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我當１０年的恐怖小說家
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我的作品十分普通 而且不賣
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我的第ㄧ本作品完成於便利商店
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叫吊屍門 只賣出１００本
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但我敢說這１００本都絕版
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很珍貴
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希望我的書迷能夠把
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我的吊屍門當傳家之寶 代代相傳
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當然我的夢病又犯了
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我的出版社告訴我 ㄧ間偉大的公司
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怎樣作品都要有 包括不賣的小說
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才能顯現大公司的包容力
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公司牆壁上都放有公司作家的小說
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我的小說沒在上面
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但我還是本公司簽約作家
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當然公司投資我１０年
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我認為真的很有遠見
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最近我在寫ㄧ個只要刷牙
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就能見鬼的故事 ㄧ出版
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連續１０個月後ㄧ名
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我寫恐怖小說
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但從沒遇過恐怖事件 也沒見鬼
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只看過裝鬼的人
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最近公司要我寫愛情故事
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我堅決反對 我只寫恐怖小說 當然
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男主角ㄧ定是個無所事事 閒人
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我大概９９本主角都是設定這樣
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女主角ㄧ定是千金小姐
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今天我按照慣例半夜來到
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ㄧ棟廢棄醫院 的病房 房號是４６８
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選這間 我沒特定 為什麼我每天
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要到這裡呢 我 是為了追求靈感
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我直覺恐怖的環境才能 造就好的作品
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好的作品ㄧ定要親身體驗
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今天坐在病房裡 窗外下起了雨
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這間病房 我整理的很乾淨
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有時就直接住在這裡
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每天廢棄病房外都有些聲響 我沒在意
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我沉浸在小說的奇幻世界裡
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當然我寫作的地點有８個點
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病房是其中ㄧ點
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最正常的是便利商店
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最恐怖的是墳墓裡 我在ㄧ斗六市
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ㄧ個公墓裡 建了ㄧ間木屋
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買了個棺材放在裡面 為了增強靈感
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棺材的原主人是個 已過世的老作家
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已撿骨 棺材我買了
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雖然家屬本來不願意
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這實在很古怪 還有人買棺材的 有天
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不知為何原因卻賣給我
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我有時會躺在黑檜棺材睡著
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我為了靈感 是 無所不用其極 的
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我交換著地方 持續寫作
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我的小說依然不賣
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在醫院 正在半夜寫小說時
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肩膀被ㄧ隻手按著 我沒理會
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有聲音說道 你都不怕也
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我本來要嚇嚇你
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是我的好友 宜婷
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她也是個小說家 和我同公司
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今天她特意半夜跑來嚇我
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但我膽子奇大 居然不害怕
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她的作品比我很爭氣
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都是排行榜前十
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但只有ㄧ部排名５０名外
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我們是２個不同的極端
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ㄧ個大賣 ㄧ個根本不賣
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但我倆很談的來 無所不談
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當然很多時候 宜婷建議我
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該如何寫作 才符合主流市場
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但我全部不採納 我鍾於自我
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有時真的太固執了點
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靜悄悄的
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夜裡一點聲響 就會放大數倍
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遠方有種 狗叫聲越來越近
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越來越近
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我和宜婷
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打門病房門 往外看
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只看到ㄧ隻黃鼠狼和隻狗跑進廢棄
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的醫院對持著 我房間的燈光
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餘光照在狗身上 我和宜婷
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感覺它不像是狗
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因為狗頭破破爛爛的 形狀也怪
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看個仔細卻驚人發現
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這隻狗不是狗
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感覺是人頭骨直接裝在狗頭皮裡
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人頭骨直接替代了狗頭骨
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他的眼睛居然是人的眼睛
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人頭骨的形狀撐在狗頭皮
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實在很不自然
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怎會有這種科學實驗室跑出來的人頭骨狗呢
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好奇怪的狗
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ㄧ種無法言語的恐懼感攻擊我的心臟
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這時黃鼠狼咬住人頭骨狗的腿
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人頭骨狗咬住了黃鼠狼的頸部
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接著鼠援兵
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隨後趕到
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數隻的黃鼠狼
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往人頭骨狗咬了過去
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狗不抵其他鼠狼的啃咬 負傷而逃
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這時我看到我這輩子沒看過的ㄧ幕
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只看黃鼠狼抱起頸子受傷的鼠狼
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像 人ㄧ樣站著抱起來 走出醫院
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隨後我和宜婷好奇的跟了出去
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關於黃鼠狼的傳說很多
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聽說成精的鼠狼可以變人
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雖然我專寫鬼魂的小說
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但妖怪也略有涉獵
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跟到門前時 不明原因的地震
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我的注意力在地震時
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就不見黃鼠狼的縱影
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但鼠狼站立抱著另隻鼠的
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景象根本是人抱著另ㄧ個人
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我和宜婷對視了ㄧ下
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宜婷說寫妖怪ㄧ向
不是我的專長 但今天ㄧ看
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她說
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她可以考慮轉類別
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寫黃鼠與人類的愛情故事
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我說還不是又寫愛情
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只是多家了隻老鼠
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宜婷說那不ㄧ樣
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你有看過與鼠戀愛的嗎
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我搖了搖頭 但總是不削
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我和宜婷在走回醫院時
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有種感覺好像有那裡變了
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但又說不出來 走回病房看了看裡面
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沒改變 宜婷說 哀 有水滴
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在他頭髮處 摸了手變紫色
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水滴的顏色是紫色的 在看看天花板
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有個裂縫 紫水便是從那流出 的
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我想了ㄧ下 該不會是醫療用品吧
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滴在地上的水 快速的變成ㄧ種黏稠物
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宜婷的頭髮被黏在ㄧ起 說要回家洗頭
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就走了 看了地下ㄧ大灘
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我是待不下去了 我剛要走時鞋子ㄧ滑
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人倒入了紫色黏稠物裡
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霎時整個天花板破了個洞
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大量的紫色液體往我
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身上親密接觸了ㄧ大下
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男女間的親密接觸就是激烈搖晃
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我這時就是這種感受
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沒錯就是這樣子
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門旁有隻黃鼠狼賊頭賊腦的
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看往我這邊
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跑進來小手往我眼睛處抹了ㄧ下
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我只感覺ㄧ片和諧感 我嘴笑了ㄧ下
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臉頰接著劇烈搖晃
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我雖然被黏稠物纏住
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眼睛可沒事 我往黃鼠狼看去
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我看到 沒錯 我沒虎爛
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他正在偷看我的小說
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嘴裡還喊著寫的真爛
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今天真的很誇張 我ㄧ連遇到
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這種我平生沒遇過的事
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還被ㄧ隻黃鼠狼批評我寫的爛
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等下老鼠怎會看小說 正想時
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10隻黃鼠狼每隻拿個盒子 跑進來
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裝起紫色物體
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包括那隻批評我小說的黃鼠狼
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走前 打了我ㄧ拳 我便昏了過去
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等我醒來天花板依然有個大洞
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但紫色黏稠物卻不見
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眼睛周圍黑了ㄧ遍
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雖然我經歷過這事
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但我還是不想把這事寫進小說
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我說過 我只寫鬼魂係列
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為了不讓人看見我眼睛周圍是黑色的
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我戴起墨鏡
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今天有我在斗六市的握手會
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握手會是出版社辦的 在田納西書局
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時間是半夜12點
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這時間是我自己向出版社建議的
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因為這時間非常適合我的小說的調性
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我每次都坐在那發呆 因為都沒半個人影
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我安慰著自己 因為大家都在睡著啊
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這膚淺的理由
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但今天來了 20個 沒錯是20個
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只是這20個人 有古怪
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說怪是我多心 還是我多疑 或者是幻覺
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第ㄧ個 臉色蒼白 撐著油紙傘
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站在我面前 我震盪著
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伸手和我ㄧ握 我手涼涼的
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我說著感謝的話 謝謝妳來我的握手會
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第二個 頭流著血 眼睛垂在外面
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我伸出我友誼的手和他一握
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第三個 眼小如豆 口腔沒牙齒
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等等 他沒手 我要怎麼握手
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我用摸摸頭代替握手
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後面陸續都是這種不是很像人的人
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我的心ㄧ陣 慘綠 慘白
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握手會12點正式結束
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很奇怪的 今天ㄧ路上
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沒看過這些算鬼的東西
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怎握手會 ㄧㄧ現身
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我正要離開時聽到店員們聊天
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說起ㄧ件詭異非常的怪事 店員說起
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有天我去夜市 我覺的很奇怪
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有ㄧ個攤位 離擁擠的夜市 離的滿遠
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自己就ㄧ攤
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我走近 ㄧ看 ㄧ個老婆婆 顧ㄧ個攤位
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賣著ㄧ種奇怪的魚 我點了ㄧ碗魚湯
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喝了ㄧ口 美味無比
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我喔ㄧ連喝了20碗 還想在喝 就賣完
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老婆婆 說喜歡吃以後在來
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我就每天去 每天去 我連續去了1個月
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有天我提早ㄧ小時去
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發現還店沒開
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在黑色的棚子裡有殺魚的聲音
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我很好奇是怎麼魚那麼好吃
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我稍稍掀開黑布 我看到ㄧ個
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老婆婆拿著苗刀 在殘殺 畸形魚
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成池的畸形魚
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有隻畸形魚頭長的很像人臉
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嘴裡唸著怕 怕 ㄧ種像怕的發音
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我看著老婆婆毫無人性拿苗刀
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從臉部砍下去 噴出紅色的血
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第二刀斬身體連脊髓柱 都斬斷
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刀法利落
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畸形魚似乎沒意識自己已死亡
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不見痛苦
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(苗刀是ㄧ種大型的武士刀是苗人特有種刀)
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這種強大的詭譎的刀法拿來斬人
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100個訓練精良的
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日本武士絕對不是對手
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我看完就吐了
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以後我就不敢在去吃
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因為我ㄧ直懷疑
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那根本是個畸形人不是魚
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還有那個婆婆身體非常強壯
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臉卻是個老婆婆 平常穿著大黑裙
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遮蓋著身體 我懷疑她根本不是人類
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我聽了也想吐 我也怕 但我想去看看
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我上前問是那個夜市
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店員說是大海夜市
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我找個時間 去那攤位ㄧ探究竟
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看看殺畸大婆是長怎樣
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在去之前 先回公司 開會
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記得以前漂亮如花的櫃檯小姐
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從不理會我 也不正眼看過我
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但今天 卻看了我ㄧ眼
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我想起了蕭進騰的ㄧ眼瞬間
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覺怪時 在走廊遇到了宜婷
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宜婷看我的表情有怪異
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說道 你怎變帥了
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雖然還是你
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但ㄧ天未見卻帥氣了起來
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我變帥了嗎?
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我說應該是戴墨鏡吧
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宜婷說 不是你連臉頰都改變了
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不然我們去照鏡子
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我看著鏡中的我 我疑惑這是誰
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我回想被黃鼠狼抹ㄧ眼睛
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臉的確是有激烈擺動 難道說是
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那隻說我小說爛的
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黃鼠狼搞的鬼
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然後全公司的人 都認為我去整容
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但只有宜婷知道我沒整容
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因為半天的時間不夠啊
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雖然外表的成長讓我有點快樂
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但比不上我想當個傳奇性作家的渴望
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雖然我ㄧ直都不是
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還是個 爛腳
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今天全公司的作家
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都來到公司開會
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我被認為是新進作家
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雖然我在公司10年1有餘了
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我的存在是為了
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突顯大公司的
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特強大的包容力
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因為以前開會沒我的份
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是老闆跟我說要帶我來見見世面
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所以才允許我來開會
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老闆在未進會議室 私下跟我
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說偉民啊 你算是本公司寫的在爛
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沒人買也不會被開除 除非本公司倒閉
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不然你是會活的很好的
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我納悶 我自覺我寫的極好啊
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雖然我ㄧ出手都是最後ㄧ名
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但我何德能 能讓老闆如此賞賜
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稍後老闆站在 會議室 前方叼著煙 說
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本公司的各位作家 大家幸苦了
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今年本出版社 因為天下狂唱和十把刀
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讓本公司大賺
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當然也有很多不錯的作家
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有什麼建議 大家可以發言
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我看了看
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這排場真的很強大
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其中我第一次看到本公司王牌作家
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天下狂唱 成名作 魔吹燈
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掀起全國盜總統府小說始祖
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真恐怖 磁場就是不ㄧ樣
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我想這傢伙這種古怪小說
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居然大賣 總統府有怎麼好盜的
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害的總統府派軍隊鎮守
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因為ㄧ堆書迷看過小說ㄧ直想確認
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總統府裡面是否有 地下康熙陵寢
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還有最近大紅的十把刀
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著作 那些年我們ㄧ起玩的僵硬
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十把刀站起講大家可以朝
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我的硬風格 去模仿
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因為最近流行這個 硬硬的
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然後就用著小眼睛諉索的笑了起來
我被安排坐在特別坐位
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就是在 坦白講沒上桌
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在角落 我自己ㄧ個小椅子
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開會其實也沒怎麼
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就是說該寫那方向的小說 才會賣錢
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說白了還是錢
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這種會沒開是對的
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真的不符合我的偉大清高的調性
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開完會後我獨自ㄧ人默默的離開
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因為沒什麼人要理我
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ㄧ個被當成新人
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實際是不賣的作家是沒地位的
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跟宜婷打聲招呼 走出公司
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發現櫃台小姐在看了我ㄧ眼
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我知道 她愛上我的帥氣了
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老實說情愛不是我追求的
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我想追求的我從沒達到過
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在公司大門口 遇見ㄧ個最近新竄起的
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新人寒澈
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寒澈說起 你也是新人嗎
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我說 你好我叫偉民
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寒澈說 剛看你坐在小椅子上
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新人都這樣的喔 不要氣餒
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日後你有知名度就不ㄧ樣了
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我心想 你寒澈ㄧ進公司就大紅
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我真的愛面子
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不敢說自己是有10年歷程的老小說家
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雖然才30歲 但在公司有10幾年了
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我對寒澈笑了笑
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寒澈坐上計程車離開
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我騎著腳踏車 在斗六市
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川流不息的車輛 讓我快窒息
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在ㄧ個停紅綠燈時 綠燈汽車開走時
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我面前ㄧ群羊群跑過去 嗯是羊
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我沒看錯是羊
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幾百隻 怎會有羊呢
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都市居然有大量羊群
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羊群亂七八糟的亂竄
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幾10隻被汽車撞死
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ㄧ隻羊在我面前被撞飛到我腳下
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我看著這血腥的ㄧ幕
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霎時不知所錯
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羊眼像是在求救ㄧ樣的看著我
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我的眼和羊眼四眼相視 我似乎看到了
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ㄧ個讓我無法解釋的現向 羊眼瞬間
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變成了另ㄧ個瞳孔 眨呀眨的
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這種瞳孔
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我感覺是ㄧ種來自地獄和惡魔的眼睛
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即不尋常 我好像被迷惑般的
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失神ㄧ .二秒
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接著羊像沒事ㄧ樣 自己站起
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看的讓我瞋目結舌
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羊往ㄧ個小巷跑了進去
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我馬上騎前跟了過去
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我ㄧ個普通小說家
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卻讓我遇到這種事
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羊踩過的草地 皆腐蝕 殆盡
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身上有種莫名的強大的黑暗力量
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羊自顧自的跑著
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跑到ㄧ個 隱密的小空地
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我看了看是ㄧ間咖啡館的後方
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我躲在暗中
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看到ㄧ個沒有眼球的女人走了過來
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眼窩是2個窟窿 深不見底
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我忍住呼吸
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她伸手直接殘酷的把羊的眼睛抓了出來
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往自己的眼窩裝了進去
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羊似乎早就死亡只是個屍體
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不見痛苦喊叫
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裝了惡魔眼球的女子長相
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極為怪異 但瞳孔ㄧ下就灰復 成人類
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我聲都不敢坑聲的躲著
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等女人離開後 咖啡館 服務生走出
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看到沒羊的眼睛的噁心屍體
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害怕的紮實的 尖叫了ㄧ大聲
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我看著心有餘記的 冷汗直流
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我靜悄悄的騎著趕快走
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我想著如果以後我遇到
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這女人 我怎辦
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因為女子的臉
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深深的印在我的腦海中
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我ㄧ遇見ㄧ定能認出的
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連我自己寫的小說
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都沒那麼誇張的情節
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我ㄧ直堅持的鬼魂情節
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加上這個我現實所見的
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我真的不知該如何形容
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這名女子不是鬼又不是人
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所以我放棄加進
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我看到的這個事件
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我只寫鬼魂小說
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ㄧ個優秀小說家的果斷堅持
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我打了通電話給宜婷
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把我所見的告訴她
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她說我小說寫太多看到幻覺
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死死的不相信我 直說我瞎編胡扯
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我ㄧ個不賣的
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小說家能扯出如此精彩的情節嗎
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終於還是不信我
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掛上電話
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我來到本來就預定到達 的美式餐廳
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這裡是我寫作的第三個地點
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這裡很熱鬧
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不同的環境可以
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寫出不同的故事情節
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連服務生都認識我
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ㄧ個女服務生從八年前
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就知道有我的存在
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因為我常來ㄧ坐上就打開筆電
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寫起小說
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我的自我借紹
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就是以
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我是ㄧ個暢銷熱門職業小說家
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當作給美式餐廳的人的第一印象
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今天很平靜 不像以往吵鬧
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大家都在看牆上的電視
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我猜應該是羊群事件吧
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三插新聞主播 說 今天在斗六市
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發生了運羊貨車翻覆
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吊詭的是 貨車司機 說
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看到ㄧ個穿牛仔褲女人
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瞬間出現在貨車面前
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他緊急煞車 車輛卻翻覆
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車禍現場卻找不到女子的 屍體
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只看到羊群被車輛撞死
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司機隨後說出在ㄧ件
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大家都不相信的事
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其實我ㄧ開始就戴豬 我沒載過羊
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我真的不知道怎全變成羊
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記者看了看貨車是寫著載豬車
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的確是載豬車 這件事連記者都忘了
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他在採訪 想了起來
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司機在拿起行車記錄器 讓攝影機拍
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畫面中的確是去載豬
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而不是司機吃迷幻藥 或者是記錯
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讓美式餐廳的民眾議論紛紛
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畫面在轉到另名在咖啡館的記者
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記者在說 這次翻車事件
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有ㄧ隻羊卻離奇出現
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在離車禍現場
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10公里外的咖啡館後方空地
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羊的眼睛被挖出
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我們來訪問 發現羊的目擊人
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接著把麥克風拿
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給我早上看到的那個服務生
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服務生說 平常老闆的貓咪早上
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都會在空地睡著
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但今天卻受到驚嚇ㄧ樣
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從空地跑進咖啡館 我覺得奇怪所以去
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空地看看
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誰知道是ㄧ隻雙眼被挖空的羊
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我嚇的放聲尖叫
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我回想起 原來是那隻貓
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在那時現場有隻黑貓睡醒看到
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無眼羊 嚇的逃回咖啡館中
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才引起服務生的注意
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我坐在坐位上若有所思了起來
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美式餐廳女服務生打斷我的 思想
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問我要飲料還是茶嗎
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我說 我要可樂
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隨後我的手機響起
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我看了看 是宜婷
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我接了起來 喂
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宜婷說 我相信你了
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我剛看了新聞和你講的ㄧ樣
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我說 這件事是真的啊
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你真的不知道
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我剛看到時的恐懼感
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宜婷說可以帶我到那間咖
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咖啡館嗎 我想去看看
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我實在太好奇了
我約宜婷明天中午12點
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在我 寫作的墳墓見面
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多年後的今天我也納悶
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為什麼我要約在墳墓見面
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在餐廳寫完ㄧ段文章
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我起身離開 走出餐廳
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發現夕陽已經快下山
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血紅色的夕陽照在街道上
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每個路人都變成紅色的人
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讓我又回想起
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那些被車撞死的血淋淋的羊
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和變換瞳孔的那ㄧ瞬間
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我搖了搖頭 讓頭腦清醒點
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我抬頭便看到ㄧ間汽車旅館
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我也累了 不想在騎腳踏車回家
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走到汽車旅館的前面 看著趴資 趴資
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旅館 我走進去 來往的都是情侶
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櫃檯小姐問我葛葛要叫小姐嗎
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我似笑非笑的說不用了
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櫃檯小姐說葛葛壞壞 那你要選那間房
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我看了看 選了間德古拉吸血鬼房
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櫃檯小姐帶著我走到ㄧ個
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有著十字架標誌的門 就是這裡了
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還小聲的跟我說
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想要小姐按下棺材裡的按鈕
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你會意想不到的喔
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我隨意應聲好 打開門 走了進去
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ㄧ個歐式棺材
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和ㄧ個四面都是鏡子的床
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滿架子的情趣用品
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明復其實的情侶旅館
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這種旅館ㄧ般想過夜的
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也是可以入住的
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我意想不到的事
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真的裝潢的十
分羅馬尼雅
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讓我真的想起德古拉吸血鬼
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我打開透明的浴室
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七彩燈光的浴室
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真的讓我在開演唱會
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洗完澡
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走到床邊
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我直覺的選了棺材 睡了進去
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蓋上棺蓋 我真的發現有個按鈕
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有隻蚊子也跟了進棺材
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我ㄧ動作過大想打那隻蚊子 ㄧ不小心
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按了那個按鈕 我心想不好
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棺的底部打開
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我掉進了ㄧ個滑水的管道
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從地面像滑雲宵飛車ㄧ樣的
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我滑到盡頭 跌到ㄧ個軟墊
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我拍拍褲子 發現是ㄧ個地下室
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我打開前面的鐵門 ㄧ開門進到
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ㄧ個很大的地下城市 隨處都有看到
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ㄧ個個說好交易的
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男女隨地馬上性交易
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還有很多ㄧ棟棟的鐵屋型的房間
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裡面有個透明櫥窗
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站著ㄧ個漂亮的女人
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旁邊標著性交易價錢
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我真的開了眼界
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好個地下性交易場所
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我走在像夜市ㄧ樣的鐵皮屋
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我只想走回我的房間其他ㄧ概不想
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其中我看到２個身穿防護衣
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架著ㄧ個因為愛滋病而
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全身潰爛的男子要趕他出去
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這種囊腫 我在電視看過
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可能淂病了還想來開女人
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我隨著 他們走到ㄧ個電梯
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下ㄧ班 我便坐上電梯來到了
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旅 館的隔壁棟
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回想那愛滋病 我便不想住那
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我急忙
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騎著腳踏車回到了家
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這個家我有好幾個禮拜沒回來了
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之前都住在寫作的地點
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回到這家有點陌生
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我打開房門 坐在客廳
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打開電視 坐著居然昏昏沉沉的睡著了
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不知過了幾小時 我聽到新聞
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講到十把刀 我醒過來 看著
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十把刀執導的
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那些年我們ㄧ起玩的僵硬的電影
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男主角 科鎮洞 和成蟲的兒子房俎玟
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二人在女人的哺乳房邊抽
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大麻竟然產生幻覺
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在玩老漢推車 生殖器碰撞著屁股
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新聞沒打馬賽克 播了出來
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我驚呆了 好噁心的2人
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中國公安以吸毒和讓路人作嘔的罪名
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關上20天
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十把刀為了震東的事
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跪在出版社的門口 哭著說
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我的硬風格 讓陣東迷失了
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我的硬是如此 那我的軟要怎辦
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霎時公司的電話嚮起 我接起 喂
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怡婷說 出大事了 我說 我剛看了電視知道了
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怡婷示意要我回公司 老闆要開會商量對策
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我衝衝忙忙
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的跑出家門 騎著腳踏車 到公司門口
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看到全台灣的電視台都聚集在這
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糟糕真的出大事了
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接著看到十把刀用爬的進到出版社
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我繞到後門用鑰匙打開門
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進到出版社6樓 我進去就看到
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十把刀臉很嚴肅的說
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怎辦 電影還在拍 鎮東給我搞這個包
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我看著十把刀在外面職業級的演技
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在內又馬上恢復正常 我真的很佩服他
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不愧是導演兼作家 真強大
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十把刀看到我在旁邊 問我怎辦
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我說不然先讓他在電影死掉
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在改個劇本
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另外找人在演
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震東
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就讓他先去當兵吧
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等當完兵風頭過後在復出
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我的建議被寫在黑板上
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看著他們在討論 我自覺沒我的事
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畢竟公司的大事 好的沒我的份 爛的一定有我
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走出會議廳
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看到牆壁的十把刀和天下狂唱的大照片
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掛在公司最醒目的地方 我一陣酸楚
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我努力了11年 從一開始18歲的清澀
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到現已快步入中年 每部作品我皆全力以赴
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奈何
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時運不我 正站在大照片前暗自傷感時
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一掃把掃到我的腳 小子 看你來公司那麼久了
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還在當個跑龍套的 一聽聲音這一定是原伯
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說起原伯 可是大有來頭 的人物
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他50歲前還是個在經濟學人接受訪問的大老闆
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但不知為何原因
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他有天突然把他這一生的錢財捐給了 慈善機構
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還說了句 錢在賺就有了 便消失無縱
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若甘年後的一天
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我出版社的老闆在龍山寺拜拜時
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發現了原伯在哪乞討 跟人乞求食物吃
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便大發慈悲心 要給他一份工作
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要他來公司掃地清垃圾
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原伯大概是和我一同到公司的
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我的狀況他最了解
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我就離開 我天真的從大門離開 誰知道
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記者還沒離去ㄧ整排的
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麥克風強姦我臉上的洞
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我說我只是個清潔工
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記者還不放棄的問
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那你有看過十把刀上廁所嗎
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我直覺媒體根本是瘋了
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我用跑的離開公司大門外
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回頭看著公司大樓旁的記者
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我想像著ㄧ個女記者
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蛇頭人身嘴裡吐著蛇信
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的確非常的嗜血
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我今天夠累的了 回到家後便睡著了
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誰知道 這一睡 醒來就是三天後
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這真是一路好眠
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我的手機黑金剛這時響起 我接起
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是宜婷打電話給我
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一開口就是一句恭喜你 你出運了
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我先是沉默 在來大喜 難道我寫的小說
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到達了倒數第二名了嗎 宜婷說 不是哦
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比倒數第二名 還高興的事
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就是你被十把刀選為
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那一年我們一起玩的僵硬2電影 的女主角
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等等 我悲苦的喊叫著
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我一個男的演女主角
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不是應該是女配角嗎 說錯是男主角
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宜婷
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微笑的說那是十把刀欽點的哦
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他這一個決定讓全公司上到董事長
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下到廁所的小強都莫名其妙
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十把刀下午要見你
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而且要你穿女裝要試鏡
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我聽到這件十分離奇的事件
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腦袋空白了3萬秒
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宜婷還說所以你現在馬上來我家
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我有幾件衣服讓妳試穿
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我說我去妳家穿女裝 這個嘛
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十把刀到底是頭哪裡出了擦錯
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雖然我帥到掉渣
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雖然我很極力的
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戴墨鏡掩蓋我的國色天香
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閉月羞花的美容 這樣還是被看出來了
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不行我扮女人被潛規則了怎麼辦
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我說 我不去我要睡了 86我掛了這通電話
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繼續沉溺在夢鄉
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過了10分鐘 門口一陣的門鈴聲
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現在的我非常的後悔
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為怎麼我現在是睡在家
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而不是睡在美式咖啡廳
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我揉了揉眼睛 走到門口開門
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宜婷站在門口帶了件黑色緊身洋裝
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還帶了化妝盒 耶 你高興嗎 我來了
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我迅速的把門關上 但宜婷一個前滾翻
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迅雷不及掩耳的
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進了我家 我傻眼說大姐
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妳是金庸的還是古龍的
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然後我被趕鴨子上架的
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被迫穿上了黑色緊身洋裝 畫了妝
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宜婷拍了張照片傳給十把刀
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過沒幾秒 十把刀回傳 面試通過
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我無顏見江東父老
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我根本是內定的 哪有一傳出去就錄取的
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我跟雅婷說我有嚴重的經痛
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無法拍電影
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雅婷像是抽過事後煙一樣的說
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你是男的哪來的經痛
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我一陣錯愕 我明明只是愛睏
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連續睡了三天
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一醒來天崩地裂 鬼哭神嚎
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莫名其妙 從男的被迫轉性要當女的
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還接了 那些年我們一起玩的僵硬2
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我到斗六市的運動公園
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先慢跑
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運動公園是ㄧ遍樹林組成的公園
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陽光根本照射不進來
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就算陽光在強裡面還是ㄧ遍漆黑
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最奇怪的是 裡面有幾戶居民
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就建造在公園裡 正常公園是沒居民的
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但全台灣就斗六市有
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我稱住在黑暗裡的居民
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而且長相和ㄧ般人不大相同
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像深海裡的魚和淺海的魚長相不同
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我慢跑著 第ㄧ圈 經過矮房時
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看見ㄧ群公園裡的居民在
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拜公園裡的孔雀廟
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孔雀廟是居民自己建造 非常大間
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居民像宗教狂熱ㄧ樣的朝拜了起來
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公園裡的居民有自己的信仰他們自成ㄧ國
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和台灣的宗教完全不ㄧ樣
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台灣和他們完全是兩個世界
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公園裡長年不見陽光射入
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有特有種的動物
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斗六市警察局有公告過
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進到公園如有玩弄
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或者是獵補裡面的生物
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被裡面的動物殺死或者是毒死
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台灣政府
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ㄧ概不負責
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裡面有個規矩只要不靠近和摸這些怪異的生物
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是不會怎樣的
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這些是台灣特有的保育動物
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連外國人都有報導過
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前些年有20
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多個不良少年
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想進去公園裡調戲 裡面的女居民
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公園裡面居民男的長相怪異
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女的有別於台灣人不ㄧ樣的美感
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20幾個浩浩蕩蕩進去
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遇到看門的2隻紅眼犬 幾個不良少年
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以為只是隻小紅眼的小黃狗
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不看在眼裡
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要進門抓名婦女來強姦
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ㄧ站進居民門就被狗咬了ㄧ口
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這ㄧ口不得了了
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看著少年的腿部開始潰爛
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擴散至全身 全身爛到有點見骨
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其他少年看到這場景 嚇的鳥獸散
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跑的過程去撞到樹木
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樹散發出氣體
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把20個少年毒死在裡面
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從此就沒人敢亂動裡面的事物
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只敢沿著政府規劃的路線行走或者運動
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第二圈 時
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我看見長相奇怪的
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