每次想及那傢伙,他心裡難免生恨。可是恨不了多久,恨意自然而然會被無奈與無力取代,彷彿不曾生起。205Please respect copyright.PENANAbfXEfpd6Oc
輕嘆一聲。205Please respect copyright.PENANAGWQigRqSWq
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媽媽的身影忽地浮現腦海。205Please respect copyright.PENANAj0PWBS07P4
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她是個不起眼的女人,普通得他早已忘記那張臉。只記得她怕熱,喜在夏日穿寬鬆短褲散熱,露出一雙細長白腿。他常趁著媽媽在露台忙於晾衫時,從後環抱她的大腿,把滾燙前額緊貼被清風吹得微微發涼的幼滑皮膚上。嘻,消暑妙法。205Please respect copyright.PENANAg5ZTEYy1dF
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以為這做法可以持續至小學畢業,或是直到他世故成熟得無法繼續假裝天真。誰料媽媽突然拋下一句「感情變淡」,離家出走。205Please respect copyright.PENANAnQYgE43pAd
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他反覆思考何謂「感情變淡」。205Please respect copyright.PENANAmIeuQIaeUj
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茫無頭緒,直至那傢伙有意無意向他指出重點:變。「感情」,對媽媽毫不重要,否則她不會狠心如此;「淡」是相對而非絕對,若無經歷過對立的「濃」,「淡」其實不是問題;由濃轉淡的過程稱為「變」,也就是問題癥結所在。205Please respect copyright.PENANAj3TmxLjmMZ
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為何會變?如何變?可否不變?205Please respect copyright.PENANAxbYCtEbU36
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他百思不得其解。205Please respect copyright.PENANALqBuAskVl3
再聲輕嘆。205Please respect copyright.PENANAA4WB4hv0ww
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阿杰的身影忽地浮現腦海。205Please respect copyright.PENANAAHwvPBCpb3
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舊同學聚會裡,他和阿杰並肩而坐。昔日無所不談的摯友相顧假笑,努力尋找共同話題。阿杰唇邊盡是紅酒遊艇名錶,他只記顧商場即將在週末舉行的購物優惠日——妻子叮囑他務必買下保濕精華和優惠裝尿片。205Please respect copyright.PENANAwVSlvqoH8d
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真懷念往時。他與阿杰一起為那些不值一哂的天大課題感到煩惱:學業、夢想、籃球、愛情、人生規劃……後來那傢伙教曉他——一切變幻莫測,根本不由自主。無力與無奈令他深深體會自身的無能。他妒忌,妒忌阿杰仍在那個未醒的夢裡。阿杰察覺到他的妒意,露出一個輕蔑笑容。205Please respect copyright.PENANA0XtNiaxeZz
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昔日無所不談的摯友相顧假笑,不再努力尋找共同話題。205Please respect copyright.PENANAYjvUgkrSVm
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緣起緣滅,不由自主。205Please respect copyright.PENANAHpghKMxRI6
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既要緣滅,何必緣起?205Please respect copyright.PENANAciNzD7F34H
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他百思不得其解。205Please respect copyright.PENANANam6mCvIgr
輕嘆有三。205Please respect copyright.PENANAnwhAY32i5P
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自己的身影忽地浮現腦海。205Please respect copyright.PENANAwGX9Exk59I
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身影有前無後。難怪,少有留意自己的背。妻子笑說他背部有七痣,像北斗,可導航。他苦笑,笑自己人生無方向。因為自己看不見北斗?只好抬頭望天。天無星,難打卦。無卦,有掛,掛心的掛。掛甚麼?不知道,總覺得人生缺失了甚麼。甚麼甚麼?不知道,難以言明。205Please respect copyright.PENANAdfzFw6c8St
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鬱悶。205Please respect copyright.PENANArrWqLvBGKa
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懷念媽媽的腿,想要抱抱。懷念阿杰手中的籃球,想要奪走。205Please respect copyright.PENANAiA14xbCnX5
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去抱!去奪!205Please respect copyright.PENANAmA4SP17Iq4
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抱甚麼?腿已不在。205Please respect copyright.PENANAhy4EJc6Lz4
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奪甚麼?球已不在。205Please respect copyright.PENANA7Cfeaz8fud
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為何不在?為何統統不在?205Please respect copyright.PENANAZwy7Zq1MzG
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那傢伙沒有回答,繼續前行。205Please respect copyright.PENANAgj70qRfgDJ
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停下來!205Please respect copyright.PENANAFlpMcoznb9
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那傢伙沒有回答,繼續前行。205Please respect copyright.PENANAUXo9hxCr8H
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慢下來!205Please respect copyright.PENANA4Egf0x3g68
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那傢伙沒有回答,繼續前行。205Please respect copyright.PENANAWj4UFBOKde
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他只得拼命追趕。走馬看不見花,花開花落馬不知。馬累馬停,他累他停。回頭一望,是天不是地。何時開始背朝天?不肯定,許是拼命追趕期間、忘記自身當刻。竭力抬頭,盡力挺身。不果,只得餘生躬背望地,無法望背望星。205Please respect copyright.PENANAGYtfoy0RDm
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孫兒笑問他為何腰背變躬,他答背上擔子過重。孫兒受驚拒絕背負擔子,他說無法選擇,人人不由自主。孫兒再問何解不由自主,他道是變幻莫測之故。孫兒三問為何會變、如何變、可否不變?他答不出話來,淚目凝視孫兒。205Please respect copyright.PENANAbsxmxrK29t
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昔日的他,今日的孫。205Please respect copyright.PENANAu9ceRkcNQt
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永劫,輪迴。205Please respect copyright.PENANAtLo0TmCfZ2
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不敢思,不求解。205Please respect copyright.PENANAtODISG9sNz
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嘆,嘆,嘆。205Please respect copyright.PENANAkZ1yfKY6vo
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孫兒問他是否有煩惱,願為他出謀解決。205Please respect copyright.PENANA9qlveQm7ID
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他搖頭。205Please respect copyright.PENANAJdZkejrnS0
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深知世人永遠無法解決那傢伙。
註:此篇會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》第八十一章205Please respect copyright.PENANAfi7heErZ8j
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