‘I’m even getting used to your Yorkshire weather, as grey and dismal as your sweaters,’ winked Neill to a sprinkle of laughs at Assembly the next morning, as he announced he’d had a lovely second week here, and handed the podium to another teacher to distribute certificates for Year 7 swimming. Natalia noticed there was no sign of Luxton or Cohen. Were they really gone? 29Please respect copyright.PENANArsF7bmfkaG
Clutching her plate in the lunch queue later, almost at the serving counter, a stout jacketed arm appeared in front of her to reach the crockery trolley, as she tossed her brown ponytail round in surprise.
'Excuse me, young lady,' came the voice of Neill himself, as the surrounding pupils' bodies promptly parted. 'Thank you, thank you, I'd just like to grab a... slice of your quiche, please! Janet, isn't it?'
'Pizza,' said the dinner lady abruptly.
'Funny name for a lady.'
Janet cackled, as Neill peered down at the pizza. 'It seems very...' he cocked his head quizzically, '...small, fat and thick.'
Natalia watched, stifling a laugh.
'The pizza,' he added hastily as Janet stared. 'Well, what's that potato stew like?'
'Where?'
'That one.'
'That's tikka masala,' Janet frowned.
'Oh! That doesn't look like chicken.'
'No, because it's vegetarian!'
'Right, well I'll have some of your meat version then.'
Janet pursed her lips. 'We don't have one today! He's having me on, isn't he?' she chortled down to the other dinner lady at the till.
'So what meat do you have?' Neill asked.
'Today, burgers,' Janet pointed bluntly with her spatula.
'More like last week, burgers,' as he screwed up his nose. 'I've only got two canines and I fancy keeping them, fangs very much!'
'Oh, they said you were a cheeky sod!' tittered Janet. 'You want to go straight to dessert?'
'To desert the main yes, sorry Janet darling. But that butternut squash soup over there looks lovely.'
'That's custard!' laughed Janet as she drew up a plate, and pushed it out to him: 'Here, try the tikka, it's alright you know!'
'Oh, I see,' retorted Neill. 'This is all for Friday 13th!'
'Off you go!' she grinned, waving her hand.
He took it reluctantly and turned to withdraw from the queue, muttering at Natalia:
'You want this? I can't look at it.'
'No thanks,' she smiled. 'I'm having quiche.'
'Darling that's not quiche, and definitely not pizza. That's my steering wheel boiled down to a pulp.'
Natalia chuckled.
'How have you been eating this all these years?' he frowned.
'Well I usually bring a packed lunch.'
Neill now flashed a showman smile at someone behind her, uttering: 'Here you go, and I'll pay for it too' to the reply heard, 'oh thanks sir!' from whom Natalia could see, stepping out to the cashier with Neill, was Ryan from her class. A few moments later Neill stepped back to Natalia.
'You were wrong, girl. They're more than mediocre. They're an atrocity.'
She shrugged. 'I wanted to ease you in slowly.' Upon the dubious look he gave back at her, she hastily added, 'So are you gonna... revamp the food?'
'Revamp? More like, rescue. Resurrect. Resuscitate!'
'Repair. Restore. Rehabilitate?' she added.
He looked impressed. 'Well who needs a thesaurus with you around?'
'Roget that.'
He chortled. Then his face composed as his hand rose to shake hers.
'Pupils will rollick, revel and relish, upon my word - or rather, ours,' as she glanced down and obliged to slide her fingers into his warm palm for one brief up-down shake, his face as composed as a businessman making a legitimate deal. Then he turned in a flash leaving her tingling hand blessed by a new promise, and that parting memory for Natalia's weekend ahead.
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All weekend Natalia stayed indoors luxuriating in everything that had happened that week. Annotating her English Anthology with one hand, and stroking her neck with the other, her hand played a simulacrum of Neill the Headmaster's own touch upon her: the Sign of the Cross - or rather Shine of the Crass - that he, at once meritorious and mischievous, had gesticulated upon her. A Holy-Moly Trinity of flicking her pigtails and jibing her cold sore and cut-throat signalling that he's on track to thwarting Luxton, and likely Cohen too - the worst teachers of her life - and next he plots like a better-groomed Guy Fawkes to blow up the abysmal canteen meals... oh my!
His powerful hand she had shook with her own; the hand that was firing and hiring like the boss of a boardroom... the claw of a dragon who'd swooped in from the south and breathed literal fire to her report card... and from that first day, had ignited a tiny candle inside her that burned, burned, consistently since, and wiggled excitedly every day a new bead of hot wax was dropped right on it!
There was one more week to half-term break. How much more would happen that she could take home and feed upon... feast upon!... like food she'd starved for, all four years of high school, maybe all her life?
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On Monday back to school, the Chemistry teacher Mr Harrison had taken over Geography, with a rather constipated look on his face. By Wednesday's lesson, there appeared a new teacher entirely. Mrs Tracey, the peach-and-vanilla-pinstripe lady, was the perfect antithesis of Cohen's character.
A chorus of whispers, and 'told you!' and 'oh my god has that arsehole gone?' prompted a 'shh, please!' from her coral-lipsticked smile.
'Settle down everybody. I would like to continue on the Glacial Landscapes module I believe you were working on, can someone tell me which page you were at - '
Natalia gladly volunteered to answer, for once not caring a jot for how teacher's-pet it made her look, but enthusiastic to embrace Tracey. Bravo Neill!
In that lesson there were laughs, smiles, even jokes. A long-held blockage of energy in the Geography room had lifted. Pupils could answer questions without fear of being wrong, and move around the classroom to fetch things without being heckled, 'sit still, unless you have piles?' from the likes of Cohen.
Later Natalia was eager to spot Neill - she was bursting to say something! - but couldn't see or hear him anywhere between lessons. When the bell rang for lunch, she wondered if she should go knock at his office?
Heart thumping inside her ribs, she arrived at his door and flashed a private smile at the brand new shiny plaque there. He was here to stay!
NEILL, HEADMASTER
She drew a breath and knocked. There was no answer.
Her breath easing again, she headed out across the playground for fresh air on the way to the canteen.
Ahead in the playground, she spied a cluster of staff and pupils gathering around new and shiny Archery equipment being hauled from delivery boxes, centred by a loud distinct figure demonstrating in loud tones:
'Hold the bow like so! Pass me an arrow, please Amy!'
There he was.
Smiling Natalia slowed to watch Neill attach an arrow upon the bow and raise it with the overconfidence of a puffed-up-feathered Cupid, just as he spotted Natalia.
Her heart started up again. His eyes were on her for a moment as he prepared to fire - scrunched his face, pulled the string - as the arrow promptly nose-dived on the spot, flat and sadly to the ground, as laughter erupted around him.
His comical expression could beat that of a circus clown, as he turned to his audience with his palm out - in as much surprise as they were - and turned to catch Natalia giggling, giving her a full three seconds of an 'oh well' expression.
Sharing the moment with her, as though she was one of the group itself, he attached another arrow, gave her a serious nod-down of his head - which she couldn't help acknowledging by tilting her face back at him - squinting now as he tautened it, with steely spread legs and a most Herculean look, and just as he fired he called out:
'Night night, Nora!'
The arrow shot hard to the board, and all heads tossed to see it land with a great quiver right on the bulls' eye.
Nora... that was Mrs O'Callaghan.
Rapturous applause ensued - or as rapturous as seven people could sound - for which Neill didn't seem to pay as much attention as keenness to glance back to Natalia with a 'there you go' expression and palms out in pride.
No-one seemed to heed the O'Callaghan reference, but it hit Natalia as firm as the arrow - as though her smile was the target - the corners of her lips lifting, as her conveyed applause for both the shot and its secret message, before he comically curtseyed back at his second-priority audience.
She wasn't slipping away quick enough for him to call:
'Natalia! Would you like a go?'
'No way! I'm happy to wait for PE for that!' as she blushed and skipped on.
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It seemed Neill was keeping himself busy not only playing the conjurer of new extravagances upon the lowly Thornwood, but fulfilling the more mundane duties. The School Open Day was on the coming Saturday, and it humoured Natalia immensely to glimpse him rushing from room to room to every teacher that week, with 'all good for Saturday? All good?' and flashing a grinning thumbs up or two, often reversing right into wide-eyed Year 7s, who hastened aside like pheasants on the road avoiding a car hurtling right into them.
Later he could be glimpsed prowling the corridor with an entourage of staff, exclaiming at unfinished wall displays:
'Did someone die in the middle of dressing this? Get the Art classes on it pronto!' Then pointing at a stray chair and table left in a corner: 'What's this for? Is the Victorian apparition on the naughty step again?'
He certainly had the staff busily, and happily, under his thumb.
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Wednesday night, Natalia dreamt she was firing a bow and arrow at Luxton herself, with Neill standing beside her guffawing like a madman as the arrow leapt into the sky and exploded like a firework, vibrating, vibrating softly...
Eyes fluttering open to her phone's alarm going off unheard, she realised she'd slept in - but for once she didn't want to be late for school - for the lesson she most usually dreaded!
Up like a shot, she dressed faster than she'd ever done, bit into an apple in front of her astonished mum, and leapt down her street right in time for the plastic bus doors flapping open in her face. Coughing and laughing on apple chunks as she waved her bus pass at the driver, she arrived at form and landed next to Samantha.
'Well you've had your Weetabix,' remarked Sam.
'Do you know what we're doing in PE? Are we doing Archery?' asked breathless Natalia.
'No idea. Thought you hate PE?'
'Yeah but Luxton's gone hasn't she?'
'Is it true then? She was caught harassing the Paki girl in Year 8?'
Natalia cringed. 'That's not really a nice word - '
'My little brother's in that girl's class. He said something the other day that she got hurt and Luxton got in trouble.'
'I don't know,' frowned Natalia, confused, wondering whether Luxton had somehow spelt her own demise.
Heading off to PE, there was no Luxton to be seen, but sure enough, a new teacher. The young and lively Miss Barnes, with a bouncing brown ponytail, Grecian nose and piercing green eyes, quickly captivated the group with her introduction and announcement in the changing rooms that they would be starting Yoga today.
Whilst pan-pipes played on speakers, the girls found themselves learning the first strokes of a whole new art, and by the end to Natalia's astonishment, realised she had actually enjoyed a PE lesson. Even Lisa McGann was busy lamenting her own tight hamstrings to have time to throw an insult.
Yet another wish from the genie lamp, granted.
Natalia, overcome with a sudden shyness, hesitated to knock on Neill's door that day, and conserved her anticipation for next morning's Assembly, where she could secretly admire his grand appearance, this time donned in an elegant olive green tweed suit and exuding monarchical authority as he welcomed the new teachers Miss Barnes and Mrs Tracey, and added:
'We are sorry to say goodbye to Mrs Luxton and Mr Cohen, who have served the school for numerous years, and are moving onto new pastures, possibly even new careers entirely, and we wish them well.'
As clapping resounded, Natalia chuckled to herself. New careers indeed. Was there any reason they weren't present to be wished their farewells? She longed to talk privately and brazenly with Neill again, to break through the formal air and to hear him lambast in full candidness.
As soon as the bell rang for lunch, she arrived at his door, smiling again at the shiny new plaque. Her adrenalin thumped even stronger than last time.
Hearing more than one voice inside, she was about to hastily withdraw, when she heard him bark:
'Come in!'
She drew a deep breath and pushed down the handle.
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Natalia is about to be wide-eyed and open-mouthed at her cheekiest conversation with Neill yet! Read on in Chapter 7, Salted Caramel!
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