I, sometimes, don't feel like anyone. A strange thing for someone to feel about themselves. Allow me to explain because I understand the assumptions that go with the idea of "Someone". Think of yourself, better yet, the Self. The very Idea that you are an affirmative existence, something that takes up space in a reality of 3 physical dimensions and one temporal one. Got it? Yes, you exist, as a being that belongs to other groups of beings. You are a self, you, without knowing or trying very hard, have an identity that you are you and not someone else. Many people right now are probably thinking about simulated universe theory, the idea that the reality we know is a construct. Some find this thought disturbing, as they are not truly in control. I decide to ignore the idea in a way. More on that later. How about being someone? Not a Somebody Celebrity Leader Rockstar Artist Someone. Those things are...stupid? Is that okay to say? Stupid seems fitting. They are places within a greater whole, and require an idea of self/identity to be. I'm someone who may lack such a thing. I'm not special, just...stupid.
Think about it like this, you have heads and tails on a coin. You cannot be both heads and tails, it is a binary system that relies on the context of both super positions not existing at the same time. To be HEADS you cannot be TAILS. You can still be a coin though, that's cool. However, to be rid of such a binary, you must remove the coin, as it is the opposite of this position. Similarly, you can apply such a function to the idea of self. This principle can be rooted in a simple True/False function. I'm sure this is the root of my issue. When I pose the question I am me? The binary setting is False. However, if I were to posit the question I am? Then the binary breaks down, and the coin is removed. I think, therefore I am? This is also False, within my function.
I understand it may be confusing, though to me it is existence. To live in a state of no context, I have no direction, I am Void. Though something holds me within such a state, which brings me back to the idea of a simulated universe.
A simulation is something which tests a function. Everything within that system serves to the ends of that function, and therefore is vital to the completion of that system. If the reality which we find ourselves in requires us as a purpose of that function, then everything we are is apart of the greater system. However, we live in a system without the knowledge of its function, therefore are we in a system? Everything within a system effects everything else, whether it is aware of it or not. But we are aware of the parts of our system, or at least three physical dimensions and fourth temporal one. Which brings me back to my point. Why do I feel void in a system that requires me to function? Why, if it is needed, do I lack this solid idea of self? I've posited at it for a while, and the conclusion being that it is not a system, but a chaotic reality in which I am limited to the existence in which this self exists.
I am Ben, I have lived for 24 years until this point, the year by our construct is 2019 AD, Month of January. Where I exist on this planet known as Earth is a temperate river city in the United States. I am able to perceive and interact with three physical dimensions, and am beholden to the movement of the temporal dimension. I struggle to connect with the idea of self, because I have no context.
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