Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkRvWnXC73
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPN0m8TwvJ
Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrG1VBNOpWe
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBypinK2kL
Her face remains serene.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmo50eMeCJ8
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7rr6GXClb
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGaoNveBJ2
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWzYgVhyw5
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPEQgNFBJI
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFaMRm4OGF
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbAcV0sLhM
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Y9XVL8NTd
This should have been her beginning.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rq7SI7cs6
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBz94L3rSdF
*/*/*926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvknZX6KKL
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbiGee6pYN
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIysGeHdbFN
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJT05ieFaFN
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrMOwARHsr
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5YiqUHxZj
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsdKD0jFiA
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcvSUVH5du
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHVtwPFNE9
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQ3L4FIEMk
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyShQIr87c6
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWdAFZvnyE
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcwOP7MaLf
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84TBgoTmMa
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI37yCe3EkT
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZlJSObmos
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8b1l28Ihv4
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedG6XkvyS5
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lpqSAazbU
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXlxUcVLuH
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyJArMAXZI
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnYB2puvbN
*/*/*926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡld27y2BTYE
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvAHiFytWS
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKERfanQg3N
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtaLOqR2MF
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KrtFcTvyT
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPM1Go1AUP
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQK6c7UiUi
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRMS0FP70l
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RA3QbkshB
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbvorgzRYK
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyW2Y588mdE
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDX3SE0dHL
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoymdoUgu4d
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjBRuFK7vP
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLPvfO8MiU
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oKUobNBKZ
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCSgLVhvXz
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouArZvEVmW
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfnMcd7aIX
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYK9sYfqkB
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DMncu8RGQ
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZMUvCMYUD
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOvRKu2T3c
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgwzjQNV6n
*/*/*926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fWAAmi6Nc
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOyRWPojbhK
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTX523oFy7
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDucTjb67M
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhEby12O5K
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42drlwCLwM
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYwqSRd33d
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKRgF95aD6
She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9h6DS3Zqf0
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VUfciBwnq
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ko6aQR24N
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7YwlzanX55
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQw57jxsfa
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyqx8FfGao
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndHgZdwmkB
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OrL2cWYYi
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcM1L9nimKO
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurAvAD7XQ1
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbj998KpIJ
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOJG2UCc5J
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc98NlYcEKJ
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6KVyxVTwW
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tx2aTbn7u
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kM8omVdxX
*/*/*926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsVbN2vwM6
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSS52vWK4yc
Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOeI3LkVvDz
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0mFXOdCrE
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KYIIqaVnK
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0kh9h0u83
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqmH5D0xtp
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYTSdTzXtp
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIsyxdOiGi
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2z7B9OZ32M
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6hY8gNh3O
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYW2lht5zDP
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSSt90R8Qi
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLqZardc3j
*/*/*926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqb8dkf0i2W
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2kIquqlA6
The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJjNQGAQ4x
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7jI5oD5X3
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWs3MgoeGv
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtpDhFf0AP
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyT1RInJhW
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrywsIjPYVs
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNov4sNfG1y
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMaW7JafHn
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59EWP706HB
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyMFnWYU2s
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOHHSYwlTm
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNYn2sACNm
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKH9jPkQlo
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMZJ87KoUe
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu1ZBtJtHfY
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMynNMSyQJ2
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2GoOeXElB
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJltnWYkl7X
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwEPo9UNV5
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGEhQwxQs6
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfotSLQH7ej
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluk4EfPHoT
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDl51UIFWJ3
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtU57NtMMnR
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
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