~Demi's POV~copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡPILPVUmfXe
"Wait, if he's such a threat, why is he here?" Alena questions, and Kevin glares at her, silently commanding that she be quiet.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡJg3HQIy1id
I'll have to thank Kevin later for going along with everything, for not telling everyone that he knew about Bailey. Kevin is the only person that Nick told. Why? I have no idea.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRaUq8JJzw
"That's a good question," Bailey looks at me, arms crossed across her chest. "We're going to pretend like you're not here for sec," she says to Wilmer before returning her attention to me, a questioning eyebrow raised.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxBAnuinAT
"He's still Jordan's dad."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0F69EH27vd
"No, no, no, do not bring me into this," Jordan mutters.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3nLmWeNWD
"You're kind of involved by default," Bailey deadpans.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHFIuwC7uB
"I forfeit."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xdQDCme1Z
"This isn't baseball."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGWyUr8Euh
"Fine," Jordan heaves an irritated sigh, meeting her father's gaze. "Congratulations. You have officially ruined our relationship. Are you proud? Happy? Relieved?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjkevj6WIW
"Jordan-,"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡVH8X7aFDi0
"You don't deserve the right to be able to speak to me. You don't deserve the right to be here or in my life. Quite frankly, you don't deserve the right to be considered my dad."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJuv5LVjke
"How-,"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNDcKTaGu9
"How can I say that?" She bitterly laughs. "Well, let's review, shall we? When I was younger, innocence shielded me to some extent. Daddy shoved mommy? She's still smiling, and he apologized, so it's okay. Haven't seen daddy in a while? It's okay because he's just working. But then I grew up, and innocence wasn't there to protect me anymore. I learned the definition of words like 'domestic violence' and 'abuse' and 'alcoholism' and 'infidelity'. But what baffles me is that you always try to portray mom as the bad person, as the one at fault. I'm not saying that she's Jesus walking on water, but you never owned up to your own faults. You always degraded her and pointed out her mistakes and made her feel God only knows what level of negativity, yet you never so much as batted an eyelash. I just don't understand how the couple that everybody once awed over, the couple that was relationship goals for so many people, was everything but perfect. Was it all lies, or were you two actually in love at some point? Because, from what I've seen during my lifetime, if that's what love is, I don't ever want to feel it." Shaking her head, she rises to her feet and hurries upstairs.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡifxFPlUaJB
"Jordan!" Bailey calls, and I wince when a door is slammed moments later. "C'mon, Alena," Bailey practically drags the older girl up the stairs, mumbling something about having to make sure that Jordan's okay.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKIpx7Z6qB
Everybody is silent, shocked even. I force myself to meet Wilmer's gaze.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZ4GHNe6nf
"She has a point, y'know?" My voice is barely audible, yet I feel as if I'm screaming. "If you were to go back in time and tell my eighteen-year-old self that one day she will marry the older, Latino guy she has a massive crush on, maybe, just maybe, she'd believe you because that's how head-over-heels hard she was falling for him. If you were to go back in time and tell the same girl that the same guy - her best friend, the only one that she could trust with all of her secrets - will one day shove her to the ground, slap her, punch her, make her bleed, bruise her," I inhale sharply, knowing that I need to stop and try to remain emotionally in control. "...make her feel even more worthless than she does right in that moment, she'd curse you out and call you a lunatic. But that's exactly what you did, isn't it? I just....I don't understand where it all went wrong," I shield my face with my hands, urging myself not to cry, but then a thought occurs to me, and I uncover my face. "When exactly did you find the letters?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTGq2Jk2Bq
"Not long after Jordan was born," I nearly flinch at the lack of emotion in his tone.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkD2BpGXZr
"I thought....you made me feel as if it was my depression that was tearing our relationship apart."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1SkdubmbM
"Or were you making assumptions? You thought I'd never figure it out, didn't you?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡLViRVcmWMW
"So you made me feel as if I was crazy? You made me feel as if I was a worthless failure?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2a1QMjla0p
"I'm not the one who was in control of your feelings."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSXVBn5Y8z
"You didn't care?" He doesn't object. "That's funny because you sure seemed to care when I was lying in the bathtub with my wrists slit clean through, and our four-month old was screaming her head off," His jaw clenches, and I know that he remembers that day.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LmaIU0wmk
That day was awful, yet another one of my rock-bottom moments.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrtD8ox58B
"Jordan, please, stop crying," I pleaded with my four-month old, walking around my bedroom while bouncing her slightly against my hip.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbanJXi4zz
She hadn't stopped crying since she woke up that morning with flushed cheeks yet no fever. I was exhausted, burdened by the overwhelming fatigue that accompanied suffering from postpartum depression, and, to no surprise, Wilmer wasn't home. He hadn't come home last night. I was confused as to why he was acting weird towards me: barely talking to me, hardly helping me when I'm stressed with Jordan, not really caring how I'm feeling, disappearing for days at a time. It was driving me insane. Everything was driving me insane. I was having crazy severe mood swings again: getting pissed over the littlest of things, feeling guilty and shameful and worthless. Wilmer's hostility certainly wasn't helping. Add in the fact that I was having trouble bonding with my own daughter, and you could say that I was feeling as if I didn't deserve to be a mother.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfMTmQQ9po
"Baby, please, please, stop crying," Tears stung the corners of my eyes as I placed Jordan in her crib, only causing her to emit louder, heart-wrenching shrieks.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAOvoX0CwD
I felt as if I could pass out at any moment. I hadn't eaten anything or slept in three days, a result of a lost appetite and insomnia.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGPSV8UFeg
As Jordan continued to scream, I clutched fistfulls of my hair and tugged. Tears seared my cheeks. Choking back a sob, I scrambled to the bedside table and retrieved my phone. I quickly dialed Wilmer's number, praying that he'd answer.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPCeNNZKOb
He didn't.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoBgR1FFPu
"Fucking asshole!"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbr8YSiFKr
No, despite how much I wanted to, I didn't throw my phone against the wall like all of those cliche books and movies. Instead, with tears rushing down my face, I scooped up my baby-girl and kissed her forehead. To my surprise, she quieted down.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡKccgf5jsSb
"I'm sorry, baby-girl," I gently combed my fingers through her soft hair. "I'm sorry that I'm such a failure."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdinVtE2Fw
Heaving a sigh, I returned her to her crib and entered my bathroom. I splashed cold water on my now flushed, tear-stained cheeks in a futile attempt to wake myself up. I stared at my expression in the mirror. Water droplets glided down my face and clung to my chin before either catching air or continuing to trail down my neck. Prominent dark circles were under my eyes. I looked dead.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGhvF13RZf
"I can't do this," I cried, my legs giving out on me as I lowered myself to the tiled floor. "I'm the worst mother ever. I don't deserve to be a mom. My husband doesn't love me anymore. I'm worthless," I rambled to myself, subconsciously pinching and sometimes scratching at my skin.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbaoOiYaYo
I couldn't cope. Not well, anyways, not in a healthy way.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gGtfIi5lO
That's where I screwed up.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZu6u5jEQD
Without Wilmer there to support me like he usually did, I resorted to harming myself, an old coping mechanism.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wVhidqAnr
I easily managed to break one of my razors, retrieving the vital blades. I placed the blades on the sink counter, popped a handful of pills - mostly my prescribed anti-depressants - and removed my long-sleeve shirt and jeans before lying in the empty tub and proceeding to cut myself so much, so deeply, that I blacked out, woke up in a hospital room the next morning, and was told that I nearly succeeded in killing myself.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFVL3bhmNK
"Do you remember what you told me after I was released from the hospital?" He remains silent, but the fury in his eyes suggests that he remembers well, and he doesn't want me to bring it up. "Do I need to remind you?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcKZGDzLdT
"No."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8OyRGaJUJ
"Are you sure?" I raise an eyebrow. "I'm sure you wouldn't mind a refresher, right?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxkLwQUQCt
It was two days after I was released from the hospital after my "suicide attempt". I tried telling the doctors that I wasn't intentionally trying to kill myself, but I didn't think they believed me. I did, however, manage to convince them to not lock me up in some psych ward.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0uM8ZsYCL
"So, you're just up and leaving again?" I screamed at him. "Are you forgetting about why I was at the hospital in the first place?" He shushed me, and I rolled my eyes, not really caring at that moment if I woke up Jordan.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPHooj8261
"What do you expect me to do, Demi?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡXS7T3vTVd5
"Stay here. With me. With your daughter. Like a good husband and father is supposed to do."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmyzHr3XOr
He immediately became defensive, claiming that he was a good husband and a good father. I made it clear that I didn't agree with him.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfGVvrQM3I
"You shouldn't be gone for days at a time, Wilmer! You shouldn't leave me here with Jordan, knowing that I can't handle it right now. You-,"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVoZai0gml
"You're assuming that I can handle it? What if I can't, Demi?" He yelled, and I could hear Jordan's faint cries from upstairs.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMyKV5XFI0
"I'm not saying that-,"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBsdZCsaaq
"Then what are you saying? Honestly? Because, from where I'm standing, it seems like you're relying on me for everything. You're acting as if you can't fend for yourself or something."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jvY1OOPxo
"So, I'm useless?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡkI0w7asWBc
"Did I say that?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡnuf94sNZsT
"You might as well have."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiNvl5kI8c
"You can't keep going back to that stupid shit whenever times get a little tough, Demi! You can't go crazy every time you get a little stressed!"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡggcORmRSE0
I gaped at him, disbelief rendering me speechless.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡocNqxlsrdt
"So, I'm stupid? I'm the stupid, lunatic cutter that you married, right? I bet you regret marrying me now, huh?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUvvzj5sis
"Do you honestly want to know my answer?" He hissed, and I felt as if my blood froze in my veins.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIbymGF6Qc
How could he possibly say that? I knew that I was hard to love, but he stuck by me through so much, so what changed?copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBNll9CGBe
"You probably even wish that I had killed myself, don't you?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡvEkxZ1dcXF
"That's ridiculous."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvhcHCnp5U
"Is it?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡInmtK2xs2a
"Do you want me to agree with you?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kwRkqWiz5
"Do you want to?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CExOrl1mz
"If you had, maybe I wouldn't be stuck with such a lying, crazy excuse of a wife."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPWZ0IMp09
I swallowed the lump in throat. Breathing was a struggle. It hurt, as if my heart had been shattered and the broken shards were stabbing into me everytime I inhaled.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbgwEDi14I
"Demi," He gently grasped my wrist - his expression remorseful and apologetic - but I yanked my arm away and stepped back.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBAKAYw9wX
"Don't touch me," I commanded in a whisper. "Don't you dare fucking touch me. You wanted to leave, right? Please feel free to let the door hit you on the way out."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82tJfdUgdJ
"You basically called me useless and stupid. You basically called me crazy. You have called me crazy, knowing that that is the one insult that never fails to mess with my head. I spiraled so far downwards after that day, and you didn't even care. I was cutting and popping pills again, yet none of that ever mattered to you. Hell, I would have even started drinking again had it not been for Jordan. But eventually you came around, right? You miraculously started caring again," I smirk. "Only when the media started realizing that something was wrong with me. That's all you cared about at that point: maintaining your image. You knew that if the media caught on to our screwed-up marriage, not only would my fans want to skin you alive, but high up names in Hollywood would, too."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78aC6ShVM1
I allow myself to flicker my gaze around the room, almost forgetting that anybody else was here with us.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxAociDCXX
"Why are you crying?" I softly ask my mom.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡVoVlOflwAJ
"You never told us. We thought everything was fine. We-,"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZwdgtnLUY
"Don't beat yourself up over this. It's not your fault, mom," I pause, a thought causing my stomach to churn. "They say that girls are destined to marry their fathers, and that's exactly what I did," I mumble, referring to my birth father, Patrick. "You want me to apologize, yes?" I return my attention to Wilmer. "You want me to apologize for ruining our marriage and sleeping with Nick and God only knows what else, right? Because I haven't, you're trying to make my life a living Hell," He doesn't speak, doesn't try to defend himself. "If anything, I apologize for marrying you, but Nick has made me feel happiness and love, and that's something that you have failed to do for over a decade. You alerted the media about our divorce and about Bailey because you want me to suffer, but it has backfired. Our daughter is the one taking the backlash the hardest," I don't even know if my words ring true, yet I continue. "She's receiving hate from complete strangers because they think that she's the cause of a divorce of a 'picture-perfect marriage'. It's funny how you forgot to tell the media about all of your faults. How do you think they'd react if they knew the truth about you?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡUh1TIYqIFk
"You're going to tell them, aren't you?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLor9U6uU5
I shake my head.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVNymPFfZs
"I should, but I'm not that cruel. Besides, it'll all come out eventually. You can't hide it forever."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3sv8uTOUx
"Neither can you. The media's already beginning to hate you."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡhynpdrQ1ck
"You should know better than anyone that I really don't give a damn what the media thinks about me. I'm done, Wilmer. I'm done fighting with you. I'm done trying to salvage whatever it is that we had. I can't say that I'm done loving you because I believe that I'll forever be in love with the man that you were when we first met, but I can say that I'm done loving that man that you have become. I hope that you at least consider dropping the girls' custody cases, but, if you don't, I hope that you realize that I'm sure as hell not going down without a fight. Now, must someone escort you out, or can you handle it?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Hua6ZfIwu
"I'm sure I can manage."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4y8gGPQR0
"Please feel free to let the door hit you on the way out."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24SS6SD8zh
~copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4esAW9e2Yw
I don't realize that the girls were listening until everyone leaves.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9EmpJoQPC
"Dad's fighting for custody over me?" Jordan practically runs down the stairs with Bailey hot on her heels.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCirwhqAem
"No, you said girls' as in plural. Does that mean that he's fighting for custody over me, too? Is that even fucking legal?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUhb5jGGKT
"I thought you two went upstairs."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhhiCDsJlW
"We did. We crouched behind the stair banister and listened," Bailey explains. "Quit dodging."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMs0CxcuRz
I sigh, knowing that I have to tell them sooner or later. Nick grips my hand, intertwining our fingers.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdZrbYYg9F
"Yes."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡzTels7jYIR
"Yes what?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2F5fQ89kVd
"Yes, he's fighting for custody over both of you."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnAnsu4DfX
"He can't do that!" Bailey shrieks, and I sink my teeth into my bottom lip. "He shouldn't be allowed to do that! You two are my parents, and he-he shouldn't be allowed to..." She trails off as her chin trembles, and I notice her breathing speed up.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNT3c4DlTv
"Bay," I hesitantly reach out to her in an attempt to calm her down, but she runs upstairs.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡcp6BWMUBN9
"This is so messed up," Jordan grumbles. "He doesn't even like me!"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡIq6uCJrLNQ
"Can you go check on Bailey?" I whisper to Nick as Jordan continues to ramble, and he nods, placing a kiss on my temple before retreating upstairs. "Baby-girl, you need to calm down," I instruct. "Your dad loves you-,"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyc4y7Zy0L
"No, he doesn't! Saying that he loves me is about as credible as saying that he loves you," I flinch at her words, and her expression immediately becomes apologetic. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that-,"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIHAo1C1jF
"No. You're right. Your dad only cares about himself at this point, but guess what?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fUg86bxDZ
"What?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8c3NtArEW
"We don't need him."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1ZHjgIZoV
"Because we have Nick?" She shyly grins.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ95fkKjwdM
"Did I say that?" I laugh.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJzL35PDZO
"It's kind of implied," she smirks. "We're practically living here now. The 'Nemi' shippers are going insane," she pauses, a frown suddenly etching into her features. "Is it bad..."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4bB7PCIjw
"What, baby?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCiJ48Nu3b
"Is it bad if I still love dad?" She hesitantly wonders. "Y'know, despite everything that he has put us through?"copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡqF6N7jRCUT
"No, baby-girl, of course not! I don't want you to hate him."copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOMvV7h13R
115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMppl3tixVR
She slowly nods, her eyes on the floor. I'm about to further reassure her when I hear Bailey screaming.copyright protection111ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfgJk2YF4g
