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Elisa30012
Joined Aug 27, 2019
Elisa30012
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Stopping time
Updated Aug 27, 2019
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School
Friendship

Do you ever wish you could stop time?

Just think about your happiest moment in life and just stop. Don't stress about next week's assignment, about tomorrow's homework, not even about what could happen in the next few moments. Time just stops and no-one has to move on from this happy moment.

Maybe not everyone wants to stop time, but I certainly do.

But first, let me tell you shortly about me.

Ever since kindergarten, I was the weirdo, the outcast, no-one wanted to be friends or stay friends with me. I got over it and found nice friends in high-school (after having a few rough years). Now I am in my last year of high-school and I feel like I am growing away from my friends. I found a job that I absolutely love and it changed my whole perspective on what I want to do when I grow up. Which cannot be said for my two best friends.

The reason that all my previous friendships ended, is probably... Me. I kind of have trust issues due to my lovely past (let's not get started on that, or we'll be here all night), but it means that I am scared to let people come close. When they get too close for my comfort, I shut them out and become distant. It hasn't happened in 2 years. Normally it happens in between the 1/2 year en 1 year mark. So, me making it this long, has really been an improvement. Though I now notice how I am pushing my friends away.

I don't know if it really is the case or if my brain is just telling me something to make me shut down and built my walls up again. But I think that we are also growing apart. Can you imagine having something to talk about, every single moment of the day and then it just stops? Like all of a sudden, we don't have anything to talk about, except for the usual things and remembering past events. It is making me believe that maybe it is a good thing I am going to a different city for university and it is a good thing that I am making more friends than just the 2 I have right now.

If you read this, you might think that I don't love them and don't wanna be their friend anymore, but that is absolutely not true. I do love them and I care deeply for them. And I would hate it if we stopped being friends, but I honestly think we need to take a step back and ease into it again.

But instead, they want to do more activities together, which is only making me lose my mind everytime I think about it. But how would I ever tell them this? They already think I don't think they're good enough and I don't want to hurt them, even though I know I am hurting them now.

Maybe I should write everything I want to say down on a paper and read it to them? Maybe that would explain things to them.

I'll try that, it actually isn't a very bad idea and I think it will clear up the air and the misunderstanding between us. But this letter means I'll have to be completely honest. It is my one change at making sure they understand me and to not screw this up royally. Let's hope they still like my writing skills when I have written that letter.

I'll keep you posted.

Until then, instead of thinking about pausing time, let's think about how we can make every moment as good as the memory you thought of in the beginning (or better yet, let's make more memories like that, instead of thinking about it ;) ).

Blog
School
Friendship
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Stopping time

Do you ever wish you could stop time?

Just think about your happiest moment in life and just stop. Don't stress about next week's assignment, about tomorrow's homework, not even about what could happen in the next few moments. Time just stops and no-one has to move on from this happy moment.

Maybe not everyone wants to stop time, but I certainly do.

But first, let me tell you shortly about me.

Ever since kindergarten, I was the weirdo, the outcast, no-one wanted to be friends or stay friends with me. I got over it and found nice friends in high-school (after having a few rough years). Now I am in my last year of high-school and I feel like I am growing away from my friends. I found a job that I absolutely love and it changed my whole perspective on what I want to do when I grow up. Which cannot be said for my two best friends.

The reason that all my previous friendships ended, is probably... Me. I kind of have trust issues due to my lovely past (let's not get started on that, or we'll be here all night), but it means that I am scared to let people come close. When they get too close for my comfort, I shut them out and become distant. It hasn't happened in 2 years. Normally it happens in between the 1/2 year en 1 year mark. So, me making it this long, has really been an improvement. Though I now notice how I am pushing my friends away.

I don't know if it really is the case or if my brain is just telling me something to make me shut down and built my walls up again. But I think that we are also growing apart. Can you imagine having something to talk about, every single moment of the day and then it just stops? Like all of a sudden, we don't have anything to talk about, except for the usual things and remembering past events. It is making me believe that maybe it is a good thing I am going to a different city for university and it is a good thing that I am making more friends than just the 2 I have right now.

If you read this, you might think that I don't love them and don't wanna be their friend anymore, but that is absolutely not true. I do love them and I care deeply for them. And I would hate it if we stopped being friends, but I honestly think we need to take a step back and ease into it again.

But instead, they want to do more activities together, which is only making me lose my mind everytime I think about it. But how would I ever tell them this? They already think I don't think they're good enough and I don't want to hurt them, even though I know I am hurting them now.

Maybe I should write everything I want to say down on a paper and read it to them? Maybe that would explain things to them.

I'll try that, it actually isn't a very bad idea and I think it will clear up the air and the misunderstanding between us. But this letter means I'll have to be completely honest. It is my one change at making sure they understand me and to not screw this up royally. Let's hope they still like my writing skills when I have written that letter.

I'll keep you posted.

Until then, instead of thinking about pausing time, let's think about how we can make every moment as good as the memory you thought of in the beginning (or better yet, let's make more memories like that, instead of thinking about it ;) ).

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