坐在養母娘家的客廳裡,藤椅微微吱吱作響。37Please respect copyright.PENANA4X8YWbl13A
37Please respect copyright.PENANAzb8W9uC5N7
我的膝上攤著一本泛黃的詩集。37Please respect copyright.PENANA0LrwHFKKn0
37Please respect copyright.PENANAvsXgGtxGqQ
窗外,秋風吹得樹葉沙沙作響。37Please respect copyright.PENANAx2pcZDraQS
37Please respect copyright.PENANA0ey5deXHe3
我的手指無意識地翻動書頁,卻怎麼也讀不進那些詩句。37Please respect copyright.PENANAJR77f7r1NO
37Please respect copyright.PENANAcTiOcMGPTQ
養母走過來,手裡捧著一盤剛削好的蘋果。她臉上帶著溫柔的笑,將果盤放在茶几上,輕聲說:「思穎,食生果啦!適應咗婆婆屋企未?」37Please respect copyright.PENANACGPJlwQTij
37Please respect copyright.PENANA8SCL6uAqim
我抬起頭,長髮滑過肩頭,連衣裙勾勒出我單薄的身形。37Please respect copyright.PENANAolkaRdHDR0
37Please respect copyright.PENANAhMiO7dySmm
我擠出一個笑容,乖巧地回道:「唔該媽咪,我適應咗喇!」37Please respect copyright.PENANAwgezWWbUFD
37Please respect copyright.PENANAqW2U8bkJQM
我接過一片蘋果,低頭咬了一小口,汁液順著唇角滑落。37Please respect copyright.PENANAUZSGSwQ0s7
37Please respect copyright.PENANAKkvlmlfeeL
婆婆家不大,卻掛滿了舊照。那些黑白照片佈滿牆壁,像是在訴說家族的過往。每當我走過,看見那些泛黃的面孔,心中總湧起一股莫名的惆悵。37Please respect copyright.PENANALDgA8NgeQo
37Please respect copyright.PENANA56wAdc2lNW
我多想融入這個家,成為照片裡的一部分,可我根本不是養母親生的。那些照片將我隔在外面。37Please respect copyright.PENANAZdK2H5ueL1
37Please respect copyright.PENANABQtHS3LlPO
養母坐在我身旁,輕輕拍著我的手,說:「你爹哋當年對你唔住,或者你會有心結。但而家,你係我個女,我會好好鍚你。」她的話,很溫暖,可我的手指卻微微一顫,蘋果差點從手中滑落。37Please respect copyright.PENANAWmrYRqgepT
37Please respect copyright.PENANATduwG3N9PD
我垂下眼簾,長睫掩住眼中的波瀾。37Please respect copyright.PENANAMFae6B155I
37Please respect copyright.PENANAljyCazL4oT
那個男人,本來是我的校長,曾用權力與慾望將我拖入深淵。我屈服過,甚至在藥物與羞辱中迷失過。如今,他卻是我的「父親」,那些不堪的記憶就好比毒藤,纏繞著我的心。37Please respect copyright.PENANAN7ptVm7GfY
37Please respect copyright.PENANAIcTmnoQ1RI
「媽咪……」我輕聲開口,聲音顫抖得幾乎聽不見︰「如果我做咗好壞嘅事,你會唔會……原諒我?」37Please respect copyright.PENANA73sJwdG6bl
37Please respect copyright.PENANAJyDURnBixW
養母愣了一下,隨即握緊我的手,眼裡滿是疼愛:「傻豬嚟嘅,你係我個寶貝女,有咩事我都會陪你。」37Please respect copyright.PENANAgHjlJCgL1s
37Please respect copyright.PENANARCjAhc9FTV
我多想坦白,告訴她我和父親之間已經亂倫了,可是一想到她可能崩潰的模樣,我只能咬緊唇,將真相吞回腹中。37Please respect copyright.PENANAj3dzYdHQmC
37Please respect copyright.PENANAv4uTNyrlhr
「其實……爸……都唔係咁壞,因為係佢主動搵返我。」我勉強擠出這句話,試圖為他辯解。37Please respect copyright.PENANAlxBPPA95mM
37Please respect copyright.PENANARN8mXTnDXP
養母點點頭,微笑著說:「我知道佢唔係咁壞,佢有主動搵你。只係………」她沉默了一會兒,又道︰「只係一直以嚟我都以為自己好了解佢,以為佢係個好男人好老公。」37Please respect copyright.PENANAREQerz6JKA
37Please respect copyright.PENANA8gP71GT9C5
養母又道︰「我根本接受唔到他之前竟然搞過學生,仲唔知個學生生咗個女。」37Please respect copyright.PENANA3HlDgHYd08
37Please respect copyright.PENANAMQVanEyk2F
我知道他的「好」有多虛假。37Please respect copyright.PENANApiEtKptPqq
37Please respect copyright.PENANALjlq0PEW1z
養母的眼濕了。37Please respect copyright.PENANA5cqS7nHqCM
37Please respect copyright.PENANAAQe9SBZvky
「媽咪,我都係去廚房幫婆婆啦!佢嘅事,遲下再算啦!」我站起身,走向廚房幫忙。37Please respect copyright.PENANAgbLR3Znqp7
37Please respect copyright.PENANA8QzsMJbMIv
婆婆正在準備晚餐,見我進來廚房,笑著說:「思穎,你真係乖,嚟幫婆婆手啦?」37Please respect copyright.PENANA2IzS7sG9iW
37Please respect copyright.PENANAnK4NYB6Toh
我點頭,接過她遞來的菜刀,開始切菜。動作機械而熟練,可心思卻亂成一團。37Please respect copyright.PENANAyR9s5J7CD2
37Please respect copyright.PENANAHx8Eqz2jht
婆婆一邊忙碌,一邊聊起養母小時候的事。37Please respect copyright.PENANAllCabLaNf5
37Please respect copyright.PENANAJUkc4W4lfl
「你媽咪細個都好苦,我哋家又窮,死老嘢又唔要我哋,你媽咪佢呀!係靠自己努力,先考上大學,讀醫生科呀!」婆婆的聲音帶著自豪︰「唔陣時呀!你媽咪佢每日起早貪黑,慳得就慳,就係為咗有個好前途,然後年紀輕輕,就入醫院工作,遇上你阿爸,就係早幾年前嘅事。」我聽著,心中五味雜陳。37Please respect copyright.PENANAce4OXwagKP
37Please respect copyright.PENANA4sqoPAGyqB
我好像玷污了這個家,和父親有了那樣的關係,我簡直玷污了養母的堅韌。37Please respect copyright.PENANA2v1JjPMvqV
37Please respect copyright.PENANAbnvGjrMiwB
切菜的手不小心慢了下來,婆婆關切地問:「哎呀思穎,你冇嘢嘛?係咪切親手仔呀?你臉色唔太好嘅?」37Please respect copyright.PENANA1ATrG7TyTm
37Please respect copyright.PENANAyqs7XH8y57
我搖搖頭,勉強笑道:「冇事,婆婆,可能我有少少攰啫。」我不敢看她的眼睛。37Please respect copyright.PENANAD7eaZucg6e
37Please respect copyright.PENANAeETTkxiCrB
晚餐時,我坐在養母和婆婆中間,桌上擺著簡單卻溫暖的菜餚。37Please respect copyright.PENANAZAIb9AmGek
37Please respect copyright.PENANAg6q15Js6Vs
養母夾了一塊很大的魚給我,柔聲說:「食多啲,你太瘦喇。」37Please respect copyright.PENANANUZTJ0XK6o
37Please respect copyright.PENANABpYZVrT2sn
我點頭,低頭對著自己的雙乳吃著,心卻像被石頭壓著。37Please respect copyright.PENANAQYyztW7rsc
37Please respect copyright.PENANAHbXt4xznlV
飯後,我主動收拾碗筷,養母想幫忙,我卻堅持說:「媽咪,你去休息下啦!呢度交畀我得喇!」她看著我,眼中滿是欣慰:「你真是個好孩子。」37Please respect copyright.PENANADzY4ZQrHAA
37Please respect copyright.PENANArfcrDNcmpL
我多想做個乖巧的女兒,可每次我想靠近她們,那份罪惡感就把我拉回深淵。37Please respect copyright.PENANAaV1gAuTstI
37Please respect copyright.PENANAnsem6jtQhr
第二天,我又主動幫婆婆打掃客廳。37Please respect copyright.PENANAxvFp24gl4n
37Please respect copyright.PENANAZU1h2VoSKh
擦拭那些舊照時,我的手指不小心碰到一張養母與父親結婚時的照片。只有二十五歲的養母,與差不多四十歲的父親。年齡差,沒有令她笑得不那麼燦爛,反而幸福地笑著,像是從未被荒謬壓垮過。37Please respect copyright.PENANAf6ugAGBj2q
37Please respect copyright.PENANARHFz4xFrYx
我停下來,盯著照片看了許久,心裡默默想:如果她知道真相,還會不會這樣笑?37Please respect copyright.PENANAI0GpVEbJpy
37Please respect copyright.PENANAvzrgycjZYu
「思穎,你真係好細心。」養母誇我時,我低著頭不敢看她,只小聲說:「應該嘅。」我越是努力扮演乖巧的角色,內心的掙扎就越深。37Please respect copyright.PENANAa0U4QaR3ip
37Please respect copyright.PENANA1g6sZGnKx5
我知道自己是在贖罪,可這贖罪卻像個無底洞,怎麼也填不滿。37Please respect copyright.PENANAKRymaTilp6
37Please respect copyright.PENANAwoSo2Hc8IX
那些不堪的記憶總在這時湧上來。37Please respect copyright.PENANA5KvyK3vhAm
37Please respect copyright.PENANA2ZmS4f6ZQe
父親的眼神、他的觸碰、還有我自己的沉默。37Please respect copyright.PENANABhV46Ibrop
37Please respect copyright.PENANASAVnaHQgC7
有時,我會低聲問自己:「我仲可以扮幾耐?」可一想到養母溫柔的笑,我又告訴自己:「再忍忍!只要時間一過,一切都會回復正常了,為咗媽咪,為咗呢頭家。」37Please respect copyright.PENANAPeizkToxOa
37Please respect copyright.PENANA2nZfPQou2r
我多希望有一天,能真正放下這一切。37Please respect copyright.PENANAKMlxC0QVj9
37Please respect copyright.PENANAifHnG6goih
可我知道,只要父親還在,只要那個秘密還在,我就永遠走不出這片陰影。這是我的掙扎,也是我選擇的路。只要用乖巧,就能掩蓋罪惡。只要用沉默,就能換取安寧。37Please respect copyright.PENANAlVeiCCC8jJ
37Please respect copyright.PENANAT9Fzdyo3yM
但真的可以嗎?37Please respect copyright.PENANA5KFCUaLPnh
37Please respect copyright.PENANAhUmYsBlzId
我一回到學校,校園的喧囂與熟悉的氣息原本是可以帶來一絲安寧,然而每日都有一陣無形的風,將我內心深處吹得更加洶湧。37Please respect copyright.PENANAxF3UzCzuFw
37Please respect copyright.PENANA4ncftvEeh3
我拖著沉重的步伐,走在長長的走廊上,手緊緊握住書包帶,指節因用力而泛白。37Please respect copyright.PENANArKLxyqRBlU
37Please respect copyright.PENANAFuXlo3l7FR
遠處,是校長,我的父親,正站在校長室門口,身影高大而挺拔,與一位教師低聲交談。37Please respect copyright.PENANAvDglAWc5mA
37Please respect copyright.PENANAqzcEhL2naC
父親的側臉被午後的陽光勾勒得柔和,卻又散發出一種令人無法忽視的威嚴。37Please respect copyright.PENANAhURWyC8Ge2
37Please respect copyright.PENANAl3znlYUBf3
那一刻,我的腳步停住了,心跳如同擂鼓般在胸腔內瘋狂跳動。37Please respect copyright.PENANATV4L4p7ZLO
37Please respect copyright.PENANALALJOzDAKN
我不能停下來,因為今天我要跟父親一起早會,於是我強行抑壓著內心的躁動,慢慢走向他們。37Please respect copyright.PENANAvgeLQbjmhB
37Please respect copyright.PENANASk797KMb7w
一步一步走向他們,內心的感覺越是怪異,猶如一團亂麻在胸口翻滾。37Please respect copyright.PENANAFoAw0rah4T
37Please respect copyright.PENANA6gdFAefYjE
我緊咬下唇,牙齒幾乎嵌入柔軟的唇肉,目光不由自主地停留在他身上,眼底閃過一絲痛苦而扭曲的光芒。與此同時,一股異樣的熱流從小腹緩緩升起,沿著神經蔓延至下身。37Please respect copyright.PENANAHSOldrSgP0
37Please respect copyright.PENANA3m154EYrmo
我感到私處微微發癢,內褲下隱秘的肉褶邊似乎已被一絲濕意浸透。走路的我,雙腿不自覺地收緊起來,試圖壓抑這羞恥的感覺。可越是抗拒,那股熱流越發洶湧,彷彿被一隻無形的手緊緊攫住陰道,把淫水從穴中攫出來。37Please respect copyright.PENANAfozbmKGcM9
37Please respect copyright.PENANAiGFl0pVJ90
那位教師瞥見我走近,轉過身來,朝我揮了揮手:「思穎,你終於返嚟啦?」他朝我笑了笑,繼續說道:「我們正在聊早會的事,你來跟校長談談吧!我得回教員室了。」37Please respect copyright.PENANAYXKgMFyV3K
37Please respect copyright.PENANAvWrB9pWhM0
他話音剛落,便轉身離開,只剩下我和父親獨處。37Please respect copyright.PENANAU8yEwvKAAf
37Please respect copyright.PENANA6IGh04e1ak
空氣瞬間變得濃稠,彷彿被某種無形的慾望填滿,讓我幾乎喘不過氣。37Please respect copyright.PENANACXXGbLetZK
37Please respect copyright.PENANAraRkv6h8Mg
「思穎,最近點……屋企嗰邊……?」父親的聲音帶著一絲試探,像是在撫摸我的神經。37Please respect copyright.PENANAhTDrhLJ3KP
37Please respect copyright.PENANAXmq5YnH7UD
我咬了咬唇,冷冷地回道:「嗯,幾好。講返早會先!」37Please respect copyright.PENANAQEvwfFz54H
37Please respect copyright.PENANAbMlLx4pUYI
父親點了點頭,從西裝口袋裡掏出一疊稿紙,緩緩向我靠近。當他停在我身旁時,我聞到了他身上那股熟悉的體味,直接鑽進我的鼻腔,勾起我深埋的記憶。37Please respect copyright.PENANAXufVjr9zAR
37Please respect copyright.PENANAfxiHLx1tzp
我的下身突然湧起更強烈的癢意,像是有什麼在裡面緩緩甦醒,溫熱而潮濕。37Please respect copyright.PENANAFSDRXPntg1
37Please respect copyright.PENANA69yXjG9SOi
「我睇咗你份稿。」父親說道︰「有啲地方,我覺得可以再改得吸引啲。」37Please respect copyright.PENANACezhHHmaRJ
37Please respect copyright.PENANAST4wXBOM5C
他靠得更近,近到我能感受到他身上散發的熱氣,包裹著我。他的手臂在翻動稿紙時,不經意地擦過我的手背,粗壯的觸感像一道電流,瞬間竄遍全身。37Please respect copyright.PENANAKCsGHLvQz8
37Please respect copyright.PENANAP06pPEVxEO
我渾身一顫,幾乎要從喉嚨裡溢出一聲低吟,但我硬生生咬住下唇,把那羞恥的聲音吞了回去。37Please respect copyright.PENANAdb7EnRuCx9
37Please respect copyright.PENANAwqbMDci6mL
我想退開,卻發現腿軟得像是被抽乾了力氣,只能任由他侵入我的空間。37Please respect copyright.PENANA9zkc5PbN7m
37Please respect copyright.PENANA4cZa2Ulzpb
「呢度。」父親忽然微微俯下身,嘴唇幾乎貼著我的耳廓,熱氣噴灑在我的耳垂上,燙得我耳根發麻。37Please respect copyright.PENANAuGBIw0oQyu
37Please respect copyright.PENANAvWQwFKLEul
他的指尖慢條斯理地滑過稿紙上的某一行字,動作輕柔得像是撫摸我的肌膚︰「呢段太單調太冇癮……不如加啲令人沉淪嘅味道?」37Please respect copyright.PENANA6BiMylhl2g
37Please respect copyright.PENANAZqMe2u1vzK
讓人沉淪的味道?37Please respect copyright.PENANAbSfOVMYx4T
37Please respect copyright.PENANAKp3VRTO1g5
我愣住片刻,才驚覺自己將「令人沉淪嘅味道」聽成了這誘惑至極的詞。他的目光微微一閃,像是在暗中品嚐我的失神。37Please respect copyright.PENANAyMBLuijFW8
37Please respect copyright.PENANA48bcSfg5e9
「你知唔知?」他繼續說︰「太直白只會令人覺得單調,如果開頭隱藏多少少嘢,後面反而會更加之有趣。」37Please respect copyright.PENANArUYumVYgJZ
37Please respect copyright.PENANAIjR61VPfg8
他的手指輕輕按在稿紙上,卻彷彿按住了我的脈搏。37Please respect copyright.PENANAY8UZqtWqzP
37Please respect copyright.PENANAUXvZ3NRd7F
「不過思穎你可以更大膽。」他的唇角勾起一抹的弧度。37Please respect copyright.PENANAqxejc7uGOt
37Please respect copyright.PENANAsj8eNGrP9i
「我……我可以大膽啲。」我勉強開口,聲音卻顫得支離破碎,暴露了我掩不住的慌亂。37Please respect copyright.PENANAL1aaOizSOt
37Please respect copyright.PENANAqfstNcI5BZ
「好。」輕笑一聲︰「但最好嘅方式,係俾聽眾感受到你嘅熱情。」37Please respect copyright.PENANAhWdhj4tXFf
37Please respect copyright.PENANAP3YlKiS5sN
他的語氣曖昧至極,字面上的建議卻藏著更深的暗示。37Please respect copyright.PENANA9a0b5Qmdoy
37Please respect copyright.PENANAz7WsjMEGyA
我的腦子已經一片混亂。他的手指停在紙上,指腹微微摩挲著紙面,那細微的沙沙聲在我耳邊放大,挑逗著我的每一根神經。37Please respect copyright.PENANAQNKTTYpBT1
37Please respect copyright.PENANA3j7Az8Ion3
「你覺得呢,思穎?」父親直直地盯著我。37Please respect copyright.PENANARxWNnqhnC7
37Please respect copyright.PENANApVmhPLZykK
我嚥了口唾沫:「我覺得可以。」我根本沒聽清他在說什麼。37Please respect copyright.PENANA0BMbQYiXDo
37Please respect copyright.PENANATHSGMaGtk5
父親笑了︰「好好。」手掌忽然覆上我的肩膀,指尖隔著薄薄的校服布料輕輕按壓︰「咁我返去先!」37Please respect copyright.PENANAreeAWmccER
37Please respect copyright.PENANATLV8lE2C94
父親的手只是停在肩膀一刻,很快就抽開。可那溫熱的觸感卻如烙鐵一樣,一直燙進我的皮膚。內褲的布料緊貼著敏感的穴口,每一次輕微的觸感,都讓我忍不住想扭動腰肢。37Please respect copyright.PENANAUConHgtBX9
37Please respect copyright.PENANAGSlrQzV67j
「我究竟咩事?」37Please respect copyright.PENANA8yomRbfk0f
37Please respect copyright.PENANAjZHl6s5h6X
「爸……」我終於從喉嚨深處硬擠出聲音來。37Please respect copyright.PENANAbpudhEMcXX
37Please respect copyright.PENANA0dwsDwvQoe
父親看了看周圍︰「做咩?」37Please respect copyright.PENANAfo0kB9TwFa
37Please respect copyright.PENANA2rgt6XA9LL
我沒有回應,只是迅速垂下頭,長髮如瀑布般遮住臉頰,試圖掩蓋自己的失語。然而身體的每一寸都在背叛我。乳尖已經在薄薄的校服下悄然挺立,磨擦著內衣的蕾絲邊緣,帶來陣陣酥麻的感覺。我的手指無意識地攥緊裙角,指尖幾乎要撕裂那薄薄的布料。37Please respect copyright.PENANAoLQ6a84Vn7
37Please respect copyright.PENANA7DJrhed8QP
「冇。」我冷冷回道。37Please respect copyright.PENANA0tpjtfMtax
37Please respect copyright.PENANAmv5unUXHa7
腦海中,那些不堪的畫面如潮水般湧現。37Please respect copyright.PENANARiiERFU9yS
37Please respect copyright.PENANAjfnjrpXaqV
父親挑了挑眉︰「好啦!就咁啦!」他說,聲音是平日的威嚴︰「然後喺學校唔好叫我爸!然後快啲改好個稿,一陣間早會講。」37Please respect copyright.PENANAFG8OiK1AMB
37Please respect copyright.PENANA3BeajTnfb3
我點點頭,然後抓起書包離開。37Please respect copyright.PENANAqydtmz7oaF
37Please respect copyright.PENANA2AgOI8f5bg
到樓梯口時,我幾乎是踉蹌著靠在牆上,大口喘息,雙腿間的濕意讓我羞恥得想哭,可那股騷動的渴望卻怎麼也壓不下去,就算是自慰也解決不了。37Please respect copyright.PENANA0c9uJnVhFN
37Please respect copyright.PENANA28uEEjQ3eZ
我走到廁所,拉起校裙,拉起灰色的內褲,才發現蓋著小穴的那片,全都濕了。37Please respect copyright.PENANAso7MQgYWMU
37Please respect copyright.PENANAacGHGkE4AX
數日後,這股騷動開始在校園中尋找到新的出口,好像要以更危險的刺激來填補內心的空虛。37Please respect copyright.PENANAOM1ryKzDNG
37Please respect copyright.PENANAqedK2KxocO
【未完待續】