93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsqnCxMoi9
March 21, 1995
It's been a while since I last wrote. There isn't much on my mind as of right now. 93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcOqYgutwe
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsA0vh9hyK
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdj7NkWjA1
April 25, 1995
I'm dropping out of college and my parents aren't happy about that. I don't even care though.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHSsVmTOhE
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEV4EnJhoF9
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4ctMFs5Cs
May 30, 1995
I wish you came chasing after me. I wish you grabbed me and told me to stay. I wish you told me you needed me to stay. I want to feel your warmth on my cheek again. I want you to tell me you love me as much as I love you. But it's been months since that day and I haven't gotten a drunk call confessing your love yet; confessing your guilt. I contemplate whether I should reach out or not but the urge of wanting you to reach out first is what stops me. 93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRUWvg0O2B
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNDOZqp8B7
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4y2fpNCFU3
June 12, 1995
Listen Ann...you idiot! You'll never get this chance again....but if I do I promise I'll tell the truth. If I don't I'll just spend the rest of my life regretting this. Regretting never calling you, never letting you know. 93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKNqQzupaR
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bloVwcHpA
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAJdiO0tim
June 26, 1995
My pride and fear are keeping me from contacting you. 93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMCqDdr4ma
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWXAby91C1
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZ9QWEuyUl
July 8, 1995
It's my birthday today and I'm turning 23. Another year where I can say I fail at living out my life and another year to say I fail at taking my life.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTc4k1MT64
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikuPn4B20x
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDl0PWrGuIh
July 9, 1995
I waited exactly a whole day and you still did not ring me to wish me a happy birthday. Maybe you forgot or maybe you just didn't care. I'm stupid anyway.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OlvNWOOGI
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE66xL2Dd2V
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0A3qDyDIh
July 10, 1995
Through drunken mishap nights, I confess my love and guilt through pen and paper. Confess for example; Why can't I be brave? Why am I so afraid of you? We were together for three years. what is there to be afraid of? Why do I love you still? 93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxD3vxrCTX
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡupK1VDqJka
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVM9XpPEhlh
July 11, 1995
I'm so pretentious.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtGSZbuIxV
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1t6C0dWSUa
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpcGRCy0An
July 17, 1995
I called Kant last night and we got into an argument. He told me that he loves me but did not love my situation. I asked him if he could please meet me so that I could get some closure but he believes that he doesn't own me that. I felt so pathetic but I couldn't stop crying. I kept begging for him to please see me and let me live out my fantasy one last time. He said no but eventually, he agreed to meet up. We're due to meet up tomorrow morning for brunch.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqAgNWe0fW
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx603DFquyo
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQkaceyE1P
July 18, 1995
I'm so nervous that I couldn't sleep all night. I felt like calling him and asking him if we can postpone it to next week because I wasn't ready. I want to look my best when he sees me again. I know that I've gained some weight but I'm hoping that I can hide that with clothes. Anyway, I gotta get ready to go see Kant.
I went to this small cafe near his school. It had a Paris at night style of decor. It was small with about maybe 30 seating. I arrived first and sat there hand in hand, nervously waiting. I kept looking at the door. I was so nervous. fifteen minutes went by and I'm starting to sweat. Thirty-minute went by and I'm starting to lose hope. An hour goes by and I'm starting to plan my escape, I felt so ashamed and stupid. I look over to the door and just when I thought he had arrived, it was someone else. I got up and left.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmFNUu2gkr
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkMiD8Fccw
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDNqFr1JQX
July 19, 199593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4u82zgVoAC
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgimmI3Mfc
The glow of the city lights below shaded my room a warm bitter orange. It was comforting for me. It was enough. I felt this loneliness all night last night. It wasn't the loneliness of a broken heart but the loneliness of being human.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1kSnMLNRZ
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48LuGDRZbE
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfHQa1ypiz
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LmjXwkm86
July 20, 199593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFkQEuG7Qa
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYp40YlCf9T
I kept imagining us but the more I try to think of you the harder it is for me. I didn't bother calling because I knew I would give in to your excuses. I rather face the fact that you just don't love me anymore. I need it to hurt, I need to come to terms so that I can move on with my life. I feel like I'm losing a part of myself by letting you go, I mean you were there through the turbulence of my youth. We held each other through it all. You held me through all of those endless bleak nights and I held you till the sun bleeds into the cold blue of your room. We drank and cried and drank again. You taught me how to be alive and I taught you how to live. How can you give that all up? How can you just wake up one day and not love me? Everything I do is for you. I love you like no one else. I love you more than anyone else ever did. What is the reason, why did you leave me? I'm not ready to leave you. I still love you.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4d0PvJqABD
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0LICqVsOA
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNbl1jUV0p
October 29, 199593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8BHFeEJQw
93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLrY0rU5AH
Sorry I haven't been writing much. I haven't been doing much, to be honest. So much has been happening but I just don't know what to say. I guess I'll start with this...I got a job recently, I bag groceries at my uncle's grocery store. It isn't great but it's helping me get by until I figure out what I want to do. I also moved back home, my sister and I share a bedroom. I'm not that close to her and plus she is going through teen angst at the moment so I rather not talk to her. My mom keep bitching at me to get my shit together and honestly, I am trying to. I really am. I'm just in a weird place right now. She thinks I'm weak and is stupid and blames everything on my breakup with Kant. She thinks I drop out of school because of Kant; that I don't have my life together because of Kant. She thinks I'm sad all the time because of Kant but I wish I could just tell her the truth; I Wish I could be honest. I think I was always like this. Actually, Kant probably broke up with me because I'm always like this. I didn't realize it till recently but I think I made him sad. He isn't the bad guy here, I am. I'm like a virus that affects anyone in my radius. All I do is bring people down. I don't know but this whole break up made me really frustrated. I spend nights walking around the city trying to find something to be mad about and get mad when I don't find anything to be mad about. It's a sad sad life I lead. I just have so much anger and I don't know why I'm mad. I just want to fight someone. I just want someone to beat me up and put me in my place. I have no right for being this angry. Who do I think I am. What is wrong with me. This world is so cruel for having someone so ugly like me to live in it. This world is so cruel. I just want to cry out of frustration. I don't know why I'm like this but I just hate everyone and myself.
