坐在養母娘家的客廳裡,藤椅微微吱吱作響。28Please respect copyright.PENANA7yCqnXmr9p
28Please respect copyright.PENANA0SCDcJfXIv
我的膝上攤著一本泛黃的詩集。28Please respect copyright.PENANAsh788wN4IO
28Please respect copyright.PENANAttelIh20Yc
窗外,秋風吹得樹葉沙沙作響。28Please respect copyright.PENANAvDVpQPARnp
28Please respect copyright.PENANAIfUFMaADob
我的手指無意識地翻動書頁,卻怎麼也讀不進那些詩句。28Please respect copyright.PENANAmWX4M1yd0E
28Please respect copyright.PENANAmDkvtfXSz0
養母走過來,手裡捧著一盤剛削好的蘋果。她臉上帶著溫柔的笑,將果盤放在茶几上,輕聲說:「思穎,食生果啦!適應咗婆婆屋企未?」28Please respect copyright.PENANAHGDesK8LaA
28Please respect copyright.PENANAxUBMyHusIp
我抬起頭,長髮滑過肩頭,連衣裙勾勒出我單薄的身形。28Please respect copyright.PENANArGG2K15bmD
28Please respect copyright.PENANASDiUJwT1LW
我擠出一個笑容,乖巧地回道:「唔該媽咪,我適應咗喇!」28Please respect copyright.PENANA7NS3yivkxA
28Please respect copyright.PENANAPCaeIeb8wx
我接過一片蘋果,低頭咬了一小口,汁液順著唇角滑落。28Please respect copyright.PENANATxZoTLqGZd
28Please respect copyright.PENANAywKsWjOvsr
婆婆家不大,卻掛滿了舊照。那些黑白照片佈滿牆壁,像是在訴說家族的過往。每當我走過,看見那些泛黃的面孔,心中總湧起一股莫名的惆悵。28Please respect copyright.PENANAouarRkSfog
28Please respect copyright.PENANAJT8oY9Y7g9
我多想融入這個家,成為照片裡的一部分,可我根本不是養母親生的。那些照片將我隔在外面。28Please respect copyright.PENANAEXNQ9CSMCX
28Please respect copyright.PENANAVW1cjQ0GhD
養母坐在我身旁,輕輕拍著我的手,說:「你爹哋當年對你唔住,或者你會有心結。但而家,你係我個女,我會好好鍚你。」她的話,很溫暖,可我的手指卻微微一顫,蘋果差點從手中滑落。28Please respect copyright.PENANAb9fV7huhvw
28Please respect copyright.PENANAs3ZAONJV8H
我垂下眼簾,長睫掩住眼中的波瀾。28Please respect copyright.PENANAXaprbUgW3d
28Please respect copyright.PENANAjV3AvXhmUl
那個男人,本來是我的校長,曾用權力與慾望將我拖入深淵。我屈服過,甚至在藥物與羞辱中迷失過。如今,他卻是我的「父親」,那些不堪的記憶就好比毒藤,纏繞著我的心。28Please respect copyright.PENANAXNRIN5wkvq
28Please respect copyright.PENANA2wFT6SwrpV
「媽咪……」我輕聲開口,聲音顫抖得幾乎聽不見︰「如果我做咗好壞嘅事,你會唔會……原諒我?」28Please respect copyright.PENANAhayrEPRHe3
28Please respect copyright.PENANAH8MsvF8hcp
養母愣了一下,隨即握緊我的手,眼裡滿是疼愛:「傻豬嚟嘅,你係我個寶貝女,有咩事我都會陪你。」28Please respect copyright.PENANAfVJRdI1hBO
28Please respect copyright.PENANApTCALschbQ
我多想坦白,告訴她我和父親之間已經亂倫了,可是一想到她可能崩潰的模樣,我只能咬緊唇,將真相吞回腹中。28Please respect copyright.PENANAQBGlIZLdKJ
28Please respect copyright.PENANAEYDCHI5Ibv
「其實……爸……都唔係咁壞,因為係佢主動搵返我。」我勉強擠出這句話,試圖為他辯解。28Please respect copyright.PENANAwjfDtOBuQh
28Please respect copyright.PENANAjBpzbL0MEa
養母點點頭,微笑著說:「我知道佢唔係咁壞,佢有主動搵你。只係………」她沉默了一會兒,又道︰「只係一直以嚟我都以為自己好了解佢,以為佢係個好男人好老公。」28Please respect copyright.PENANAx0JMZ84lp8
28Please respect copyright.PENANAe9qsj0yxmF
養母又道︰「我根本接受唔到他之前竟然搞過學生,仲唔知個學生生咗個女。」28Please respect copyright.PENANA2Pjns2STSp
28Please respect copyright.PENANAR6TojogIGO
我知道他的「好」有多虛假。28Please respect copyright.PENANA04EBQLZ1XN
28Please respect copyright.PENANAUexLJZIyqu
養母的眼濕了。28Please respect copyright.PENANAeuRNo8v8cY
28Please respect copyright.PENANAdHazbq7pd5
「媽咪,我都係去廚房幫婆婆啦!佢嘅事,遲下再算啦!」我站起身,走向廚房幫忙。28Please respect copyright.PENANAZwKBYiu5pl
28Please respect copyright.PENANAiLPRCybsS1
婆婆正在準備晚餐,見我進來廚房,笑著說:「思穎,你真係乖,嚟幫婆婆手啦?」28Please respect copyright.PENANA5oaHFV2cv5
28Please respect copyright.PENANA9H6wsKxMZ0
我點頭,接過她遞來的菜刀,開始切菜。動作機械而熟練,可心思卻亂成一團。28Please respect copyright.PENANAVXgl9taGEb
28Please respect copyright.PENANA8cx9EZQ6As
婆婆一邊忙碌,一邊聊起養母小時候的事。28Please respect copyright.PENANAMrR80ribUl
28Please respect copyright.PENANA9Z14qEnUPu
「你媽咪細個都好苦,我哋家又窮,死老嘢又唔要我哋,你媽咪佢呀!係靠自己努力,先考上大學,讀醫生科呀!」婆婆的聲音帶著自豪︰「唔陣時呀!你媽咪佢每日起早貪黑,慳得就慳,就係為咗有個好前途,然後年紀輕輕,就入醫院工作,遇上你阿爸,就係早幾年前嘅事。」我聽著,心中五味雜陳。28Please respect copyright.PENANAkufvzAY9jk
28Please respect copyright.PENANApb44MnPCon
我好像玷污了這個家,和父親有了那樣的關係,我簡直玷污了養母的堅韌。28Please respect copyright.PENANAGN7hDRECuM
28Please respect copyright.PENANAUvJlhvx91Q
切菜的手不小心慢了下來,婆婆關切地問:「哎呀思穎,你冇嘢嘛?係咪切親手仔呀?你臉色唔太好嘅?」28Please respect copyright.PENANArfQdz6C4pF
28Please respect copyright.PENANABl2btwvsHB
我搖搖頭,勉強笑道:「冇事,婆婆,可能我有少少攰啫。」我不敢看她的眼睛。28Please respect copyright.PENANAr4ia2n6GJz
28Please respect copyright.PENANAu6xjh7LeXX
晚餐時,我坐在養母和婆婆中間,桌上擺著簡單卻溫暖的菜餚。28Please respect copyright.PENANAH9QJU7UdLJ
28Please respect copyright.PENANAgRLiL5H63i
養母夾了一塊很大的魚給我,柔聲說:「食多啲,你太瘦喇。」28Please respect copyright.PENANAC7echbX81P
28Please respect copyright.PENANAR5NLhMM60q
我點頭,低頭對著自己的雙乳吃著,心卻像被石頭壓著。28Please respect copyright.PENANAQw7WMsWDHF
28Please respect copyright.PENANAzZCbPOEcie
飯後,我主動收拾碗筷,養母想幫忙,我卻堅持說:「媽咪,你去休息下啦!呢度交畀我得喇!」她看著我,眼中滿是欣慰:「你真是個好孩子。」28Please respect copyright.PENANA6Kmz7W85mh
28Please respect copyright.PENANA2CEsDII83X
我多想做個乖巧的女兒,可每次我想靠近她們,那份罪惡感就把我拉回深淵。28Please respect copyright.PENANABKEkA4jt8Z
28Please respect copyright.PENANACOUqJq56oZ
第二天,我又主動幫婆婆打掃客廳。28Please respect copyright.PENANADgTckHh0js
28Please respect copyright.PENANAXTEPUaRGvB
擦拭那些舊照時,我的手指不小心碰到一張養母與父親結婚時的照片。只有二十五歲的養母,與差不多四十歲的父親。年齡差,沒有令她笑得不那麼燦爛,反而幸福地笑著,像是從未被荒謬壓垮過。28Please respect copyright.PENANAfz3H1XhB8q
28Please respect copyright.PENANAlbccp7jpkE
我停下來,盯著照片看了許久,心裡默默想:如果她知道真相,還會不會這樣笑?28Please respect copyright.PENANAG1wQViiA85
28Please respect copyright.PENANAKSWgcLKjCg
「思穎,你真係好細心。」養母誇我時,我低著頭不敢看她,只小聲說:「應該嘅。」我越是努力扮演乖巧的角色,內心的掙扎就越深。28Please respect copyright.PENANATHMMzfdy81
28Please respect copyright.PENANARUTl2jiGGY
我知道自己是在贖罪,可這贖罪卻像個無底洞,怎麼也填不滿。28Please respect copyright.PENANAxwnhcLZ5Pi
28Please respect copyright.PENANA8fn8bAEgI6
那些不堪的記憶總在這時湧上來。28Please respect copyright.PENANAJIkzrJrkYa
28Please respect copyright.PENANA4PVuBemLTn
父親的眼神、他的觸碰、還有我自己的沉默。28Please respect copyright.PENANAI94PjiMOJK
28Please respect copyright.PENANABVPVAlNLit
有時,我會低聲問自己:「我仲可以扮幾耐?」可一想到養母溫柔的笑,我又告訴自己:「再忍忍!只要時間一過,一切都會回復正常了,為咗媽咪,為咗呢頭家。」28Please respect copyright.PENANAGJv0FiFKH8
28Please respect copyright.PENANAvpzueE7STK
我多希望有一天,能真正放下這一切。28Please respect copyright.PENANAXe4j2ezBWN
28Please respect copyright.PENANA7FBEN0o2n6
可我知道,只要父親還在,只要那個秘密還在,我就永遠走不出這片陰影。這是我的掙扎,也是我選擇的路。只要用乖巧,就能掩蓋罪惡。只要用沉默,就能換取安寧。28Please respect copyright.PENANANNi15HXM32
28Please respect copyright.PENANAJRHsBRu0Vc
但真的可以嗎?28Please respect copyright.PENANAV5hjFVcFZI
28Please respect copyright.PENANArTCfGkb5hO
我一回到學校,校園的喧囂與熟悉的氣息原本是可以帶來一絲安寧,然而每日都有一陣無形的風,將我內心深處吹得更加洶湧。28Please respect copyright.PENANAph5HS3rYZc
28Please respect copyright.PENANAlu9X2k9qif
我拖著沉重的步伐,走在長長的走廊上,手緊緊握住書包帶,指節因用力而泛白。28Please respect copyright.PENANAG046kEc09B
28Please respect copyright.PENANAa4GgrTlUYS
遠處,是校長,我的父親,正站在校長室門口,身影高大而挺拔,與一位教師低聲交談。28Please respect copyright.PENANABfbSz8PH1w
28Please respect copyright.PENANAYpAOpFOk4e
父親的側臉被午後的陽光勾勒得柔和,卻又散發出一種令人無法忽視的威嚴。28Please respect copyright.PENANAoKtp1aSujm
28Please respect copyright.PENANAEAvTL18N8k
那一刻,我的腳步停住了,心跳如同擂鼓般在胸腔內瘋狂跳動。28Please respect copyright.PENANAJDAAMo9GEA
28Please respect copyright.PENANAYyAyChXebo
我不能停下來,因為今天我要跟父親一起早會,於是我強行抑壓著內心的躁動,慢慢走向他們。28Please respect copyright.PENANA9Cv0mOCqTI
28Please respect copyright.PENANAxVv0sGYljH
一步一步走向他們,內心的感覺越是怪異,猶如一團亂麻在胸口翻滾。28Please respect copyright.PENANAm2Ir8o7lmv
28Please respect copyright.PENANACl4fCUDani
我緊咬下唇,牙齒幾乎嵌入柔軟的唇肉,目光不由自主地停留在他身上,眼底閃過一絲痛苦而扭曲的光芒。與此同時,一股異樣的熱流從小腹緩緩升起,沿著神經蔓延至下身。28Please respect copyright.PENANARVC4yCR8ef
28Please respect copyright.PENANAkqS1mCGKh6
我感到私處微微發癢,內褲下隱秘的肉褶邊似乎已被一絲濕意浸透。走路的我,雙腿不自覺地收緊起來,試圖壓抑這羞恥的感覺。可越是抗拒,那股熱流越發洶湧,彷彿被一隻無形的手緊緊攫住陰道,把淫水從穴中攫出來。28Please respect copyright.PENANAqjgMOyWtKn
28Please respect copyright.PENANAcoX758Aqe4
那位教師瞥見我走近,轉過身來,朝我揮了揮手:「思穎,你終於返嚟啦?」他朝我笑了笑,繼續說道:「我們正在聊早會的事,你來跟校長談談吧!我得回教員室了。」28Please respect copyright.PENANAq5w6Lv8gRr
28Please respect copyright.PENANAr1PPDmeTfI
他話音剛落,便轉身離開,只剩下我和父親獨處。28Please respect copyright.PENANAE4AhkvxdDM
28Please respect copyright.PENANAmpn0zTqDgR
空氣瞬間變得濃稠,彷彿被某種無形的慾望填滿,讓我幾乎喘不過氣。28Please respect copyright.PENANA9KooFVTzvZ
28Please respect copyright.PENANAQiaHhScDqa
「思穎,最近點……屋企嗰邊……?」父親的聲音帶著一絲試探,像是在撫摸我的神經。28Please respect copyright.PENANAIpesHeCGML
28Please respect copyright.PENANAMFEvMRTEro
我咬了咬唇,冷冷地回道:「嗯,幾好。講返早會先!」28Please respect copyright.PENANAn0gCFw2Uro
28Please respect copyright.PENANA4pmMaHi7PM
父親點了點頭,從西裝口袋裡掏出一疊稿紙,緩緩向我靠近。當他停在我身旁時,我聞到了他身上那股熟悉的體味,直接鑽進我的鼻腔,勾起我深埋的記憶。28Please respect copyright.PENANAiOjZzOaR8P
28Please respect copyright.PENANAYRO7U7seAp
我的下身突然湧起更強烈的癢意,像是有什麼在裡面緩緩甦醒,溫熱而潮濕。28Please respect copyright.PENANAmtz5DW2Rpk
28Please respect copyright.PENANAG7JrodeQnH
「我睇咗你份稿。」父親說道︰「有啲地方,我覺得可以再改得吸引啲。」28Please respect copyright.PENANAfzSABBmgUd
28Please respect copyright.PENANA0jvnqvWIoR
他靠得更近,近到我能感受到他身上散發的熱氣,包裹著我。他的手臂在翻動稿紙時,不經意地擦過我的手背,粗壯的觸感像一道電流,瞬間竄遍全身。28Please respect copyright.PENANA3i9bu00gv8
28Please respect copyright.PENANAkoJ5552pS7
我渾身一顫,幾乎要從喉嚨裡溢出一聲低吟,但我硬生生咬住下唇,把那羞恥的聲音吞了回去。28Please respect copyright.PENANAwmbIZLauCb
28Please respect copyright.PENANA73wlGv9MUF
我想退開,卻發現腿軟得像是被抽乾了力氣,只能任由他侵入我的空間。28Please respect copyright.PENANA8vpcDa3Q9p
28Please respect copyright.PENANA9nFfZDpSOy
「呢度。」父親忽然微微俯下身,嘴唇幾乎貼著我的耳廓,熱氣噴灑在我的耳垂上,燙得我耳根發麻。28Please respect copyright.PENANA51aJCKAcC3
28Please respect copyright.PENANAHc18SpqnJ1
他的指尖慢條斯理地滑過稿紙上的某一行字,動作輕柔得像是撫摸我的肌膚︰「呢段太單調太冇癮……不如加啲令人沉淪嘅味道?」28Please respect copyright.PENANANWaeI3ueCM
28Please respect copyright.PENANADvStQ5y2Z0
讓人沉淪的味道?28Please respect copyright.PENANA8Ozl3ttEyA
28Please respect copyright.PENANAhRumK3pHiE
我愣住片刻,才驚覺自己將「令人沉淪嘅味道」聽成了這誘惑至極的詞。他的目光微微一閃,像是在暗中品嚐我的失神。28Please respect copyright.PENANA2ep8Ac18f4
28Please respect copyright.PENANAB8x0Q3kuy3
「你知唔知?」他繼續說︰「太直白只會令人覺得單調,如果開頭隱藏多少少嘢,後面反而會更加之有趣。」28Please respect copyright.PENANA4kH0gL5xXl
28Please respect copyright.PENANAst9OT3sNUy
他的手指輕輕按在稿紙上,卻彷彿按住了我的脈搏。28Please respect copyright.PENANAcrBZmcUWm4
28Please respect copyright.PENANADGfIHqdtyd
「不過思穎你可以更大膽。」他的唇角勾起一抹的弧度。28Please respect copyright.PENANAW6WHbDWxaH
28Please respect copyright.PENANAkus57i95zZ
「我……我可以大膽啲。」我勉強開口,聲音卻顫得支離破碎,暴露了我掩不住的慌亂。28Please respect copyright.PENANAu6YvehXIj5
28Please respect copyright.PENANACuw0vKuRgA
「好。」輕笑一聲︰「但最好嘅方式,係俾聽眾感受到你嘅熱情。」28Please respect copyright.PENANA5DKQfDEfPj
28Please respect copyright.PENANAJMl9JbacKd
他的語氣曖昧至極,字面上的建議卻藏著更深的暗示。28Please respect copyright.PENANA4AgdT1pj0w
28Please respect copyright.PENANAU9iALO1LqY
我的腦子已經一片混亂。他的手指停在紙上,指腹微微摩挲著紙面,那細微的沙沙聲在我耳邊放大,挑逗著我的每一根神經。28Please respect copyright.PENANAxsgxEiraLB
28Please respect copyright.PENANA6Gi90eNXbg
「你覺得呢,思穎?」父親直直地盯著我。28Please respect copyright.PENANAmmSQNH3Jfh
28Please respect copyright.PENANAMGNugaxNSv
我嚥了口唾沫:「我覺得可以。」我根本沒聽清他在說什麼。28Please respect copyright.PENANAJ9F0ZcBDpL
28Please respect copyright.PENANA4RqiTNBfGB
父親笑了︰「好好。」手掌忽然覆上我的肩膀,指尖隔著薄薄的校服布料輕輕按壓︰「咁我返去先!」28Please respect copyright.PENANA5Z1j6lhgkg
28Please respect copyright.PENANAZeVysIkMok
父親的手只是停在肩膀一刻,很快就抽開。可那溫熱的觸感卻如烙鐵一樣,一直燙進我的皮膚。內褲的布料緊貼著敏感的穴口,每一次輕微的觸感,都讓我忍不住想扭動腰肢。28Please respect copyright.PENANAAR9rQBh4Lm
28Please respect copyright.PENANAxJtgLo3Hob
「我究竟咩事?」28Please respect copyright.PENANATcIytjBDHo
28Please respect copyright.PENANAkfTvK6X5fv
「爸……」我終於從喉嚨深處硬擠出聲音來。28Please respect copyright.PENANAJJtsRF4iiE
28Please respect copyright.PENANAU1v24I7g3c
父親看了看周圍︰「做咩?」28Please respect copyright.PENANAiQsHE7bxZW
28Please respect copyright.PENANAZpOIo7fOh3
我沒有回應,只是迅速垂下頭,長髮如瀑布般遮住臉頰,試圖掩蓋自己的失語。然而身體的每一寸都在背叛我。乳尖已經在薄薄的校服下悄然挺立,磨擦著內衣的蕾絲邊緣,帶來陣陣酥麻的感覺。我的手指無意識地攥緊裙角,指尖幾乎要撕裂那薄薄的布料。28Please respect copyright.PENANAw5SlkWgXVj
28Please respect copyright.PENANAmYu7UFgqTt
「冇。」我冷冷回道。28Please respect copyright.PENANA87HA6Utw2w
28Please respect copyright.PENANABl1UMa54Ol
腦海中,那些不堪的畫面如潮水般湧現。28Please respect copyright.PENANAcKOYHG4GTd
28Please respect copyright.PENANA0aZ2yWRSwZ
父親挑了挑眉︰「好啦!就咁啦!」他說,聲音是平日的威嚴︰「然後喺學校唔好叫我爸!然後快啲改好個稿,一陣間早會講。」28Please respect copyright.PENANAhQzn6p2JXc
28Please respect copyright.PENANABR3yDLrBXf
我點點頭,然後抓起書包離開。28Please respect copyright.PENANABY9vkPtO2W
28Please respect copyright.PENANAETrSbwtuaf
到樓梯口時,我幾乎是踉蹌著靠在牆上,大口喘息,雙腿間的濕意讓我羞恥得想哭,可那股騷動的渴望卻怎麼也壓不下去,就算是自慰也解決不了。28Please respect copyright.PENANAxkm3RUTens
28Please respect copyright.PENANACe8jLh2LE4
我走到廁所,拉起校裙,拉起灰色的內褲,才發現蓋著小穴的那片,全都濕了。28Please respect copyright.PENANAHcsxumyNja
28Please respect copyright.PENANAGqLCAod9Xr
數日後,這股騷動開始在校園中尋找到新的出口,好像要以更危險的刺激來填補內心的空虛。28Please respect copyright.PENANAvCeRGS2IMQ
28Please respect copyright.PENANAJahs3JoCtY
【未完待續】