Wiley and Alexa had seen each other the entire weekend, but it didn't mean there was less to see of Jae Starling.
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In fact, I had woken up to the grass machine roaring in my sound ears on Saturday. I hated that sound and as usual I expected to see my brother in the back yard -instead it was Jae Starling cutting our grass.401Please respect copyright.PENANAE2a1IQpRPW
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I couldn't scream at him from my bedroom window, it would only worsen my reputation; being the last thing I needed.
My phone alarmed me of a text. Alexa Drew's name and picture appeared at the top; I wasn't up for her at that precise moment. Than, I saw the time revealing it was already one o'clock in the afternoon. I was happy with my choice -to not yell at Jae.401Please respect copyright.PENANAlBZuLwFAaO
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The text stated.401Please respect copyright.PENANAPnWCUvasaT
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"Going to Heather Rory's party tonight. Pick you up at nine."
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It was like I had no say whether I wanted to go or not. Just than, my mom walked into my room. It was a humorous sight to see my mom dressed in aerobics clothes. I heard her music play and the instructor on the video guide her through the exercise. 401Please respect copyright.PENANAAz0oqF1LvD
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"I was just about to wake you. Who're you texting?" She asked curious.401Please respect copyright.PENANAvwxTWwSXTz
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"Alexa, she invited me to a party at Heather Rory's tonight."401Please respect copyright.PENANA3n9Jlfgv1s
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"Well that sounds like a lot of fun. It'll be your first party since we moved here." My mom pointed out. "Who's Alexa again?"401Please respect copyright.PENANAlit7sshB9l
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"Someone I met through Wiley. She came by yesterday while you were out." I said. "We hung out a little."401Please respect copyright.PENANAhyxBvwxpGd
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"Well, I'm glad to see your brother still looking out for you." She said, and dragged me to my bed and kept her hand over mine.401Please respect copyright.PENANAgMS2JIB9JW
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It was one of those cherished, mom and daughter moments but nothing was the same anymore. All I could render from her nowadays, was sympathy and apologies. I wanted neither of those things.401Please respect copyright.PENANAdWT3R8DI0z
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I wanted to not feel irritated and aggressive all the time. I only wanted to be left alone.401Please respect copyright.PENANADZHI7YhVHP
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"I'm fine, mom." I said. I already knew she was about to ask while trying to summon enough courage.401Please respect copyright.PENANAZYPQQL1J8G
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"Take a shower. You can't go around the house in pajamas in front of Jae."401Please respect copyright.PENANAL69n2IfNQP
I cared if Jae saw me in pajamas. They were like underwear to me but my mom hadn't notice it. I never walked out of my room without a nightgown, whenever I did. 401Please respect copyright.PENANAobEktLhKIt
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I thought about the party and it didn't seem like such a bad idea after all.401Please respect copyright.PENANARwfDJWladF
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I texted her back. "Sure, cool."401Please respect copyright.PENANABdvnoKv5Ka
That Saturday went by lazy. I ignored Carissa and Stacey, they would die if they knew I was going to a party with Alexa Drew without them being invited. When six o'clock rolled along, I must admit I was becoming nervous. I wondered how people would respond to me being there. How was I expected to dress?401Please respect copyright.PENANAiMrO1NwUBg
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The smallest things of teen life made me realize that I was still allowed to enjoy it. I had to be open to the new changes Bloomfield brought to my life. I dressed in plain cream skinny jeans and long, light brown leather boots. My high-low jacket serving the purpose of a cardigan, allowing everyone to see my belt matching my boots and my top akin to my jeans. I wanted to make a statement if ever people doubted my ability to dress nicely or perhaps I challenged myself to be open to difference.401Please respect copyright.PENANA4bnzyXZfCq
People had something to gossip about once they saw me arrive with Alexa, in the passenger seat of her Wrangler JL. I wondered what besides Alexa's beauty, made people want to be her friend so badly. They had such a misconception about her or perhaps I did.401Please respect copyright.PENANACI7zeqKXPn
"You want a beer?" She asked me. I did want one but my better nature pointed out that I was in a room full of drunk teenagers and anything could happen.401Please respect copyright.PENANAgiEoLWH9ks
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"Just a plain soda." I answered gradually. 401Please respect copyright.PENANACnyc6LOBYo
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Alexa didn't pressure me to have alcohol and when she returned, she gave me what I requested. Carissa and Stacey wouldn't have let it slide so easily, I knew it to be factual.401Please respect copyright.PENANAnJXxHSYYOH
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"I heard Jae's going to ask Heather to the dance." She said once we were outside where the music wasn't so loud. I didn't know why she told me this.401Please respect copyright.PENANAr1bmK64eN5
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"Who is Heather?" I asked and we laughed at the irony of me being at someone's party I didn't know in the slightest. "Honestly."401Please respect copyright.PENANABITHvYuW6S
Alexa gave me a tour at the notion, feeling it necessary for me to meet the rest of the high school it clan. I wasn't up to it but I continued to walk next to her. That night I met a lot of people, I could hardly remember their names. Alexa reminded me somewhat of myself, I learned that she was an only child and that her mother left her and her father when she was ten years old. She was now a international gymnastics coach somewhere in Europe or Asia or Australia. I felt sympathetic towards her but the thought of being able to travel the world made me admire her mom. 401Please respect copyright.PENANAE6AzcKsbZz
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I liked Alexa Drew, I can't remember us having a conversation about girly stuff. I don't recall ever meeting a girl my age, who made mature conversation and I could see why Wiley was so smitten by her.401Please respect copyright.PENANAP3mgPOV2fu
At the urgency of having to use the bathroom, Alexa left me alone with her friend Kath. Kath was a quiet girl, somewhat awkward. Her boyfriend Joey Durant, a friend of my brother's sneaked up on her and I was left the third wheel. I walked away, I think they barely noticed. I trailed along the Rory's garden until the music became vague. It was too dark ahead, I could hardly see in front of me, so I turned in my heels. 401Please respect copyright.PENANAo8ZqFy5qsH
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"I've never seen you at a party before." A voice crept from the dark.401Please respect copyright.PENANArIS1EjSeVH
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I spun around, heart beating fast in my chest. "Who's there?" I asked, trying to mask my fear.401Please respect copyright.PENANAwsfYbzUZjO
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"Relax." He spoke again and walked from behind a tree, slowly passing me.401Please respect copyright.PENANAXghiKuDsHf
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Jerk, I thought as the familiar scent of his body spray lingered by my nose and after, the clear scent of cannabis. My mind jolted to the janitor's closet and how his hot breath tickled on my ear. I wanted to be in his company for just a few seconds, I knew Graeme wasn't going to turn around if I wouldn't stop him.401Please respect copyright.PENANA3OE2MsEXxO
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So, I dared myself and said, "You got any of that left?"401Please respect copyright.PENANAOpZ3yZEPeF
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He stopped, and my stomach tossed at the thought that it had worked. He stood there motionless with his head turned to the side. 401Please respect copyright.PENANAg7DqeDgCUA
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"You don't smoke." He said and I felt embarrassed. He had figured me out and I assumed he thought I was a loose wannabe. 401Please respect copyright.PENANAnnxekExDBf
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"There's a first time for everything, right."401Please respect copyright.PENANA5sobbxSqZe
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I could see him smile. I had put it there.401Please respect copyright.PENANATzs3QsBWtu
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"You don't tell anybody, anything, that's the deal." He said and turned around.401Please respect copyright.PENANAH06BhkHKju
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He took my arm gently and lead me along the small dark space where the forest would meet us. Dark spaces once again with Graeme Yorkley; somehow he'd comfort that terror and I truly trusted him to keep me safe -how careless and naïve, I know. It was an instinct I couldn't help but follow, and it was right along. 401Please respect copyright.PENANAOBb2AlpjI3
That Saturday night at Heather Rory's party -which was the first I attended and surprisingly with Alexa Drew -was the first night I spend with Graeme Yorkley and Alexa had lied and said that I spend the night at hers. It was the first secret we had shared amongst each other and no one had confessed since.401Please respect copyright.PENANAMCwrZrSQ5G
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Graeme and I didn't do anything; he didn't touch me inappropriately, he didn't try to kiss me at all and we didn't share the one bed of his older brother's cabin. He respectably slept on the couch when I drifted off while we were smoking. He knew the grade would probably be too great for me to process, he had told me so before we started to smoke, but I had insisted nonetheless. I left the morning after while he was still asleep and ignored his text after -I was so embarrassed, now another reason added to why I didn't know how I would face him on Monday.401Please respect copyright.PENANAmeRAiRj60L
Sunday, early morning, I remembered mom's strict new rules in attending church at least once each month. I had promised her that I would attend on that particular Sunday. I was bound to flee home letting Alexa know at what time precisely, so our stories would be akin when interrogated by anyone.401Please respect copyright.PENANAfK2d9rFauR
I was so frustrated the next morning and I wished to do anything else rather than go to church. When I had ran a long distance enough and turned off Anchor Road to Magnum Avenue, I walked a long enough distance to depict the gas station that stretched in front of me. I was happy as my stomach was screaming for food and my mouth had a frank taste and I desperately needed breath mints.401Please respect copyright.PENANAs7UAqocNuy
Than before I could pass the clear road, a motorcycle's engine roamed and its tyres screeched around the sharp corner that lead off Anchor Road to Magnum Avenue. It was a muscle ride, I thought as the bike came to a halt in front of me, something I would have to beg my dad to get for me, I thought. All admiration turned to fear, immediately thinking of all the negative consequences on the motives of the strange man on the motorcycle. He turned the engine off than lifted his helmet off his head.401Please respect copyright.PENANAop67IJ8zqT
"Morning." he said to me, I was so shocked. Jae Starling, my brother's thick pal, saw me...caught me in the act of doing a somewhat walk of shame. 401Please respect copyright.PENANAkE3jTcsgdK
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Above all, Jae Starling drove a motorcycle, it was way too adventurous for the Jae I thought I knew. It was safe to say that Jae had since that day, become a mystery to me, one I wouldn't dare to pursue, not with Wiley in mind.401Please respect copyright.PENANAjAIiNf8jzw
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"Don't tell my brother." I immediately said upon the thought, completely withering away all sense of manners.401Please respect copyright.PENANAXTvx3tBNwe
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"Hey...it isn't any of my business but you shouldn't be out this early in the morning, it's still dark out." He said.401Please respect copyright.PENANAoyLfvoq5uf
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"I could say the exact same thing about you."401Please respect copyright.PENANARD8bKbxn5K
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"Well..." He shrugged and held another helmet for me to take. 401Please respect copyright.PENANAF8xjT385KK
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"You drive around town this early with two helmets?" I questioned.401Please respect copyright.PENANAlXrTIoaHjJ
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"You coming or not?" He asked.401Please respect copyright.PENANAMvWFYzdjQY
I knew I had crossed the line...there was a bond unknown between Jae and I. Questions shan't be asked, he had showed it through not inquiring about my whereabouts.401Please respect copyright.PENANAmQkbI3QReY
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"I was on my way to the gas station first, I'm hungry."401Please respect copyright.PENANAJHw0y5yBx6
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"Sure." He said and I accepted the helmet and got onto the back, fixing my arms around Jae Starling's waist.401Please respect copyright.PENANA9kGBYOncBR
We drove for about an half an hour - Jae Starling had taken me home -his home. All humanity I associated with Jae was gone, I had expected the worst of him. I felt anxious, pessimistic to go into the darkened house alone with Jae. I had known him only a month and although I had lost sensibility the previous night, driving away with Graeme into the forest to a hidden cabin, still made me concerned about Jae's motive. It wasn't him -it was all me, I wasn't capable of trust and love and all the small things inbetween.401Please respect copyright.PENANA4kIS17XmlJ
"I'll take you home when it's light out, how will you explain coming home at this hour. They'll know you were out all night."401Please respect copyright.PENANAX2taunWIYP
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It was true and I hadn't thought about it in the least, so, I texted Alexa again, letting her know I wasn't on my way home after all.401Please respect copyright.PENANAPuU0Ohz2RE
Jae lead me to the back of their home, I didn't mind the walk, it had come with a breathtaking view and the image fitted quite well of everyone's darling Jae Starling. The typical background of a boy who'd portray the role of the typical highschool popular guy. I preferred the bolder Jae Starling -the motorcycle guy, with an adventurous edge to him.401Please respect copyright.PENANAlkxuZzxfXQ
All of a sudden that image of him was replaced with the reality -Jae Starling was trying hard to keep his personal life, private. In that moment, I understood why he was always at our home instead of his own and I wondered if Wiley knew that:401Please respect copyright.PENANAlOlEoX4Nmh
Jae had two huge dogs that met us as soon as we entered the backdoor, barks echoing through the spacious house. Their kitchen was way more posh than ours, decor so elegantly picked, I was sure his mom wouldn't approve of me once she saw me. 401Please respect copyright.PENANAJEjFszONSK
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Jae switched the light on, giving the kitchen a homely feel but it hadn't overruled the ambiance of hollowness. I knew I wouldn't be able to ask anything, seeing it was how things were between us, even though I really wanted to know where his parents were.401Please respect copyright.PENANAEtvMYFMMsJ
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I didn't know why I did but instead said, "So, you're taking Heather Rory to the dance."401Please respect copyright.PENANAUe2mjj9DgE
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I could see him clench his jaw. "I know what happened to you." He said and I could hear my heart beat in my ears.401Please respect copyright.PENANAW1V6Td7HZI
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I didn't know whether to be angry at Wiley or cry because Jae knew my most personal, my most vulnerable secret. I went for the door, in need be anywhere else but there but Jae had quickly blocked the door.401Please respect copyright.PENANAR7R3wG56Jv
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"It's okay. I won't tell anyone..." He said and embraced his arms around me when I tried to get pass him.401Please respect copyright.PENANAGq3K2PmD3U
Being close to Jae Starling in that manner was different from what I had felt with Graeme Yorkley. Although Graeme gave me nothing to be hopeful for, I knew if ever he did, I would choose him any day -it was the feeling I had in my stomach that motivated it. Jae Starling was mature with dreams to travel around the world helping children -in that very moment as he held me tight against him -I realised that he was what I needed if ever I was ready to start dating but Graeme Yorkley, the bad seed, was what I really wanted for now.401Please respect copyright.PENANACkV53fF8PC
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"My mom's in a psych ward, she went through the same thing before she fell pregnant with me and after all these years, I didn't know."401Please respect copyright.PENANA9lcfGAsO1b
My heart thumbed in my chest. I hadn't expected a confession so forward and direct from him but I remembered the bolder Jae and it was exactly whom he was in that moment. 401Please respect copyright.PENANALTby6AhuQj
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"I'm sorry." I told him.401Please respect copyright.PENANAZARxX2O6Fr
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"I'm sorry for calling you a stone diva, sometimes immaturity occurs in even the biggest persons. I didn't know where you've been at, I'm sorry."401Please respect copyright.PENANAcXjMyRmtYp
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"It's okay." I simply said.401Please respect copyright.PENANAeLvEZfFmWk
I didn't know how to express myself in so many words as Jae did. I preferred to keep them to myself, it was just typical Kaye Burchart. I wanted to change, I needed to but I couldn't possibly begin to know how. So, I rested my head on Jae Starling's chest. His scent different from Graeme Yorkley's -something I had felt in my years before I reached twelve...comfort, peace, home. 401Please respect copyright.PENANAKyIABGbXmN
It terrified me.
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