Characters: Jay Halstead, Hank Voight, Antonio Dawson
Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader (Eventually)
Word Count: 3k+
Chapter Warnings: Swearing (I think that’s all)12Please respect copyright.PENANAj7rRo40FOw
You had a busy week at work, and you haven’t had time to think about what Antonio said about moving on. And unfortunately, you ran out of time to think, today was the 2nd anniversary of Ryan’s death. Waking up this morning, you already started to feel like you were going to cry. While taking a shower, you had some time to think about moving on and how to do that. After showering, you went to the flower shop that sat on the corner of your block before heading to the cemetery. As you walked through the cemetery, you carefully stepped over the headstones as you made your way over to his headstone. The gravesite looked untouched like it always does. Ryan had no family that was close by to take care of the site, except you.
Kneeling you placed the flowers on the ground and cleaned up the grass and leaves. “I know I haven’t been around in a while and I’m sorry, but I’m been struggling a little more than usual.” You whispered as tears formed in your eyes causing blurriness. “It’s been two years and I still feel like it was yesterday when I got the news.”
"I still think that you are going to walk through the door and kiss me and tell me you love me, but you’re not because you’re gone. I’m mad at you for leaving me and I shouldn’t because it’s not your fault. We were barely married when you left, I wanted a life with you, I wanted kids with you and now that’s not happening.” Your voice cracked as choked out a sob. “The last two years have been hell and today is even worse, because I came here to tell you that I can’t keep thinking you’re coming home. I need to move on. You’re not coming back, and I have to learn to live with that.”
“I know it’s going to be hard, but I need to do it for myself. I need to be happy again because I am tired of being broken and alone.” You wiped your tears just as fresh ones formed. “I’ve read your letter again, and I think your right about letting go and finding someone else.” Taking a deep breath, you wiped the tears again, “Last week one night, I spent the night eating take-out and watching a corny TV movie with a guy who cares for me more than a friend, but he would never tell me that because he knows I would just push him away. I think he could be someone to be more than a friend, but I will never know if I keep holding on to you.“ Taking a deep breath, you stood up and placed a hand on the headstone. "I love you and I always will, but I need to let you go and move on.” Leaning down, you kissed the top of the headstone before turning around to see Antonio keeping a fair distance.
Antonio opened his arms as you approached him. You collided into his arms and let out a sob that you couldn’t hold back anymore. “It’s going to be okay,“ Antonio whispered as he rubbed your back, as you wrapped your arms around his waist. “I know that was hard for you.”
You pulled away to wipe the tears, “Yeah it was, but I have to move on. He’s not coming back.” Antonio wrapped his arm around your shoulder as the two of head back towards his car. Originally you weren’t going to go to work but staying at home and sulking around isn’t healthy. You needed to go to work.
Once the two of you were in his car, Antonio’s phone started to ring, and he took the call. You glanced over at him and you could tell by the look on his face that something was wrong. Once the call ended, you turned to look at Antonio, “what is it?” Antonio hesitated which caused you to worry. “Just tell me.”
“Jay’s security team was ambushed.” Jay was working his security job today and apparently while they were doing a deposit the team was ambushed and one of the guys was injured.
The whole car ride to the district you felt tense as you thought about Jay. Since the beginning of the year, you and Jay have gotten closer ever since you saved him when he was kidnapped while working an undercover op. Then when Jay took you home, brought you food, and stayed the night, you have just been feeling closer to him. Once the two of you got to the district, Antonio headed upstairs while you waited in the garage for Jay to show up. You paced the floor as your anxiety rose. You came to a stop when you saw Al walk in with Jay right behind him.
“Jay.” You immediately walked over to Jay and hugged him tightly.
"Y/N, I’m okay,” Jay whispered against your hair as he wrapped an arm around you. “Any word from Med about Terry?”
“No nothing yet.” The two of you pulled away and headed upstairs. Once the two of you made it upstairs your father looked at both and the two of you headed into this office.
“You are not taking me off this case.” Stood behind Jay as you closed the door. You leaned against the door with your arms crossed. Your father glanced at you then back at Jay.
“That is not your call to make.”
“This is Terry’s blood.” Jay pointed at this sleeve that was covered in blood. “I saw the guys. You need me.” Your father looked at you and you gave him a slight nod. After agreeing to let him stay on the case, he left the room to go clean up, leaving you and your dad alone.
“I know what-” Your father pulled you into a hug which you hugged back without hesitation. “I’m okay. I went to his grave this morning.” You pulled away and sat on the arm of the sofa. “You know the last 2 years, things have been a struggle, but I need to move on and learn to live my life. He’s not coming back, and I have to accept that.”
“Whatever you need to help you through this let me know.” Your dad squeezed your shoulder for comfort.
"Actually, there is one thing that I can think of right now.” Your dad hummed in response. “I want to be with Jay on this one. I know you won’t understand, but just trust me.” Your father nodded his head in agreement as you pushed yourself off the couch and left the office.
“Jay.” You walked into the room where Jay was watching your dad and Antonio finishing up questioning Brianna Logan, who was Jay’s boss at the marijuana dispenser. “I just heard from Med. Terry didn’t make it. Massive hemorrhaging.” Jay turned to look at you and without saying a word he left the room. After a few moments, the interview was over and you exited the room only to be stopped by Adam, who said that the lab was able to get prints on the gun they found at the scene. You nodded your head and went to find Jay, only to see him and Brianna talking as you rounded the corner.
You couldn’t help but hear the last first things exchanged between the two. “I can’t help but feel responsible for what happens to Terry.” There was something about this Brianna woman that you didn’t like. Maybe it’s because she was clearly into Jay. Not that it should bother you. He is a single man and he can do what and who he wants.
“You’re not. I am.” You could clearly hear the guilt in Jay’s voice which caused your heart to sink.
“Please tell Terry’s wife that I will take care of all the funeral costs.“ Brianna reached over and placed a hand on Jay’s bicep causing your jealously raise. Okay, why does this bother you so much?
“He was in the marines, so he’ll get a military send-off.”
“Hey, Jay we got something off the gun.” You took a step closer causing Brianna to step back. Jay told Brianna to lay low and that they would call her if they needed anything else. Once she left, you and Jay headed back into the bullpen to find the rest of the team.
"Okay, so the lab managed to pull a partial print off the clip inside the gun that was left at the scene. They matched to a guy named Joseph "Joey” Ortiz.“ Adam taped up the photo on the board as he spoke.
"Ortiz? Yeah, he’s a known member of the Insane King crew. They don’t sell drugs. Their M.O. is to follow the cartel mules with a large amount of money after big drug deals and then rob them. I had a run-in with them once when I worked a joint case with narcotics a few years ago.” You explained it to the team.
“Okay, put an investigative alert on Ortiz.” You nodded your head as you sat at your desk and picked up the phone.
“Okay, I gotta ask. Are you sleeping with this woman?” You stopped what you were doing and looked at your dad who was standing next to Jay by the board.
“Who Brianna?” Your dad looked at Jay with a stern face. “What does that have to do with the case?”
“All right, one more time. Are you sleeping with her?” You held your breath as you waited for him to answer. You also weren’t sure if you wanted to hear the answer.
“No.” Jay came right out and said it and relief washed over you.
This case has really taken a toll on Jay the last few days but thankfully it was over. Al and Adam went to sweep the dispensary for bugs, and they found a bunch of bugs throughout her office. They were able to get serials numbers off them it turned out that Brianna’s soon-to-be ex-husband hired a PI to get dirt on her. Then after questioning the PI, we found out that he was in on the robbery along with a guy them Brigs but turned out that a crew that worked for Brigs was the one who did it. After the case was solved, Jay went to tell Brianna that he was going to quit, which made you secretly happy.
“Hey, need a ride home?” You looked up from your paperwork and saw Antonio putting on his coat.
“No, I’m good.” You fiddled with the pen in your hand. “I’m actually grabbing a beer with Jay at Molly’s after he’s done talking with Hank. I decided to tell Jay about Ryan.”
“Yeah? Are you sure?” Antonio sat on the edge of your desk.
“Yeah. It’s time.” You stood up from your chair and tossed the pen on your desk. “Lately, I’ve just been feeling, I guess you can say, closer to Jay and I thought I would feel guilty about it, but I don’t.” Tears built up in your eyes and you had no idea why you wanted to cry.
"Yeah, I’ve noticed that. This is a sign that you are moving in the right direction. Remember to let go and move on. I know the last two years have been a struggle for you, but this could be the first step to figuring things out.” Antonio placed his hands on your shoulders and rubbed your arms up and down. “So, if telling Jay about Ryan is what you feel is right then do it and then figure things out from there.”
You nodded your head before hugging Antonio. “This is why you’re my best friend.” You pulled away just as Jay exited the office.
“Ready to go? I can really use that drink.” You nodded your head as Antonio left leaving just you and Jay alone.
20mins Later
“Hey, detective.” Herrmann leaned forward against the counter with a smile on his face.
“Hey, Herrmann.” You smiled back as you ordered two beers along with two shots. “Thanks.” You grabbed the drinks and moved through the crowd over to where Jay was sitting. "Alright, here we go.” You handed Jay his beer along with the shot of whatever Herrmann gave you.
“To Terry.” The two of you raised your shot glasses in the air before chugging them down.
“How's your cheek?” You motioned at Jay’s cheek where he got into an altercation with one of the crew members.
“I’ll be fine.” Jay took a swing of his beer. “Are you okay? You seem a little off the last couple of days.” You picked at the label on the beer bottle while trying to figure out a way to tell Jay. You wanted to tell Jay, but your nerves were getting the best of you and you were having second thoughts. “Y/N, whatever is you can tell me.” Jay reached over and grabbed your hand.
“There's something I need to tell you and I don’t want you to look at me like I’m this fragile piece of glass.” You looked up at Jay and when his green eyes locked with yours, you instantly felt at ease. “Two years ago, I lost my husband.”
“Your husband?” Jay looked at you with complete shock.
“Yeah. I guess I should start from the beginning.” You took a deep breath then took a sip of your beer. “Well as you know I was in the Army and the reason why I left was that during my last mission I was taken, hostage. It was days until the rest of the team found me. When they did find me, I was in bad shape. I had two broken ribs, a broken wrist, a concussion, and a collapsed lung. I thought I was going to die.”
“It was about a 6-month long recovery and it was hell. I did half of my recovery overseas in German and the other half back home in North Carolina, that was my post at the time. Then after I left Army I can back home to Chicago. I moved back in with my parents until I was able to get back on my feet. Coming back and adjusting to living was hard and it just triggered things. My father sent me to therapy to help with the problems I was dealing with and I was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety. Once I got things under control, I joined the police force, and then about 3 years into the job I met my late husband. I was working my first case in Vice and he was working security detail for one of the victims.“ You stopped to take a sip of your beer and then take a deep breath.
“His name was Lieutenant Commander Ryan Campbell. He was Navy Seal before he decided to join the reserves. We dated for about 2years before he asked me to marry him and of course, I said yes. We were engaged for a little while before he got the call telling him that he was needed for active duty. We deiced to get married at the courthouse because we didn’t want to wait until he came back home because we didn’t know long, he was going to be deployed. It was 6 months later when the officers showed up at my step and I knew.” Tears started to form in your eyes as you thought back to that day. Two Navy Officers stood at your door and you knew the drill. You knew Ryan wasn’t coming back.
“Hey,” Jay squeezed your hand causing you to come back to reality. “How did it happen?” Jay spoke low almost a whisper.
“IED overseas in Iraq. Getting that news was devastating, but deep down I knew that it could happen. My PTSD was triggered again, and I need time off to deal with everything. I eventually got onto some medicine and saw someone once a week and it helped but I struggled to deal with the loss of Ryan. I still struggle, but I’m learning to accept that he’s got coming back and I need to move on.” You looked down closing your eyes to stop the tears, but it was too late. Jay removed his hand from yours and walked over to your side of the table and sat next to you and pulled you into a side hug. “Sometimes I feel so broken that I don’t know if I can put myself back together.”
"You are not broken,” Jay muttered into your hair. “I don’t think you realize how strong you are. You may feel like you are broken, but I don’t think you are.” You pulled away and Jay looked at you with a soft smile. “This doesn’t change the way I look at you. I don’t see you like a fragile piece of glass.“ Jay reached over and wiped the tears that were rolling down your cheek.
After the two of you finished your drinks, Jay drove you home, walked you to your door, and to be honest you felt great that you were able to tell Jay about everything. You felt a weight lifted off your shoulders. “Thanks for listening tonight. I really need to tell you.”
“Always. If you ever need to talk about anything. Just know that I am here.” You grabbed your keys from your purse, turned to unlock the door, and once you unlocked the door you turned back around. Looking at Jay, a smile formed on your face and something inside of you sparked. Without thinking, you leaned over and connected your lips to his. You could feel Jay was hesitant at your sudden actions and causing you to pull away.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” You whispered as you turned back around and opened the door to head inside your apartment. Jay was about to stop you but decided against it, not wanting to make the situation worse. Once you were inside, you locked your door and leaned your back against it before sliding down to the floor. What have you done? Did you misread the signals over the last couple of months? Maybe he found someone who wasn’t broken. For the first time in a long time, you thought you could be happy but you guess you were too late.
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