My fingers skim quickly and effortlessly over the keys of the piano, the sound of the music resonating throughout the entire house. Music is an outlet for emotional hardships, like ice to a bruise. It allows you pour your soul out.474Please respect copyright.PENANA8ltfkL1NNI
Today, I feel disconnected; no matter how hard I try, no matter how many dynamics I use, I still can't bride the gap between my emotions and the music. 474Please respect copyright.PENANA1DdrvTfOdp
It's been a week.474Please respect copyright.PENANArrrL49TBa8
One entire dreadful week.474Please respect copyright.PENANAwoConseDWC
A week since I came across a dead man's body.474Please respect copyright.PENANAz1nWI359Fu
A week since the inside of my head has become a living nightmare.474Please respect copyright.PENANAl4QPzZzJCs
A week of being completely incapable of sleeping — not that I was sleeping well before.474Please respect copyright.PENANAT5TRGneCUK
Every time I close my eyes, I see the boy's body hanging from the tree, his eyes half-open as if he is still trying to see the world, not yet ready to let go.474Please respect copyright.PENANAWIOMn4MdIC
It is the most horrific thing that I have ever experienced in my entire life.474Please respect copyright.PENANAjIn7pzyNIb
It is probably the most horrific thing that I will ever experience.474Please respect copyright.PENANAZtqD1WPZPu
Frustrated, I bang my fists against the keys, as if it's the instrument's fault that I'm having a psychological crisis, causing chords of dissonance to echo from the piano. The sounds seem reflect my current state of mind: inharmonious, harsh to the point of being painful.474Please respect copyright.PENANAauB7GO8r5j
I'm looking down at the piano keys, the ivory and ebony complementing each other, when the doorbell rings. Slowly, I raise my head, looking up from the keys towards the front door when the doorbell buzzes again. Briefly, I wonder who or what could be on the other side of that door; I have no family here in Wake Forest, North Carolina, and I generally keep to myself. I don't like interacting with others.474Please respect copyright.PENANAdeXAggOhQE
"Coming!" I shout, scrambling to get up from the piano bench, and walk briskly to the door, my exhaustion causing me to trip over my own two feet on the way. When I wrench it open, my eyes are greeted by a young police officer standing on my porch, wearing a crushed uniform two sizes too big for him, and with dark bags under his eyes which I am sure I have as well.474Please respect copyright.PENANASh6WLbBc1x
"Good morning, sir," I say to him, closing the front door behind me.474Please respect copyright.PENANANfinkS7BLc
"Hello ma'am," he introduces himself with a southern drawl. "My name is Officer Calvin Tiller, and I'm investigating the death of Antoine Mackenzie," he says, holding up his badge so that I can see it.474Please respect copyright.PENANAamxcscr7Je
"Reina James," I state, taking a seat in one of the rocking chairs on my porch, and gesturing to the other, an invitation for him to sit as well.474Please respect copyright.PENANAnUxVoTn9Vk
He puts away his badge and sits carefully in the chair before looking up to stare into my eyes, deep, oceanic blue into pale brown. It's unnerving. 474Please respect copyright.PENANAdytERz3CXr
"I presume that you would like to ask me some questions, officer," I state lowly, breaking the uncomfortable silence.474Please respect copyright.PENANAdr6tfxzlZ3
"You look tired," is all he says in response.474Please respect copyright.PENANA1NBHKKWDme
Well, I haven't been able to sleep for a week.474Please respect copyright.PENANA9DtkUuajvS
I close my eyes and exhale loudly. I don't enjoy being analysed, and that is exactly what this boy is trying to do.474Please respect copyright.PENANA8xnCvRw1Hd
"The boy died a week ago; why didn't you come sooner?"474Please respect copyright.PENANA5UncH3EXmi
To be honest, I've been waiting for them to show up, to ask questions; I expected them to come later that day, or the next day. When two days turned into three, I figured that they didn't need me. 474Please respect copyright.PENANABTkUitHKVw
I guess I didn't wait long enough.474Please respect copyright.PENANAaFNDNWhCrj
"My Captain didn't think it was necessary."474Please respect copyright.PENANA3Pr03y8PSG
"And now he or she does?"474Please respect copyright.PENANA5QGzy0xhXk
Suddenly, he looks very uncomfortable. Something isn't right.474Please respect copyright.PENANARKUVv8vQIb
"Look, I'm just trying to do my job — get justice for that boy. You're the one who found him, you're the one who called that operator, and you're the one who was there when the police arrived, so right now, you're in the best position to help me."474Please respect copyright.PENANAYwRSycYgxh
"I found a young black man hanging from a tree. That's all I know, officer, that's all I saw. It brought back some not so pleasant memories. Made me feel unsafe. What else do you want me to say?"474Please respect copyright.PENANAFIo9X1PIeZ
He looks at me intently and leans forward, and instinctively, I mimic his action.474Please respect copyright.PENANADqBgLim4tB
"Did you see anything suspicious?" he asks in a low voice. Drag marks in the dirt? Clumps of dirt or leaves anywhere? Anything?"474Please respect copyright.PENANA5ZFqPVIZTH
"I'm not a detective. I didn't look. I was shocked. Afraid. No, not afraid. Terrified."
I look at him — really take a good look at him for the first time since he's come here, and see that his eyes are begging me, pleading with me. 474Please respect copyright.PENANAQ8FNSXchI7
I am so confused.
"Why are you asking me, anyway? Wouldn't the cops have seen this by now?"474Please respect copyright.PENANA5YU7EScsDl
He looks down, avoiding eye contact, but says nothing.474Please respect copyright.PENANAn4EOncezpR
"Officer?"474Please respect copyright.PENANAZrru6OWyYi
When our eyes meet again, I don't think I've ever seen someone look so defeated.
"They've closed the investigation."474Please respect copyright.PENANA0Xu92gmj9U
"It's been a week," I state, just above a whisper, torn between confusion and anger.474Please respect copyright.PENANACTTmzDdROR
"I know," he replies, unable to keep the frustration out of his tone.474Please respect copyright.PENANAxe4n29N7FH
"So how the hell did they close the investigation so quickly?"474Please respect copyright.PENANAo6FRiCMG3A
He purses his lips, then answers me.
"They say that it was a suicide."474Please respect copyright.PENANAcAmRAlHRUh
"How the hell did they come to that conclusion?" I ask angrily, raising my voice. I found this boy; there are so many ways for someone to kill them self, but he was hanging in a goddamn playground. That seems like a sign too strong to ignore. 474Please respect copyright.PENANABGBnz89Grq
And they want to close the investigation after one week?474Please respect copyright.PENANASQd4HC6DRi
"They didn't bother to look," he answers.474Please respect copyright.PENANAqBaEjjUtrF
"You're one of them; why are you telling me this?" I ask, skepticism dripping from my every word. I don't trust him.474Please respect copyright.PENANAQZYcxrYP1x
He bites his lip, as if trying to decide on whether or not to tell me the truth.
"Because I don't think he killed himself, and I don't think you do, either."474Please respect copyright.PENANAxNEJud9SQK
"So you want my help," I deadpan after staring at him for a few seconds.474Please respect copyright.PENANA4SjcbQYs7Q
"I was just wondering if you heard or saw anything else."
"No, officer, I didn't."474Please respect copyright.PENANAqwjqkXKbWA
With that, he sighs and gets up, and I rise with him. He turns to me and hands me a card.474Please respect copyright.PENANAMtf46mEiVc
"If you find or remember anything at all, please contact me."474Please respect copyright.PENANAy1FdV5evjy
"Are you allowed to do this?" I ask him. When he looks at me in silence, I have my answer.474Please respect copyright.PENANAr4v8kTIE3k
"I'll call if necessary," I tell him. "Goodbye, officer Tiller."474Please respect copyright.PENANAhfECCXQxdV
"Thank you Miss James," he says, before turning and walking off of my porch.474Please respect copyright.PENANAsHGSDa7Aw1
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