There's an old riddle I tell to the folks who come tired to the halfway house.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwn7OY7gpr
'How far can you walk into a forest?'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlS32yIB3Fp
Some of them know the answer, some don't.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMfZtrYUvh
'Halfway. Now take your rest.'
The Wood of White Nights was my home.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhWuz4fv8P
It was a place between two places where rarely people had a reason to stay. Two poor towns, farming areas, or so they claimed, because the crops always failed and never the baleful cry of an animal I heard.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3FF4EfQX6
People had their own reasons for passing by the Halfway House, and I had my own reasons to live there.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOf5TYk5W3n
I suppose, if nothing else, it gave me something to do.
It was a hobby of sorts - I had always had a way of talking to people, and at the Halfway House I could learn about a different life every day. All the sadness and - occasionally - gladness that would lead someone to stay at a dying building in a forest full of dangerous beasts.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡValVqqb6YU
For some, perhaps they were seeking something. Tales of lost treasure in the Woods, or old friends who stopped returning letters or calls. It's strange, really - the people who were looking for something were lost themselves.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0A6kJF3LN
The House provided refuge for others, a place where the outside world no longer mattered, a place where time itself failed to keep composure, a place where they could escape the judgements and expectations.
And I suppose that for a while it kept my interest. Lives and stories were precious things and the knowledge of each one was like a temporary high of intimacy - something that I could never have achieved elsewhere.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03SJrhY07g
But too soon, I learnt that life was like a loop, a pencil retracing the same track over and over again - I met the same people, the same stories, the same tired faces with eyes of broken promise.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN03ZnYouwA
There was nowhere else for me then, of course. So I stayed. And with every passing year, I couldn't help but feel that I was looking into the mirror every time I greeted a lost soul into the House. I was running. Away, or to, even I didn't know. But I was running, by staying still.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZcVbY0X2G
You see, runners inevitably hit a brick wall. For them, it was death. For me, it was an old friend who returned as a stranger under a rain-soaked sun.
'Welcome to the Halfway House.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkYaX12irX
The girl was dripping, and the warm rays of light from the sky had done nothing to dry her. She was English - with those perpetual dimples and perceptive eyes - and her hair was dyed an angel white. She was short - and her complexion said that she couldn't have been any older than twenty seven.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhthSw4u9I4
'You must be tired. Sit, please.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSsdEqC42X
She remained on her feet, and walked up to me.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlNeiOyzbD
'Do you know how far you can walk into a forest?' I asked her, seeing myself ask myself the same question from the inside of the droplets hanging at her eyelashes.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITxWEApNnq
'Halfway, you bastard. It's me.' The moment that tears began running down her cheeks and not just residual rain was misty, like a watercolor - perhaps she was crying before she even entered.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf125PubV0e
'Aria!' I embraced her, but only lightly, conscious of my suit getting wet. 'You're looking younger than I last saw you.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DZuECrsMY
'Please don't give me that bullshit Al, I'm old. I'm too old for all of this.' She let go, and finally sat down. She never liked being told when to do things.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfgBkbtaMd
'Another one?'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERTACap2Wq
'What do you think? Of course it was another one.' She pulled out a few sepia polaroids from her satchel and gave a heavy sigh at them before handing the stack to me.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCPHhOQS9Y
'What was his name?' Aria always picked the ones with the lovely smiles. Here - riding on his back in a park, laughing. Here - him making a mess of the spaghetti. Here - a kiss.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4y0SB1qMms
'Jacob. Jacob Ryans.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsG8DOxS3bk
'He's very beautiful. You two look so happy together.' Here - both of them asleep on a couch. Here - a walk on the beach with a white dog.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHNtR18VpW
'Were, Al, we were happy.' She collapsed into an outburst of bodily fluid again. Crying, bleeding, orgasming, I never really got the differences. There's always the pain and the pleasure, and at the extremities, they merge into the one - like a great circle of emotions. 'God, Al, I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJx7PAyrn1
'Don't say that. What you do is a good thing. You give these men an extra few years of happiness. You know that all these people would have died if you didn't come into their bodies.' Us Muses could pass into any dying body and grant it with immortality so long as we stayed inside. She was the Aria - the outpour of raw emotion. I was the Allemande - the noble, the detached.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSweP324OL
'But you know what I took away? Closure. And not having that - that hurts more.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pmSSsZ1Y3
'You can still fix things.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kqybuDQut
'Al, you know I can't do that. I can't tell them, I can't leave them in any way. I loved them all. I love them all.' She took the photos back and took a long look at the one by the beach. 'The dog was called Marbles. You like riddles, Al? Why's the dog called Marbles?'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuN2BLuPqU
'You tell me, sis.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MIWeDEHcQ
She laughed. 'He's batshit bonkers. But adorable all the same. We got him from the adoption place in - I don't even remember. But he was heard barking from the sewers. His previous owner left him there.' A corner of the English girl's smile appeared and faded just as quickly like an imprint from the past.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvQaELzS4P
'I just don't know why I keep making the same mistakes.' She folded the photos.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZP9w0VTG5C
'Well, sis, life is like a loop - '833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3FLxNBzk7
'Can you just shut up for once, Al? Not all of your goddamn philosophies are goddamn right. You're stuck here for what you've done, how can you say you know about life?'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1IMoaQGvMM
I stayed silent. She was in a mood.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8kRVwmSoD
'It's like a spiral.' She said, suddenly. 'You always think you're heading somewhere but you just keep going round and round. You know the funny thing about spirals?' I didn't interrupt her - it was rhetorical, and I would only frustrate her further. 'You can draw an infinite number of spirals. An infinite number of lives. They get close, but the only place they really touch is at the center, at the end. At the end of them all.'
Having Aria around was always difficult, but I know she did it for me.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJA6hg6JdOU
You see - I couldn't actually leave the woods. I had made a mistake, a long time ago. Aria takes photos of the world for me, with an old polaroid that she never found the strength to throw away. After a few decades I had had enough of the cities and mountains and lakes, and I asked if I could just see her life.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjElWefdTnY
It was always about the love, for her. I never understood why. But she would purposefully try to find the ones who were in a healthy relationship, the ones whose boyfriends or girlfriends were always by their hospital bed.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxDfH2wodb
And once those dying bodies woke again, she would never let those people go, not until she had to leave. She stayed with each one only five, ten years - you see, the bodies don't age once we're inside. To keep us safe, she left before it would become noticeable.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7HdQOF6lw
I suppose I should have thanked her more than I did.
'You're still here.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXzeHs8aOJ
It was morning, and Aria was sitting, the English girl, in the dining room. She had never stayed longer than the night before. 'I need a break from it all.' She sighed.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡws8BkriuAg
'You're at the right place.' I took the place beside her. 'The cornflakes are shit.' I reminded her. 'Have the yogurt.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZYw2JWFef
'How did it feel, Al?'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVTNHKw3mR
'How did what...'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXw0eTDrWA
'To do what you did. To do that to all those people.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDNc8hBXF0
'Why are you asking me this now?'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweS0Oqsylj
She laid her head into her palms. 'Because nothing has changed.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5iAOqOKAD
She didn't want to say it, but I knew what she was thinking. She was tired of being trapped in this world with me.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuDXj6J29q
'Sis, I'm sorry.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzsjSvp2Xs
She looked up, crying again. 'But were you really?'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVR6HxoCry
I couldn't answer that. One option would be a lie and the other would break her heart.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIha0LCXrZw
I stood.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFPW1y10Ix
'I'll go get you some yogurt.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLVM03Z8Ot
'Do you ever wish you could die?'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbX4KtURpMz
Aria was slowly retreating into a shroud of depression.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6I8trVYwb
'No. There's so much to live for.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Thn8GPxER
'But I've seen it all. There's nothing left.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloZlaev2h9
'Don't say that.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRqLSyTZe9
Even I was surprised at how much she cried those few days she stayed at the Halfway House. It bothered me. I never wanted to see her like this.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdh6wiWFwN
And it was only then that I decided to do what I knew was possible several, several years ago.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4xrBY77tO
'Sis... I can get you out.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7AwWZ41YJ
'...what do you mean?'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0isJNSh6JD
'I can get you out. I can get you back home. But you have to be patient.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsb8gOwclo
'...I don't understand.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GhlkcX7oR
'Back home, sis. Away from all of this.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetRwUtEEcr
'But how?'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaCqyS0iTW
The tears had stopped and I knew I had made a promise that I couldn't bear to break.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyKHjYnerL
'You'll understand tomorrow. Sleep on it.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EA1Gx7aFu
She turned away again.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDionSrOXM
She didn't say thanks - reminding me even now how I had mistreated her before.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBz9n5h2i78
'Remember. You'll have to be patient.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaNq2JmmFY
I wait a few moments for a response before I close her door.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAmevrfIOb
It was time for me to leave. To run away, to run towards.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4Pt66y0Wz
833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHley2yQ0Q
An English girl with hair angel white, kneeled before the gates of her home.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQwowoEZEr
'Father?'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgsUlvwMao
'Aria. You know you're not allowed here.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydxCXntHNI
'It's not Aria.'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdIvCCu6m9
Muses could go only into dying bodies, of which there were none in the Wood of White Nights, where time itself lay tired.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xGmVbCicb
But there had been one - a girl with cancer, who should have died seven years ago, who woke at the brink and came to the woods.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8yhNnSKhH
'Allemande?'833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyQ8O4CArh
I could feel him, ready to send me back to the forest in a single spin of the landscape.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlCXkZp66p
'Wait.' I say.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqXKqOpl9a
I know what I need to do to make things right. I know what I need to do to pay for my past. I know how to send Aria home.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57nImjSQ13
Because I realized, longer ago than I believed, that I was wrong. Life didn't have a simple shape, an order - life was a mirror, in the corner of the universe, in which you could see eternity, and the reflections of a thousand others -833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aLAxq6Hs5
And so I will suffer the reflection of the suffering I caused.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLQUu0QQkA
I had been running - not away from the forests in fear, not to the forests in hope of comfort, but to hide from the forests that festered within myself.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftYpmYvVdB
And when all the pain finally ends, they will offer me the heavens once again in forgiveness - but I would stay only a moment to say farewell - and return home, to the Halfway House.833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Z0ybw7gCH
