立鏡前翻好領子，拍兩下外套上不存在的皺褶，拿好包，穿上皮鞋，出門上班。
夜幕高掛，連街上路燈都靜下來，開門，鑰匙掛好牆上，脫下皮鞋，穿著襪子進入舒適圈前一步，習慣地在看一眼立鏡前的自己。
「死氣沉沉的灰色。」嗤之以鼻地輕語。
「不是單純地討厭這顏色，嗯，第一次穿正裝的時候還是挺興奮的，屁孩一個，像剛嘗到地一口菸的毛頭小子、第一次打耳洞的中二少年，覺得人都因為自己的蠢蛋舉動而昇華了一樣。」
雙手不曾因自言自語而停下，已經撩起的袖子，俐落地處理食材，撕掉超市打折的吊牌，蔬菜洗淨、切塊，白飯塞進微波爐後，扭動瓦斯爐的控制鈕，藍橘色的文火上架上炒鍋，滋滋地炒菜、加入肉片，帶食材都炒熟，裝上白瓷的盤子，取出加熱完成的白飯，托著食具、隨意地叼著筷子，將晚餐放上茶几後便盤腿席地而坐。
終於可以坐下，靜下來，似乎整個家都變得少了活氣，掛在衣架的西裝外套，燈心絨的面料，不突兀，是在路上會讓人不禁覺得自家衣櫃好像似曾相識的感覺。
「從灰色燈心絨料質的西裝開始，三年後我買了下了背後這張灰色布面的沙發，再半年是黑色敞亮的茶几，再之後是白色磁磚的地面，曾幾何時，三十年的舊屋變成我理想中鄉的模樣。」
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只有，這個理想裡，有個異物。
是什麼時候出現的呢？大概，是我剛搬來的時候。
她也不是一直在，第一次的相遇，不會忘記，是在陽台。是個陰天，烏雲密佈，卻怎麼都沒下雨，濕氣讓舊屋潮濕得難以忍受，那天我剛好休假，無奈之下正想去陽台透氣。
一個毛茸茸蹲著的背影，一米的圍欄一半不到，以為是鄰居小孩正打算搭話，那一團站了起來，身高只比圍欄高一個頭。些許是意識到自己，她雙手插兜，回眸。
她並非濃妝艷抹，但叼著香煙的手，塗著亮眼的指彩，眉尾的眉釘仍然宣示著與我不同的換日線。
她兩指夾著離嘴的菸，吐出的煙霧裡，她輕快地說：「你好呀，天氣真好，是吧。」
「呃，這天氣隨便問一個人都不會說是好天氣吧？」
然，滿頭的疑問沒有忘記保護自己的本能，故，我沒有針對她的發言提出質疑。
嬌小的少女，打個噴嚏，拉好外套，毛外套顯得寬鬆可愛，裡頭橙色的毛衣像火焰，襯得面容朝氣蓬勃。
從那匆匆一撇，似是種下不解的緣，不只一次在陽台遇上吞雲吐霧的她，只要是陰天，她似乎都在。鮮明如她，橙色、黃色、綠色，有時也染上跳色的頭髮，意外發現連眉釘有時也換成金色、粉金色。
她說：「我叫瑤，聽是美玉、光明的意思。」
一個月裡四五次陽台偶遇，瑤遠比我第一印象的要博學，大約是頭腦很好的那類人。
漫無目的的有搭沒搭的對話，像菸上忽明忽滅的星火，我的收獲是一堆不需要的知識，她身上濃濃的中二不良風，卻個性意外地好相處；瑤她說想去南極生定居，但是似乎對極光沒什麼興趣；她絕對是個老菸槍，明明都抽一樣的菸，但卻還是會被菸嗆到；她不愛吃魚，可是很會用筷子，可以分出香魚的解剖圖的程度；她似乎至少35歲了,但是外觀卻像少女，縱軸、橫軸都是。
總之，瑤是個有很大反差的人，什麼發言都不會讓我意外了。
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一天，瑤說：「很多動物的毛皮都是灰色的，像狼、哈士奇、企鵝，看到牠們蓬鬆的毛皮就有種很溫暖的感覺。你說，你覺得灰色是暖色還是冷色？」
看著似乎認真地思考著的瑤，我不由自主地憶起想了會，答道：「應該是冷色吧，讓人感到沉穩的顏色。」
「你是說灰色是很讓人安心的顏色，不過比起寒冷，溫暖的感覺應該更能讓人覺得有安全感。」
輕敲菸頭，大塊的煙灰被抖下，可以看到瑤抿著的菸一下短了好大一節，直到她抽完整支菸，原本以為她會發表更多見解，然，她只是一下下滾動喉頭，專注地吞著灰茫茫的雲。
菸蒂被按在她陽台的琉璃盤。
她噘嘴，向著陰鬱的天空吐出一個個完美的煙圈。
很完美的圓。
我不禁跟著她的目光，看著小小的圈，逐漸飄遠，逐漸擴大，直到被微弱的風吹散，連影都找不到。
因為注意力被煙圈吸引，我沒看到瑤一瞬間變得空洞的眼神。
瑤最終說：「其實顏色中黑、白、灰色屬於中性色，可以應用在任何的冷暖色系，增添調色給人的感觸、白些凸顯輕盈、暗些增添踏實、亮些顯得熱情、暗些顯得靜默、光明象徵積極、夜幕藏著頹唐。」
瑤開心地笑著，像個小孩，摸摸髮上糖果色的發卡，要喝地伸個懶腰，就像曬飽太陽的貓，全身無不舒坦。
「我回啦，掰掰。」
剩下自己在陽台，吹吹風，思緒隨意延伸、發散。
我的藝術細胞沒那麼好，只有看著舒服與否的差別。中性色，白點就會輕盈，黑點就是沉重，白色和黑色就像是一個象限的兩個極端，而這個世界裡有多少事情可以用極端以解釋得通？
茫茫人海，純粹的神早就已離去，留下的，大概就是擁擠的，無所是從的灰色的世界。
灰色於我，是我隱身於人群的毛皮，頂著日出去上班，再披著夜色回家。不顯眼也不隨便，連悲喜都顯得無足輕重，適合渺小在這個社會裡的我。
之後，我都沒再見到瑤。雖然是萍水相逢，除了她叫瑤外一無所知，更是除了陽台，我沒在小區其他和她相遇過。
依然上班、下班，忙碌、疲憊、但也充實著自己，空蕩蕩的屋子添上茶几、沙發、電視、多肉植物、也很少的偶爾置放一些鮮花、擺飾。
電視螢幕裡喋喋不休的播報，白熾燈泡死白的照明，茶几上的殘羹為死寂的空間點上了人間煙火味。
或許，染上灰色是生存下去的必然，在這世界底下打滾，怎麼能保持純粹的黑白，灰色的毛皮與自己早已無法分割，灰色是中性色，離我而去的信仰，也留給我嘗試點染這個世界的自由。
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穿好皮鞋出門，隨手打開信箱裡，是張明信片，土氣的防寒衣裡我就有直覺是她，正包圍著、與最喜歡的企鵝合照。
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