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HIIIIIII ok so i'm not dead if you couldn't tell by the title. I know last time I was on here things got a little....dark- butttt i'm not dead dw. I'm very much alive.. I think. MOVING ON- I was just taking a huge mental break from this especially because I was having a lotttt of testing going on and shit just went crazy! Now I know it's been MONTHS but it was just a mental break I AM OKKK a lot better actually. But never fully healed lol. Um, today was actually a sad day for me, one of my friends who was in theatre club tried to OD and one of my other friends (also in theatre) found her in the school bathroom. They are both a grade below me so I didn't know until later but she's in the hospital now. So that's what happened today. I was...I don't know how to feel. She was being bullied and I don't know she just acted so normal...happy. And I know why she was putting up that act but I wish I could've done something. If I could I would save her a million times but I just couldn't. I didn't even...know. She's stable now I think I haven't gone to see her because apparently i'm not allowed right now but I hope I am able to see her again and just help her out a bit more.
This was the most recent death stuff i've been through but theres a lot more. My grandma died in these past few months and I didn't know how to feel about that either. She lived in Mexico. My dad hardly ever called and i never got a chance to meet her. I think I had a delayed reaction because when I found out I didn't cry. I only cried when I found out she was sick. It hurt. But when I heard that she was gone.. I didn't shed one tear. Afterward like two days later it just hit me. She's gone. And that's when I started to actually get super emotional. This happened a while ago. If I could bring her back and rid her of pain I would but I think it was also for the better. She was already sick and had a hard time. There's been a lot of death around me and I don't know why. One of my mom's friend's dad died. Let's call her S. S's dad died yesterday and I feel terrible. How quickly things can happen is scary. But he was also in pain and now he's not. He's not here at all. Lastly, a person from my moms job died we'll call her A. It was weird and sad. Her car stopped out in the open road and as she tried to get it fixed she got run over. She had two kids expecting her to come home after work and she never did. A guy from the same workplace was supposed to pick her up but this lady who concidentially made life hell for A distracted him with all her bullshit. If she hadn't pulled him aside she would still be here. It's horrible. That's all for now but it's funny how death is all around you and it can happen to anyone even if they play their cards right. Death and time don't stop for anyone.
If I was religious I would probably say "That's just God's plan." But i'm not very religious so fuck the world for this shit. This all happens so quickly but I have found ways to just...cope. That's it. Thanks for reading and actually caring lmao. BYEE TOUCH SOME GRASS BITCH!
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