我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。147Please respect copyright.PENANAJqbxY8SL0t
147Please respect copyright.PENANAlcXyFiTvuB
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。147Please respect copyright.PENANAvgbwyJQTTZ
147Please respect copyright.PENANAoKHmlCdedi
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。147Please respect copyright.PENANAsfdIkBBorO
147Please respect copyright.PENANATmIFzmdrWb
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。147Please respect copyright.PENANAMoxBwxT2w5
147Please respect copyright.PENANA7Iwy6JxdhO
壓力似乎一併消散。147Please respect copyright.PENANAaOgPmXU0Ok
147Please respect copyright.PENANAGKXQG9Zbue
茶盡。我再續杯。147Please respect copyright.PENANApk6o9Grr6i
147Please respect copyright.PENANAJa4wY97LTq
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。147Please respect copyright.PENANA5BHOnOJ3Jw
147Please respect copyright.PENANAHEDaonZ6op
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。147Please respect copyright.PENANAGlh4ttSUPM
147Please respect copyright.PENANA0tUgiobBXs
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。147Please respect copyright.PENANATgS9JGPKps
147Please respect copyright.PENANAw3Qxo87XQS
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。147Please respect copyright.PENANAHSd9tXa5GF
147Please respect copyright.PENANArjIO6M7jAO
夢醒一場空。147Please respect copyright.PENANAkuhsmHxfiN
147Please respect copyright.PENANAmRSpfSNWOD
我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。147Please respect copyright.PENANApGKzqa3Pmp
147Please respect copyright.PENANAMCsjg8U0i1
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……147Please respect copyright.PENANA1pnpLsZ5Wk
147Please respect copyright.PENANAlKtjDOuT4m
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。147Please respect copyright.PENANARFUCFWqmu7
147Please respect copyright.PENANAJH5uqbDrwm
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。147Please respect copyright.PENANATjdfVTmdK6
147Please respect copyright.PENANAFmcsHHvfZK
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。147Please respect copyright.PENANAfkLAwxKPV1
147Please respect copyright.PENANANCmJ9NN6mi
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。147Please respect copyright.PENANA3W9wZAmyHP
147Please respect copyright.PENANAmCU27D4CbS
我沾沾自喜。147Please respect copyright.PENANAc2kKoTDxUK
147Please respect copyright.PENANAj4SnfXFVAt
細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。147Please respect copyright.PENANAPKNPNpl78E
147Please respect copyright.PENANAUrMCygb3Ds
但我沒有向同學們坦白。147Please respect copyright.PENANA2foWSFhcvy
147Please respect copyright.PENANAhBrWQdrV7f
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。147Please respect copyright.PENANAvMVLj29HPY
147Please respect copyright.PENANAoQlGMGWgfP
努力,努力,努力。147Please respect copyright.PENANAovIgew41jQ
147Please respect copyright.PENANAslos5L2xT7
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。147Please respect copyright.PENANAsdxWShxz1u
147Please respect copyright.PENANA0yqjcfCWZa
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。147Please respect copyright.PENANAJpSaNw8sia
147Please respect copyright.PENANAShFSkeTXQa
以為。147Please respect copyright.PENANAmMtQSXa0BP
147Please respect copyright.PENANABEdkJGJsyF
告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。147Please respect copyright.PENANAbmAK1qudxE
147Please respect copyright.PENANALuIAeo7jRj
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。147Please respect copyright.PENANAJI0g28wUSb
147Please respect copyright.PENANAAAVHLfmBCj
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!147Please respect copyright.PENANAMd0XIqrbCm
147Please respect copyright.PENANA4pKPOEBptt
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。147Please respect copyright.PENANARrL7ysSmKW
147Please respect copyright.PENANAsuIO99VI9x
我的作品感動了我。147Please respect copyright.PENANAXaH33pOu1c
147Please respect copyright.PENANA4hNgu63Ryu
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。147Please respect copyright.PENANAA9lD5JdkK5
147Please respect copyright.PENANAc8OWfc2sfT
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。147Please respect copyright.PENANAbBousOpJ6c
147Please respect copyright.PENANApUKzPuyAjo
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。147Please respect copyright.PENANAAbKr4Xv4Nb
147Please respect copyright.PENANA0nZnPbtk2m
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……147Please respect copyright.PENANAY1Hrohd5iW
147Please respect copyright.PENANAD4Ze5aEFuV
熱茶又涼了。147Please respect copyright.PENANAUi69AAdy7m
147Please respect copyright.PENANAU6crC4lHS1
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。147Please respect copyright.PENANAwzRMeiGmp0
147Please respect copyright.PENANAXhsiFLqGOA
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。147Please respect copyright.PENANASFa2E7hfp6
147Please respect copyright.PENANA4ZP8ngcfT1
我的作品只感動了我。147Please respect copyright.PENANATLZ0d1TSwS
147Please respect copyright.PENANAusL5FE5FXS
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。147Please respect copyright.PENANATlP1H5NpnD
才:才華
落:降低、下滑
備註:此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns 172.69.58.165da2