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Spiritual
Tragedy
Tale of the Antonym of Friendship
Writer steiner001
Writer
  • G: General Audiences
  • PG: Parental Guidance Suggested
  • PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned
  • R: Restricted
PG-13
RATED
1240 Reads
10 Likes
3 Bookmarks
Popularity

Tale of the Antonym of Friendship

Tale of the Antonym of Friendship

Intro

"The tale of darkness, but also, of the brightness that lies beyond,

The tale of misjudgments, but also of amendments,

The tale of cruelty, but also of revolution,

The tale of eternal sufferings, but also of assurance,

The tale of derangement, but also of modification,

The tale of destruction, but also of construction,

The tale of eternal deterioration, but also of never ending improvement,

The tale of random decisions, but also of directed hardwork,

The tale of hierarchy, but also of true equality,

Welcome, to this tale of humanity's relationships,

Welcome, to the grand tale, of THE ANTONYM OF FRIENDSHIP."

-Shiroyama Seniichi, The AoF storyteller

Total Reading Time: 1 hour 19 minutes

10 comments

Renee Ames - Wow this was very well written. I made a suggestion correcting some mistakes and things that made it complicated and hard to read, but overall the story is very good. I like the contrast to a mothers natural instinct to love her child. In this instance Hitomi-san hates her child for being born a boy. IT's a very interesting idea and I commend your penmanship. I hope you read my edits, none are meant rude, They are simply to allow the story a little more flow.
6 months ago
steiner001 - of course I will read them! Thank you for for attention 
6 months ago
T. S. Stone - Wow, that was... a story. I don't want to say what I'm thinking blatantly, but you did say you wanted your readers to be honest. I didn't really like it.

I didn't like the excessive use of swear words, I think they're really unprofessional and they break the immersion of the story.

I also didn't really like the characters much. I don't think there was much character development or anything to make me like any of them.

I don't really understand the first chapter/issue. I really don't understand how it even relates to the main story. I also think you should have explained more about what the story is about in the story's description.

Also I noticed that you often used big words which is fine, but you often overused them. It would be just fine too use a big word every once in a while, but I think you used then way to often.

I saw that you wrote a lot of the character's dialog in all capitals which I don't think is very proper or professional. I know that you're trying to express some extreme emotions, but writing their dialog in all capitals causes more harm that good because it looks so messy and amateur. Making one word bold (bold not all capital) can help to emphasize on a certain word, but you should never make a huge chunk of text bold or all capitalized.

I'm not used to being so critical of people's work so I'm sorry if this criticism didn't help you, but I tried to explain all my thoughts as well as I could. I hope you can use some of this advice when you work on other stories.
6 months ago
steiner001 - This is a huge help, and I am thankful to you for being so straightforwrd. But your criticism is not valid in this case.

Whatever you said is a very valuable description, but actually this is not normal literature, but a light novel. Since I am following that style, use of swear words or bold paragraphs is rather common. The use of big words though, I understand that you did not like it....but the thing is, philosophy is a central theme in AoF....so big words will increase more in the future.....



BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOU GAVE ME YOUR TIME AND HONEST OPINION......AND I AM GRATEFUL TO YOU FOR THAT.......THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH......AND HAVE A NICE DAY
6 months ago
Diamond Tinker - @steiner001,  me personally, i liked the story. I live for the old tale vibes. And unlike @ T. S.Stone i understood every chapter and every sentence. I also think that your use of words is nessecery. I find that when using swear word in a story it either does one or two things, 1. Gives the characters there character. 2. Gives the story/ character strong emotion. As for the " big words", in my opinion, when i see aurthors use words like this i see intelligence, i can tell that you have a very wide vocabulary. Your story is also very well written. I wouldnt take out anything just switch around a word or two, but thats just me, but other than that i found nothing wrong. I will be looking forward to more chapters and will be sure to let you know if i find something i dislike about it or anything. Keep up the good work.👍@steiner001
6 months ago
T. S. Stone - @steiner001, okay then. Don't bother changing anything then, I guess.
6 months ago
steiner001 - @Diamond Tinker, Thank you so much, pal. I am grateful for your review.
6 months ago
steiner001 - @T. S. Stone, okay.....but I hope to see you again in the future here, you know! That would make me feel overjoyed!
6 months ago
Diamond Tinker - @steiner001, no problem, anytime!!!🙂
6 months ago
Raeden S - @steiner001, Lol this comment section is making me want to read this alot. I have an odd feeling i would agree with T S Stone. You two made me laugh
5 months ago
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