Vicky’s apartment 4:42pm
38Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMBYsX5YkU
In Vicky’s apartment there were two tall windows on either side of the television stand across from the couch. I’d open the window just enough I could lean against it and smoke a cigarette out of it. Vicky’s landlord had a strict no smoking policy that she made very clear when I came to live with her.
It was one of those days. I leaned up against that window for an hour, chainsmoking. I used Vicky’s rabbit food money to buy a few cartons of these things. I glanced at the clock and noticed the time. Shit. Vicky’s gonna be home in a little bit. I stubbed my cig out on the window sill and threw myself back onto the couch and focused back on those stupid game shows, now Family Feud was on. It was so strange watching that stuff as the loser who just put out her cigarrete on a window sill and not as some sick little girl old who was obsessed with princesses and fairies.
38Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1mGuh5s7H
I curled my knees up against my chest and wrapped my arms around my bent legs. I knew I was coming down from today's theft and tobacco high. It took me until today to notice how miserable I was- not about the breakup- but with who I had become. I was past the time when I could blame it all on Gryffin, now this was all me. The way I’d spiraled into selling myself and eating my feelings. I could blame him, and Vicky, and my dad, and whoever else I felt like blaming, but deep down I would know that I was the one to blame. Worst yet, it's comfortable down here in misery. I get it, I know I should change, move out, clean up, find someone new, the works! But that wouldn’t be comfortable, but misery, misery is comfortable.
I tried to stop wallowing in my sadness like a depressed highschool, so I just spaced out and watched the show until I wasn’t thinking anymore.
A little while later, I heard keys in the door. It was Vicky. She opened the door and set her purse down at the base of the coat rack and dropped her keys on the kitchen counter. She poured herself a glass of some fancy drink out of her fancy booze stash.
“I thought she drank to help you sleep.” I said, poking fun at her.
“And I thought you stopped smoking.” She said, I tried to look confused but I knew the jig was up.
“How’d you know?” I laughed out nervously.
“Left the carton out.” She laughed before gulping from her glass, “My landlord’s gonna throw a conniption fit if he smells smoke in here.”
“He won’t know, I do it out the window.” I said defensively.
“That's what I used to do. Set off the smoke alarm,” she laughed, “said he was going to kick me out.”
“That's why you’ve got to take the batteries out.” I gestured to the alarm above her.
Vicky sat down on the couch and set her glass on the end table. She grabbed the carton and stuck a cigarette in her mouth and asked for a light. I pulled out my pink lighter and lit it up.
“You don’t seem too concerned about getting kicked out.” I said looking at her as she pulled it away from her mouth.
“I’ve got enough other shit to be concerned about.” She pulled back to her lips and spoke through the smoke, “I don’t even want to care about this. So I won’t! What's this fuckery you’ve got on?”
“Family Fued. I used to watch these game shows when I was little.”
“Did you just watch this stuff all day?” Vicky opened her eyes wide at mine. They were outlined by dark circles and half-assed makeup. I glanced at my new shirt and then gulped nervously, “uh…yeah.”
“For fucks sake Wendy, when are you going to get a job?”
“I told you, I have that interview tonight at eight.”
“Bullshit. You really thought I bought that?” She said, dragging the cigarette away from her lips again.
I laughed and pleaded, ‘I promise I’ll get a job. I’ve got connections, I’ll make money. You’ll see.”
“Look at you. You’ve got connections.” She mocked.
We continued our banter and shared the pack of cigs. I didn’t really know what was going on with Vicky in her personal life, but she just seemed so tired. When we met, our jabs at each other were always lighthearted. Every few weeks, I’d drive up here with a few of my friends from Jersey. We’d all meet up in the city and go clubbing. Back then Vicky had jet black hair and sultry eyes, now her hair had dulled out and eyes sunk back. It was a shame to lose her like that. I think her life went to shit after Gryffin broke up with me, because our little group stopped getting together. I guess I had always assumed that she had a life outside of us, but I guessed wrong. Just that stupid job she’s had at that corner store forever. I never got why she worked there. It was just some dingy bodega run by a family she wasn’t even in! When we met she told me that she always wanted to be a model. That's why she moved to New York. We always knew she could do it. She was tall and slender, but she never pursued it. Something was always a little different with Vicky. Me and my girlfriends always chalked it up to her being British, maybe things were different there, but it ran deeper than that. Now I feel I’ve lost that club girl model to bottle after bottle of vodka.
38Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnbdEk3Hxn
