We've been in the same class since grade one. We had been friends since then. I couldn't say I never thought about marrying him—he was very attractive, no one can deny that. Every girl in high school had a crush on him, and most of them got to date their dream boy. He had been my rock through almost everything. He knew me better than I even knew myself.
We got married in grade two—not actually, but I like to think it was real. It might just be a schoolgirl crush, but I feel like this crush I have towards him will never end. If it never ends, I won't have a problem with that. I like to think sometimes that he loves me too, even though he probably didn’t think of me as a lover. He thought of me as just a friend.
I woke up that morning feeling lonely, but I knew that I would see him later, so that made me feel better. I brushed my hair and my teeth. I sprayed some perfume on my wrists. I did my makeup—I tried to make it as natural as I possibly could, little to no blush. I checked the clock; it was 7:10. School starts at 8:00 a.m. I walked out of the house. Nobody saw me get out of the house—my mom was too busy to notice me. I walked out of the house with no breakfast, but it didn’t matter.
I walked four blocks over to get to James's house. I knocked on his front door. I knocked about three times before he opened it. I smiled. I rushed into his house, then I hugged him.
"Hey, Sara," he said cheerfully. He was excited to see me, I guess.
"James, I need to tell you everything."
We hadn't seen each other in a while. We both went away for summer break. I sat down on his gray couch in his living room. I loved his house. He had old wood floors, and the walls were so pretty—they weren’t plain. The walls were gray with little colorful lines everywhere. It made his house so colorful. I loved it.
I patted the seat beside me. James sat down.
"So James, as you already know, I went to New York for the summer. The crowds of people were unbelievable."
It looked like he loved hearing my stories about New York and seeing my grandparents again. He loved stories. He told me before that he wanted to be an author—and he could be. To be honest, people would read his books. They would read the books because of his looks: his fluffy brown hair, his bright brown eyes, and that smile. God, he was beautiful. And also because he’s really talented.
I read some of his poetry. It was amazing. It was called Spring:
Petals drift on breezes light,11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36Ewx64o6s
Whispers dancing out of sight.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4k7IHGlYiB
A secret song the flowers know,11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQh2oB9jBD
Of sunny days and silver snow.
The trees hum low in lullabies,11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCX54lrZBXi
As clouds paint dreams across the skies.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAtbyhJxu8
And in the hush of morning's grace,11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqvndphtUU
The world slows down its hurried pace.
A golden ray, a hopeful start,11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYSvaODl1M
A poem stitched from nature’s heart.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPnudrUERn
So let the wind take all your cares,11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlsrj1Yj4u
And leave you floating through the air.
I read his poem over and over again—about a hundred times—when he showed it to me. I loved him as a friend and as someone who had a crush on him. If I told him I liked him, would it ruin our friendship? I could… so I don’t tell him. But I wonder if he knows.
James knows things even if people don’t tell him. He knew that this one girl, Mary McDonald, liked him in seventh grade. They went out a couple of times. I was scared that they were going to hit it off and then get married. Then I would never get to tell him I loved him—because if I did, it would ruin what Mary and James had.
But thankfully, they broke up. He broke up with her for some reason. James didn’t tell me why, though. Then, right after he broke up with Mary, he started dating Izzy Michaels. I had the same worries I had with Mary. Anyone he was dating, he could marry. It was an obvious worry for someone you have a crush on.
James grabbed my arm.
“Sara, get out of your thoughts,” he chuckled.
He knew that I zoned out. Was he just staring at me? He wasn’t talking—he was just looking at me the whole time. He knew me better than my mom did, or anyone else did. He was my best friend.
But is it okay to have a crush on your best friend?
That day at school, we were both late. He walked me home from school. He is such a gentleman — every girl wanted him.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJZjWD9DUR
I never had any other friends other than him. I obviously had some fake friends who used me just to get to James, but other than that, never. James never had any guy friends either. We only had each other, no one else.
Sometimes, I think it's sad, but sometimes I think it's great — how you already know that person so well, and you don't have to go through the "what's your favorite color?" talks. You just talk about your feelings and everything that matters. Otherwise, we wouldn't be best friends.
I think being best friends is a weird thing. You're the same you were a few weeks before you were best friends, but now you have a label. And people like to show off labels. Some people like to show off their boyfriends or girlfriends, and I don't understand that, because you either love them and don't show them off — because you love them and you know that they aren't a painting to win prizes and get compliments. They are human, and the people who have them are ungrateful.
I ranted about that to James, and he said that I was right and he never thought about it — even though I knew he had. He talked to me about it in first grade. It was something stupid, though. He said something like someone used him to get his cookie from lunch, and then he felt sad about it and told me again.
We talk about our feelings, and it's weird that a guy likes to talk about his feelings. Maybe it's because he grew up with a single mom and never had a dad to teach him about baseball. Of course, his mom taught him about sports and all, but he never had that father figure in his life.
And I never had a mother figure in my life either.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuUlRpESVt
My mom died because of cancer when I was four years old. I don't really remember her, but I remember one time — on my fourth birthday — she got me everything I ever needed. It was a book called Everything I Ever Need. It had everything about her and how to get through life. She wrote it all by herself, because she knew she was going to die, and that sometimes I would want her help. She was very smart for thinking of it.
It helps. Even though I don't remember her, I love her. She's my mom. She's amazing. I love her.
My dad tells so many stories about their date nights and their wedding, and how it was a fairy tale wedding.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3018GWRud
James told me once that his mom — when she found out she was having a baby — didn’t want one. But rumors say that he (James's dad) has five kids now and lives in Texas, living a pretty normal life.
What does he think about James? Does he ever think of James?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsXJ3Zr18l
Does James think about him?
James always said he thinks his father will come back and live with him, because he wouldn't leave if he really loved him. But sixteen years later, he never showed up.
James’s mom never had a stable job until now. She was a waitress when he was younger, but nothing made enough money, so she had to change jobs again and again. James's dad never gave her any money either. No money.
Did he think she was going to have an abortion or put James up for adoption?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7jCfR9dnp
James’s mother works as a real estate agent now, and she's good at it too. She sold about five houses this year. She's fast and nice — people love her.
James turns his head over at me with that face again — that face where he doesn't know what I'm doing, so it's that weird "someone's trying to figure something out" face.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2hbUzqCVQ
I wait for him to say something, and he does.
"What are you thinking? I know how your face looks when you're thinking about something. So tell me," he chuckles.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMUxfEmNPJ
"None of your business," I say, and we both chuckle.
"Do you want me to hold your bag?"11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShsfS4uD3h
He's so sweet that he's asking.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmoG0Oc0mj
I don't want to say yes, because then he has to hold two heavy backpacks, but I can't say no.
"Yes, please," I say.
Did I sound greedy?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SNS9s018E
I take off the straps of my white cardigan and I hand it to him. He holds my backpack with his right arm, and he has his own backpack on his back.
You couldn't do anything but love him.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUh1DRlLEDu
He was such a gentleman.
We had just made it to school. He was still carrying my bag like a gentleman. As we made it into the old brick high school, he passed my bag off to me because we had different classes — at least for first period. I'm not sure about the other periods.
The high school was old inside — the same brick inside as the walls. The black lockers added a whole new dimension to the space. James stared at me and made his way to class. I was standing in the middle of the entrance of the high school hallway.
I checked my phone to see the time. It was 7:58 — just about time to make it to class. So I did. I went down the first hallway on my right, which was the science wing. I saw that above every door was the teacher's name, so I started looking above.
I checked my phone again. It was 8:01. I was already one minute late.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LryldfxdR
“Great,” I whispered under my breath sarcastically.
No one else was in the hallway with me. After about ten minutes, I finally found Miss Buttons’s name over one of the doors. I knocked on the door because she must’ve thought I was never going to come.
She opened the door. She seemed mean — but she smiled.
I could tell she dyed her hair blonde because her roots are still brown. She’s wearing glasses, which make her face look pretty. Her hair is up in a bun, which makes her look even meaner.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHK032EVtb7
Is that what she was going for?
She was wearing a gray skirt and a white blouse.
I sit down at the only seat that’s left — it’s right in the middle of the room. Of course I have to sit there. Today was an unlucky day.
I couldn’t listen through the lesson. I was scared of her.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEqsQqvf4i
I was scared of my teacher.
Teachers are supposed to be nice, and kind, and helpful. But if I wanted help, I wouldn’t ask her. She scares me to death.
I probably won’t be able to pass a single test if my school life is going to continue this way.
The bell rang, and I went to a different class.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGz3Rip9Id
That was how my day went — until break happened.
I walked out of English with poetry stuck in my head. It was one by Carl Sandburg.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGT6XKayQu
It goes:11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJmlbwhvkX
“Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.”
I love that line. It’s going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day — just like a song would normally be.
I accidentally walk into the cafeteria.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFXEFe5UHC
I see James hanging out with some guys.
I don’t want to go over there. Then his new friends would ask him if he likes me — like, as a girlfriend and not just as a friend.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDims7dNdI
Then we would talk about it, and I’d be like, “Yeah, it’s so weird. We’re only friends.”
I always lie.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpzmX8RzId
Because I don’t think he thinks of me as a girlfriend — just a friend.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdXvdVbWmH
But I don’t know. Maybe he doesn't.
Maybe I’ll die in two days, and we’ll never get to tell each other our feelings.
My hands are tied around the doorframe as I watch James.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtvBIUTXAR
He looks at his friends — and smiles at me.
I’m staring at the floor.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4Zk2GZDaC
I miss him.
I want to scream to the whole cafeteria that I miss him.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsruGIGkPM
I miss the old him.
The him who didn’t care about what people thought.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JDHBCePIS
He doesn’t care most of the time — but I have a feeling he does care today.
I just want him to know I love him.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LHxGVLft7
“I miss you,” I mutter under my breath.
I couldn’t be in the same room as James. I couldn’t help but think that those new friends of his were using him — because they had sisters who liked him. It’s a possibility. But the more likely thing to happen is that they’ll become his new best friends, and maybe James will forget about me. Then we’ll both have to move on. I’d be alone for the next two years of high school.
My mind just jumps to these appalling nightmares that probably won’t happen... but what if they did?
I went to my locker, which was right beside Miss Buttons’ classroom. Literally, it was to the right of her door. I got my wallet out of my bag. I liked my backpack — it was white with red accents. No wonder my outfit was a black plaid skirt and a red top. I guess I really loved the colors red and black.
I walked out of the science wing and out the front door of the high school. The day was sunny but somehow cold. It made sense though — it was September.
I walked to the nearest McDonald’s, which was twenty minutes away. When I got inside, nobody was there except the workers. I walked up to the cashier. Her brown hair was in a braid that made her look like Anna from Frozen.
“Hello, what would you like today?” she asked in a high-pitched, squeaky voice.
“Um… I’ll have a Smarties McFlurry.”
She looked at me funny, like I was insane for ordering a McFlurry for lunch. It’s not like no one else had ever done that. I was standing there with my five-dollar bill held out over the counter. She grabbed it — aggressively. What was her deal?
When I finally got my McFlurry, I said, “Thanks,” sarcastically. I wanted her to know I didn’t like her. Was that a bad thing?
Just as I was about to leave the McDonald’s, James and his new friends walked in. What are the chances we’d end up at the same place at the same time without even telling each other? Did God hate me or something?
“Hey Sara, nice McFlurry,” James chuckled.
I kept a straight face and walked out. He wasn’t being himself, even though he was trying to be. I hate when he does stuff like that.
The clouds were getting dark. I was going to be late for my next class — whatever it was. I started eating my McFlurry while walking. Probably a choking hazard, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want my mom to get upset because I was late.
I didn’t bring my phone with me. But just as I saw a glimpse of the school, I ran. I bet I got there in under a minute — though probably not. But if I did, that would be cool.
I finished my McFlurry, which was just liquid now. I ran to my locker. I almost fell twice, but that didn’t stop me. I slammed my locker open and dug through my bag aggressively. I found my phone — 12:43. I was thirteen minutes late to class.
I opened my schedule. I had math. The math wing was on the other side of the school. I ran like a murderer was behind me. I didn’t bring a calculator. Was I going to need that today? Let’s hope not.
I slammed the door open that said “Mr. Sleep.” He looked at me like I was insane — like I should be in an asylum (which, maybe I should be). He was half sitting, half standing on his desk.
“Are you a student of mine?” he asked kindly.
“Yes!” I blurted out.
He pointed to an open seat. I saw it was right beside James. Of course.
These next couple months are going to be the worst. I’m sitting next to my best friend. Shouldn’t I be happy?
But I’m not.
I tried to smile at James — he was right next to me — but I couldn’t. I didn’t like him. It was only our first day of grade eleven. I sat in math class but didn’t learn anything.
I peeked over at James’s desk. He was writing a note to someone — or was it for me? I kept sneaking glances, but he didn’t pass the note to me. He gave it to one of his new friends.
Of course. He forgot about me.
A piece of paper suddenly appeared on my desk. I opened it. Around the corners of the page, James had drawn little sketches — a flower, the sun, the moon. He was an amazing artist. You see, he’s very creative. He never really cared about American football — which I liked, because I didn’t either.
In the center of the paper, he had written something. The words were tiny, and I had to squint. But I could still make it out:
Why are you not talking to me, Sara?
I looked back at him, shook my head, and passed the paper back. He stared at me for the rest of the class while his friends goofed around. Every couple of seconds, he’d draw something else on a full-length sheet of paper. I didn’t look over, but I knew they were good.
Did he actually want to be my friend?
But I didn’t want to be his friend. I wanted to be his girlfriend. I didn’t care if he didn’t think of me that way — because one day, he would. I knew he would.
The bell rang. I hoped my next class didn’t have James in it. I was the third person out the door and into the hallway. One of the ceiling lights was flickering. It looked like a horror movie was about to be filmed there.
James ran up beside me.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHDnAInwam
“Sara, why aren’t you talking to me?”
I started walking faster. But of course, he kept up. I wanted to get out of the math wing and into the art wing — now.
“Sara!”
He was angry now. Great. Now I had an angry James, and I was going to be late to art class. Did he really want that? Did he?
I turned around. He was standing in the middle of the hallway. I walked closer to him.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1SxXRlhwG
“You wouldn’t understand,” I said, then turned and walked straight to the stairwell.
I finally got to the art wing. I was early — for once. And it was art class. The one class that didn’t matter as much as science or math... but for me, it did.
Finally. A class without James.
Until he came in.
He wasn’t smiling. And just because someone isn’t smiling doesn’t mean they aren’t happy — but for James, it did. I’d known him since grade one. I could read him like a book.
I shouldn’t unfriend him... just take a break. Make other friends. But who would want to be friends with the weird grade eleven girl who had no one and only ever hung out with a guy since she was six?
Nobody.
And honestly, I kind of understood that.
People these days... they don’t have a heart.
Those grade nine girls whispered about me and James. They thought he was in love with me. But no. It was me who was in love with James.
I heard him behind me. Of course he took the seat behind mine.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAGSQEkwkz
He leaned forward and whispered in my ear,11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3jUebQ6Mp
“You know you can tell me everything. I know all your secrets, and you know all of mine. It’s not like it’s gonna break our friendship.”
But that was the thing.
It was going to break our friendship.
Should I tell him?
I turned my head toward him and said,11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNVS4sTkpb
“But it is going to break our friendship.”
My tone was angry.
Let’s hope he got the point.
In art class, we were going to make 3D paper hearts. James was confused—and so was I. I didn’t understand anything about love, let alone how to make a paper heart. He was cutting the paper aggressively, doing everything like he was mad at the world. He had to understand at some point that sometimes you just can’t tell your best friend something that could break both of you apart.
It took me twenty minutes to make the 3D paper heart, but it took James way less.
I raised my hand. Miss Grey, our art teacher, said, “Sara, you can go out into the halls for free time.”
Then James raised his hand.
“And James, you may go as well,” she said.
We both walked out of the classroom at the same time. As soon as we got into the hallway, James grabbed my shoulders and yelled, “Just tell me for goodness’ sake!”
I couldn’t do it. The words weren’t coming to my mind.
“I... I... I love you.”
There was a moment of silence. He let go of my shoulders. His face was full of shock. He stepped away for a little bit, then walked down another hallway.
If he was upset, that was his fault. He wanted this. He was literally begging for me to tell him. But now that I did, he was upset?
That’s insane.
I stood in the middle of the hallway, trying to figure things out.
Why did I tell him?
Was he okay that I told him?
Was he actually upset?
After about five minutes, he came back. He walked up to me and gently held my hand.
“Sara... I’m dating someone.”
The shock that was on his face earlier was now on mine. He must’ve just asked her out today. It was embarrassing. I rushed into the girls’ washroom.
I stayed in there for a long time. I wanted to stay there forever.
I wanted to stay in the girls’ washroom forever.
I heard some grade nine girls whispering about me—probably because my mascara was running.
I stood in the bathroom crying while those girls pointed at me. I think they thought I didn’t notice, but they were literally right next to me—in front of the mirror. I didn’t have any mascara with me. I stared at the girls and held out my hand. One of them reached into her purse and handed me a mascara. I used it carefully. Her mascara was worse than mine. Did I look bad?
I passed it back to her, and she quickly put it back in her purse. Both girls had blonde hair and pale skin with little red blush spots on their faces. The one with the mascara was wearing red glasses. She looked kind of ugly, to be honest.
I walked out of the washroom and into the hallway. James was still standing where he had been ten minutes ago. When he saw me walking toward him, he ran up to me. We were side by side. He looked over at me while walking and then quickly looked away. I think he noticed I’d been crying.
His hands were in the pockets of his jeans, and his shoulders were stiff. He looked nervous for some reason.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I honestly didn’t know you thought of me… that way.”
I put my hand out in front of him, and he stopped. His shoulders relaxed. His hands dropped from his pockets to his sides.
“Of course you didn’t know. I understand that. But you could’ve understood me when I said it was going to ruin our friendship.”
I started walking again, arms at my sides. I tried not to look back. But I couldn’t help myself—I had to. I looked back just for a second and saw James standing there, his face full of shock.
I kept walking, but then turned around and shouted, “Just try to understand!”
I smiled.
He looked at me—he looked so sad. So forgotten. Then he turned and saw his new best friends walking up to him. They patted his shoulder, laughing and smiling, and waved at me. I guess they were nice people.
But they ruined mine and James’s friendship.
I hated the fact that our ten-year friendship might have just been ruined by three little words.
Isn’t that the most annoying thing?
I finally got to my locker and grabbed my phone. I had twenty notifications. I clicked on one of them… then another… and another. They were all from James.
I read them—actually read them, not just skimmed.
"Sara, I'm sorry. I didn’t know that you liked me—not just as a friend. I wish I could say I liked you just as a friend, but I can’t. I actually like-like you. Sorry, this is so weird that I’m saying this through text, but you won’t talk to me."
I was shocked.
He actually liked me. And not just as a friend.
I couldn’t understand. I didn’t know how to respond. How would I respond? Even if I wanted to—if I sent an emoji, it would seem like I didn’t like him. But I did.
I heard footsteps. Soft footsteps on the porcelain tile. I looked over.
James.
We caught eye contact. He walked closer and closer until we were just a foot apart. He saw that I was looking at his message. Then he looked down at my phone and smiled—like he was embarrassed.
Which I could understand.
He gently took my phone and placed it in my locker. Then he grabbed my hand and leaned in.
He kissed me.
Our kiss was soft and a bit long—at least, it felt that way to me. Maybe fifteen seconds. His hand rested on my cheek.
We both smiled.
“I can’t believe we kissed!” I squealed.
He laughed—but that was just how he was when he was happy. He always laughed.
The bell rang.
We walked away from each other, our hands still intertwined. We looked at each other, and then our hands let go.
“We’re going on a date tonight. I’ll text you the details!” he shouted. Probably the whole school heard him.
I nodded and gave him a thumbs up so he’d know I got it.
I walked back to my locker—I forgot to close it. I walked out of the science hallway and into the gym. The gym teacher was nice; she smiled and pointed to a room I could get changed in. I got changed into some black shorts and a black T-shirt. I walked out of the room, glad I didn’t have to change in front of anyone—it’s weird.
There was a line to the room now, and all the girls gave me nasty looks just because I got to class on time and the room was empty. The teacher pointed over to the wall on the left.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2GaKDY4FK
“Go over to the left wall when you're done changing!” she yelled.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKd0MYF7oCT
I ran over to the wall. She smiled at me and gave a thumbs up. I smiled back, but as soon as she turned her back to help the other girls, my face went back to normal. Not smiling. Not happy.
But why wasn’t I happy?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAPoypttfQ
Because I just got kissed by my crush—my best friend? Shouldn’t I be happy? I’d wanted that moment to happen since... well, forever. But maybe the girl he was supposed to go out with tonight was friends with those girls who gave me nasty looks. It was possible. Maybe she was really popular. He never mentioned her name. He just said, “I have a date,” and that was it.
But I guess not—because he kissed me.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLt0VpnBAf
And he said he loved me.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vQaa5A6m2
So... you like me better than her?
The girls all finished changing. One of them had brown hair just like mine—silky and light. I liked it. She stood beside me and leaned close. Her mouth near my ear, she whispered:11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXciVqaY9V6
“I know who you are, Sara. You took James because you were worried he was actually in love.”
She turned away. I couldn’t believe what she said.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0vEcnDgMy
She thought I was worried for him? No. I was in love with him. And they probably would’ve ended a couple of weeks later anyway. So I just shortened it. Isn’t that fine? Or was it not?
If she loved him, sure, maybe they had a chance.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKOXR9uaBH
But everyone who thinks they love James doesn’t.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEiejcgqM6
They just use him for his looks and popularity.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhflc7Js8U3
It’s weird how some people are.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLDXc8Zgf5
I didn’t like whoever she was.
I whispered in her ear, “What’s your name?”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yDk84plER
She stared at me funny.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzPchjIUpu
“Ellie Anderson,” she said with a straight face.
She was the most popular girl in the whole school—11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1jRwu4ZJP
And I just got on her bad side.
“Great,” I whispered.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnDXggZDfH
I smiled at her.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmdfg0moab
She fake-smiled at me.
The gym teacher yelled, “Dodgeball!”
I ran to the left side of the gym.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikwtZLOKem
Ellie went to the right.
She went out of her way to hit me with the ball—11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCL7CQHxGj
And I did the same to her.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBXS4R5QuF
That went on for the next twenty minutes,11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH052pQwPkM
Until the bell rang.
I ran to the changing room—I got there first.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgTRkxnLKj
Ellie was second.
I walked out of the gym doors and saw James there.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7n2JwhQv0t
Ellie walked out at the same time.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6kfKpU77t
She stared at us.
I told James everything that happened with me and Ellie.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2bTLp6xfa
He was surprised.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodKdJHHhHL
He put his right arm around my shoulder.
It was the end of the day.
James walked me over to my locker, his arm on the locker right next to mine, leaning against it. I couldn't believe this all happened in one day. I said I loved him, and he didn’t like that—and now we’re going on a date. Time was going so fast. Was it ever going to slow down?
I grabbed my phone and left everything in my locker. None of my teachers had assigned homework, and I guess James's teachers didn’t either, which was rare. They only do that once a year, and I suppose the first day of school was the best time for a no-homework day. But I couldn't complain.
I saw Ellie gossiping and whispering things about me—or James—to her best friend. It was like she didn’t have a life. I gave her a fake smile, which she knew was fake because she gave me a wave goodbye.
I kissed James on the cheek. She stared at the one-second kiss James and I shared. She looked sad, but I didn’t care. She deserved it.
We walked out of the school, his arm around my waist. I walked to the bus, and so did he. As we got on, his new friends were shouting his name. He looked at me. I could read his look—it meant, Can I sit with them? I nodded.
I sat at the back of the bus. Nobody was sitting there, and nobody would anymore now that I was there. The whole twenty-minute ride home was the loneliest I’ve ever been. I saw how happy James was, but I couldn’t feel anything but alone.
I finally got back to my house. As I got off the bus, James waved and mouthed, “See you tonight?” I nodded and smiled at him, and he smiled back. I guess I wasn’t that alone. But I still felt alone.
My house was an old brick house with white trim along the bottom and the top. I opened the door, but the key was jammed. My dad wasn’t home. Now I was actually alone.
I couldn’t wait for my date with James at eight o’clock. I couldn’t wait to not feel alone. Just as I settled back into my house, the phone rang. I picked it up—it was James.
“Hi, Sara. I can’t go on our date tonight. Me and the guys are gonna have a party at my mom’s house. She’s not home… You can come if you want?”
He didn’t want to hang out with me. I stuttered, “Sure, I’ll come,” with an unsteady voice. I think he knew that, too—but he hung up.
I didn’t like being alone.
I walked out of the wood front door and sat on the cement stairs. I sat there for what seemed to be fifteen minutes, but probably less. I stood up and walked back into the house. I grabbed my dad’s spare car key and headed out. I was going to be in my black plaid skirt and red top that I was wearing to school, but who would remember?
James said the party was at his house, so I drove four blocks over to James’s house. Almost everyone in the whole school was there—at least it seemed like it. I parked the car on the street. If somebody else came to his house with a car, they would have to park on another street.
You could see the stars. They stood out compared to the dark black sky. As I got out of the car, I almost got hit by a car. I didn’t know who it was, but I gave them the middle finger. They could’ve killed me. I kept walking with the middle finger up. Nobody came near me. Yeah, sure, everyone was giving me a nasty look, but I didn’t care.
I saw James on his porch. I ran up the stairs, and he hugged me and kissed me on the head. I couldn’t believe this all happened in one little day, but that’s just luck. I walked into his house. His house was a mess—people dancing, people kissing. This was a party full of teenagers. It was expected, to be honest. I’ve been to thousands of high school parties, but this was different. It was like it came out of the Mean Girls movie. It was odd.
Ellie Anderson was there. I saw her and her group of friends. They were all giving me a nasty look. I gave them the middle finger for a couple of seconds, then James came in, and I put it down. After they saw me and James talking, she must’ve been jealous, because then she and the group started pointing and laughing.
I whispered in James’s ear, “Can we go to the beach? I don’t want to be here with Ellie.” He nodded and grabbed my arm. We ran out of the house and got into his car. He opened the door for me.
“Thank you,” I squealed. I couldn’t believe he just abandoned his party. It was insane.
As I buckled up, I turned to him and laughed—and so did he. He was speeding, trying to get to the beach as fast as he could. It felt like the car was air. As he got out of the neighborhood, we were going a hundred in a fifty zone. It was amazing. We were blasting the radio. The top of his car turned into a convertible, my hair blowing through the wind. It was amazing. This was the best day of my life.
We got there in ten minutes, even though it was supposed to take an hour. He ran to my side of the car and opened the door. I smiled. He grabbed my arm again, and we ran to the beach and fell on the soft sand. We started laughing and smiling. He stood back up and helped me up. He ran to a cliff and gestured for me to come, and I did. He put his arm around my waist, and I put my hand on his face. We kissed.
That was the best day of our lives, and our love continued for a long, long, long time.
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