A/N: A somewhat tongue-in-cheek skit as you can probably tell from the title, but this was plenty of fun to write. Maybe I'll return to properly finish it one day. 668Please respect copyright.PENANADphg4rzGsY
-:-668Please respect copyright.PENANAJptuQlcH4p
THE TYPICAL GOTHIC VICTORIAN MELODRAMA, ONLY GAYER AND LESS WHITE668Please respect copyright.PENANAZGZ3iw6QYb
CHARACTERS668Please respect copyright.PENANAXLy8zbAACK
CECIL - male, twenties, biracial, well-dressed668Please respect copyright.PENANAL4SLBuobBJ
XIUYING - female, twenties, Chinese, no-nonsense; a suffragette668Please respect copyright.PENANAtX9mPVXwnh
--668Please respect copyright.PENANAbTm76IDbiI
EXT. GARDEN BENCH, NIGHT668Please respect copyright.PENANAObUFTsw4ud
Early twentieth century. CECIL sits, head in his hands, as XIUYING studies a handwritten letter with furrowed brows. She carefully folds it back up and turns to CECIL.668Please respect copyright.PENANAiZ0zDMUKS0
XIUYING668Please respect copyright.PENANAeNChrxwwyZ
We don’t have much time.668Please respect copyright.PENANADfvq2yMpEQ
CECIL
I’m surprised we have any time left at all! It only came in the post this morning. What the hell am I going to do?668Please respect copyright.PENANAfNwUh2vA9B
XIUYING668Please respect copyright.PENANAxVBcubPuDO
First, you need to calm down so we can consider the situation. 668Please respect copyright.PENANATcIlijfHIH
CECIL668Please respect copyright.PENANAkDTLwGqYJ4
Calm? Calm? How can you expect me to stay calm after that? My lover is blackmailing me over poetry - explicit poetry that I sent him! He expects a thousand pounds by tonight, or else I’m in for ruin and two years hard labour!668Please respect copyright.PENANAJ6c9QkfDuB
XIUYING668Please respect copyright.PENANAjxKWscmYel
I understand you’re upset - 668Please respect copyright.PENANAXp5NtiALrj
CECIL668Please respect copyright.PENANAhZS6riO208
I damn well am! 668Please respect copyright.PENANApOYA6mYqIj
XIUYING668Please respect copyright.PENANAVAABuFmnXi
- but panicking will get nothing done. I am so sorry this happened, Cecil, and… I’m so sorry about Laurence.668Please respect copyright.PENANA1GzNt5qUr2
CECIL, stricken anew, breaks down. 668Please respect copyright.PENANAIhRhmm7PPM
CECIL668Please respect copyright.PENANAATPR1HX47C
Dear God, I trusted him. The first person I ever trusted with my love, and he betrayed me. I didn’t know he had it in him. We were all so careful. There was no possible chance of discovery. The three of us were the only ones who knew. I don’t understand why he could do this. 668Please respect copyright.PENANApa0DibHvHY
XIUYING668Please respect copyright.PENANA66WUj3eUi3
(slowly)668Please respect copyright.PENANA9uKrrgZNYl
As a matter of fact, I highly doubt it was him at all.668Please respect copyright.PENANAKGTvPZecMo
CECIL freezes and looks up at her. 668Please respect copyright.PENANAsHCdY9PCC2
CECIL668Please respect copyright.PENANAlsey4UjR3F
What?668Please respect copyright.PENANA4OasFHOoaR
XIUYING668Please respect copyright.PENANAwBAFvAd4VW
I cannot in good conscience believe that Laurence is behind this.668Please respect copyright.PENANAp8rxcEMlmF
CECIL668Please respect copyright.PENANAhZ7XAgtePb
Xiuying, what on earth are you talking about? This is Laurence’s handwriting. This is the very ink and paper he uses to write his plays! (He gets angry.) Do you think I haven’t considered the possibility that the love of my life couldn’t be blackmailing me like this? This is undeniably him!668Please respect copyright.PENANAWRiJj6AYBY
XIUYING668Please respect copyright.PENANAzbgmTLIFzD
Yes, but if you had taken the time to read over this thoroughly, you would notice that his handwriting is wobbly.668Please respect copyright.PENANATUG18nrEpu
CECIL668Please respect copyright.PENANA0dIxvyuT7L
It’s always wobbly. Messy handwriting is the staple of any artist.668Please respect copyright.PENANAI8MyfhuEvE
XIUYING668Please respect copyright.PENANACZh5dZ0g8s
Messier than usual, I mean. You two may be lovers, but I’m the one who’s known him since grammar school. He only ever writes like this when he’s upset or under exceptional stress.668Please respect copyright.PENANA5Cl34rIhgD
CECIL668Please respect copyright.PENANA5PnWgj704s
Well, maybe he was nervous, pulling the rug out from under someone who trusted him. 668Please respect copyright.PENANAtr3YU1NPYO
XIUYING668Please respect copyright.PENANA78KV3uaMaY
That may be the case, but look at this.668Please respect copyright.PENANA2f9uMyQvph
She points at several dark brown and rust-coloured stains at the edges of the paper. There are ink blotches everywhere, but these particular spots, upon close inspection, are distinctive. 668Please respect copyright.PENANAj2M8lX6WPe
XIUYING668Please respect copyright.PENANAD4R5ibWPKS
If I’m not mistaken, that is blood.668Please respect copyright.PENANAUhJYQcI6Mu
CECIL668Please respect copyright.PENANAPq0uGcxz4M
Blood? (A pause as horrified realization creeps in.) Oh, dear God. Laurence.668Please respect copyright.PENANALz7LhD0Lky
XIUYING668Please respect copyright.PENANAwM0mHfdjZq
(grimly)668Please respect copyright.PENANAJCoa5cefHR
Exactly. There’s something deeper here, far worse than what’s on the surface. 668Please respect copyright.PENANAkcNtZFsbVW
CECIL668Please respect copyright.PENANA7hIQIJXdiP
But - but if someone is forcing Laurence to write this, then how - how can we get him back? I don’t own a thousand pounds. I couldn’t possibly pay this person off.668Please respect copyright.PENANAiZcrx7L4Zv
CECIL is shocked to turn and see XIUYING smiling faintly. 668Please respect copyright.PENANA5TWkFWFZiU
XIUYING668Please respect copyright.PENANAkWpXp3272X
Who said anything about paying them off?668Please respect copyright.PENANAUwitEQgc5n
--668Please respect copyright.PENANAgXcavK4jmQ