I guess I should write out all the weird things I've heard in the past month or so.
*cursing*
"Yeah, Santa made out with my dad."
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"My dog ate my hamster."
"Oh yeah? Well I sat on my hamster and broke its neck!"
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"My grandma was in the hospital to get knee surgery, then she went into cardiac arrest and died."
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“If you were a toddler and Santa came running at you full speed, what would you do?”
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“How’d you get 16 as your answer?? I got 3091...”
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“I’M SQUIDWARD.”
“Then I must be Patrick.”
“COME NOW, PATRICK! LET US FIND SPONGEBOB!”
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“She fell off the Earth and broke her nose.”
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“I LOST MY MOM IN THE CAR WASH.”
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“You look like if Elmo and Ryan Reynolds had a baby.”
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“Where’s the butter?”
“At your mom’s house!”
“I don’t have a mom—”
“OH SH*T SORRY I FORGOT—”
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"HEY I’M CHINESE TOO!!"
"Dude, you’re f*cking Irish and German."
"Yeah, but I’m also 2% French!"
"WHAT?!? SO THEN I’M 50% CHINESE TOO!"
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“What’s your favorite show?”
“PEPPA PIG!!” *snorts*
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“Someone tried to steal my balls.”
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“HOLY SH*T MY MOUTH IS DROWNING!!”
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“I MISSED MY BRIDAL SHOWER!!”
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“WHO SH*T IN THE CLOSET?”
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“Oh hey! It’s John Dick!”
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“How much would you sell your brother for?”
“ANYTHING.”
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“WOOF! Did I scare ya?”
“Who the f*ck are you?”
“CRAP WRONG PERSON.”
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“I know someone who can eat Jell-O through their nose.”
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“When people ask how tall I am, I punch ‘em in the face.”
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“BOYS! STOP THROWING PENCILS AT MY CHICKEN!”
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“SHUT UP! THE TOILET IS TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING!”
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