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No one wants to talk about the real things. When you feel your breathing change and the fear you feel though there's no real danger to you. When you're scared to reach out for help because you don't want people thinking you just want attention. When you self harm and get yelled at because of it. They don't get that when your body is shaking and your mental asthma starts acting up, digging your own fingernails in your flesh almost to the point of breaking takes away the pain you feel inside. No one gets that nothing is the same after certain things happen to you. Sometimes you just wish you could disappear because it feels like it wouldn't matter anyways. Or maybe they get it but don't give a fuck. What if they do it on purpose? They don't want to see you happy. They're trying to play you. They're using you. No one gets what happens in my mind. My paranoid, depressed, anxious mind.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSeAd9Ay8o
Sometimes, I want to scream; I want to scream at the top of my lungs until I can't scream anymore. Sometimes, I just want to hit something, I want to hit anything as hard as I can and keep hitting it until my arms go numb. Sometimes, I just want to sing as loud as I can, as long as I can until the music ends. Sometimes, I want to run and run as fast and as far as I can until my legs collapse beneath me.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZkdbvIUOl
Sometimes, I need to cry, but I don't, because I hate to waste the time. Sometimes, I need to close my eyes and listen to my own hear beat, but I can't, because I'm always surrounded by noise. Sometimes, I need to yell at someone; yell as loud as I want at them, and see the shocked look on their face, but I don't, because yelling has consequences. Sometimes, I need to get in trouble, just do something I know is wrong, but I never do, because I'm afraid. Sometimes, I need to tell the truth; just shout it from a very tall building, and be free of it, but I don't, because I don't think the truth will be enough.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGeBCRSmxJ
Sometime, I long for a break, a break from living, from going to school, from worrying, from hiding, but I don't get one; I have to keep doing these things. Sometimes, I long to just pour out my heart to someone other than my keyboard, to trust in someone completely, to know they won't yell or judge, to know they won't say no or walk away, but I have no one with that guarantee. Sometimes, I long to speak my mind and tell everyone how I really feel, to tell them and walk away with no regrets, but I can't, because you can never speak on impulse without a few pangs of guilt afterward. Sometimes, I long to say 'Screw you!' and tell someone off, but I don't, because that's a really fast way to lose a friend.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEtV1Ojfod
Here's deal,
Besides life being tragic and sucky, I also just plain hate myself. I'm never nice enough, pretty enough, thin enough, there's always something wrong with me whether it's how I acted or something I'm wearing, saying, doing. Basically, I'm all wrong. I overthink everything, I read, I write, I analyze. I can't sleep.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEW7UW0bwTJ
let's just... stop doing that.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXVodkzL0N
I just want to fade away. But I can't do that because human beings don't just evaporate, no matter how much they want to.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQl86NrBGwZ
I don't have friends (ok I can name 3). I'm trying to deal with the latest life has thrown at me, which is the WORST yet.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfE5dhFQyr
Everyone has always told me, my entire life "It'll get better." 511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVs0CnYdBu
not having a good mental health? it'll get better, getting pissed? i'll get better, got so much acne? it'll get better, everyone thinks you are a drama? it'll be better, failing things? it'll get better, getting bad grades? i'll be better, losing people? it'll be better, trust broken? it'll get better, your fav cousins hating you? it'll get better, your siblings thinking you are a psychopath? it'll get better, panic attacks? it'll get better, your parents getting mad because you are too emotional? it'll get better.
STOP LYING WITH THOSE WORDS!511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73EqfTeThl
Worse. Don't lie to me any-f**king-more.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefVhArSI8F
If you want to make me feel better, take me somewhere fun.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1KURhBdf4
Don't give me false hope. Don't let me believe life is only sometimes hard and so beautiful and amazing the rest of the time.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9V4uJSUeR
Do you know how hard I have to TRY to find... not happiness, but calm? Contentedness? How must easier it is to just isolate myself, quit my fav things, lock myself in my room? I wish.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtid1aAEU4
Nooooooooo you people expect me to just suffer through it.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1Xk3mSGaV
Sure I've just had bad luck, well not me, maybe just everyone around me. Shit happens? Keep calm and carry on?511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziKknLxpu0
Feed me your cliches and I will go to bed full because there are so many.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzn6TXTvUr
Be happy/think positive/stay alive/get out more/distract your mind. I've heard them all. I have yet to find something that works.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50tymJc7WC
Some people are thrown so much crap in life and yet have such a strong will to live.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7Hcm1Thlg
Yeah. That's not me.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMDvuwkFnq
All this time, my hatred toward life was just that- directed toward life.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRY1OUHzTw
Now I direct it toward myself. I don't deserve it, but I've gone mad and Life isn't a person you can dump sh*t on, but you can dump plenty on yourself. It's easy.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PkL151WBD
Hate your nose and call yourself fat. Convince yourself you are not worthy and nothing good will ever happen to you, that you won't have a bright future. Life has beaten you down and you're how old? Young. Young enough to have hope, but old enough to know better.511Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeTAyWAjSi
