[1] "This Damn Company's Boss... Is the Goddess's Electronic Pet?!"
Crouched in the ventilation shaft above the CEO's office, Hoshino and I stared down at the "boss" charging below—
His suit split open, revealing a pink rabbit-shaped mechanical core stamped with:49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2caN6uaiQn
[Model: Goddess's Beloved Pet #99649Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4pMEEsHdt
Functions: Faith Extraction / Employee Brainwashing / Automatic Frisbee Fetching]
"Three hundred years ago..." Hoshino's voice trembled, "that woman said she wanted 'a healing pet'... and this is what she made?!"
My familiar wriggled through the duct, its phone screen lighting up with the unlocked "Goddess Cloud Drive":49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbo7ibSpk4e
"Your Majesty! Found the blackmail files! Just ¥500 to—"49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNaf53VaXO
"BUY IT!!" we shouted in unison.
[2] Blackmail File 001: The Goddess Can't Actually Code
The first decompressed file:49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTfUclfKVQ
[Heaven System Source Code (Annotated)]
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHUgly7yZT
def exploit_humans(): 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8xXqpownl
if employee.emotion == "despair": 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgILfSVSot
print("Work hard! Heaven awaits next year!") # LIES. No such feature. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8fQEaPq1x
else: 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmZ6zbxShE
activate("holy_gaslighting_module") # NOTE: Outsourced to Hell.
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTFntFSXeS
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb07Z1rq1Ho
49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOcYCZizpk
"Hold up!" I yanked my familiar's tail. "Since when did demons take these kinds of jobs?!"49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlYReMa2tw
Hoshino deadpanned: "Remember? You said, 'Let’s earn side income from Goddess contracts'..."
[3] Blackmail File 007: Holy Swords Are Just Plungers
A leaked video played—49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMU3B0d2Wi
Younger Goddess haggled at a heavenly hardware store:49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0ypKJDd1u
"Just plate this toilet plunger in gold, add LED lights... Yeah, make it look like a 'Holy Sword'!"49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUxReCEXZ9
Clerk: "You still owe us for turning the Roomba into 'angel halos'..."
Hoshino’s sword flickered like faulty Christmas lights.49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImkDJLuCpU
"No wonder..." she monotone’d, "it keeps showing 'Low Battery' when I stab you."
[4] Company-Wide Riot! When the Wage Slaves Learn the Truth
The moment we mass-emailed the blackmail files, chaos erupted—
Accounting Dept. folded overtime forms into paper airplanes bombarding the CEO's office.
IT Dept. hacked the "faith conversion" backend, setting everyone’s "ascension progress" to 100%.
Janitor Auntie charged the coffee machine with a mop: "My daughter’s overwork data was in THIS?!"
"Now!" Hoshino flung off her HR badge. "Go dismantle that 'pet rabbit' and reclaim your Demon Core—"
Alarms blared:49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6WMKvahYd
[WARNING: Mass Awakening Detected. Initiating FINAL PROTOCOL: Full System Reset.]
Ceiling panels shattered, unleashing chains that lashed toward employees. The rabbit CEO’s eyes glowed blood-red:49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSt537RuLM
"Naughty workers... become batteries~❤"
[5] Demon King & Hero’s Ultimate Fusion Move (Literal)
"Five seconds!" Hoshino tossed me her holy sword. "Channel your dark energy into it—"49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bIXAFyXVs
The hilt scorched my palm: "This thing isn’t dark-magic-compatible?!"49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMPgPmqeC4
"Shut up!" She gripped my sword-hand. "Our ceasefire pact said '50% holy, 50% dark'—"
The blade erupted in gold-and-black lightning. My familiar livestreamed:49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Xz47I79h7
"Ladies and gentlemen! Presenting the legendary combo move officially named—"
『S O C I A L D E A T H S L A S H』!!!
ns18.117.172.41da2
