Damien has been avoiding me for the past few days. It's Friday, and he only speaks to me when absolutely necessary. When I tried to talk to him, he simply said "I'm not talking about that shit with you," and "Give me my fucking book, Emma." Well, he's going to be stuck with me for the entirety of the weekend. He can't avoid me forever.
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I'm in chemistry class, staring absentmindedly in the direction of our teacher, Mr Chin. He seems animated, enthusiastic about whatever he's talking about, but still, my interest isn't piqued. I'm incredibly bored, as I am many days at school. I'm not actually concentrating on him; that is, until I realise that he's talking directly to me.
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"Emma, did you hear anything that I just said?" he asks, sounding somewhat annoyed. I.want to tell him to fukk off, but realise that that probably wouldn't be in my best interest.
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"No, sir," I say honestly. What's the point of lying?
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"You will all be given group work. Next week, you will arrange yourselves into groups."
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Well, that sucks.
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I don't have any friends, I don't like anyone. Mary-Anne Rosenberg used to be my friend in third form, but we weren't extremely close; therefore, when she transferred to a private school, I didn't try to maintain contact with her. My eyes always made me some interesting freak to stare at, and I hated it. Still do.
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My point is, I generally don't like company.
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I really don't want to do this, but I'll survive. I've done group projects before, and it didn't kill me. I'm still alive.
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"Do we get to choose who we have in our group?" I ask him. I really hope that this isn't a question that he's already addressed, because I don't want to be that person that causes the teacher to repeat themself. However, when I look at Mr. Chin, who's already slanted, narrow eyes narrow even more at me, I realise that more than likely, I'm exactly that person in this moment.
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"Yes, Emma, you can."
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I spend the rest of the class dying to be set free, and when the bell finally rings, signaling the end of the day, I am the first one out of the classroom, heading to the bus stop. When the bell at the end of the day rings, everyone can just get up and go home. It's the one thing that I like about my school. I feel like a slave who has just been emancipated, but I also suffer the dread of the fact that I will be forced to return to this place the following Monday. Now, however, is not the time to think about it.
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The bus, as always, is hot and filled with body odor, and the smell of sweaty people at the end of the day, but I'll generally used to it.
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However, the man in front of me is greener than anybody that I have ever smelled before. He smells as if he doesn't use deodorant, and he's spent the whole day working in a field somewhere. The classrooms are usually filled with the scent of sweaty teenagers by the end of the day, but I can handle it. The bus usually has even smellier people, but I can handle that, too. But this? This is torture. I have heard the argument, over and over, that you shouldn't judge people based on their natural fragrance. However, this is not the 1800s. In today's day and age, we are not used to this.
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"Jesus Christ," I mutter under my breath. It feels as if I'm standing there for hours, even though it's appropriately 20 minutes to the bus stop nearest to my house, and about another 10 minuets to walk there.
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When I finally get let out, I take a deep breath of air, relieved to be let out of that bus. I walk home, but Damien isn't here. His shift is 9 - 5 on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays, while being 9 - 2 on Mondays and Thursdays, because the deli closes early on those days. Saturday's and Sundays have different staff working there. Therefore, I have until 5 pm until my brother gets here. The curtains are drawn, causing the room to be draped in darkness, and I take out my chemistry text book to do some work. Since I completely zoned out in class today, I figure that it will be best to revise some stuff. Last year, my CAPE grades were good; I got a 1 in both Biology and Spanish, but got a 2 in Chemistry. I also got a 1 in Communication Studies, which was compulsory. I chose biology and chemistry, because I want to either become a marine biologist, a zoologist, or, a veterinarian. I've had a love for animals once I realised that they generally don't care about my heterochromia, that they won't judge me for my eyes. I also want to be a vegetarian one day, with the exception of lion fish. They're an invasive species, so I don't feel guilty eating them. Damien actually showed interest in my grades. He was so proud of me that he took me on an island wide tour on a cruise ship, something that he knew that I've always wanted. We shared the same room, but I spent a good 20 minuets crying softly in the shower one day, because of how touched I was. Every time my brother does anything uncharacteristically loving or kind for me, I cry. Whenever his coldness becomes too much for me, I also cry. I have shed a lot of tears over him.
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When he does arrive at 5 pm, I have relocated to my room, and I'm on my bed, reading from my text book.
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"Em," he calls out to me. I know that he's more than likely brought food for me. I get up and go down the stairs, meeting him in the living room. "Here," he says, handing me the a brown paper bag, then moving past me to go upstairs. Before he can get too far, I grab his arm and pull him to me. At least, that's what I try to do. He barely moves. So instead, I go up to him and hug him.
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"I love you," I tell him. At first, he remains stiff as a board, but eventually, he hugs back.
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"I love you, too," he says, and even though I already knew that, it means the world to hear it out loud.
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Neither of us talk after that, and neither of us have to. We just stand there, embracing each other. In this moment, each other's love is all we need, even if our relationship is not the best.
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***
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I am sitting in the classroom by myself, thinking about my relationship with my brother. My future. My stories. Life, in general. It's lunch time, but I don't feel like eating today. Instead, I feel like sitting here by myself, and tuning out the rest of the world. It's something that I've become very good at, both in and out of class. And I'm enjoying my me time. That is, someone comes to sit beside me, in the chair to my right. I,don't like that. I don't like it at all. I mentally refer to this as "me time" for a reason.
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I turn to look at this person, and see that it is a boy from my chemistry class who has come to sit beside me. I recognise his face, but I don't know his name. I don't really make much of an attempt to remember any of their names. He has dark skin, big lips and a big nose, high cheekbones and a beautiful jawline. He is beautiful.
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"Hey, Emma," he says.
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"Hey," I reply.
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"You're good at chemistry."
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"How do you know that?"
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"You're on the high achievers list," he says. I forgot that the list of all of the top 10 students in each class is stapled to the notice board.
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"Oh, uh, well yeah." My average is consistently I, the 90s. Unit 2 is easier than Unit 1, so I'm sure that I'll get a 1 this time.
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"So I was wondering if you'd like to be in a group with me. For the project, I mean. I'm not that good at chemistry, but I will do everything I can, I swear."
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I have no real friends, and I'm good at chemistry, so good that I could probably do this project all on my own. Because I have no legitimate reason to turn him down, I simply say "Yeah, sure, why not?"
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He smiles at me, flashing his pretty white teeth.
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"Thanks! I really appreciate it, Em. Can I call you that?"
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"Yeah, I don't mind."
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"Good. Well, I have to eat lunch with my friends, so catch you later? Unless you want me to stay and talk?"
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"No, that's fine," I assure him.
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"Okay, he says, rising from the chair to his full height, and preparing to leave.
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"Wait!" I call to him.
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"Yes?"
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"What's your name?" I feel terrible for asking; after all, he knew mine and I don't want to offend him. However, I need to know his name if we are to do this project together.
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He doesn't look offended by the question. He simply answers by saying "William, but you can call me Will, or Bill," before doing a soldier salute, then turning around and walking out of the classroom.
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