“Wanna be our farmer?”
What
“What?”
“Do you wanna be our farmer?”
Anna had walked up to me after our first class had ended, and we were about to go to Fine Arts. I made a confused face and shook my head, thinking she was joking. When I finished shaking my head, I noticed she had a serious look on her face. What did she mean?
“No? Whatever you mean by that, it sounds super dumb.”
She squinted her eyes and made a lengthened frown. I tried to not laugh at her pouty face. She kept it on throughout the Fine Arts period, and the teacher stopped her as she walked in the classroom. She what was wrong, and Anna replied with a harsh ‘Nothing’s wrong.’, which just made the teacher worry even more. After we finished our dancing or whatever we did that day, we went to lunch.
For our elementary school, you had lunch with the same people in your class. Just like how I explained the P.E. and other electives classes, lunch worked the same way, except everyone in the grade had the same lunch time.
I saw Anna’s face at lunch again. She was staring at me with her upside-down grin, and I almost started to feel bad. Almost. If I actually felt bad, it would be a loss for me. I can’t lose to Anna like that.
Lunch ended, and guess what? She walked up to me right as recess started.
“If you’re going to ask me to be your farmer, I’m not.”
“Why not?”
“It sounds dumb.”
“You don’t even know what it means.”
“Yeah, but if it sounds dumb, I don’t wanna do it.”
“You want me to explain what it is to you?”
“Definitely don’t.”
She was going to explain it to me anyway. I knew that.
Hold on, hold on. If Anna’s here, that means that- right, Caitlyn must be nearby. I took a survey of the surrounding environment. Not one brown-haired freckled (cute but I’m not gonna admit it ever again) girl nearby. Strange. Never expected these two to be separated, but we’ve seen plenty of strange things this year already.
Anyway, Anna spoke up.
“So, you’re gonna be our farmer.”
Our- I was right! Caitlyn’s around here somewhere!
“Okay, and?”
“All you have to do is take care of us, and stay off the grass.”
“Wait, but what are you and… whoever else… going to be doing?”
“We’ll be cows.”
Okay, okay, what? No, seriously, what? Sure, it made sense that 10 year-olds were acting and doing skits or something, but acting like boring, dumb cows (Cow Abuse?)? Does that make any sense to you? Does acting like a cow, and having a farmer, make any sense to you? How is that fun for anyone?
“N-no, no? Uh, what? No, actually, what? That sounds like… like the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard. Uh, yeah, like I said, that sounds dumb, and I definitely don’t want to be your ‘farmer’ or whatever you called me.”
“Uh, too bad? You’re going to be our farmer anyway.”
“Uh, too bad? I’m not?”
“Hey, wait!”
I ignored her. Hey, notice how they never address me by my name? That’s annoying, isn’t it? You’ve probably forgotten my name. After all, it hasn’t been said in like 3 chapters.
It’s Alan, in case you forgot. Uh. Yeah.
I escaped Anna, and met up with my friends for the first time (for the first time in this book- of course I’ve met my friends before), and realized they were forming a game of Infection. Usually, we play some kind of sport like soccer, or if we weren’t feeling creative, played tag.
Infection (if you don’t know) is basically tag, but when the tagger tags someone, they stay it. It’s like a… contamination, or like some kind of infec- oh, that’s the point of the name. Right.
I think it’s fun. It’s like King of the Hill, but with children running around, laughing and screaming, pushing and shoving (some kids were a little rough), beating each other up, (some kids were… a lot rougher than others), ripping each other’s throats (maybe not… that rough…), you get the picture. I enjoyed it a lot. I even had my own formula for winning as a non-it person. Go to the middle of the field, and wait until a ton of people bulldozed me, hopefully dodging my way around them.
And that’s what I did. They did a spin the wheel to figure out who was going to be the first tagger, and I didn’t get picked (lucky). I ran straight for the middle to start my plan.
Alright, good, I’m here. Look left- no one to the left. Look right- no one to the right. Look back- no one to the back. Look front- wait look front isn’t a term
I was safe. Alright, time to wait for about… 20 minutes, before all of the unfortunate (slow) kids got tagged.
I’m bored. This is taking too long.
I jumped around a bit to keep myself warm and stretched a bit. Stretched a lot. I guess I kinda… danced a bit? No, no, that doesn’t count as dancing. Dancing sucks. I don’t know, I made a funny position.
“What the hell was that?”
WOAH
I don’t even care that some random person randomly talked to me, I’m more concerned about- about- the H word! AH!
Okay, it’s not that bad. I’ve heard people say bad words before. My parents tended to be… lenient on what we were watching on movie night.
Not the point. A bad word? In the middle of recess? What foul creature would do something like that?
“Sorry?”
I saw the person Her hair was bouncing up and the long locks of brown curliness waved around in the wind. Her blue eyes were being complimented by her freckles which pronounced the smile that lit up the rest of her face.
Oh, god.
“I asked what the-”
dont
“Hell-”
Darn it
“You were doing.”
Okay. Caitlyn just cursed. Again. I wouldn’t say I’m a stickler for hating people that curse, but I don’t necessarily like it. At least at this point of the story.
Okay, okay, before you ask, yes, I know that ‘Hell’ is barely even a bad word, whatever, as a 4th grader the word ‘Dang’ seemed somewhat harsh (Or that was just my mother telling me to stop screaming ‘Dang it!’ every time I lost in, I dunno, Checkers or something.). But the harshest thing was the fact that someone in my grade- Caitlyn, especially- said it. I’ve only heard old dudes say bad words, but someone in elementary school? It just seemed wrong!
“Wait- oh, oh! Oh, sho- uh, shoot- that was-”
She meant my dance-stretch. I couldn’t tell if I was blushing (I can’t see my face, obviously) but by the way she was sneering at me it was pretty clear what my face looked like.
“Uh, I was just stretching!”
I’m not lying. I was just stretching.
“Uh huh, then why did you look so funny?”
Okay that’s just rude
“I didn’t! I swear, I was just stretching!”
I’m making a pretty big deal about the way I was stretching, huh? Maybe I did look funny.
“Yeah, no you weren’t. What are you doing?”
“I’m… playing Infection! I was simply stretching for Infection!”
I’m freaking out.
“Uh… huh.”
“Why- uh, well, yeah, why are you here?”
Yeah, good job me! Make it seem like I don’t want her to be here, and then she’ll leave! It’ll be much easier to win in Infection if I don’t have her around!
“Ava told me to go to you.”
No! That ruins the plan!
“And I thought it was a good idea.”
No! Wait, what? You- you wanted to come to me?
“Woah, what? I don’t- what? Why?”
“Well, Ava also told me to do this.”
Hold on I’m still confused about the whole ‘going to where I was being a good idea’ thing
“Oh, god…”
She said, looking at the ground, and did something… very unexpected.
She-
oh my gosh
She got on the ground and got on four limbs and looked up at me. She then went:
“Moo?”
hcmmmph-phahaHAHAHAHA
I had burst out laughing and saw Caroline’s look of (embarrassed) disapproval. What in the world is she doing? Was she trying to act funny? Was she trying to play some kind of theatrical event? Was there something I’m not getting?
She isn’t trying to be a cow is she
She’s trying to be a cow.
NO ITS COWS
“THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO!”
Someone screamed a far-ish distance away from the two of us. I looked towards the scream, and it happened to be Anna (wow).
She ran over and extremely/ferociously (whichever you prefer) pointed at me, proceeding to scold me into whatever I was supposed to do.
“You’re suPPOSED to pat her on the head, and then go farm the crops!”
What are we, in elementar-
“Are you kidding? I’m in the middle of an intense game of Infection right now!”
I swung my arms around, trying to emphasize that there were tons of kids running around and tagging people, and then I realized that: no, there were no kids running around and tagging people.
“Does it look like I care?”
Anna wouldn’t let up.
“No, but tell me this.”
I panned to Caitlyn.
“What in the world was that?”
Caitlyn was surprised that I suddenly changed who I was arguing, but quickly shook her head no, making a confused (but almost smiling- do you know what I mean?) face.
“I was… being a cow?”
Yeah, no. I’m not having this right now.
“Uh huh. That’s… incredibly dumb.”
“Hey!”
Both of them yelled at me this time.
“And I have much more important things to do than be your farmer.”
“Like Infection?”
Caitlyn said with an exaggerated voice to show, once again, disapproval.
“Exactly!”
“Please?”
Anna took lead of the argument now.
“No.”
“Pleasepleasepleaseplpeaspelaeasplaeseplease?”
Anna was spamming the words into my head so fast they looked like that in real life. Wait, that didn’t make sen-
“You only have to take care of 3 cows!”
Anna said, imagining complaining would make anything better.
“I don’t ca- wait, three?”
I saw Anna looking behind me, and I took a spin around.
“You’re here with them?”
Karoline was standing behind me. She had a look that screeched
‘Exhausted’, and when I asked her, she rolled her eyes. We could both tell what the other was thinking.
They forced us.
Karoline walked away, Anna complaining as she did, and after my cow count reduced to 2, Anna came back at me.
“Okay, so, just go plant some crops or whatever.”
Hey, who gets to say what I have to do?
“Uh, no? Wait, aren’t I the farmer? Why would I listen to the cows?”
“Uh, cause we’re smarter than you?”
“How?”
“Moo?”
She- she just mooed at me- rude!
I was infuriated that I just got mooed off and walked away, and the two of them stayed behind. I decided to start… growing my farm.
I think I started to sow dirt for pumpkins or something (In November? That’s not how pumpkins work), proceeding to pretend I had a hoe and started… hitting the ground with my hands. Uh.
I stood straight up and realized what I was doing.
That’s a lie. What am I doing
“Hey, what are you doing?!”
Someone screamed at me. Or I at least thought someone did, and looked up.
“Caitlyn? Why are you here?”
“Why are YOU here?”
“It’s… recess. Where else would I be?”
“Not that, why are you on the field?”
“Because… I… can?”
“No you can’t! Remember, we said you can’t be on the grass!”
“But… I’m supposed to be planting crops, right?”
“Not on the grass!”
“How… am I supposed to plant crops without grass?”
“Do it somewhere else!”
Okay, slow down.
What
“No, I’m not listening to you- I’m the farmer, right?”
“I’m the cow, so what?”
I-
Cows… don’t have any say in where they live or roam around, right? The farmers get all the say in the matter. Right? That’s how cows work, right?
“Well, it’s my farm, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So can’t I just move you away?”
“I’ll just move back.”
Stubborn as a mule.
Or a cow would be better. But then the metaphor doesn’t work.
I made the most obvious aggravated noise possible and looked to the sky as I grinded down on my teeth. I looked back at her. She was making a smug face.
“Oh yeah?”
Alan: Challenge proposed!
“Yeah!”
Caitlyn: Challenge accepted!
I pushed her away. Quickly. With a lot of force.
Oh, my god. I pushed a girl.
To make it seem more dramatic, I TOUCHED a girl. That was enough to immediately make me release my push.
“I- Sorry.”
“That- that’s okay.”
She said that, but I could feel the awkward tension after I did that. I’m sure she could have felt it too based on her… well, everything, her face, body motions, tone of voice, whatever. I’m sure 4th grade me didn’t notice.
“W-what the hell do you think you’re doing, touching me?”
“Must’ve been a freak accident. No way I’d ever touch you!”
Okay, good, we’re back to normal. She still proceeded to yell at me, if that’s normal now.
“Shut up!”
“You shut up!”
“Both of you sh- wait a second…”
Caitlyn and I both looked to see Anna speaking, but she wasn’t looking at either of us. She was looking… at my feet?
Well, that’s still looking at me. But she was looking at my feet, so I started getting uncomfortable. I took a step back.
“Stop!”
AUGH, what did I do wrong?!
I took another step backward to see if Anna would scream again.
I was right.
“Stop touching the grass!”
“Who says you get to say?!”
“I do!”
“How do you?!”
“Because I came up with this!”
Wait a second, so YOU were the one that started this whole thing? Did you tell Caitlyn to force me off the grass? You caused all of this?
I decided that no matter what, someone would continue to yell at me, so I proceeded to do some quick thinking. How would I get off the gra- oh, duh. The sidewalk was right next to us, so I took a huge leap (a huge one for an elementary kid, so 3 feet) and now my entire body was off the grass. Are you happy?
Anna stopped looking at my feet (Thanks) and calmed down. She looked at Caitlyn who was smiling back at her.
“So I can’t be on my own farmland.”
“Nope.”
Caitlyn started talking.
“That doesn’t make any sense!”
“Too bad, that’s the rules.”
“Rules of what?”
“The game.”
Huh
“What game?”
“The…”
Oh
“Cow?”
“Game.”
Haha! I completed your sentence! Take that!
She started smiling. Wait, what? What did we just do? Did we just… finish each other’s sentences?
I started smiling. It was contagious. Her smile caused me to smile. It was like an infec-
“You’re Infected!”
Someone slapped my shoulder. Before I turned around, Caitlyn started laughing. I opened my mouth in disbelief as I remembered I had still been part of the game of Infection, and realized Caitlyn had been distracting me.
Freaking cows.121Please respect copyright.PENANAZsp74HgrPc