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57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLfTbpKCtJ
赤羽業一如往常的沖泡咖啡加奶精加糖，他慣於在這時候放空腦袋休息，即便是在這時候，他依然如此。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVDfYIgmfw
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92tZ3dN4N6
攪拌咖啡時他看見自己的倒影迴轉在波紋中，意外的竟可以清晰反射出他面部的表情，是一個相當平靜的情緒，他本以為自己會是一副靜靜發著怒火的神情，然而，事實並非如此。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBaOnolJYE
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCDM1JZ9Nl
和表情同樣，他的內心此刻也靜謐的像火種熄滅似的，只有一縷青煙騰空散去。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmo3e69p21
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1ghq2L1fT
他不禁想，自己比起中學時候確實是成熟了些——尤其在看到娛樂版頭條醒目的標語之後，還能做些和普通日常無異的行為，而不是在那裡懊惱與憤恨——自己單戀了十幾年的人和當紅女明星傳出緋聞，作為證據，報導還放上兩人前往某溫泉旅館時的同遊照片。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOjawCojlW
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68MyU3TJ8T
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvJYoQMWRt
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTegmvPYcdJ
赤羽業啜飲著咖啡醒腦，明天他有一場重要的議會質詢，為了這場質詢，他能掌握的資料都已經準備妥當，務必成功達陣。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1Tm8W4HEk
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzO7pi9bgKj
在迅速打著資料重點時，赤羽業想起以前看過的動畫，裡面一句台詞就是在說明成熟與不成熟的差異，成熟的人接受事實不再反抗，不成熟的人則繼續頑強抵抗。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerE7luuyeX
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5zh5luNjb
若然是以前的自己，肯定是會選擇反抗吧，然而自己並沒有選擇那樣幼稚的作法，大概就是成熟。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30KWnIN7F3
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7JOrbVAzr
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbo5q1Ox67g
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4CLtIX65W
身後傳來同事們閱讀報紙之後的各種驚呼，他聞所未聞，繼續著自己的工作。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7BuwPqmhT
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClP0PCqNau
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57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bt24XANYN
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoF17WkvMkQ
過了二十五歲之後，除了工作，赤羽業經常回想的就是一些有關於潮田渚的相處片段。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfavpAuZzhD
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYnA3zPPkq
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8IB0O7Htv
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsp5rzZ2a9
最初只是一個留著長髮、綁著馬尾、笑起來有些虛幻的少年，放眼望去很容易在眾人中淹沒的稀薄存在感，卻因那時的偶然，令他目光全然留在他身上。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYwR40rJvD
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0LAyOIWvM
赤羽業從來沒有對潮田渚說過，他對他最初的印象來自於某個放學後的黃昏教室，當時他出了校門憶起遺漏了作業本，便趕緊回教室欲拿取，剛好教室大門尚未關上，他正要踏入之時卻被眼前景緻停住腳步——逢魔時刻的色彩渲染整間教室，在他目光所及之處的人，綁著馬尾，藍色髮絲裡滲透著金黃色，背對著他。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgUzDt0P5J
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSTHaQYC8n
彷彿愛麗絲的兔子洞，誘惑著好奇的孩子一探究竟。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGc3cDz1HsL
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRzcq3OY3H
日後，他經常回想的就是那樣的場景，靜謐的時刻裡，看著遠方夕陽沈落的少年。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgHid6W4RQ
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFHszmGN6V
假如那時候，更靠近些，或許便能得知少年那時在思考的事情了吧。 57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibDHQIlNSq
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfYtGq5y5j
赤羽業不只一次地這麼揣想。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAf6NUevdBV
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTufupYCa76
更靠近些，也就更能了解少年了，或者，讓少年想靠近自己，這份從那時便持續的單戀或許就能劃下結果——無論是否如願，至少不用懷抱揣想，一驚一顫地。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJZhUFMOlj
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ23aVuA4Jc
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結束了一整天的工作，赤羽業走出辦公室時已滿天星斗。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7RdwJDOio
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGOiqg23W4
冷咧的風吹來，寒的讓人哆嗦，迎風而行的他卻忽然笑了，抑不可止的笑了，剝落了從早上就武裝的情緒笑了。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7gzQVWPBQ
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbPmwl42dY
隨著緊繃情緒忽然的潰堤，他感覺到溫熱的液體從自己的臉龐滑落。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6XrIZs3tV
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ieSOSeiB2
他想自己的確是很難受，不然一向不輕易落淚的他怎會突然無法阻止地不斷掉淚，弔詭是自己臉上還是一副笑容，而他知道自己是真心地露出笑容的。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wNpxGHWB1
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbKmDh54CO
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtY4yeoMoEY
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJReCZE4Pa
原來，再怎麼了解自己，終究還是會有無法理解的地方——就像小說角色因各種情緒的混雜那樣，他又笑又哭。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQnXKE2Njp
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDdxLnVww5
而他以為自己不會。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdj4OiZWw2
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZilXOcVKUb
他本來以為自己不會的。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhIlfVzEh4
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不過就是喜歡的人似乎有了喜歡的對象，而那個對象偏偏不是自己罷了，沒什麼大不了的。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44mypjjykj
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGTBXuz2mT
沒什麼大不了的，不是嗎？57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwsfaKC7sG
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不是嗎？57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSEBDAhFPH
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赤羽業中學之後常常會夢到潮田渚。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dGlWDEABY
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlojtLvaVe
綁著馬尾的他，升上中學三年級之後的他，留著短髮的他。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4RQZPeoB8
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqt4Lge5jMm
無論哪一個他，只要看到他，潮田渚都會露出笑容往他而來，並說著美妙的話語，是只能在夢裡聽見的情話。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvd8gI6eTth
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPHsduFUDL
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所以，在住家周圍見到早上才在報紙裡看到的人出現的時候，赤羽業恍惚還以為自己疲累到走著睡著了——尤其，對方還一臉笑容的往自己走過來時，簡直重現了夢境場景。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bJnmV1sgB
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「業，你今天好晚回來啊。」57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQppmWV9Eh
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgw7WPpYUO
雖然擺著一張笑容，然而赤羽業敏銳感覺到那笑顏下潛藏著的疲憊。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMUKNFg8uA
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWcQkdlTIH
啊啊，是這麼回事嗎？57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwJ74cgyks
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREsWUvzpM9
難得的，赤羽業對自己洞悉人性這一點感到厭惡。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWTMRtNLKh
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9waqxcL6nn
「明天有重要的質詢，所以剛剛還在處理。」他頓了頓，並沒想戳破什麼地裝傻「渚，這麼晚了，你怎麼會來呢？」57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIANlT5b4e
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACKG3e4Yil
「……原來，業沒有看到報紙嗎？」不知道是放心還是懊惱，潮田渚呼了口氣「今天我下班回家時，發現家裡附近躲著好幾個記者，大概是想來打聽些事情吧」言至此，赤羽業難得見到潮田渚露出苦笑「而我的父母貌似也被騷擾了，便傳簡訊讓我今天別回家去別處躲著，等過個幾天就會沒事了。」57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAac0dX3UB
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57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJK1nB2zD8L
潮田渚的言詞閃爍，大概是有些顧慮吧。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZs1kcUiHJG
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLU1sjr011
他並沒有興致去讓自己受傷，因此潮田渚言詞隱蔽的那些內容，儘管他猜得出來，他也不想直接聽到當事人直接說出。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgVgQ1gxPq
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57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbWaD5K1TT
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsaL7Htmdq
「所以，你想在我這裡待個幾天，是這樣的意思嗎？」他直接點出結論。確實自己之前經常拖著潮田渚灌酒，家裡是有一些渚的換洗衣物跟被子。要是他是渚也會選擇一樣的事情，一來不用花錢住在酒店裡，二來也比較方便。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmMd79zgov
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Tq29tj4O9
「對，畢竟，我沒有其他可以拜託的人了。」57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JYw2rXgDm
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHJYwd6RwI
赤羽業聽了之後直覺渚在說謊，然而卻找不出任何感覺奇怪的地方。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cBFqhMCjm
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8h5E7HmIec
要論交情，自己的確是可以勝任的，然而說找不到人可以拜託？E班的感情在共經患難之後，是非常堅實的，除了自己之外，渚還有很多人可以拜託，想必他們也會十分樂意的（當然，肯定包含看戲的成份）。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxpOBzW0MY
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HLxlb0GHK
只是，渚的為難似乎也是真的，他似乎是真的找不到其他可以拜託的人——是以，才會沒有任何告知，就跑來他家外面等他，而他甚至不知道他會幾點回來地在寒風中等著。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddFEONMMIK
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「我知道了，你就在我這裡躲個幾天吧。」57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVmounOx1X
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlYMSoQ1Lo
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFkpTm2LPx
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIoXFq8B0Q
赤羽業有時會想，假如記憶可以回放，那麼潮田渚在他應允之後的那個畫面，他肯定會重溫數次——潮田渚喜出望外地抱住他，透過衣服傳來的溫熱，他曉得渚十分高興，雖然他還感覺到更深層次的欣喜，而那個欣喜在之後才能明白。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCIBywW1qr
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57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfuJU0NzV0
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKT9d0ff09
當時的他僅僅是以為渚對於他讓他躲在他家裡這件事情感謝而已，直到後來發現誤會一場，他聽見和夢裡一樣的話語時，他才明白那時感覺到的謊言與欣喜的意義。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopv1i6GEEX
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXzReyCA1J
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***57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOp2rEi5DH
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57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXFaRyI4ud
「二十五歲時，赤羽業看見了自己單戀的人出現在報紙的版面上，那是一個和女明星緋聞的版面。從十三歲和少年相遇的時候，他這一份單戀就開始了。直到年老，他從來也沒說出口。沒有人知道的戀情不存在，所以他只是陪在潮田渚的身邊，他陪了多久，這份單戀就多久。六十五歲時，赤羽業還是陪在喜歡的人身邊。直到老死前，他都沒有說出口。」57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08pp0uKBiw
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbqEXP7RHa
以上是我寫文的最初動機與結構。以業的角度出發的單戀，只是，業對於這份戀情並沒有想放手一搏，以致於他和渚的關係始終在非常奇妙的情況。原設定中的渚也並沒有結婚，從業的角度無法知道渚的內心，所以並不能明白渚不結婚的原因。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzG5vo2BxMz
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不過寫文寫著就會出現慣性，所以最後還是回到不太遺憾的層面。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGpwgcHC5C
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以前跟徘徊討論過，對於業渚，業必須處於主動才能得到好結果，假如兩個都沒有意識到，儘管遺憾但也不太虐，然而一方清醒一方迴避，那就有趣了。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKYjtfQ0Z4
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這文章大概有涉及到這一層面的討論。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lgY96NDRP
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謝謝觀賞與指教！ns3.17.162.15da2
