After graduation, I mainly worked in administrative roles. I previously worked as a waiter for a few days, but I found that I completely couldn’t handle the job. Even when trying to pick up three cups of lemon tea, my hands shook so badly that I couldn’t steady the tray. My colleagues quickly helped me, and I resigned within a week. I often felt frustrated, believing I couldn’t do jobs that seemed easy for others. Inside, I constantly battled uncomfortable thoughts, feeling like I wasn’t doing well or couldn’t handle even small tasks.12Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsG6YqL1VN4
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I think this relates to my upbringing, where I never received encouragement, leading to a lack of confidence and significant distress. At work, I worried about making mistakes and not performing well. These thoughts accumulated to the point where I frequently had emotional breakdowns. I completely lost the meaning of existence and felt unable to survive in this society. For a long time, I stayed at home, not looking for work during summer breaks while studying, avoiding people, and even fearing social interactions. This situation only began to improve in college.
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At that time, I didn’t mention my illness to my employer; I only said I was feeling unwell and sometimes needed to go to the hospital for check-ups. Fortunately, my colleagues were caring and would sometimes ask if I needed to go to the hospital when I seemed nervous.
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After one episode, the doctor prescribed me a double dosage of medication, and I felt dizzy for three days afterward.
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After switching medications, my situation improved. I coexisted with this condition until I started working. Apart from taking medication, I couldn’t think of any other ways to treat it and hoped for new treatment methods in the future.
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Later, for health reasons, I resigned from jobs in banking, real estate, and accounting and began working part-time as an administrative assistant. After half a day of work, I devoted the rest of my time to writing at home.
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In the past, I contemplated a few questions regarding my future. I considered administrative work, as it seemed more suitable for me. My family suggested I work abroad, thinking that since I am a slow person, a slower-paced life would be better for me. However, I disagreed; there must be a job I can handle in this vast world. I also thought about starting my own business, selling various small accessories, and I imagined I would be very happy if I could make that a reality.
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I felt like a struggling worm in society, forced to follow the flow to survive. Life is short, and reality does not allow me to pursue the goals I truly want to achieve.
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I still face a lonely life stretching over a thousand miles, walking …
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