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Adventure
Corrupt Forest
Writer Jadafun
Writer
  • G: General Audiences
  • PG: Parental Guidance Suggested
  • PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned
  • R: Restricted
PG-13
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3024 Reads
4 Likes
3 Bookmarks
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Corrupt Forest
3 Bookmarks
A - A - A
Intro 2 3 4 5 6 7
#1
Prologue
Jadafun
Nov 6, 2016
2
4
212
5 Mins Read
Comments ( 4 )

CJ Gem - The lack of pronouns made it slightly confusing, but it's very well done considering! I liked the fact that his eyes were brown- a young baby might start with blue eyes that turn brown, but never the reverse. It's a nice bit of fact checking, since this process can take up to 9 months and it's implied he's younger than that. 

I do find myself wondering why more of the villagers (citizens? humans?) didn't try to flee into the night when they saw the creatures, rather than remain in their homes to burn. Maybe we'll meet a character in the future who escaped a similar situation by sacrificing their home?

It's also not readily obvious which era this story is set in, which works to your benefit here to add to the mystery. I can't wait to keep reading!
7 months agoreply

Jadafun - Thank you very much for the notes and critiques! I hope that you find my writing was improved, if you choose to keep reading, as this story is the result of chapters being written over months and years of me improving. I'll try to edit the early chapters from now on to show my progress, and hopefully fix any plot holes or inconsistencies like the ones you found. I will say, however, that the lack of names early on has significance. I might have to find a way to make it less confusing, but I can't change the fact that I'll need to keep the identities secret in a somewhat subtle way.
6 months agoreply

Frances - I can't wait to find out how the queen knew the baby's parents and why she chose him in the first place, you did an excellent job of not giving it all away. Keep it up!
2 years agoreply

Jadafun - Thank you for the encouragement! n_n
2 years agoreply

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