Jake Masters had become what he had always wanted to be and so did I. We just did it without each other. There were a thousand good reasons why it never happened between us. But just like when we were young, I tended to forget them when I was around him.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTUJiwrfUk 維尼
I had seen him on several magazine covers. Most of them were paparazzi tabloid shots with him and the rest of his band partying in LA or Europe. I had caught their Grammy performance, my husband chuckling about the lead singer’s odd choice of neon pants. I had said nothing but turned back to tossing a salad. I peeked back at the widescreen TV and spied him under the strobe light. Jake was understated, jeans and a white t-shirt. The same outfit he had been wearing the last time I saw him as I was leaving Nashville that final Sunday morning. 8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4QJ3jIOsw 維尼
New England autumn was ablaze in our hometown. I was visiting my parents and I braked at the crosswalk, my three year old son babbling in the backseat. Jake crossed the street, his coat collar pulled up to his ears. His sunglasses occupied half of his triangular face, long messy curls in the same style as they had been when we were in college. He gave a short, anonymous wave without looking at my car.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZpdcpgEDQ 維尼
White knuckles gripped the wheel, my brain shooting back to that time of my life. It was like when I heard the song that played the night we sat on the jetty watching the guests dance at a wedding across the water. We had shared a bottle of beer and I told him about my first heartbreak. We were twenty one years old and thought we were all grown up. In reality, we were only old enough to buy the beer ourselves and that was it.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCNszazovk 維尼
A car beeped behind me and I jolted, blinking down at my wedding ring. When I looked back up, Jake had hesitated on the sidewalk. He took off his glasses and met my eyes. He recognized me.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbeZeEVz4B 維尼
“Mama?” Steven chirped from his car seat. “Mama, we going?”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1OqVocft2 維尼
“Yes baby,” I breathed.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxmlmvuquG 維尼
Jake lifted a hand and gave me a real wave. I returned the gesture with a shaky smile and drove towards the grocery store. Pulling into a parking space, I tried to catch my breath. But all I could feel were his fingers tucking my hair behind my ear, the rainy morning sunlight spilling through his basement apartment window onto the bed, I’ve never seen you more beautiful than you are this morning.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡdC3R5zJPiQ 維尼
I got Steven out of the car and into a grocery cart. Numb and with a half-smile, I bought him a donut hole at the bakery to munch while I went through the motions. Avocado, banana, grape tomato, baby spinach. I marked off the produce section on my grocery list. Cheerios, coffee, whole wheat bread, frozen pizza. I couldn’t remember if I needed anything else. Waiting in the checkout line, I fumbled through my purse muttering to myself. What was I missing? My keys? My wallet was there thankfully.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡowWEpZvG6m 維尼
“Mama, something is wrong.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAcDyzzVQi 維尼
“What baby?” I asked breathlessly, unzipping the front pocket on my purse.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxrLNzk0VK 維尼
“Something is wrong with you.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡn72jdVopDW 維尼
“What’s wrong with me?”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BHOOJoqUA 維尼
“You let me eat two donuts,” Steven stated succinctly. He was sounding more like his accountant father every day. "You never let me eat two donuts.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1riVrNk8P 維尼
I sighed and looked up. He grinned and the knot in my gut melted away as it always did when I looked at him. "Well, I thought you were being especially good today.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pW8AUUJtG 維尼
“Isn’t it because you love me so much?” He gave me a baby smirk. I shook my head, seeing myself in the cheeky twinkle of his eye.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡHckNoywNDt 維尼
“Yes, I suppose.” I leaned my head in and bumped noses with him.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjrjtzTGdd 維尼
As I was signing the electronic signature while the teenage bagger was loading up my cart, Steven tugged on the corduroy sleeve of my jacket. 701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡti9S2Fq2IS
8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYifqpJpuI 維尼
“Just a second, Steven. Let mommy finish-“8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUvNehCF87 維尼
“Mama, why is that man looking at you?”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFL3VdN4P1 維尼
I glanced up at the glass window in front of us. Jake was leaning into the glass, biting his lower lip. He tapped the window with the tip of his finger and nodded at me.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqkbRIc76Z 維尼
“Mam? Your receipt,” the bored looking cashier with the bad acne insisted, holding out a fluttering sheet of numbers.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMm0n6VPq6 維尼
“Who is that?” Steven insisted. "He looks funny.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6chLQ9SMuF 維尼
I lifted a hand weakly and pushed the cart towards the exit. “An old friend of mommy’s, baby.” 8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡYP4jQfyR4G 維尼
There was no avoiding him. He was standing with his back to me as I pulled out of the automatic doors. His hands were shoved into the pockets of his leather jacket, glasses tucked in his breastpocket. His smile was the one you plastered on your face at a ten year class reunion. 8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MUhE0baTH 維尼
“Norah Miniver,” he stated boldly as I stopped next to him.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzYr2Ldg77 維尼
“It’s Fabrizio now.” I lifted my left hand and wiggled my wedding band without thinking. I inwardly cringed and hoped that hadn’t looked bitter.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKFODQFHvW 維尼
Jake’s expression didn’t change, his smile not reaching his spice brown eyes. “Oh yeah, I think my mom told me when you got married. Congratulations…on everything.” He motioned towards Steven.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxBqHbb4Iw 維尼
“You also.” I had gathered myself enough to glaze my voice with the same programmed politeness. “I saw you on TV a few months ago with the Grammys. You guys were great.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyjJT3owJR 維尼
“Thanks, we got another album coming out next year. Hoping for more than a nod at the awards.” He shrugged, rubbing the back of his head.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBn16Q2w9R 維尼
“Better be careful walking around without your celebrity disguise, you’ll get mobbed.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjG6wuyuj7 維尼
Jake shook his curly head. I remembered tangling my fingers in his hair that evening on his family’s boat with his head in my lap. We had been watching the Red Sox play on TV. They had lost.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4B296zinHF 維尼
“Around here?” His voice rocked me out of my reminiscence. “Nah, I’m just Reggie and Velma Masters’ eldest son. The one who didn’t take over my dad’s law firm and went the irresponsible route.” He chuckled with a shrug. “I suppose no matter how successful a musician you are, you’re still not considered a grown up. Not like you, at least.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡza2QFddCZc 維尼
He hadn’t meant it as an insult but I shrunk back a little, feeling matronly. In my faded jeans, sneakers and jacket from two years ago, I was thankful I had actually done my hair that morning. Visiting my parents while my husband was on a business trip, I was in perpetual weekend mom mode. And I looked it.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbDuvqYU1x 維尼
Jake sensed my hesitation and chuckled again. “You look great.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxO6l4kqMp 維尼
I gave a dismissing wave with a huff. “Sure.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CEC2YPJ7j 維尼
“No really.” He met my eyes, the corners of his lips falling a little. “You really do.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPMhLCCJJj 維尼
It was that first summer we were together. I was flying back for the fall semester the next day and we were saying goodbye in the parking lot of the marina. He was holding me to him, his palms warm at the small of my back. He exhaled heavily through his nose and pressed his forehead to mine.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPgRiKz6fB 維尼
“You need a haircut,” Steven stated simply, staring at Jake.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67KjDMAlsW 維尼
My mouth dropped open as Jake barked out a laugh. “What? My mom said the same thing!”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBikqlfdxQ 維尼
Steven smirked. “My mom would too.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqG79vcyiA 維尼
“And she’d be right.” Jake winked at him, then peered at the cart full of plastic bags. “Can I help you get these in the car?”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjWYFYcTD7 維尼
I shook my head. “No, no, don’t worry about it-“8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlh2UkcbeT 維尼
“C’mon, let me give you a hand. My mom would kill me if I didn’t insist.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSgwEqbnoX 維尼
I knew it wouldn’t hurt. It was an innocent offer, he was only being polite. I nodded my consent and he walked beside the cart as I pushed it towards my jeep. I cringed at how dusty it was from the drive up the week earlier. There was a stroller in the trunk, a few baby toys, even a pacifier that had never made it into the house even though Steven hadn’t used one in years. I blushed and pushed the stuff out of the way, feeling even more unglamorous.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡEepWLrZa6k 維尼
“Soccer mom, huh?” he joked, dropping a few bags into the vehicle.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCU75OFFMC 維尼
I gave a breathy laugh and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “Something like that.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uoRTq74Oi 維尼
As he lifted another bag, his jacket slid open. I caught sight of his shirt and laughed out loud. “You still have that t-shirt?”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOh9Xb0xIc 維尼
It was plain except for block letters that read ‘The Stringcheese Incident’. It was one of those obscure bands he loved. He had been wearing it the first time I had seen him since we had graduated high school. 8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbxUuoMXVS 維尼
Jake and I had gone all through school barely talking to each other. We didn’t become friends until we were well into our college years. Back in high school, I never would have thought I’d one day fall for Jake Masters. But I had.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLJiJQKwdw 維尼
“Hell yeah!” he exclaimed, pursing his lips after swearing and glancing at Steven as I lifted him out of the cart. “Sorry.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsSkCus2Pl 維尼
“Its fine.” I shook my head with a smile. "Do you remember what I said to you that night at Joe Foster’s fourth of July party?”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4c8CdaTwiY 維尼
“You asked me what happened to the Stringcheese, if they were ok.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuygdXiipb 維尼
I scrunched up my nose. “I was drunk and thought I was being cute.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡPaR0xSlXhX 維尼
“You were cute." He tightened his mouth after he said it. The words hung between us like specks of dust, suspended and present.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpqPqZhvru 維尼
“Mama, your shoe.” Steven tugged my collar. I hugged his little body to my side and glanced down. My laces had come undone on one of my Keds.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgO6pzVFTd 維尼
Before I could set Steven down and fix the problem, Jake knelt to the ground. I held my breath as he tied my shoe for me. Inexplicably, tears pricked the back of my eyes. I blinked them away, staring into the brisk November breeze as he stood back up. He didn’t meet my gaze.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgti1cfcpq 維尼
Marching towards the back seat, I strapped Steven into the car. I kissed his forehead, breathing in the scent of his black curls like a cure-all. I shut the door, rubbing my hands together as I turned towards Jake. He kicked an acorn towards the Jetta parked next to me and glanced up.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxgttcS8Cb 維尼
“You look happy, I’m glad,” he managed, his hands back in his pockets.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRxNzTfkJ1 維尼
“You do too. You got your dream. The band, the music, everything. You’re doing what you love." I smiled. “I’m proud of you.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxBX8lGd5j 維尼
“And you’re a good mom. I always knew you would be.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvr50zGgUq 維尼
There it was again, that knot in my throat. I wondered if he knew how many times I had imagined if things had happened differently. What if I hadn’t left Nashville that last Sunday morning when we were twenty-three but stayed. I could have found work in the city and he would have made it big. Someday we would have been married, maybe. But I had wanted something simple. I wanted to settle down at twenty four, not thirty four. I wondered if Jake would ever settle down. He was married to his guitar.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoAZR5cCz3 維尼
He took a step forward. His dark eyes were trained on mine like a target that he knew he would miss but wanted to try just to same. "Nine years after the fact and you’re still the only one I could ever imagine coming home to.”8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtDWiHsXR2 維尼
I broke the connection and glanced over at the backseat window. Steven was watching with his father’s green eyes. I had met Gregory Fabrizio, the kind and honest recent accountant graduate, not five months after I had left Nashville. I had said yes to his proposal here in my hometown by the ocean on Christmas Eve of that year. I had said yes to him. And I still meant it.8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqZKaOVOX7 維尼
“I wish you nothing but the best, Jake. You’re a good man.” 8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpJYLYafu2 維尼
I didn’t look in the rear view mirror as I drove away. 8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDXVeo3Gif 維尼
Jake and Norah's song on the jetty8964 copyright protection697ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8YleH1qBV 維尼
