Constellations are defined as a group of stars forming a recognizable pattern that is traditionally named after its apparent form or identified with a mythological figure. In summary, they are shapes in the sky that people saw a long time ago and said "Look! That's a bear!" or something like that. They tell stories in them, but people still only see the pretty exterior that looks like a giant spoon in the sky. Sometimes I feel like I'm a constellation. I have so much behind my eyes, and in my mind, and yet all people see is that trans girl who sits in the corner of every class and never says a word to anyone, despite having so much locked behind closed doors.
Everyone has their people, whether that is a group of friends, your family tree, or a clump of stars in the sky that make you who you are. I think that the people I would consider to be my people wouldn't consider me to be their people. All of my peers at my school, my coworkers at my job, the teachers I had growing up, my parents who never seem to give me two words in their autobiographies, and the singers that keep me alive. They are the people who have shaped me to be who I am now. But have I really shaped them in that way? I wouldn't really say so, to be honest.
In reality, I'm just a shadow behind everyone else in this place. The one dull star in the constellation that you can barely even see, covered by all of the brighter ones that scream out at you and capture your eyes. The one who sits in the back corner of the classroom in every single class, and never says a single word to anyone.
That's how senior year has gone so far. Who am I kidding, that's how my whole life has gone so far. Nobody dares talk to me, so why should I make an attempt to talk to them? All of the kids I've known growing up still think of me as that annoying "boy" who would bother them about space all the time, and the people I've met later on in life simply know that everyone from my childhood hates me. I don't know why they do, but they just do. I guess that's just how life works, you can't win them all, and in some cases, you can't win a single one.
But, even if the star seems dull at times, there always shining. And, they always pull the constellation together. I do give some important things to some people, just not people that I know well. I started posting my artwork on Instagram a while back. I know that there are people who love to see my sketches and find joy in seeing them. But, just like everyone in my school, they just like it and scroll right past it. The braver ones leave a quick comment and then walk right by again.
At the end of the day, I still have my people. Even if most people I know have people in the real world, that they can talk to whenever they need assistance or just need somebody to talk to, that doesn't mean that I don't have mine. My constellation still has stars surrounding it, just farther apart and less clumped up than those around me. Like if you zoomed out on the entire universe you would be able to see the shape they made, just not close together.
Stars shine all around the world. Light pollution makes them harder to see in a lot of places, but that doesn't mean that the stars are no longer there. They are still lingering in the sky above your head, whether you can see them or not. The stars that I see right now, somebody across the world will see in a few months now. Like how certain constellations are seen in certain places at certain times of the year. So everybody has a chance to look at them. Everybody has a chance to share themselves online, and there's no point in only having your people close to you.
Even if I don't fully have my people now. People who I can call at 2 AM, sobbing over a sad documentary I watched and will laugh at me until I inevitably realize how dumb I'm being and laugh with them. People who I can take to a concert o our favorite band together to have the time of our lives. People who will hang out with me and sleepover at my place and pull an all-nighter having a movie marathon, watching movies that are so bad that they're funny. People who want to talk to me when it's not a required school project with assigned partners. I still know there are people out there. People seeing the same stars I saw a few months ago, just across the sea. Scratch that, somebody seeing the same stars as me. Just in the next state over. Or a few states over. Or even a few towns over.
There are so many possibilities to find your people. To find the stars that create your constellation, the shape that defines you up in the sky. It could happen at any point. Just like how at any point a star could shoot across the sky, and people from all over the area are able to wish on the same star. A star can drop down and into your hand for all you know. You just have to be patient with it. Because for all you know it can come at the most unexpected times that you would never even think of. In those same boring places that you always thought that nothing special could ever happen in. Because the special thing with shooting stars is that they can shoot across the sky from one place to another, even in a completely random and dry place.
For example, the back corner of an English classroom where you haven't spoken a single word in the entire year so far. The same classroom where just a few seconds ago you were the dulled star in the back of the constellation. Because for somebody on the opposite side of the sky, you are the shiny star. And all of the stars from where you stand that are bright, those are the stars that are dull for that person.
Sierrbearr has sent you a dm:110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJYNFktYvp
oh my god hi i've been following you for ages, thank you so much for the follow back! sorry if this is sudden but i was wondering if maybe you would want to collab and make some cool art or something with me and my two friends. lmk if you're interested!! :)
