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永恒武典
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Writer 愛潛水的烏龜
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  • G: General Audiences
  • PG: Parental Guidance Suggested
  • PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned
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永恒武典
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#14
第十四章:狼牙衝衝拳
愛潛水的烏龜
Aug 16, 2017
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3 Mins Read
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滄藍 - 看到目前為止,章節間的劇情連結是沒什麼問題,但人物之間有點無法連貫。如文具店老伯一開始要主角好好愛惜生命,感嘆的口吻到要登記身份的時候轉為笑意,有些突兀。又如殺破狼前章尾似是要放殺招,下一章卻又打住氣勢說起話來,前後轉變不太搭軋。
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