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Adventure
Thriller
Assassin's Blade
Writer Imascribble
Writer
  • G: General Audiences
  • PG: Parental Guidance Suggested
  • PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned
  • R: Restricted
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522 Reads
5 Likes
5 Bookmarks
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Assassin's Blade
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#1
Imascribble
Comments ( 5 )

Aretice N. Treader - I'm a real sucker for assassins. Don't ask why because I don't know. So, honestly, you had me intrigued from the very beginning, and I'm glad to say I'm not disappointed.

I like the way you used dialogue. It really accented those moments in the chapter. In my own writing, I tend to lean toward more dialogue than description, so I really hope to learn from you. I've already learned a new phrase: "at the ready." At first I wondered if it was a mistake, but I looked it up before mentioning it, and I'm glad I did. There's always something new to learn.

There are a couple things I'm worried about, however. This is probably just me (though it would be nice if you could clear it up for me) because I'm actually pretty bad with third-person narration, but is this limited or omniscient pov? Also, I'm wondering how much of an impact this scene really has on the rest of the story. However, I also feel like it's not so much this specific event that's important, but more what I took away from the assassin's character.

In any case, I'll stop rambling here, sorry. I got really excited because I really like your work, so I'll probably leave longwinded thoughts on every chapter I read. Let me know if you want me to stop, though, because I know I'm kinda giving you an unsolicited critique.
9 months agoreply

Imascribble - Glad you enjoyed it! Critique is never a bad thing, it's how we improve as artists. Feel free to leave long-winded reviews on my work anytime :)

Thank you! The narrative is supposed to be limited from the assassin's perspective, but it jumps at certain points between characters. My intent is that the change in view emphasises certain elements to the story. Hopefully it doesn't get confusing and it comes across alright! The importance in this scene is actually not what was done, but what wasn't done. Either way, it was a good way to introduce a character.

Thanks for reading and feedback :)
8 months agoreply

Aretice N. Treader - @Imascribble, I wasn't confused so much by the action but more just me distracting myself with trying to figure out what kind of third person pov I was reading. Honestly that's more on me (because I'm always trying to figure out things for some reason) than you. Your writing's fine. :)
8 months agoreply

TheCourtFool - An intriguing story... I'll have to bookmark it. I like the amount of description you have in your writing, it's not too much, but it's enough for you to get a good image of what's going on. I wonder what a long, good fight would be like!
1 year agoreply

Imascribble - Thanks for the feedback! I find too much description really bogs down the action, or prevents a person from visualizing the scene based on other sensory clues, so I try to keep it to a minimum :P
1 year agoreply

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