46 手心35Please respect copyright.PENANAsJ3aYCOUzB
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阿北看著前方,那在黑暗中斑駁岩巉的牆身。35Please respect copyright.PENANANq6aeCZmvo
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空無一物的牆上,卻似浮現了崩裂纏繞的幻相。35Please respect copyright.PENANAWvNQpPx6UW
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楊希杰與方潔海的接吻事件,是一切的肇因。35Please respect copyright.PENANAqp52hwaR6X
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因為兩人在操場的角落接吻,被拍下照片放到網絡上,再被學校訓導處分;兩人進一步拒絕處分,而被即時開除開藉,在兩人被帶離學校那天的早上,兩人突然衝出操場,在操場中央接吻,那令整所學校震呆的場面。35Please respect copyright.PENANAWYFKUAeTZv
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許愛悠是因為這件事而公開表示要校規修訂,同時推倒十二大社團的高牆。有了她,才有了以後的一切。35Please respect copyright.PENANACTZaMpRSxc
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阿北交握住許愛悠放在他胸前的手心,說道:35Please respect copyright.PENANAIX9FJ0z6UJ
35Please respect copyright.PENANAg4PetypN2H
「妳嘅意思係……係妳令到楊希杰同方潔海被踢出校?」35Please respect copyright.PENANAEyjKMOa8PU
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許愛悠始終從後緊抱住阿北,她在他頸間搖起頭;「唔係……我無預到個結果係會係咁。我無諗到……佢地兩個會連第一次嘅處分都拒絕埋。」35Please respect copyright.PENANAjmNZVcHspw
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是她。許愛悠,因為要推動校規修訂,所以才來找曾經身為十二大社團的他,軟硬兼施逼使他參與在內。35Please respect copyright.PENANAaRzqjdNaUn
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然後,有了萬聖節的精靈之夜,有了聖誕節的校園祭。35Please respect copyright.PENANAZ96ogpv5k9
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對了。萬聖誕那天晚上。許愛悠曾經慌亂地給過他一個擁抱,以及一句未有解釋的道歉。35Please respect copyright.PENANAd0KL7Mr7Ab
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「所以……」阿北握住許愛悠的手心說「妳並唔係因為佢地接吻,而推動校規修訂;事實,係相反……」35Please respect copyright.PENANAlv96IXDn4n
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許愛悠輕柔地呼吸著,那在吹拂的夜風中彷彿帶著沙啞。35Please respect copyright.PENANAKs3sY0yoYD
35Please respect copyright.PENANA4W4pCgVapt
「嗯……」許愛悠在他背後說「我、我……係我利用咗佢地兩個、即使我、我……知道佢地要俾人踢出校、我……我仍然繼續,因為,依個真係一個機會、一個機會,我可以改變到我一直想改變嘅校規、甚至認證社團制度……」35Please respect copyright.PENANAq4DKW8hoep
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「純粹……因為係咁?」阿北問道。35Please respect copyright.PENANA0w7kGdmuXw
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許愛悠艱難地吐息著:「可能、可能……我唔知,我、我知道咁講好傻,但係,當我同林之年分咗手之後,當我離開學生會之後。我更加想證明、我……我唔需要學生會依個制度,都做到我想做嘅野。可能、我果陣好想證明俾林之年睇,我就算無咗佢,都有能力做到我想到嘅野。就算我唔接受佢為我而造票,就算我唔需要佢為我而擔心難過,我、我……我都可以做到……」35Please respect copyright.PENANAXpYSmN2Pqk
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許愛悠的手握得更緊,聲線愈來愈幽微,阿北閉上了眼。35Please respect copyright.PENANA0JyOwzJfYE
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如果從一開始就是許愛悠。那麼之後的所有,鄭雪蕾、郭允箏、范震升、程芳靈、楊希曦、何子晉。甚至尤天勇,Mimi,馬群陽……35Please respect copyright.PENANAxnDydlsC69
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「點解妳依家要同我講。」阿北問道「其實我唔需要知,我只係因為妳──」35Please respect copyright.PENANAhpYHW5xJ7Q
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許愛悠又搖了搖頭,打斷了阿北的話:「唔係,你一定要知。阿北,你一定要知。」35Please respect copyright.PENANAVc8o28BqnZ
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「但係──」35Please respect copyright.PENANAFVHpgbvpD2
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「如果有一個人要為所有野負責,果個人就係我。如果件事發展到依家而有任何後果,全部都係我應得。」35Please respect copyright.PENANA9LJ11xfpaq
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許愛悠的聲線傳進夜裡,阿北仍然閉著眼。35Please respect copyright.PENANATepBMf2m4G
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從上學期至今的各種惡鬥,各種爭拗,各種喜怒哀樂,各種失望與驚喜。35Please respect copyright.PENANAR35CEYlcFM
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當鄭雪蕾在操場上悲泣;當郭允箏承受鄭雪蕾的那一巴掌;當程芳靈在歐研中孤獨地等待范震升;當 Mimi 在更衣室中發難;當范震升必須窩在細小的圖書館裡。35Please respect copyright.PENANAtULMSHQBFW
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甚至到今天,他為她推動校規修訂。校內的手機使用與校園電視台爭議、楊希曦與鄭雪蕾所代表的不同陣營的對立。35Please respect copyright.PENANAPMJP66QoXC
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當陸運會跨欄事故發生後,楊希曦與他對質。35Please respect copyright.PENANAAIjvyNCvv2
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──當你決意要做一件事,就必然會引發其他結果──35Please respect copyright.PENANAqALdHohqiE
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阿北想起在聖誕舞會的時候,他曾經想過代替她而犧牲。35Please respect copyright.PENANARFyaGgAQv9
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他仍然記得她那激動而錯愕的表情,那時的她連聲咒罵,那時的她堅持抗拒。35Please respect copyright.PENANAB1QzLWhYlK
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也許從那時候起,她就決定要孤身背負這所有。35Please respect copyright.PENANAWDGbLXRZ8C
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「原來……」阿北說「林之年果日同妳講嘅,就係依一件事。」35Please respect copyright.PENANA5mBCCgghJg
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「係……」許愛悠點著頭「你都知道,我一直無換舊手機,鏡頭有漏光……林之年有問訓導主任拎過啲相嚟睇,一睇就知係我影。」35Please respect copyright.PENANArr6vzu4zi0
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阿北記得那時候她林之年步出禮堂,當她跟著出去時,那若有所思的複雜表情。35Please respect copyright.PENANABnYg0cqOLC
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「咁佢點講?」35Please respect copyright.PENANAHuMj0eiRjc
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許愛悠貼緊阿北的身體,她永遠會記得那天晚上的舞會,阿北抱住著她起舞的畫面,她永遠永遠都不會忘記。35Please respect copyright.PENANA8yFOLak6Fg
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「林之年話『小悠,我真心希望妳相信自己做嘅野』」35Please respect copyright.PENANAUdGoTyy1GD
35Please respect copyright.PENANAYXCPQPu1sX
「愛悠,」阿北說「咁妳依家仲信唔信妳做嘅野。」35Please respect copyright.PENANAxxxJualh4v
35Please respect copyright.PENANAjPdZHObgOZ
「我真係唔知,」許愛悠把臉在阿北的頸間埋得更深「阿北,你所鍾意嘅我,你所想要去拯救嘅我;唔係因為有咩理念、理想,而不知不覺影響身邊所有人嘅女神──我只係,由頭到尾,從頭到尾,都只係一個任性嘅女仔。聖誕舞會嘅時候,其實你講得好岩,我一直想搵到一個人,叫我『停啦』,『唔好再落去喇』。唔止係咁,我可能、可能……比你講嘅更惡劣,只係因為我一個人嘅執著,就令到咁多人難過,引發咁多衝突,我亦……我亦根本無資格講咩平等、正義、愛與勇氣……我甚至無資格去講咩挑戰制度同框架,如果我話制度會產生問題,咁可能我嘅任性,同制度一樣咁惡劣……」35Please respect copyright.PENANAMR6OEqNCOG
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阿北聽著許愛悠變得粗重的鼻息,變得哽咽的聲線。35Please respect copyright.PENANA2lrLuoM978
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「我可能……比你地任何一個人,都無資格講『相信』。甚至尤天勇,佢都係為咗堅守林之年所教佢嘅野:甚至楊希曦,佢只係用佢代表嘅制度入面應有嘅手段,而我唔係,阿北。我只係,為咗我自己嘅任性,我完全無諗過任何後果,我從來唔理個世界、其他人會變成點。我利用過你地每一個人、林強、小弦、芳靈、何子晉。仲有你,阿北,我真係好鍾意你,我係講真,依一刻我好鍾意好鍾意你,但我亦從無諗過你會為我做咁多,你會為咗我不惜一切。對唔住,阿北……或者、或者……我依刻所擁有嘅野,其實已經比我該有嘅更多。或者、我唔想見到你、變成另一個我、我、我──」35Please respect copyright.PENANAIbkhP6GWzD
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「愛悠。」35Please respect copyright.PENANAdBmRaWwB3B
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「嗯……」許愛悠輕輕應著。35Please respect copyright.PENANAXBTYyWr49k
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阿北張開眼,在許愛悠的環抱下轉身,望向她那皎白像無血色的臉,她的雙眼從未如此深邃過,瞳孔隱沒著即將入缺的月相。35Please respect copyright.PENANAxB7ZRry7Gb
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阿北輕撫著她微溫的額頭,她緩緩地閉上了眼,阿北抱起她的身驅,讓她靠在他的肩上。 35Please respect copyright.PENANAgSCFZN20NQ
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聖誕晚會的時候,他說過,她也許只是想有一個人,來勸她放棄所有的行動,來阻止她的任性。35Please respect copyright.PENANAjnCOiQsBt7
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但又也許不只如此,最佳的解答其實更簡單;比所有的對話與行動,還要更簡單。35Please respect copyright.PENANAFTLGULouXS
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在失落、無助、懺悔、脆弱的盡頭;在懷疑、否定、放棄、幻滅的往後。35Please respect copyright.PENANAoUaAU4qrHP
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阿北始終沒有放開許愛悠的手心。35Please respect copyright.PENANAWDNKEQtNCj
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「其實,」他說「妳啲鬆餅真係好好食,我係認真,真係好好食。」35Please respect copyright.PENANAULQLvDTo7Y
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許愛悠雙眼驟怔,混雜著不解與錯愕,可是就在一瞬之間,她終於明白了什麼。35Please respect copyright.PENANAZvm3U8tH0k
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她咬著抖著的嘴唇,幽冷的雙眼突然充滿了輝映漫溢的流光,如月夜般滿盈的淚水從她眼角細流而出。35Please respect copyright.PENANAWKqz2lhLjC
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「痴線……」許愛悠低下頭掩起自己的雙眼,雙手輕敲起阿北的胸口,低泣著說「你條痴線佬,你知唔知自己講緊啲乜呀……」35Please respect copyright.PENANA0HoY5bsiNy
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「雖然妳話啲麵粉過咗期,」阿北抱緊許愛悠說「雖然個樣係有啲奇怪,但我真係好鍾意佢咬落去嘅味道;仲有,妳之前整嘅肉醬意粉又係,雖然唔知點解乾濕分離咁款,啲肉醬又雞又豬又牛,但食落去又出奇地好味。」35Please respect copyright.PENANAmyZidro7Ku
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「乜野呀,」許愛悠破涕為笑,猛打著阿北的肩頭「邊有乾濕分離呀,痴線……」35Please respect copyright.PENANAHXtWoP9CuO
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「仲有,妳仲唔記得妳上次整個『舊』蔥油餅呀,Well,佢真係『一舊』蔥油餅,但唔知點解我食下食下又食曬;仲有個堆 Tiramisu,嘩,份子料理咁嘅樣,但又好食喎;然後個碟螢光咖哩,入面又蟹柳又魚蛋,打邊爐咩,但又食到我停唔到──」35Please respect copyright.PENANA2cEEUZVJxF
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阿北訴說著許愛悠造過給他的每一道菜,每一份既失敗又成功的午餐。35Please respect copyright.PENANAvZI7ybKvCE
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每一次他總不斷抱怨那些食物的特異外觀,但又每一次都吃得一滴不漏。35Please respect copyright.PENANA4G7VPOO2LN
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阿北一邊說著,許愛悠的心壓縮地陣痛,被包覆的雙手緊握顛動,不斷抽泣卻又忍不住一路傻笑。35Please respect copyright.PENANALRXZxFgdoE
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她的手,她的心,從未如此沉重,又從未如此輕盈,恍惚不再屬於自己。35Please respect copyright.PENANAiJ5AWT0vnd
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「你條死仔,到底點解、到底點解……你要咁對我……」35Please respect copyright.PENANAq4e6v5JGxv
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阿北緊抱住哭著的她,撫著她的背,模仿起許愛悠平常的神態:35Please respect copyright.PENANAsO4JeDxuio
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「關妳咩事呀,超~我揀嘅。」35Please respect copyright.PENANA42cU4vlHBc
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許愛悠終於放聲痛哭。35Please respect copyright.PENANAPqbzNzXGZh
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那抑壓了整整大半年──不,可能是從她離開林之年、離開學生會的時候,就累積下來的淚水。35Please respect copyright.PENANACaGVRfUUCd
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她驟然失去了所有的信念與堅持,她再沒有值得相信的事物,她由此至終都是孤身一人。35Please respect copyright.PENANALMTlyfggAf
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但她又終於找到真正的解答,她曾經以為正確的答案,竟全都是虛無的選項,真正的圓滿卻原來就在那些微不足道的瞬間。35Please respect copyright.PENANA697v22k2UI
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那些只是日常又像是奇蹟,只是偶然又像是注定的瞬間。35Please respect copyright.PENANA1tLUxOEayB
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阿北抱住許愛悠慟哭著的身體,聽著那來自她身體最深處,源源不絕的哭聲。35Please respect copyright.PENANAmDrTJUdjEI
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「許愛悠,」阿北再次說道「如果妳話依一切係妳應得嘅,咁樣嘅話,我阿北點都唔會放過妳。」35Please respect copyright.PENANA1SwAHFHbjN
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許愛悠抬起頭,抱向阿北肩上,把沾著淚溫的臉頰旁在他的臉旁,用乾啞的聲線笑著說:35Please respect copyright.PENANAB4lXii75Lm
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「我都係呀,打靶仔,如果你放過我嘅話,我依一世都唔會放過你。」35Please respect copyright.PENANAwBSEggZiVi
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阿北抹去許愛悠臉上的淚水:「我咪同妳講過,我最怕見到女人喊。」35Please respect copyright.PENANAoqed6oKq5P
35Please respect copyright.PENANAhj0YTg3Qx5
「唔係丫,OK 呀。」許愛悠擺出任性的笑臉說「我得閒無事會喊多幾次,等你習慣下嫁啦。」35Please respect copyright.PENANABjQ3JLAgjX
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許愛悠抱住阿北的頸間,阿北用指頭抹淨她漸漸住止的淚水。35Please respect copyright.PENANAXBSOtXmDxC
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「咁依家……又點呢?」35Please respect copyright.PENANASLjcq2m21L
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「唔……」許愛悠呶了呶嘴尖「今次應該無紀彤師姐突然衝出嚟,拉開我地兩個。」35Please respect copyright.PENANAP3LrRvADg4
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阿北抹著許愛悠的髮梢:「妳真係唔等到去操場?」35Please respect copyright.PENANA3degIDag3T
35Please respect copyright.PENANATFpG327wtG
「如果……」許愛悠握起阿北的手「真係去唔到,咁點算呀?」35Please respect copyright.PENANAOfwkP5TZVL
35Please respect copyright.PENANAdJLpjNw31f
「但學期仲未結束,」阿北再次扣起許愛悠的指間「係我地畢業之前,雪蕾BB、小郭,我同阿強都仲繼續有機會改變到校規,可以取消妳嘅處分,可以等我地終於係操場上面接吻。」35Please respect copyright.PENANAZYSIWh3spy
35Please respect copyright.PENANAfPXrRuzcnj
許愛悠猶有淚光的眼廉低垂下來:「你應該知道,對我嚟講其實已經唔重要。」35Please respect copyright.PENANAzSnN5bYNl5
35Please respect copyright.PENANA5ZuiiXmJsM
「正正係咁,」阿北說「對我嚟先更加重要,更加需要由我,去陪妳繼續行落去。」35Please respect copyright.PENANA0uTrBtfIO4
35Please respect copyright.PENANAx4IGpNMZgg
許愛悠嫣然嬌笑,那像孩子般清爽的笑聲:「死仔北,話唔定我最大嘅報應,就係你呀。」35Please respect copyright.PENANA1hCX1dDvej
35Please respect copyright.PENANASBLkOokUP1
阿北抱住許愛悠的腰:「我 hea 咗五半年,可能上天係派妳用愛與勇氣嚟懲罰我。」35Please respect copyright.PENANAFfQqmGL9i9
35Please respect copyright.PENANAkv12qkqJ3h
「哈哈,」許愛悠不禁笑著,但還是低下了頭「但我講真嫁,阿北。我多謝你仲堅持去幫我,但其實我真係無所謂啦。真係嫁,而且……」35Please respect copyright.PENANA14rzFD4F1o
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阿北見許愛悠欲言之止:「嗯?」35Please respect copyright.PENANASNvX4cmGn2
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「都係無野啦,」許愛悠挽起美滿的微笑「點呀,今晚係我攬住你訓,定你攬住我訓呀?」35Please respect copyright.PENANARsyiQE8OWa
35Please respect copyright.PENANAFR7HM0sEt3
阿北本來想要追問,但見她難得又破涕為笑,又說:「吓?妳今晚係度訓?咁范震升呢?」35Please respect copyright.PENANA8nDOE78Sgi
35Please respect copyright.PENANAj54mIKFSdY
許愛悠搖了搖頭說:「我唔知呀,頭先我吹完頭髮行出嚟,見到佢拎住本書走咗出去,我先入嚟嫁咋。」35Please respect copyright.PENANAKathl7Gral
35Please respect copyright.PENANAu1obv0kqzX
「唔係……妳駛走佢嫁咩?」阿北意外地說。35Please respect copyright.PENANA5I7DtGw8uP
35Please respect copyright.PENANAvpFRmksuyl
「唔係呀。」許愛悠也瞪大眼晴意外地說「從來都唔係,佢連手機都無,我點俾暗示佢。」35Please respect copyright.PENANAuvKwdCHwJL
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「咁芳靈佢依家……」35Please respect copyright.PENANAO6CI43f4Ko
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「我去吹頭髮之前,佢話好似要去廚房拎熱水……」35Please respect copyright.PENANAtexmQxZluS
35Please respect copyright.PENANAC0zfy1FgGt
阿北與許愛悠默然對望,然後又像突然明白了什麼。35Please respect copyright.PENANAr7XNWB2Vub
35Please respect copyright.PENANAPFz8hW0HCY
「睇嚟,」阿北說道「我地要向來兩位師弟妹學習下。」35Please respect copyright.PENANA9MKi6fanWl
35Please respect copyright.PENANAupuBHEJyqo
「真係,」許愛悠偷笑說「佢地先真係什麼鬼也不怕。」35Please respect copyright.PENANAcSavztWPrI
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