The recovery time was 2 weeks physically but the pain will always last forever. The procedure made everything feel so final for me.
Matty doted on me for those weeks, I am grateful for him. I don't deserve him. We continued to attend university, but kept things easy. I explained to my dance teacher that I had an operation without going into detail and that I wanted to rest up for the dance show. She accepted this without any questions asked.
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I felt numb and resigned walking around aimlessly for those weeks, I made myself face the loss and absence of my almost baby.
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It's the final week before Christmas break, the snow has stuck around for a white Christmas. Lectures are winding down. Tonight is the dance show, and if anything that's enough reason for me to let go and try to enjoy the last few days before the break.
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"Taylor, we'll be there tonight" Rhea says as she joins all of us in the lunch hall.
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"Ah thanks" I say smiling.
"I think after we should probably go to the party" I say looking at Rach. I wink at her.
"The alcohol is literally free too" I add.
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Matty sighs smiling. He's grown up since we have been though the miscarriage. We don't talk about it anymore, we both let go agreeing that it would be best for us to focus on the future. There's been a shift in our relationship, the youth we had with each other has been replaced by something more serious. He adores me entirely, I can tell that much still. He's protective of me and has really tried to not let Jay get to him. I'm the problem, I feel like he works tirelessly to be everything for me whilst I'm stuck processing what is going on between us.
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***
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Kim agreed to do my hair and makeup. When she strolls into the dance department I'm so happy to see her that I hug her. She laughs and hugs me back.
"Where is he" she says.
"I know he won't be far" she laughs
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"Hey sis" Matty says cheekily to her.
She hugs him.
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"I have missed you" she laughs.
"But for now sod off" she says.
"I want to catch up with Taylor" she explains.
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Kim begins with my makeup, and of course it looks stunning by the time she is finished.
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"Can we do half up half down hair, or is that an obstruction to your dancing?" She asks.
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"I was actually going to ask you a big favour" I begin.
"Can I have it down for my burlesque number and kind of sexy and curly." I say.
"And up for my ballet one" I add.
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"Of course which ones first" she smiles.
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"Burlesque and then Ballet" I say.
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"Perfect I was hoping you would say that" she smiles.
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She gets to work curling my hair.
"This is much longer than a couple weeks back. How do you grow it so fast" she asks.
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"Just luck" I say.
"How's Kraig" I ask her.
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"He's good, still playing music till 4 am every night" she says and I catch her tone.
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"That must be a little bit of a challenge for you" I say.
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"He's a rock star" she mocks him and laughs a little and I chuckle back.
"He'll be here. Mum and Steve too just for the dancing" she adds.
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"Oh nervous much" I say.
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"Oh don't be so silly" she says as she finishes my hair and then fluffs it about. It looks amazing of course.
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"You're so talented" I say to her and thank her.
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"You're welcome now let me see this outfit" she exclaims.
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"Sure" I say walking over to the racks.
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"These are mine the black sequinned bodice is my ballet one. And the red bra thing is burlesque" I say blushing.
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"Stunning" she admires.
"Red lips it is then" she says.
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She grabs a lipstick and makes my lips the same shade as my maroon outfit.
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"Now how is Matty and you" she enquires
"Don't worry I know I'm his sister but I'm not biased" she adds.
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"We are good yeah" I reply smiling.
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"Ohhh, that's not great" she says sensing my tone.
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"No it's all good we're just going through a bit of a moment but we will be fine" I reassure.
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She smiles.
People are arriving and we begin to hear them in the performance hall.
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"Right that's my cue to get in my seat and watch my beautiful sister in law" she smiles.
"Knock them dead" she laughs, hugs me and then leaves me to it.
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I begin stretching. Then I change into the burlesque outfit.
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Jay knocks on the door and enters without invitation.
He stands next to me hand on my lower back, he still sets my body on fire with his touch. Even though we've been trying to stay away from each other. He looks down into my eyes.
"You will be fine" he says.
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"Thanks" I say quietly.
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He strokes my hair back, gazing into my eyes.
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"You should probably get to your seat I'll be on in a minute" I say.
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"Ahhh no private shows?" He smiles.
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"No, go" I laugh.
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As I push him away he lightly kisses my lips.
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"Break a leg" he smirks. And I slap him playfully.
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He rushes out to his seat and I'm left with a broad grin playing on my lips. Nerves dissipated.
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