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I am quietly installed in my office. This is my own place, in this family home. Far from the adventures of my children, I appreciate being able to breathe calmly from time to time. There, I decompress and take the time to think, to drown myself in my thoughts, in my memories.204Please respect copyright.PENANA5E4QsnzUZX
Suddenly there is a knock at the door. I quickly slip the photo I had been looking at for several minutes into the pocket of my blouse, and pretend to be concentrating on a file. I barely have time to say, “Come in” when the door opens to reveal my daughter. At seventeen and a half years old, she has behaved like a real tornado since the start of her adolescence, four years earlier. However, in her face framed by long brown hair, childhood can still be seen.204Please respect copyright.PENANA7qJS63bjHB
— Mom, I need to talk to you about something super important ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAiOS6eqFuGE
I suppress a smile. With Orlane, everything is always mega important ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAqTSmLzL1jb
— Ok I hear you.204Please respect copyright.PENANAzzAijLcvX3
— With Alexandra, we would like to get a tattoo ! She says, excited, as if it’s the best news of the year.204Please respect copyright.PENANAIqZRdUQ3EA
— A tattoo ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAPGuzptTSJK
She nods energetically.204Please respect copyright.PENANAZ0Vv7pvN5n
— While you are still a minor ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAjElZbg7cJj
— Soon to be an adult.204Please respect copyright.PENANAczETokSJUE
— Yes, so seventeen years and counting.204Please respect copyright.PENANAdqKMvxvGkV
— If you say so. So, is it yes ? I need parental consent to do this.204Please respect copyright.PENANAk6nGil250z
— No way ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAq8GCo8SFV1
As I expected, my daughter's face turns an angry red, while her light eyes darken.204Please respect copyright.PENANArbDCJMwTPE
— You never let me do anything cool ! She shouts, slamming the door behind her.204Please respect copyright.PENANANC8EmsHAn2
Another of these great classics is to avoid any discussion by taking long strides. I hear him scream.204Please respect copyright.PENANADN7BlxlmnN
— She always forbids me from everything ! She’s never there for us ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAlEQgvoFB71
— You exaggerate ! Mom is always there whenever we need her, tries to calm my son down in a paternalistic tone.204Please respect copyright.PENANAtVq4rT68wa
Calm, thoughtful and very mature in nature for a young man of sixteen, my son has a character that is the polar opposite of that of his sister.204Please respect copyright.PENANADKPbDX6LvJ
— She’s not a cool mother ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAHlbtDwnkHM
I decide to join them in the kitchen.204Please respect copyright.PENANAX5VsTmztri
— If being fashionable means letting you drink alcohol, do drugs, let you date anyone, or allow you to get tattoos, then no, I'm not cool...204Please respect copyright.PENANAytJZVYNd9a
— But why don’t you want to ? After all, it’s just a little drawing on the skin, adds my daughter with a pout.204Please respect copyright.PENANAC4Ymjjx8BK
My God, how tenacious she is… Like me ultimately.204Please respect copyright.PENANAOwgFjebRwN
— Orlane, the day you want to get a tattoo for a good reason, I will accept, but not to be like your friends.204Please respect copyright.PENANAgjhjE39Qh6
My son looks at us, imperturbable.204Please respect copyright.PENANAIFDEDVjutI
— You definitely have a tattoo ! She accuses me, angrily.204Please respect copyright.PENANAAfkoD4yXm1
I look down, weighing the pros and cons, and end up telling them : 204Please respect copyright.PENANAbWEs8jN494
— Follow me to the living room, both of you. I need to talk to you.204Please respect copyright.PENANAyD3SxIy8U4
Without a word, they accompany me, and each sit in one of the large armchairs, facing mine.204Please respect copyright.PENANAFoDUqTAD39
— You are both old enough now for me to tell you a story. And please don't interrupt me. The story I am about to tell you is personal to me, but it is important that you know it, because it has made us who we are.204Please respect copyright.PENANAfawc4WC9bE
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It all started on September 26, 1991 : 204Please respect copyright.PENANAbebyuGKzKB
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Autumn has not yet arrived although the leaves of the trees are starting to turn red under the less intense rays of the sun.204Please respect copyright.PENANA3a8dVZdPmO
I detail my reflection while doing my hair in front of the mirror. I don't think I'm pretty, although many people tell me otherwise. I'm not very tall, I don't have the figure of a top model, in fact, I find myself rather ordinary. Not to mention this damn hair that refuses to stay styled the way I want it ! Giving up trying to tame them, I abandon my hairbrush and go down the stairs of the house. I'm so happy to be in high school where I'm now one of the big guys. Sixteen is the age where my real life begins, the age where my parents finally treat me like an adult and no longer like an immature child. The age when all dreams are achievable and desires possible.204Please respect copyright.PENANApPuhHYwiAI
My mind escapes for a moment to fly towards Chad, my boyfriend of several months. Chad is young, handsome, athletic and intelligent when he manages to stay focused long enough on his homework instead of thinking about sports, which is hard for him. He's not very tall, but built like a sportsman : all muscles. I like his black hair in a crew cut, and his hazel eyes. We have known each other since childhood. I had been secretly in love with him for years. In high school, I was known for being the type of serious girl, always top of the class, which did not attract boys, much to my despair. Chad is the most popular boy in school, so there was no chance he would be interested in me until a teacher asked me to help him with math. When he finally asked me to go out with him, I couldn't believe it anymore.204Please respect copyright.PENANAL8fOoMuXKz
For six months, Chad and I have been in perfect love...204Please respect copyright.PENANAMrE3BiNGI5
Okay, we only exchanged chaste kisses, we don't go out much, instead spending our time watching movies at his house. I also admit that contrary to what I had always imagined, I don't feel this passion that romance novels boast about, perhaps this is due to the fact that we have few things in common. When Chad kisses me, I have the horrible feeling of kissing my best friend but I’m sure that with time, our story will become more intense, passionate and that this feeling will disappear. After all, he’s the one I always wanted so everything will work out in the end.204Please respect copyright.PENANAwsi7N8ea6H
Letting out a romantic sigh, I enter the kitchen. Almost my entire family is gathered there : Ashley and John, my parents as well as Nina, my younger sister. The only thing missing is Nicolas, my big brother who recently left for New York University and who only comes home for the holidays.204Please respect copyright.PENANAiX0FyLRIif
— My little Megan… The more I see you, the less you look like my baby, my mother laments, staring at me.204Please respect copyright.PENANAQSKImEKyLF
She isn’t very tall, she has a face with soft features that charms most people she meets. I get her brown hair and blue eyes from her. She always expresses herself calmly, but with conviction.204Please respect copyright.PENANALdA7qT4cK8
I act as if his rantings don't matter to me.204Please respect copyright.PENANAj538qmDShe
— Mom, I’ll always be your daughter. And then, you have Nina as a baby…204Please respect copyright.PENANAh1jK6rdcKO
My sister makes a face. At thirteen, she sees herself more as a teenager than as the youngest member of the family.204Please respect copyright.PENANAxoTSfVXnPe
— Are you still planning to go to Chad’s party tonight ? How many will you be ? Asks my father before swallowing his coffee.204Please respect copyright.PENANAjHVQgxk1pK
— Yes I’m going. There will be about fifty of us.204Please respect copyright.PENANA8Un0zxeyvu
My father coughs and chokes.204Please respect copyright.PENANAqylGrT2m8v
— That much ? Ask my mother in turn.204Please respect copyright.PENANAKgJhlIOIXC
I nod yes.204Please respect copyright.PENANA9rU0WI199O
— There will be the whole class as well as Chad's friends, that's a lot of people, he's very popular at school.204Please respect copyright.PENANAH1K7oDIV9i
— That’s true, my father agrees with a touch of pride.204Please respect copyright.PENANA8x7UBIKN5c
Even though he tends to be overprotective, I love my father very much. I find him a handsome man for his age. At forty, his dark brown hair begins to take on gray shades at the temples and expression lines slowly creep into his angular face, further marking his smile and his frown.204Please respect copyright.PENANAOGjodofltW
My father works in construction, his specialty is facade maintenance. He judges each house by the quality of its exterior paint ! My mother is a secretary in a real estate agency, which doesn't excite her, but she has fixed hours, which suits her perfectly. We are a middle class American family. We live in a residential neighborhood in the small town of Millisky, Pennsylvania, where almost everyone knows each other, if only by sight. The town has around five thousand souls. We have a hospital, shops, restaurants, cinemas, and even a large shopping center, so we never get bored. In addition, our town is surrounded by a beautiful forest which allows for long walks, we also have a lake about five kilometers to the south. To the west, a hill overlooks the city, it is the chic district where all the local bourgeois have built their beautiful homes, which most often only serve as second homes. To the north, a highway takes us to Pittsburgh, the nearest major city, a two hour drive, and to the east, Philadelphia is a three hour drive.204Please respect copyright.PENANAcIBJOtZ0VP
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A little later that day, I'm in the main hallway of the school. It is a large white building, some classrooms have faded walls, originally cream-colored, and the same goes for places of frequent passage. The central corridor has on each side of its walls, two rows of gray lockers stacked on top of each other. I take some books from mine when, turning around, I see a boy of average height, with brown hair and light eyes, walk past me. He looks at me furtively. When I meet his gaze, I feel like I'm falling from a ten- story building. It's a strange thing I've never felt before and it only lasts a few seconds. Coming to my senses, I tell myself that I must be going crazy.204Please respect copyright.PENANAzDs3n02lVm
— Not bad, admires Amy, my best friend, who followed my gaze.204Please respect copyright.PENANARaFkDCPNXX
— New student ? I'm asking perfunctorily as I'm sure I've never seen it before.204Please respect copyright.PENANA4isI0nLMqo
— I’ll find out, says my friend, narrowing her eyes with interest.204Please respect copyright.PENANA4BGDgSP1Db
— In any case, he’s very cute, I can’t help but point out.204Please respect copyright.PENANA7kK3GhPSYH
— You're the one who says that, even though you're dating the hottest boy in school ! She exclaims, shocked.204Please respect copyright.PENANAhTdMfdBo2e
I smile, remembering that Chad never wanted to go out with her. He preferred me. It's so rare for a boy to reject her that I know she harbors a little resentment towards me. She has never told me openly but sometimes, like this moment, she throws a little barb at me. Without being mean, it gets heavy some days. However, she has been my friend for so long that I don't see myself falling out with her over such a small matter.204Please respect copyright.PENANAXwY9XSbf4K
Later that day, in history class, I am fascinated by the documentary that the professor shows us concerning the liberation of Europe during the Second World War. This is not the first report I have seen on the subject but each time, I am caught up in the violence, the abomination of this conflict. When the images of the concentration camps appear on the screen, I look away. This is too hard for me, so I concentrate on a completely different theme. Since the start of the course, I have had the strange sensation of feeling observed. As I turn to scan the class, I see the new student sitting two rows behind me, his eyes fixed on me. When he realizes that I have noticed him, he returns his gaze to the screen. I imitate him but after a few seconds, I turn around again.204Please respect copyright.PENANAcpgOmSFDas
Grid ! I thought, giving a hint of a smile as he refocused on the documentary. For long minutes, I no longer dared to move. It's stupid but this boy intimidates me.204Please respect copyright.PENANA0LcvccNNBh
When the film ends, I turn in my seat to follow the teacher as he walks around the class summarizing what we just saw. The newcomer is still staring at me. His look is indecipherable.204Please respect copyright.PENANAvSnhsNEZKc
— Imagine these families separated during endless years of war, imagine their suffering. If you had been in their place, would you have chosen resignation in the face of the invader or would you have opted for resistance ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAOwJTvgWlSK
I raise my hand, certain of my answer.204Please respect copyright.PENANAAci4yA67DS
— Yes Megan.204Please respect copyright.PENANAYppr6KuLbg
— I would have chosen resistance. Faced with injustice, I think I would have been incapable of looking at the situation without taking part in the fight.204Please respect copyright.PENANAaZWxwtXhVN
— Good. Someone else's opinion ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAl4EbixQNSq
Many raise their hands including the new one.204Please respect copyright.PENANAAtH7weRFs8
— And you, what do you think ? Asks the teacher, addressing him.204Please respect copyright.PENANA0GAISx1ksR
— I believe that with hindsight, it is easy to give your opinion, but at that time, people who engaged in the resistance ran enormous risks, not only for themselves but also for those close to them. All this must be taken into consideration.204Please respect copyright.PENANA2LphTxoCCs
— Perfect, Jessy ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANA52mhmI8ldp
Jessy… 204Please respect copyright.PENANARBhBRuEOFw
I have a hard time taking my eyes off him even though his name resonates within me.204Please respect copyright.PENANAFxAoFbExjG
— For the next class, you will write me a presentation on this subject, continues the professor.204Please respect copyright.PENANAKfYAvIDXmd
The bell announcing the end of classes rings, the new guy immediately picks up his things and leaves, bowing his head. It makes me feel like I'm running away from the whole world.204Please respect copyright.PENANA1P4f0YaLlF
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I head to the bathroom to put some gloss on my lips and find my friends Amy and Pearl there.204Please respect copyright.PENANAIpOHeKk5j3
— So, Meg, where are you with Chad ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAy8tPY1BbBC
My cheeks immediately turn red.204Please respect copyright.PENANASxZH3dAqR7
— There is nothing to say.204Please respect copyright.PENANAwFA1rOI3Wt
— Don’t tell us you haven’t done it yet, Amy insists.204Please respect copyright.PENANAAf1VA8D04E
— Well no… Well, I mean, do you feel ready ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANA3lmmJUxBzs
Amy shrugs. I know she hasn't been a virgin for some time.204Please respect copyright.PENANADR6Mxm1opt
— There’s no reason, Pearl assures. You're with the boy you've always wanted, so why not go all the way ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAhc6TUDw3Qi
These words make me think more than they should. I've been dreaming about Chad for years, so why do I feel this stuck ? Why don't my feelings push me to open up completely ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAjVjhYpOILk
I feel lost and I know perfectly well that it's not my friends I could confide in. They would immediately judge me, thinking I'm crazy for asking myself a thousand questions when I'm dating a great guy.204Please respect copyright.PENANAZiKEAYrXRf
If only Nick were here, I thought with regret.204Please respect copyright.PENANANzSKGzmeyB
My brother would be able to advise me perfectly. It's crazy how much I miss him. Looking forward to the next vacation so he can come back to see us.204Please respect copyright.PENANAIikcR29H8c
— By the way, have you seen the new one ? Pearl continues, arranging her brown hair in front of the mirror. He is too beautiful ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAF1QzPBHkdG
It’s true that he is beautiful ! A finely sculpted body without being skinny and a face with fine features that I find refined, piercing green eyes lined with long eyelashes, slightly messy light brown hair... I also memorized the little chain with at the end a cross that dangles from his left ear giving him a little rebellious side that I find sexy.204Please respect copyright.PENANAutUuazvuXC
— I learned a few things about him...204Please respect copyright.PENANADRnjGRqJBZ
This simple sentence from Amy focuses all my attention.204Please respect copyright.PENANAX8HIIzYIwc
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A few hours later, at the end of classes, I found my father in the high school parking lot. This day is important to me. I pass my driving license. I am confident, because for several weeks, Chad has been teaching me everything there is to know and, according to him, I am ready.204Please respect copyright.PENANA5KCjRzgljE
— Megan, we need to talk, my father begins.204Please respect copyright.PENANABV6RQYV7q6
Already knowing that I am going to be treated to a moral lesson, I hold back a sigh.204Please respect copyright.PENANAof1Ypu0gVM
— It’s about that party at Chad’s. You know I trust you, but... knowing you with him until late...204Please respect copyright.PENANAJUDgoXQFVH
When I don't answer, he continues : 204Please respect copyright.PENANANtpn9r4itW
— Will you be… serious this evening ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAJUWOJ8D8xf
— Dad, I'm still a virgin and I don't plan on that changing tonight.204Please respect copyright.PENANA7hKyvxk499
— Thank God, he breathes with relief after grimacing.204Please respect copyright.PENANAhdTbu7leox
Shortly after, we return home, me with my license in my pocket and my father with the certainty that I am still innocent.204Please respect copyright.PENANAb86slUSqTx
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In the evening, I found Chad at his house. He lives in a large, modern and chic house, close to the city center. Their villa includes three bedrooms with an independent bathroom, a games room, an office, a fully equipped kitchen and a gigantic living room which, that evening, easily accommodated fifty guests. Outside, in a garden, in which my entire house could fit, is a heated swimming pool. As the girlfriend of the owner of the house, I make a grand entrance. I'm wearing a pretty black silk dress, perfectly fitted, which suits me perfectly. I turn heads as I pass, especially Chad who only has eyes for me. The party is in full swing, the whole class has gathered there.204Please respect copyright.PENANAk7lU1Gh3cC
I'm chatting with Amy in the corner of the room, when I spot the new student, Jessy, standing a little further away. He observes me while chatting with Stanley, a friend of my brother. He stares at me and gives me a small smile to which I can't help but respond.204Please respect copyright.PENANAwVBBJnBqWx
Why am I blushing ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAyvIssktOKE
— This guy is so hot. I'm going to go and get to know each other, Amy said to me, scrutinizing Jessy.204Please respect copyright.PENANA3a2yU7Lov1
Without knowing why, my heart sinks.204Please respect copyright.PENANAQLt1ZB80YK
— Amy…, my reaction is stupid. You look very pretty with this dress.204Please respect copyright.PENANAUEAa2JqZ4Y
She smiles. I see her approach Jessy, Stanley quickly walks away while Amy launches into a tirade, pointing out several people in the room. She must inform him of the gossip that is circulating. I can't help the pang of jealousy that creeps into me when I see her place a hand on Jessy's arm. At this moment, he looks up at me, his expression is indecipherable. I have to look elsewhere... But I can't do it.204Please respect copyright.PENANAA0gF6qbKWS
— Are you okay, Meg ? You're having fun ? Chad appears in front of me and places his hands on my hips.204Please respect copyright.PENANAYPFcML4L96
Finally I take my eyes off Amy and the new guy. I have to think about something other than his green eyes which make me feel like they are penetrating my soul.204Please respect copyright.PENANAcyUgp3Zs00
I place my lips on my boyfriend's in a brief kiss.204Please respect copyright.PENANAtur1CEYqhr
— Where were you ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAbf9C5mjWaG
— I was walking around the house. Haven't you noticed that some people look like they've been drunk ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAfyozjDFHir
— Yes, I met Matt earlier, he reeked of alcohol.204Please respect copyright.PENANAUNeWQdiyEw
— Great, Chad breathes, annoyed. If my parents find out about this, I'm dead.204Please respect copyright.PENANAh5O05iZusM
I glance in Jessy and Amy’s direction. He has disappeared while she returns to us, blowing : 204Please respect copyright.PENANAHIyS2H9IHs
— This guy is weird ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAeUKhoKNFIA
— What happened with Jessy ? I said, trying to contain my relief.204Please respect copyright.PENANAau6uD88IpA
— I don’t know, I was talking to him and, suddenly, he went out to get some fresh air. Who invited him anyway ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAtf3yerUMgK
— It's me. We had a class together, I told him it would be the best way to meet people.204Please respect copyright.PENANAj0KTNGlFle
How nice Chad is ! That's why I love him, my heart reminds me.204Please respect copyright.PENANAAGCZPVWMrq
— I’m going to try to find out who brought the alcohol, he continues.204Please respect copyright.PENANAtuRWm2QSt3
— I am coming with you.204Please respect copyright.PENANAZWwr4xKdF9
We leave Amy in the living room and head towards the kitchen. A group of American football players, of which Chad is the quarterback, are seated there.204Please respect copyright.PENANAzl7cFMOQ1Z
— Damn, you guys are annoying ! I warned you though : no alcohol.204Please respect copyright.PENANAzvnD3pFkAl
My boyfriend raises his voice.204Please respect copyright.PENANA5JxpEYvmeD
— Relax, Chad, it's just beers.204Please respect copyright.PENANAqs1SagNRZe
— Beers or not, if my parents find out I'll be in big trouble, get rid of it ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAfs6z5DGXO8
The five young people take their bottles while complaining and drop one which spills down the front of my dress.204Please respect copyright.PENANALUSa2ULYJ3
— It’s clever ! Chad exclaims as I gape.204Please respect copyright.PENANA6CAt3Dh21Q
I grab a roll of paper towels and try to wipe the alcohol off, to no avail.204Please respect copyright.PENANA9JcYnHuCpB
— Come with me, my boyfriend said, taking me by the hand. I don't mean to be offensive, but you stink of alcohol. We're going to have problems with your parents if you leave like that again.204Please respect copyright.PENANAA3OCODU01a
— I know, it’s because of your stupid friends ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAdzZWWT4jmB
— I'm sorry. I have an idea. Go take a shower, and in the meantime, I'll wash and dry your dress and off you go, neither seen nor known ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAF2d9rSFd7B
Having little choice, I accept.204Please respect copyright.PENANAUO3JMdY1AQ
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Several minutes later, which seemed like an eternity, I found Chad in his room. I am in my bathrobe and my boyfriend is holding my clean dress in his hands when there is a knock at the door. Neither of us has time to make a move that Amy and Pearl are already initiating. They stand in the doorway, look at us and mutter an apology before closing the door, giggling.204Please respect copyright.PENANAvgKjyXDm9r
— Great, they’re going to think anything now, I mutter angrily.204Please respect copyright.PENANATaQXtb2ETz
— But no, they are your friends. You just need to explain the situation to them when we get down.204Please respect copyright.PENANAy1yUJ11LqL
I'm not convinced, but Chad is right, they are my friends, they will definitely believe me. And then, I have nothing to reproach myself for.204Please respect copyright.PENANAf3GznrOeL3
Clearly, this evening is far from being the evening I dreamed of ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAzvUEvxB2Fw
When we join the guests on the ground floor, I immediately feel that they are staring at me with eloquent little smiles. I'm going to pour myself a glass of non alcoholic punch when Amy and Pearl come to talk to me.204Please respect copyright.PENANAdn7niRUGcR
— So, Meg, how was it ? Is Chad as good a shot as he seems ? Amy asks me, with a spark of curiosity in her eyes.204Please respect copyright.PENANA5R47vSsz5z
— What are you talking about ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAHZYniUs6A3
— Of you and Chad half naked in his room ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAlqQStclMR7
— That’s not at all what you think ! Nothing happened ! Some idiots had spilled beer on me. I had to take a shower while Chad cleaned my dress and he was dressed in case you didn't notice ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAz6TS8gDhvS
It annoys me to have to justify myself as if I had committed a crime.204Please respect copyright.PENANAj7zc7dM4LX
— But of course ! Pearl replies, giggling with Amy before walking away towards other students in our class.204Please respect copyright.PENANAlTry7LPVNu
This story is crazy, and the worst part is that no one wants to believe me, not even my best friends, at least the ones I thought were real friends. The looks that I already found embarrassing became even more insistent, and shame invaded me. It’s a shame to feel this ! Sensing my discomfort, Chad comes to join me.204Please respect copyright.PENANAjOxyzqqjmB
— I'm going back.204Please respect copyright.PENANASiQTMlcEWM
— But no, stay, you're not going to let these idiots ruin your evening ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAgzvDHAkirh
He hugs me tightly to reassure me, but204Please respect copyright.PENANAI562EV84LY
I gently push him away. There are already enough comments as it is, there is no point in adding more.204Please respect copyright.PENANAeKMpXPbnHI
— No, I'm going back. See you tomorrow ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAiYrXNxoRmO
Disappointed, he acquiesces. I kiss him on the tips of his lips as we usually do.204Please respect copyright.PENANAM1FnCTmqTG
— You don’t want me to take you home ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAiUgvskjxeN
— I need to walk...204Please respect copyright.PENANAMX9SObANar
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It feels good to be alone and to be able to enjoy the peace and quiet of the cool night. The moon just makes a crescent in the sky. Looking up, I admire the stars which, far from everything, don't care about the gossip that runs on Earth. Tears burn my eyes, I feel more alone than ever on this Earth which is definitely not running smoothly.204Please respect copyright.PENANAOmjjbL7Hyj
— Did you need to get some fresh air ? A soft voice nearby asks, bringing me out of my reverie.204Please respect copyright.PENANAhimQQbsmHJ
Jessy is by my side, looking up to the sky.204Please respect copyright.PENANAFZUv3Hhb2M
— Yes. Exactly. You too ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAyyyDubOIzV
This is the first time I've seen him up close. Immediately, my heart races. A small diamond shines in his ear, replacing the cross he wore during the day. Two locks frame his forehead, falling in front of his eyes when he lowers his head. I know I shouldn't stare at him like that, but I can't help it. I feel like an insect attracted by a light that hypnotizes it. He looks at me, gives me a smile. Why do I feel so intimidated around him ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAFOGV8SbPyF
A breath of wind rises, making me shiver. Jessy takes off his black leather jacket and hands it to me, I put it on and thank him. Does he notice my trouble ? I don't know, but from his piercing gaze, I suspect he's enjoying the situation.204Please respect copyright.PENANA4eWmqxWDUK
— Yes, I needed to get some fresh air too, I don’t really like crowds. I saw you leaving, I thought maybe you’d like some company ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANASXbTo79I2l
— If you want, I shrug casually while being happy that he noticed me. Jessy, is that right ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAeDnEkSWUec
He nods with a smile.
— I'm Meg...
— Megan, I know.204Please respect copyright.PENANA45GAvXik1U
I look at him, surprised.204Please respect copyright.PENANAgMBMYvYPRm
— Good. What else do you know about me ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAJzQ8M8r6Iz
— Let’s see… You’re the best student in class, and you’re dating the star player of the football team.204Please respect copyright.PENANAwSTvfGsaGL
— You're good ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAuoOMAMv22w
— I guess you must have heard something about me too ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAFxD7MA7t7K
— Not much, actually. I just know that you are seventeen, that you have just arrived in Millisky and that you are repeating your school year.204Please respect copyright.PENANAmp3J0QteBf
— Everything is true. It's not that serious ? What upsets you..., he adds to my astonishment.204Please respect copyright.PENANA0s2Yv3pz3p
— No, there are much worse things in life. It's nothing, just nonsense.204Please respect copyright.PENANAnRyYHJ7b0L
— If it’s so harmless, then why did you leave your boyfriend’s party ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAbJG2rgQkk8
— Maybe because, this evening, I saw the true faces of my so called friends. My confidence in them melted like snow in the sun.204Please respect copyright.PENANAJLWgMCaSBc
Jessy sighs as she looks up again to look at the starry sky.204Please respect copyright.PENANAlRDAYLcbS5
— I know this feeling of disappointment well.204Please respect copyright.PENANAyWmZCllPl9
— Did this happen to you too ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAoLs1WK6Ima
He seems surprised that I am interested in him and turns to me, burying his hands in the pockets of his pants.204Please respect copyright.PENANAiZEtzZAwhf
— To be betrayed, disappointed ? Oh yes ! Although I don't understand why your friends would turn their backs on you.204Please respect copyright.PENANAO4DN3GUW7q
— Haven't you heard the gossip spread by Amy and Pearl ? They told everyone that I slept with Chad. Even though I told them that this is not the case, they did not believe me, and worse, they preferred to continue to denigrate me.204Please respect copyright.PENANAZn24TiMuHr
As I tell him this, I search his eyes to check if he is sincere or if he is making fun of me like the others.204Please respect copyright.PENANAaUVCxb24jN
— I have learned to no longer listen, and even less believe, what people say out of pure malice or jealousy. I am convinced that you are telling the truth.204Please respect copyright.PENANA98hECQ59Vo
— You seem very sure of yourself for someone who doesn’t know me ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAu0HFZns5Ri
He locks his gaze on mine before responding : 204Please respect copyright.PENANA5zWZWFWeC0
— I see in you.204Please respect copyright.PENANArMPrC1yvxm
This response leaves me speechless and upsets me more than it should. Faced with him, with his words, I feel lost. Fortunately, we arrived on my street and I just want to be alone to try to analyze what I feel.204Please respect copyright.PENANAlkjqxpzxla
— Thank you, I said, handing him back his jacket. And thank you for taking me home.204Please respect copyright.PENANANtOElP1XIS
— At your service, he says, turning left while I continue straight.204Please respect copyright.PENANAzC01xViQUl
204Please respect copyright.PENANAHiSQZ0u4JZ
204Please respect copyright.PENANAhafdqIq5pU
The following days, nothing erases this attraction which pushes me towards Jessy. This makes me feel so guilty that I try to focus on my relationship with Chad, without really succeeding. As for Jessy, I feel like he's been running away from me since the other night. He looks away as soon as I look at him and doesn't speak to me anymore. I don't know what I did wrong for him to ignore me like that, but it pains me a lot. Perhaps he also ended up believing the nonsense that was circulated about my relationship ? If that were the case, I would be extremely hurt.204Please respect copyright.PENANA7Q0sa6hCJL
It was during history class that the teacher gave me the opportunity to get closer to him.204Please respect copyright.PENANARqJgn9IFGS
— I asked each of you to write a presentation on the last lesson.204Please respect copyright.PENANAgUE7DxGfin
At these words, several students point to their copy on their table.204Please respect copyright.PENANAEwkSKs4HMa
— Jessy, can you pick them up ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAUxfvsrBeN5
This one executes. When he reaches my height, his gaze finally anchors on mine. I feel like seconds are becoming minutes. At this very moment, I realize how much I've missed Jessy these past few days. His hand brushes against mine as I hand him my paper, making me want to grab it and never let go.204Please respect copyright.PENANAi0WmyMYn5m
As if reading my thoughts, Jessy narrows his eyes slightly and purses his lips. Then he turns away towards the next table, breaking the spell that united us as the professor continues speaking : 204Please respect copyright.PENANAaIAXoyLeZp
— To find out what you have learned from this course, I have prepared a written quiz for you.204Please respect copyright.PENANAQWUlQ2IBMQ
Immediately, boos are heard.204Please respect copyright.PENANA8AX3DpGD2X
— Yes, I know, I'm not nice. While you answer the questionnaire, I will go through your presentations and form teams of two. For next week, you will have to refine your different points of view, compare them, in order to share them in front of the whole class.204Please respect copyright.PENANAH56L32edsl
Although I am a good student, I don't particularly enjoy being on the board in front of everyone else and am already worried about who I will have to work with. As long as it's neither with Amy nor with204Please respect copyright.PENANA9S6cTUCnGj
Pearl. I haven't spoken to them since the party at Chad's.204Please respect copyright.PENANA4iEVl3GOpV
They tried to come see me on Monday but I totally ignored them. Even if I find myself alone most of the time, Chad does not share all of my classes, I prefer that to being poorly accompanied.204Please respect copyright.PENANAt2B2SGnM3u
For long minutes, I put these thoughts aside to concentrate on the questioning.204Please respect copyright.PENANAS8Eevjrw0H
When I finish, I raise my head and look behind me, towards Jessy who finishes a few seconds after me.204Please respect copyright.PENANAJjkKXpDuNQ
The teacher notices us because he tells us : 204Please respect copyright.PENANAI38uKgVxFK
— Alright. Megan and Jessy, you'll be teaming up next week. You can go.204Please respect copyright.PENANA3pvng3Gxr9
At the same time, we get up and put our homework on the teacher's desk before leaving the classroom.204Please respect copyright.PENANAM3XPT6WwdR
I thought we were going to be able to discuss this project but already Jessy is quickly moving away.204Please respect copyright.PENANAMr4cpuVf3p
— Jessy, wait ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAjq6agTbyTD
He slows down, but doesn't stop.204Please respect copyright.PENANAFFl6rPo1vg
— We need to discuss how we are going to approach this presentation.204Please respect copyright.PENANAGm7cUOmiEB
His shoulders relax and he exhales.204Please respect copyright.PENANAgVElkjhQ7m
— I don't like working with others. So I suggest you do your part on your own, I will do the same and we will meet again before the next class to compare our points of view.204Please respect copyright.PENANAOnlD6T254h
— Thank you for your proposal but I refuse. There's no way I'm going to get a bad grade because you're antisocial.204Please respect copyright.PENANA4wW3eDgtGz
— I'm not…204Please respect copyright.PENANA8dtedbYnLq
Before he finishes his sentence, I raise an eyebrow which interrupts him.204Please respect copyright.PENANAIYxvcKblkk
— Okay, maybe I am a little, he admits with a little smile. Alright, you win Megan.204Please respect copyright.PENANANRkKytIctI
Feeling like I need to take advantage of my advantage before he changes his mind, I quickly scribble my address on a piece of paper and hand it to him.204Please respect copyright.PENANAm6N0zKr9aK
— Come to my place at the end of classes, we will be quiet to study.204Please respect copyright.PENANAwrk5bvwJw2
— Thanks for the address but we could just as easily meet up after school and go to your house together.204Please respect copyright.PENANADghMa8HSPl
Why didn't I think of that ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAdwEWoI8DwO
I refrain from slapping myself.204Please respect copyright.PENANAzNF16N4orm
Embarrassed by my stupidity, I smile shyly. Jessy leans towards me, slips my address into his pocket and adds mischievously : 204Please respect copyright.PENANAolD9a4pzvb
— I'm keeping it anyway. You never know, you might get lost along the way.204Please respect copyright.PENANAcyGYnsl7yQ
I don't understand why just looking at him, talking to him, puts me in this state. I feel my cheeks on fire and I am certain that when I open my mouth, nothing but nonsense comes out.204Please respect copyright.PENANAvlR7ZNbWxc
But what is happening to me ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAfVPOQnJT0r
204Please respect copyright.PENANA8bawyzy5KF
During the next class, I feel Chad's gaze, sitting at the desk next to mine, weighing on me suspiciously. I do my best to appear comfortable and innocent until he hands me a paper.204Please respect copyright.PENANAKQd849B2bQ
What's going on with Jessy ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAwFKd87csp4
Astonished, I wrote : 204Please respect copyright.PENANA0zSUvSHvDO
What ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAwfNec9BDkX
Chad's response was quick : 204Please respect copyright.PENANAIRmFIzjsK4
Amy told me you two seem close and that I should be worried. It's the case ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANApWR5ixi7HF
Anger replaces disbelief. What the hell is his problem ? Is she not tired of taking care of my life, of making up stories for me ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANA9sr88VzivA
No, not at all. We just have a presentation to make together. 204Please respect copyright.PENANAUxFktAl20m
A smile lights up Chad's features. I managed to reassure him, yet I fear I may not have been completely honest with him.204Please respect copyright.PENANA9TieEPLTqx
As I look at his profile, I have to recognize that my boyfriend no longer inspires in me the feelings that inspired me just a few months ago. I feel myself detaching myself from Chad, I come to wonder if I was only in love with him one day or if I have always confused love and friendship. Slipping my hands through my hair, I breathe deeply. The only thing I know for sure is that I am lost in my emotions.204Please respect copyright.PENANA34VIQdj521
204Please respect copyright.PENANAGW8eZXNrOX
204Please respect copyright.PENANAUhe2ohRVVM
At the end of class, Jessy comes to join me, backpack on his shoulder and a book in hand.204Please respect copyright.PENANAUTY3PzyW8j
— I love this book. I must have read it about ten times since last year, he tells me. I thought you might like to read it ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAnWD1KZCQ0y
While walking the streets, I quickly skim a few pages.204Please respect copyright.PENANAraLgy1NynC
— Do you mind if I save it to read tonight ? I'll give it back to you tomorrow.204Please respect copyright.PENANAB9cIChBZA0
— On the contrary. It’s so rare that I meet people who like to read something other than comics.204Please respect copyright.PENANAjS596icmVT
— I understand you. Comics are Chad's favorite reading.204Please respect copyright.PENANAxLRAuUjqkV
— I'm not surprised, Chad seems more of an athlete than a cerebral one.204Please respect copyright.PENANALcF7OuVLbD
I am left speechless.204Please respect copyright.PENANAfJkwUg3DSI
— Are you always this frank ? Can't help but ask him.204Please respect copyright.PENANANuqLshx4Yz
He shrugs his shoulders while responding : 204Please respect copyright.PENANA2MkYtQw32O
— Very often. I hurt you ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAJpgKEnDbwm
I thought for a few seconds before answering him.204Please respect copyright.PENANA3HlZrxCwzu
— No. I must admit that it is the truth.204Please respect copyright.PENANAnDoXcX4nEm
His smile widens, making me melt a little more.204Please respect copyright.PENANAjp7WqDx7AP
Arriving home, we sit in the living room and chat about the homework we have handed in. We both think we'll get good grades. My mother comes home from work and walks into the living room, surprising us. I suddenly feel uncomfortable being with a boy other than Chad under my parents' roof. I jump up, followed by my guest.204Please respect copyright.PENANAKPXdbPrxgh
— Hey, Ch…, it’s not Chad, she smiled.204Please respect copyright.PENANAoqlj6Apiwc
— Mom, this is Jessy.204Please respect copyright.PENANAl9Ypopu4aC
They greet each other.204Please respect copyright.PENANAojOCHTLIdb
— We have a presentation to give to the whole class about the Second World War.204Please respect copyright.PENANAc45cI73ekd
With a nod, Jessy confirms my words. Since my mother arrived, he hasn't said a word, and seems intimidated. This adds as evidence : 204Please respect copyright.PENANASI1fVYiefd
— Jessy, are you staying to eat with us this evening ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAyjJ4qjebj0
He shrugs his shoulders.204Please respect copyright.PENANAfJsog8AWsH
— I don't want to bother you…204Please respect copyright.PENANADBCqzzMU1i
— Don't worry, I still cook too much since Nick left for college.204Please respect copyright.PENANADv1SmyxRyn
— Nicolas is my older brother…204Please respect copyright.PENANAA4G08SeVRC
— It would be a pleasure to have you with us. My husband is tired of being surrounded by girls.204Please respect copyright.PENANAoW8LcPAztX
— Okay then, Jessy said, smiling. Thanks ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANA6UqkpiGWOK
A little later, he met my father, then Nina. When it was time to sit down at the table, without anyone telling her, Jessy naturally took a seat next to me. I control myself so as not to let my disorder appear in front of those close to me. I feel myself vibrate every time his arm brushes mine. From time to time, Jessy looks at me sideways and gives a little amused smile, and I immediately blush ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAQGdagSChHA
The meal passes in a good atmosphere until Nina, as usual, says out loud what she is thinking : 204Please respect copyright.PENANAgJDodPjonf
— You're not bad, Jessy, but I prefer Chad. It is awesome ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAaNSpMdyewt
— Nina ! We don't say that kind of thing ! Reprimands my mother.204Please respect copyright.PENANAkb2VbSPWNo
— For what ? I tell the truth.204Please respect copyright.PENANAuTVWYxdJDh
— Chad is nice, Jessy responds politely.204Please respect copyright.PENANA480OSNpEPz
— And he’s strong ! Nina continues, making me want to throw myself over the table and strangle her.204Please respect copyright.PENANAYGaETM6bIK
— It’s true, Chad is a great athlete, adds my father. He also taught Megan how to drive. Considering the number of guests at his party the other night, he's also very popular. He has everything going for him, this boy, says my father, whom I would like to strangle at the same time as my sister.204Please respect copyright.PENANA5XJs4QI1c3
— It’s true that he’s really lucky, Jessy whispers, looking at me.204Please respect copyright.PENANAk8mFcgscBY
I stare at him, not knowing how to react. I have a sudden and insane desire to throw myself into his arms to kiss him, this idea scares me as much as his words made me happy. Also, I'm left speechless, which makes him smile more.204Please respect copyright.PENANAKRhHJRY7Mx
At the end of the meal, Jessy helps me clear the table, then asks me where the bathroom is. I tell him. My mother then approaches me and gives me a little smile.204Please respect copyright.PENANADL4q3MPrJL
— This boy is very nice, she comments quietly so that only I can hear. And very cute at that.204Please respect copyright.PENANAumt8fhmUCy
I glance at him sideways, smiling.204Please respect copyright.PENANAcLGJj1ilMv
"I suppose you know what you're doing ? "204Please respect copyright.PENANAQ68AZKLCgH
— Not really.204Please respect copyright.PENANAnnX5UmVEOh
— Meg, you’re sixteen. You didn't make a lifelong commitment to Chad. You are all young, you have the right to be carefree. I was, at your age, and I didn't know your father until much later, when I decided to settle down.204Please respect copyright.PENANAFHdZIDTo8Z
— You know very well that I am too serious to let myself be guided by my emotions without having first thought for hours.204Please respect copyright.PENANAq8kiRVWwIt
— Yes, I know, my mother sighs. And at first glance, I would say that Jessy seems to be just like you.204Please respect copyright.PENANAIVh38SPRnJ
— You think that…204Please respect copyright.PENANAOFe6wT3JS9
I want to ask her if she thinks Jessy is interested in me, but I leave it hanging when I see him coming back to us.204Please respect copyright.PENANAOqjfqjk8jd
— Thank you very much for inviting me to your table. It's getting late, I'm going to go home.204Please respect copyright.PENANApFsRZk6sA4
— Wait, I'm going to walk with you for a while.204Please respect copyright.PENANALLNI0Lb3ON
Jessy nods before going to grab his jacket hanging on a hook in the entryway.204Please respect copyright.PENANAjJIIHypkgL
— Thanks again ! Have a good evening everyone, he says as he leaves.204Please respect copyright.PENANAWovhuV78KQ
— Megan ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANA5qapsgkpzI
I turn to my mother who is standing in the hallway, at the entrance to the kitchen.204Please respect copyright.PENANAnlzLzxAlkj
— I am sure of it ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAUMnOwrdQRj
I give him a big smile.204Please respect copyright.PENANAjClNUkARxS
— She is sure of what ? Asks Jessy who heard everything from the porch.204Please respect copyright.PENANANbZs3i3iod
— Oh, you're welcome, just something I asked him.204Please respect copyright.PENANAxbzc7uyZXy
Fortunately, he doesn't insist.204Please respect copyright.PENANA41TPvhcaKy
We walk down the sidewalk in silence.204Please respect copyright.PENANAJLYKfzg1dx
My neighborhood is a quiet place, where all the houses204Please respect copyright.PENANARRKGMigcOx
look alike with their little white fence surrounding the garden. Only the colors of the houses vary from one to another, sometimes white with blue shutters, sometimes brown with red shutters. Our family home is cream with green shutters. My father makes a point of maintaining it well, repainting it as soon as the paint shows signs of age, and mowing the lawn regularly. This corner of the city is not known for being the richest, but at least its inhabitants ensure that nothing can damage it. I love this quiet little town which seems to live as if in a cocoon where nothing serious ever happens and where the smallest event, like the arrival of Jessy, is experienced as big news. This thought pulls me out of my reverie and, turning back to my companion, I decide to question him.204Please respect copyright.PENANAT2p3h8opJ5
— Did you move here alone ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANA49kHrX3zir
This seems incongruous to me since he is only seventeen, but I never see him with anyone, not even in town.204Please respect copyright.PENANAVQSzjig8QV
— No, I live with my mother.204Please respect copyright.PENANAevsWwA49BS
— And your father ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAPNXjz4asQR
— My father died when I was a kid.204Please respect copyright.PENANAHYfScPJIhm
— Sorry.204Please respect copyright.PENANA5GIQCHmj3H
— It's nothing. My mother remarried and I have a little brother, Jason, who is now seven.204Please respect copyright.PENANAQZMy4znURy
— So your father in law and your brother live with you ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAXZtzrDlgDU
Jessy grimace. 204Please respect copyright.PENANA53V8IEiwBb
— No, they stayed in Allentown.204Please respect copyright.PENANADmOcrm52RI
— For what ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAo6YgMoy8GS
Jessy gives me a big smile while answering : 204Please respect copyright.PENANALdJ1hM2v68
— Joker ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANASBdfZwKWxo
Preferring not to insist, I move on to other questions : 204Please respect copyright.PENANA7xBFul3ORC
— Why did you leave Allentown ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAYLnACYZueG
— Re joker ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAAoOiRMxAFE
— OK. I always see you alone... but you must have friends ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAKeirbWOZlC
— You know, I just arrived and I don’t know anyone yet, except you. In Allentown, I had friends, or so I thought, but..., he interrupts himself, purses his lips, shaking his head : 204Please respect copyright.PENANAINEf0yidLV
— I don't want to talk about it... Let's just say, sometimes you think you know people and you're wrong.
— Like me the other night...204Please respect copyright.PENANAbq1ADCmbBR
Looking serious, he nods.204Please respect copyright.PENANAN2QrHJkmsP
— So you’re from Allentown ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAKGTihme88A
— Yes, I lived in a small neighborhood where everyone had known each other forever, a bit like this one. (He looks around.) Except that in town, we couldn't see the stars as well.204Please respect copyright.PENANAEDthcokWMW
I follow his gaze, staring at the sky illuminated by hundreds of sparkling points that no cloud hides. I feel very small and fragile in the face of this immensity. It's strange to find myself next to this boy to whom I feel close and who, at the same time, intimidates me so much.204Please respect copyright.PENANA00efQL3lzE
— Your family loves Chad very much, he said suddenly, breaking this magical moment. How long have you been together ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAtBIVrWmAvU
I sit on the low wall bordering a house for sale.204Please respect copyright.PENANAojlaab7bcY
— My father was a big athlete in high school and I think he recognizes himself in Chad. My mother finds him cute and nice, and my sister is in love with him, I think ! (I smile.) He and I have known each other for a very long time, since kindergarten in fact…204Please respect copyright.PENANADNbIDNYikg
— And you’ve always loved him, Jessy adds, sitting down next to me.204Please respect copyright.PENANAIHlYOcKPG5
I blush and lower my head.204Please respect copyright.PENANAhPSFQqCvmz
— It’s complicated… But let’s talk about you instead. Did you leave a girlfriend in Allentown ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAikpF5ve9xI
Jessy turns to me and raises his eyebrows, visibly surprised. I stare at him, both impatient and dreading his answer.204Please respect copyright.PENANAB0B7bRTobi
— Your question is strange...
— Why ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAkdvEFYUTme
— Because you're dating the perfect guy according to everyone around you, so I wonder what your questioning is hiding.204Please respect copyright.PENANAnzI1b3iqOV
— It wasn’t you who told me that you shouldn’t necessarily listen to what others say ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAsmchX7Hh1y
— Touché, he smiled. Let's say I had a girlfriend.204Please respect copyright.PENANAte0WYaoEkH
— You still have ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAd9YMjXws6l
— Well no, we split up...204Please respect copyright.PENANAEoXhtTvaoi
I don't give him time to finish his sentence as my lips are already on his. Immediately, he kisses me back.204Please respect copyright.PENANANstivgv2H4
His lips are soft and warm on mine, I feel him slide a hand to my waist, pulling me closer to him until, as suddenly as it began, he pushes me back forcefully before standing up abruptly. jump, visibly annoyed.204Please respect copyright.PENANAgS5cxv6Bha
— That’s not true ! Why did you do it ? He writes to himself while standing in front of me, hands on hips waiting for a response.204Please respect copyright.PENANAImnwzciNjT
— I don’t know, I said as sincerely as possible. Since I met you, I have felt lost. I don't know why but I feel like I've known you forever and this feeling totally upsets me. I was hoping you felt the same way I did.204Please respect copyright.PENANAuXSu1TboAV
Far from calming down, Jessy walks away from me, walking as quickly as he can. I get up and run after him.204Please respect copyright.PENANAdnxSj2ShjH
— Jessy, wait ! What is happening ? Please don't tell me that kiss was that bad ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAkPs0BYuo49
He doesn't stop though. I grab him by one arm, forcing him to stop his way.204Please respect copyright.PENANAZa2HCd7bG4
He glares at me.204Please respect copyright.PENANANYU4QH9p4v
— I'm sorry if... I shouldn't have kissed you, but I honestly thought you wanted to too.204Please respect copyright.PENANAHnzIwFvqyI
— It is, he whispers, staring at me.204Please respect copyright.PENANAdGBGTRpabE
— So where is the problem ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANA1rcK3Ow4I4
— I can not do that.204Please respect copyright.PENANAvSNYRQuHmq
— But why ? I know that compared to Chad it's a bad thing but...204Please respect copyright.PENANARp0GIXpOPL
— It has nothing to do with him. The problem is me. I'm not made for love, he gets angry again. I gave too much, now that is forbidden to me.204Please respect copyright.PENANAJekP0i5hp0
He frees himself from my hand before continuing on his way. Staying there, I say to him : 204Please respect copyright.PENANA8PegN0KZV4
— I don't understand ! You can't pretend to want to kiss me and then run away like that a second later. It's not me who made you suffer so why should I pay for what others made you endure ? I'm not your ex ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANATqs3jtpdmx
Abruptly, he stops his running, turns around before coming back towards me. His features are distorted by anger but I also read a form of pain there.204Please respect copyright.PENANABkloFEiLbR
— No, you are not the one who changed my life and I in no way wish to become the one who changes yours in the same way ! My life is ruined Meg, I'm already at the end. I'm going to die, he adds when he sees that I don't understand his words.204Please respect copyright.PENANABwLw9725l4
— Wh... What ? I stammer, in shock.204Please respect copyright.PENANAyBqGysOdgQ
He gets closer. His face is only a few centimeters from mine.204Please respect copyright.PENANAs3IdSGdxJ2
— Meg, I'm HIV positive. I have the AIDS virus, he admits quietly so that no one else can hear him, although the street is deserted. So stay away from me, believe me it's better ! 204Please respect copyright.PENANAKUGaZ0MxLu
He leaves as quickly as possible. Soon night envelops it completely. For a long moment, I stay there, dismayed, unable to make the slightest gesture, no longer knowing what to think. His words seem to spin in my head like a wild merry go round that no one can stop. I don't know how long I stand on that sidewalk looking in his direction long after he's gone.204Please respect copyright.PENANABjDlGu28fe
204Please respect copyright.PENANA9cqPtSi3HG
204Please respect copyright.PENANA4ecYGfdp43
When I get home, I try not to let anything show and lock myself in the kitchen. I thought I would be safe, but as soon as I closed the door, my mother opened it and stuck her head in.204Please respect copyright.PENANAvJnGwlOzmm
— Are you okay, Meg ? You're very pale, aren't you sick ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANA5SIbrA6exh
— Everything is fine. I miss Nicolas, I would like to talk to him.204Please respect copyright.PENANAVj4rhyczX5
Understanding the message, my mother nods and closes the door behind her. Immediately, I grab the phone and dial my brother’s number. Luckily he answers after two rings.204Please respect copyright.PENANAnuj47w4CRs
— Hello ? he says, happily.204Please respect copyright.PENANAccb2xtWjms
— Nick, it’s me.204Please respect copyright.PENANAmz5XtYUMiT
I'm having a hard time keeping the tremors in my voice at bay.204Please respect copyright.PENANAkMJZGvZND4
— Meg, what’s going on ? He worries.204Please respect copyright.PENANATEWAZSVXgp
The day I met Jessy, I told my brother that same evening. He seemed happy that a boy other than Chad was messing with me. For some reason, Nick always grimaced at my relationship with Chad. 204Please respect copyright.PENANAYGFHDZIHc4
— Jessy came to the house for dinner this evening... 204Please respect copyright.PENANA2Yyn1gQGZ4
— Oh, he sighs, he threw you away.204Please respect copyright.PENANAWK6nUWYbsF
I think about the way I kissed him and feel myself blushing again. If I had known how he was going to push me away, I would never have let myself be carried away by my desire.204Please respect copyright.PENANAcgugIWAYMP
— Yes, but that’s not the worst, I sob. Jessy admitted to me that she was sick.204Please respect copyright.PENANAXcHjWfSinX
Realizing the horror of the situation, I fall to the ground. I am not afraid of AIDS, I know that I risk nothing. But I am terrified for Jessy, for his future which is likely to be short. My brother doesn't speak, he gives me time to calm down. When my sobs dry up, I continue : 204Please respect copyright.PENANAH84rmhj8Kw
— Jessy is HIV positive, I blurt out in one breath.204Please respect copyright.PENANAyVGHrvfu1r
A gasp of surprise escapes my brother.204Please respect copyright.PENANAjAFGwx6gJE
— Okay, he breathes, making me understand that he’s thinking about the situation. What are you going to do ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAD1OINatHGo
— I don't know. Nick, I need to know your opinion.204Please respect copyright.PENANAXud3pQBYqw
— I admit that I didn't expect that at all. Do you see yourself turning your back on him ? 204Please respect copyright.PENANAsZ2A8p9Eqy
— I wouldn't be able to.204Please respect copyright.PENANAJCgAzFqODr
— Meg, I know this probably isn't the kind of relationship you imagined, but based on what you've told me so far about this guy, I think right now he especially needs support and friendship. Don’t reject him because he doesn’t match your ideal.204Please respect copyright.PENANAOqPfHaiRSY
— Exactly, he corresponds to my ideal and the fact that he is ill changes nothing. If I am devastated it is because AIDS is an incurable disease. I don't want him to die, Nick, I'm crying again.204Please respect copyright.PENANAihLZ8Zk1fu
I am aware that I have only known him for a short time but, without being able to explain it, he has already marked my existence.204Please respect copyright.PENANAT3TvtIGsaI
— Come on, little sister, don’t cry. For now, Jessy is alive and, even if he keeps you at a distance, I'm sure he would be happy to have you in his life. Try to make him smile while he's here. He must need to think about something other than this crap.204Please respect copyright.PENANA0gzZJuJ4g1
— You're right. Nick, what I confided to you must absolutely remain between us. No one should know.204Please respect copyright.PENANAFbDrAXDSBz
— Finally you know me ! Come on now tell me how he dumped you ! He laughs as I bite my lip in shame.