Tell everyone the same lie. Everyone. Even your best of friends, the special people in your life, blood relatives. I know you would at least tell a close friend the truth but you have to resist it. You're on your own from here. You want to get out of the mess? Better stick with your story no matter what.
This gives you consistency. Use the same story on everyone until it's only you who knows the truth. This grants you a point of reference if ever someone tries to validate your made-up story. Since all your connections are given a template, their knowledge of your story will later on be taken as a true fact while everyone agrees with it even if no one actually saw what happened, or was a witness to your story.
Now the only problem left is you, yourself. Whatever you do, the story is not real and even if you keep telling yourself in your head that it did happen, what you know nothing of is going to expose you and your lies. It is pretty easy to tell when someone doesn't know anything of what they're talking about. So how do you convince yourself that it did happen? Easy. Use a true story as your lie.392Please respect copyright.PENANAosLUbl2YHr
Bullshit? No, now you might think I'm not making any sense here but here's my point, using a true story that happened to you as an excuse for your current situation gives you all the details that you will need to make the lie concrete. What you saw, what you were feeling at the moment, where it happened, everything that you would need as a front is set for you like a toolbox, you just have to pick the ones that is needed of you to share. Technically, your excuse DID happen, just not this day.
"Sir, you wouldn't believe what happened to me earlier..." It's the classic pretentious starter for the story which will in turn be outwitted by the recipient like this,
"Oh, I wouldn't, trust me I've heard every excuse," my boss quipped.
"...as I walked out on the streets just right outside the block I'm staying in, I've heard of a lot of stories about people getting mugged in my area but personally, I've never experienced one until now, there was this kid biking on the roadside, he was probably ordered by his parents to go to the drugstore to get them something when suddenly there was this really unassuming teenage kid wearing this jean jacket, knocked the kid down from his bike and just whooped his ass. It happened just a few feet away from me and I couldn't believe it..."
The state of my clothes helped propel my story. I watched my boss's facial expression, turn from serious to concerned.
"...Good heavens...is the kid alright?"
Score! I sat down on the ready chair just in front of my boss's table and continued my story.
"He is alright, if I didn't come in time, I don't know what could have happened to Billy, his name was Billy, I shouted at them and the mugger just lost it, he was flailing his arm with a knife at me and I didn't know what to do, I told him 'Calm down, it's okay, drop the knife, you don't need to do this, I can help you' but at that moment, I was really scared. My heart was pounding out of my chest...and I..I just..." I stopped for a moment to breathe in deeply. Concern was all over my boss's face.
Truth is, I woke up late. I downed a few drinks last night after having a bad day.
"...I just haven't felt so powerless and terrified for my life..." I whispered.
True Story. It really happened to me a year ago when I just transferred to this apartment. It was an isolated case though, I never had the same experience everyday in my stay at that area. Never told anyone of what happened, well, no one asked.
"I understand, Jake...if you need a break you should have just not gone to work at all, I'll understand, alright?" He sounded like a father. Ew.
This is how you do it, people. All I have to do now is repeat the facts to whoever...
"Jake... If you would need to talk to someone... I recently hired our new resident psychologist. Jake, this is Amy." He pointed behind me where the door is. When I turned I had my jaws dropped to the ground. It was the lady in purple!
"OH MY GOD, I WAS SO STALKING YOU LAST NIGHT UNTIL THE MORNING, I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU AND YOUR NICE BUTT!" I threw up all of my spit in the air.
Oh Shit.
ns 172.70.130.203da2